The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson by Mark Twain
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.All de hellfire dat 'uz ever in my heart flame' up, en I snatch de stick outen his han' en laid him flat .He laid dah moanin' en cussin', en all out of_his head, you_know, en de niggers 'uz plumb sk'yred to death .Dey gathered roun' him to he'p him, en I jumped on_his hoss en took out for de river as tight as I_could go .I knowed what dey would do wid me .Soon as he got well he_would start in en work me to death if marster let him; en if dey didn't do dat, they'd sell me furder down de river, en dat's de same thing .so I 'lowed to drown myself en git out o' my troubles .It 'uz gitt'n' towards dark .I 'uz at de river in two minutes .Den I_see acanoe, en I says dey ain't no use to drown myself tell I got to; so I ties de hoss in de edge o' de timber en shove out down de river, keepin' in under de shelter o' de bluff bank en prayin' for de dark to shet down quick .I had apow'ful good start, 'ca'se de big house 'uz three mile back f'om de river en on'y de work mules to ride dah on, en on'y niggers ride 'em, en DEY warn't gwine to hurry--dey'd gimme all de chance dey could .Befo' abody could go to de house en back it would_be long pas' dark, en dey couldn't track de hoss en fine out which_way I went tell mawnin', en de niggers would tell 'em all de lies dey could 'bout it .

"Well, de dark come, en I went on a-spinnin' down de river .I paddled mo'n two hours, den I warn't worried no mo', so I quit paddlin' en floated down de current, considerin' what I 'uz gwine to_do if I didn't have to drown myself . I_made up some plans, en floated along, turnin' 'em over in my mine .Well, when it 'uz alittle pas' midnight, as I reckoned, en I had come fifteen or twenty mile, I_see de lights o' asteamboat layin' at de bank, whah dey warn't no town en no woodyard, en putty soon I ketched de shape o' de chimbly tops ag'in' de stars, en den good gracious me, I 'most jumped out o' my skin for joy ! It 'uz de GRAN' MOGUL-- I 'uz chambermaid on her for eight seasons in de Cincinnati en Orleans trade .I slid 'long pas'--don't see nobody stirrin' nowhah-- hear 'em a-hammerin' away in de engine room, den I knowed what de matter was--some o' de machinery's broke .I got asho' below de boat and turn' de canoe loose, den I goes 'long up, en dey 'uz jes one plank out, en I step' 'board de boat .It 'uz pow'ful hot, deckhan's en roustabouts 'uz sprawled aroun' asleep on de fo'cas'l', de second mate, Jim Bangs, he sot dah on de bitts wid his head down, asleep--'ca'se dat's de way de second mate stan' de cap'n's watch ! --en de ole watchman, Billy Hatch, he 'uz a-noddin' on de companionway;--en I knowed 'em all; en, lan', but dey did look good ! I says to myself, I wished old marster'd come along NOW en try to_take me--bless yo' heart, I's 'mong frien's, I is .So I tromped right along 'mongst 'em, en went up on de b'iler deck en 'way back aft to de ladies' cabin guard, en sot down dah in de same cheer dat I'd sot in 'mos' ahund'd million times, I reckon; en it 'uz jist home ag'in, I tell you !

"In 'bout an hour I heard de ready bell jingle, en den de racket begin .Putty soon I hear de gong strike .'Set her back on de outside,' I says to myself .'I reckon I knows dat music ! ' I hear de gong ag'in .'Come ahead on de inside,' I says .Gong ag'in .'Stop de outside .' gong ag'in .'Come ahead on de outside-- now we's pinted for Sent Louis, en I's outer de woods en ain't got to drown myself at all .' I knowed de MOGUL 'uz in de Sent Louis trade now, you_see .It 'uz jes fair daylight when we passed our plantation, en I seed agang o' niggers en white folks huntin' up en down de sho', en troublin' deyselves a good_deal 'bout me; but I warn't troublin' myself none 'bout dem .

"'Bout dat time Sally Jackson, dat used to_be my second chambermaid en 'uz head chambermaid now, she come out on de guard, en 'uz pow'ful glad_to_see me, en so 'uz all de officers; en I tole 'em I'd got kidnapped en sole down de river, en dey made me up twenty dollahs en give it to_me, en Sally she rigged me out wid good clo'es, en when I got here I went straight to whah you used to wuz, en den I come to dis house, en dey say you's away but 'spected back every day; so I didn't dast to_go down de river to Dawson's, 'ca'se I_might miss you .

