by Mark Twain

[ Buffalo Express, September 18, 1869 ]

talk mysterious "wild man" out there West for , that I finally felt my duty out and interview him something peculiarly and touchingly romantic creature strange actions, according newspaper reports represented as being hairy, long-armed, and of great strength and stature; ugly and cumbrous; avoiding men, but appearing suddenly and unexpectedly to women and children; going armed with club, but never molesting any creature, except sheep, or other prey; fond of eating and drinking, and not particular quality, quantity, or character beverages and edibles; living woods like wild beast, but never angry; moaning, and sometimes howling, but never uttering articulate sounds

Such was "Old Shep" papers painted him story life sad one--a story of suffering, disappointment, and exile--a story of man's inhumanity to man in some shape or other--and I longed the secret

. . . . . . . . . .

"Since you say member press," said the wild man, " willing you all you wish Bye and bye comprehend why it to unbosom myself to newspaper man when so studiously avoided conversation with other people now unfold my strange story born world we live upon, almost the son of Cain "

"What ? "

" present flood was announced "

"Which ? "

" the father Wandering Jew "

"Sir ? "

I moved out of range club, and went on taking notes, but keeping wary eye on him all the while He smiled melancholy smile and resumed:

"When I glance back over the dreary waste of ages, many glimmering and mark familiar to my memory And oh, the leagues travelled ! the things ! the events helped to emphasise ! assassination of Caesar I marched upon Mecca with Mahomet Crusades, and stood with Godfrey when he planted the banner cross battlements of Jerusalem I--"

"One moment, please given these items to journal ? Can I--"

"Silence Pinta's shrouds with Columbus when America burst upon his vision Charles I beheaded in London Gunpowder Plot was discovered present trial of Warren Hastings on American soil battle of Lexington was fought declaration was promulgated--when Cornwallis surrendered --When Washington died I entered Paris with Napoleon after Elba present mounted your guns and manned your fleets war of 1812-- South fired upon Sumter--when Richmond fell-- President's life was taken In all the ages helped to celebrate the triumphs of genius, the achievements of arms, the havoc of storm, fire, pestilence, famine "

"Your career stirring one Might I ask how you came to locate dull Kansas woods, when so accustomed to excitement during what term so protracted period, not too fine point ? "

"Listen Once I honoured servitor noble and illustrious" (here he heaved sigh, and passed his hairy hand across his eyes) "but degenerate days become the slave of quack doctors and newspapers driven from pillar to post and hurried up and down, sometimes with stencil-plate and paste-brush to defile the fences with cabalistic legends, and sometimes in grotesque and extravagant character behest of some driving journal I attended Ocean Bank robbery some , when hardly rested from finishing up the pow-wow completion Pacific Railroad; immediately spirited off an atrocious, murder benefit New York papers; next to attend the wedding of patriarchal millionaire; next to raise hurrah great boat race; and then, just when I had begun to my old bones rest, bundled off howling wilderness to strip, and jibber, and be ugly and hairy, and pull down fences and waylay sheep, and waltz around with club, and play 'Wild Man' generally--and all to gratify the whim of bedlam of crazy newspaper scribblers ? From one end continent other, described as gorilla, with sort of human seeming about me--and all to gratify this quill-driving scum earth ! "

"Poor old carpet bagger ! "

" served infamously, often, in modern and semi-modern times compelled by base men to create fraudulent history, and to perpetrate all sorts of humbugs those crazy Junius letters, I moped in French dungeon for fifteen years, and wore ridiculous Iron Mask; I poked around your Northern forests, among your vagabond Indians, solemn French idiot, personating the ghost of dead Dauphin, gaping world might wonder had 'a Bourbon among us'; played sea-serpent off Nahant, and Woolly-Horse and What-is-it museums; interviewed politicians Sun, worked up all manner of miracles Herald, ciphered up election returns World, and thundered Political Economy Tribune all the extravagant things wildest invention could contrive, and done them well, and my reward--playing Wild Man in Kansas without shirt ! "

"Mysterious being, light dawns vaguely upon me--it grows apace--what -- "

"SENSATION ! "

"Hence, horrible shape ! "

It spoke again:

"Oh pitiless fate, my destiny hounds me once more called I go Alas, no rest ? "

In moment the Wild Man's features seemed to soften and refine, form to assume more human grace and symmetry His club changed to spade, and he shouldered it and started away sighing profoundly and shedding tears

"Whither, poor shade ? "

"TO DIG UP THE BYRON FAMILY ! "

Such response that floated back wind sad spirit shook its ringlets breeze, flourished its shovel aloft, and disappeared beyond the brow hill

All of in strict accordance facts