by F Marion Crawford

I

I remember my childhood very distinctly fact argues good memory, for never been clever at learning words by heart, in prose or rhyme; I believe my remembrance of events depends much more events themselves than upon my possessing any special facility for recalling them Perhaps too imaginative, earliest impressions I received were of kind to stimulate the imagination abnormally long series of little misfortunes, so connected with suggest sort of weird fatality, so worked upon my melancholy temperament when boy that, before of age, I sincerely believed myself under curse, and myself, but my whole family and every individual who bore my name

born old place where my father, father, and all his predecessors born, beyond the memory of man very old house, greater part of originally castle, strongly fortified, and surrounded by deep moat supplied with abundant water hills by hidden aqueduct fortifications destroyed, moat filled up The water aqueduct supplies great fountains, and runs down into huge oblong basins terraced gardens, one below the other, each surrounded by broad pavement of marble water flower-beds The waste surplus finally escapes through an artificial grotto, some thirty yards long, into stream, flowing down park meadows beyond, and thence distant river The buildings were extended little and greatly altered more than two hundred , time of Charles II , but since then little to improve them, though they kept in fairly good repair, according to our fortunes

gardens terraces and huge hedges of box and evergreen, some used clipped into shapes of animals, Italian style remember when lad how I used out what the trees were cut to represent, and how I used to appeal for explanations to Judith, my Welsh nurse She dealt in strange mythology of her own, and peopled the gardens with griffins, dragons, good genii and bad, and filled my mind same time My nursery window afforded view great fountains head upper basin, and on moonlight nights the Welshwoman would hold me glass and bid me look mist and spray rising into mysterious shapes, moving mystically white light like living things

"It's the Woman Water," she used ; and sometimes threaten that if go to sleep the Woman Water would steal high window and carry me away in her wet arms

The place was gloomy The broad basins of water tall evergreen hedges gave it funereal look, damp-stained marble causeways pools made of tombstones The gray and weather-beaten walls and towers without, the dark and massively furnished rooms within, the deep, mysterious recesses heavy curtains, all affected my spirits silent and sad from my childhood great clock tower above, the hours rang dismally during the day, and tolled like knell dead of night no light nor life house, mother was helpless invalid, and my father had grown melancholy long task of caring for her thin, dark man, with sad eyes; kind, , but silent and unhappy Next to my mother, I believe he loved me better than anything on earth, for immense pains and trouble in teaching me, and what he taught me never forgotten Perhaps his only amusement, and the reason why I had no nursery governess or teacher of any kind while he lived

I used taken my mother every day, and sometimes twice day, for an hour Then I sat upon little stool near her feet, and ask me what I doing, and what I dare say she saw already the seeds of profound melancholy in my nature, for she looked at me always with sad smile, and kissed me with sigh when taken away

One night, when just six years old, I lay awake nursery The door was not quite shut, Welsh nurse was sitting sewing next room Suddenly I heard her groan, and say in strange voice, "One--two--one--two ! " frightened, and I jumped up and ran door, barefooted as

" it, Judith ? " I cried, clinging to her skirts remember the look in her strange dark eyes as she answered:

"One--two leaden coffins, fallen ceiling ! " she crooned, working herself in her chair "One--two--a light coffin and heavy coffin, falling floor ! "

Then she seemed to notice me, and she took me back to bed and sang me to sleep with queer old Welsh song

know how , but the impression got hold of me that she had meant that my father and mother were going to die They died very room where she sitting that night great room, my day nursery, full of sun when any; and days were dark it most cheerful place house My mother grew rapidly worse, and transferred to another part building place for her They thought my nursery was gayer for her, I suppose; but live She was beautiful when she was dead, and I cried bitterly

The light one, the light one--the heavy one ," crooned the Welshwoman And she was right My father took the room after my mother was gone, and day by day he grew thinner and paler and sadder

"The heavy one, the heavy one--all of lead," moaned my nurse, one night in December, standing still, just as she was going away the light after putting me to bed Then she took me up again and wrapped me in little gown, and led me away to my father's room She knocked, but no one answered She opened the door, and him easy chair fire, very white, quite dead

So alone Welshwoman till strange people came, and relations whom I had never seen; and then I heard them saying that taken away to some more cheerful place They were kind people, and believe were kind only because very rich when I grew man The world never seemed very bad place , nor all the people miserable sinners, even when most melancholy remember that anyone ever did me any great injustice, nor that ever oppressed or ill treated in , even boys at school sad, I suppose, because my childhood was so gloomy, and, later, because unlucky in everything I undertook, till I finally believed pursued by fate, and I used to dream old Welsh nurse Woman Water had vowed to pursue me to my end But my natural disposition cheerful, as often thought

lads age never last, or even last, in anything; but never first If I trained for race, sure to sprain my ankle day when to run If I pulled an oar with others, my oar was sure to break If I competed for prize, some unforeseen accident prevented my winning it last moment Nothing I put my hand succeeded, and I got the reputation of being unlucky, until my companions felt always safe to bet against me, no matter what the appearances I became discouraged and listless in everything up the idea of competing for any distinction University, comforting myself thought that fail examination ordinary degree The day examination began I fell ill; and when at last I recovered, after narrow escape from death, I turned my back upon Oxford, and went down alone to visit the old place where I born, feeble in health and profoundly disgusted and discouraged twenty-one , master of myself and fortune; but so deeply had the long chain of small unlucky circumstances affected me that seriously of shutting myself up world to live the life of hermit and to die Death seemed the only cheerful possibility in my existence, and my thoughts soon dwelt upon it altogether

I had never shown any wish to return to my own home since I taken away as little boy, and no one had ever pressed me The place kept after fashion, and seem suffered during the fifteen years or more absence Nothing earthly could affect those old gray walls that had fought the elements for centuries The garden was more wild than I remembered it; the marble causeways pools looked more yellow and damp than of old, whole place at first looked smaller not until I had wandered house and grounds for many hours that I realized the huge size home where to live in solitude Then I began to delight , and my resolution to live alone grew stronger