"Well, las' Monday I 'uz pass'n by one o' dem places in fourth street whah deh sticks up runaway nigger bills, en he'ps to ketch 'em, en I seed my marster ! I 'mos' flopped down on de groun', I_felt so gone .He had his back to_me, en 'uz talkin' to de man en givin' him some bills--nigger bills, I reckon, en I's de nigger .He's offerin' areward--dat's it .Ain't I right, don't you reckon ? "

Tom had_been gradually sinking into astate of ghastly terror, and he_said to himself, now: "I'm lost, no matter what turn things take ! This man has said to_me that he thinks there_was something suspicious about_that sale . he_said he had aletter from apassenger on_the GRAND MOGUL saying that Roxy came here on_that boat and_that everybody on board knew all about_the case; so he_says that her coming here instead of flying to afree state looks bad for_me, and_that if I don't find her for him, and_that pretty soon, he_will make trouble for_me .I never believed that story; I couldn't believe she_would be so dead to all motherly instincts as to_come here, knowing the risk she_would run of getting me into irremediable trouble .And after all, here she_is ! And I stupidly swore i_would help find her, thinking it_was aperfectly safe thing to promise .If I venture to deliver her up, she--she--but how can I help myself ? I've got to do_that or pay the money, and where's the money to_come from ? I--I--well, i_should think that if he_would swear to treat her kindly hereafter-- and she says, herself, that he_is agood man--and if he_would swear to never allow her to_be overworked, or ill fed, or--"

aflash of lightning exposed Tom's pallid face, drawn and rigid with_these worrying thoughts .Roxana spoke up sharply now, and there_was apprehension in her voice .

"Turn up dat light ! i_want_to_see yo' face better .Dah now --lemme look at you .Chambers, you's as white as yo' shirt ! Has you_see dat man ? Has he be'n to_see you ? "

"Ye-s ."

"When ? "

"Monday noon ."

"Monday noon ! Was he on my track ? "

"He--well, he thought he_was . that_is, he hoped he_was . this_is_the bill you saw ." he_took it out of_his pocket .

"Read it to_me ! "

She was panting with excitement, and there_was adusky glow in her eyes that Tom could_not translate with certainty, but there seemed to_be something threatening about_it .The handbill had the usual rude woodcut of aturbaned Negro woman running, with_the customary bundle on astick over her shoulder, and_the heading in bold type, "$100 REWARD ." Tom read the bill aloud-- at_least the part that described Roxana and named the master and_his St .Louis address and_the address of_the Fourth street agency; but he left out the item that applicants for_the reward might also apply to Mr Thomas Driscoll .

"Gimme de bill ! "

Tom had folded it and was putting it in_his pocket . he_felt achilly streak creeping down his back, but said as carelessly as he_could:

"The bill ? Why, it isn't any use to_you, you_can't read it .What do_you_want with it ? "

"Gimme de bill ! " Tom gave it to her, but with areluctance which he_could_not entirely disguise ."Did you read it ALL to_me ? "

"Certainly I_did ."

"Hole up yo' han' en swah to_it ."

Tom did it .Roxana put the bill carefully away in her pocket, with her eyes fixed upon Tom's face all the while; then she said:

"Yo's lyin' ! "

"What would i_want to lie about_it for ? "

"I don't know--but you is .Dat's my opinion, anyways .But nemmine 'bout dat .When I seed dat man I 'uz dat sk'yerd dat I_could sca'cely wobble home .Den I_give anigger man adollar for dese clo'es, en I ain't be'in in ahouse sence, night ner day, till now .I blacked my face en laid hid in de cellar of aole house dat's burnt down, daytimes, en robbed de sugar hogsheads en grain sacks on de wharf, nights, to git somethin' to eat, en never dast to_try to_buy noth'n', en I's 'mos' starved .En I never dast to_come near dis place till dis rainy night, when dey ain't no people roun' sca'cely .But tonight I be'n a-stanin' in de dark alley ever sence night come, waitin' for_you to_go by .En here I is ."

She fell to thinking .Presently she said:

"You seed dat man at noon, las' Monday ? "

"Yes ."

"I seed him de middle o' dat arternoon .He hunted you up, didn't he ? "

"Yes ."

"Did he give_you de bill dat time ? "

"No, he hadn't got it printed yet ."

Roxana darted asuspicious glance at him .

"Did you he'p him fix up de bill ? "

Tom cursed himself for making that stupid blunder, and tried to rectify it by saying he remember now that_it_was at noon Monday that_the man gave him the bill .Roxana said:

"You's lyin' ag'in, sho ." Then she straightened up and raised her finger:

"Now den ! I's gwine to ask_you aquestion, en I wants to_know how you's gwine to git aroun' it .You knowed he 'uz arter me; en if_you run off, 'stid o' stayin' here to he'p him, he'd know dey 'uz somethin' wrong 'bout dis business, en den he_would inquire 'bout you, en dat would take him to yo' uncle, en yo' uncle would read de bill en see dat you be'n sellin' afree nigger down de river, en you_know HIM, I reckon ! He'd t'ar up de will en kick you outen de house .Now, den, you answer me dis question: hain't you tole dat man dat i_would_be sho' to_come here, en den you_would fix it so he_could set atrap en ketch me ? "

Tom recognized that neither lies nor arguments could help him any longer-- he_was in avise, with_the screw turned on, and out of it there_was no budging .His face began to_take on an ugly look, and presently he_said, with asnarl:

"Well, what could I_do ? you_see, yourself, that i_was in_his grip and couldn't get out ."

Roxy scorched him with ascornful gaze awhile, then she said:

"What could you_do ? you_could_be Judas to yo' own mother to save yo' wuthless hide ! Would anybody b'lieve it ? No--a dog couldn't ! You is de lowdownest orneriest hound dat was ever pup'd into dis worl'--en I's 'sponsible for_it ! "--and she spat on him .

he_made no effort to resent this .Roxy reflected amoment, then she said:

"Now I'll tell you what you's gwine to_do .You's gwine to_give dat man de money dat you's got laid up, en make him wait till you kin go to de judge en git de res' en buy me free agin ."

"Thunder ! what_are you thinking of ? Go and ask him for three hundred dollars and odd ? What would I tell him i_want it for, pray ? "

Roxy's answer was delivered in aserene and level voice .

"You'll tell him you's sole me to_pay yo' gamblin' debts en dat you lied to_me en was avillain, en dat I 'quires you to git dat money en buy me back ag'in ."

"Why, you've gone stark mad ! he_would tear the will to shreads in aminute--don't you_know that ? "

"Yes, I does ."

"Then you don't believe I'm idiot enough to_go to him, do_you ? "

"I don't b'lieve nothin' 'bout it--I KNOWS you's a-goin' .I knows it 'ca'se you knows dat if_you don't raise dat money I'll go to him myself, en den he'll sell YOU down de river, en you kin see how you like it ! "

Tom rose, trembling and excited, and there_was an evil light in_his eye .He strode to_the door and said he_must get out of_this suffocating place for amoment and clear his brain in_the fresh air so_that he_could determine what to_do .The door wouldn't open .Roxy smiled grimly, and said:

"I's got the key, honey--set down .You needn't cle'r up yo' brain none to fine out what you gwine to_do--_I knows what you's gwine to_do ." Tom sat down and began to_pass his hands through his hair with ahelpless and desperate air .Roxy said, "Is dat man in dis house ? "

Tom glanced up with asurprised expression, and asked:

"What gave_you such an idea ? "

"You done it .Gwine out to cle'r yo' brain ! In de fust place you ain't got none to cle'r, en in de second place yo' ornery eye tole on you .You's de lowdownest hound dat ever-- but I done told you dat befo' .Now den, dis is Friday .You kin fix it up wid dat man, en tell him you's gwine away to git de res' o' de money, en dat you'll be back wid it nex' Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday .You understan' ? "

Tom answered sullenly: "Yes ."

"En when_you gits de new bill o' sale dat sells me to my own self, take en send it in de mail to Mr Pudd'nhead Wilson, en write on de back dat he's to_keep it tell I come .You understan' ? "

"Yes ."

"Dat's all den .Take yo' umbreller, en put on yo' hat ."

"Why ? "

"Beca'se you's gwine to_see me home to de wharf . you_see dis knife ? I's toted it aroun' sence de day I seed dat man en bought dese clo'es en it .If he ketch me, I's gwine to kill myself wid it .Now start along, en go sof', en lead de way; en if_you gives asign in dis house, or if anybody comes up to_you in de street, I's gwine to jam it right into you .Chambers, does you b'lieve me when I says dat ? "

"It's no use to bother me with_that question . I_know your word's good ."

"Yes, it's diff'rent from yo'n ! Shet de light out en move along-- here's de key ."

They were_not followed .Tom trembled every time


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