My Double; And How He Undid Me by Edward Everett Hale
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was_the sixty-seventh man who entered the room . he_was greeted with astorm of applause ! The poor fellow had missed his way--read the street signs ill through his spectacles (very ill, in_fact, without them)--and had_not dared to inquire .He entered the room--finding the president and secretary holding to_their chairs two judges of_the Supreme Court, who were also members ex officio_, and were begging leave to_go away . on_his entrance all was changed ._Presto_, the by-laws were amended, and_the Western property was given away .Nobody stopped to converse with_him .He voted, as I had charged him to_do, in every instance, with_the minority .I won new laurels as aman of sense, though alittle unpunctual--and Dennis, alias_ Ingham, returned to_the parsonage, astonished to_see with how little wisdom the world is governed .He cut afew of_my parishioners in_the street; but he had his glasses off, and I_am known to_be nearsighted .Eventually he recognized them more readily than I .

I "set him again" at_the exhibition of_the New Coventry Academy; and here he undertook a"speaking part"--as, in my boyish, worldly days, I remember the bills used to_say of Mlle .Celeste . we_are all trustees of_the New Coventry Academy; and there has lately been "a good_deal of feeling" because the Sandemanian trustees did_not regularly attend the exhibitions . it_has_been intimated, indeed, that_the Sandemanians are leaning towards Free-Will, and_that we_have, therefore, neglected these semi-annual exhibitions, while there_is no_doubt that Auchmuty last year went to Commencement at Waterville .Now the head master at New Coventry is areal good fellow, who knows aSanskrit root when he sees it, and often cracks etymologies with me-- so_that, in strictness, I ought to_go to_their exhibitions .But think, reader, of sitting through three long July days in_that Academy chapel, following the program from

Tuesday Morning .English Composition .Sunshine .Miss Jones,

round to

Trio on Three Pianos .Duel from opera of Midshipman Easy .Marryatt .

coming in at nine, Thursday evening ! Think of_this, reader, for men who_know the world is trying to_go backward, and who_would give their lives if they_could help it on ! Well ! The double had succeeded so_well at_the Board, that I_sent him to_the Academy .(Shade of Plato, pardon ! ) He arrived early on Tuesday, when, indeed, few but mothers and clergymen are generally expected, and returned in_the evening to_us, covered with honors .He had dined at_the right hand of_the chairman, and he spoke in high terms of_the repast .The chairman had expressed his interest in_the French conversation ." I_am very_glad you liked it," said Dennis; and_the poor chairman, abashed, supposed the accent had_been wrong . at_the end of_the day, the gentlemen present had_been called upon for speeches--the Rev .Frederic Ingham first, as it happened; upon_which Dennis had risen, and had said, " there_has_been so_much said, and, on_the whole, so_well said, that i_will_not occupy the time ." The girls were delighted, because Dr .Dabney, the year before, had given them at_this occasion ascolding on impropriety of behavior at lyceum lectures .They all declared Mr Ingham was alove--and so handsome ! (Dennis is good-looking .) Three of_them, with arms behind the others' waists, followed him up_to_the wagon he rode home in; and alittle girl with ablue sash had_been sent to_give him arosebud . after_this debut in speaking, he went to_the exhibition for two days more, to_the mutual satisfaction of all concerned .Indeed, Polly reported that he had pronounced the trustees' dinners of ahigher grade than those of_the parsonage . when_the next term began, I_found six of_the Academy girls had obtained permission to_come across the river and attend our church .But this arrangement did_not long continue .

after_this he went to several Commencements for_me, and ate the dinners provided; he sat through three of_our Quarterly Conventions for_me--always voting judiciously, by_the simple rule mentioned above, of siding with_the minority .And I, meanwhile, who had before been losing caste among my friends, as holding myself aloof from_the associations of_the body, began to rise in everybody's favor ."Ingham's agood fellow--always on hand"; "never talks much--but does the right thing at_the right time"; " is_not as unpunctual as he used to_be--he comes early, and sits through to_the end ." "He has got over his old talkative habit, too .I spoke to afriend of_his about_it once; and i_think Ingham took it kindly," etc ., etc .

This voting power of Dennis was particularly valuable at_the quarterly meetings of_the Proprietors of_the Naguadavick Ferry .My wife inherited from her father some shares in_that enterprise, which is_not_yet fully developed, though it doubtless will become avery valuable property .The law of Maine then forbade stockholders to appear by proxy at such meetings .Polly disliked to_go, not being, in_fact, a"hens'-rights hen," and transferred her stock to_me .I, after going once, disliked it more than she .But Dennis went to_the next meeting, and liked it very_much . he_said the armchairs were good, the collation good, and_the free rides to stockholders pleasant . he_was alittle frightened when_they first took him upon one_of_the ferry-boats, but after two_or_three quarterly meetings he became quite brave .

Thus far I never had any difficulty with_him .Indeed, being of_that type which_is called shiftless, he_was only too happy to_be told daily what to_do, and to_be charged not to_be forthputting or in any_way original in_his discharge of_that duty .He learned, however, to discriminate between_the lines of_his life, and very_much preferred these stockholders' meetings and trustees' dinners and commencement collations to another set of occasions, from_which he used to beg off most piteously .Our excellent brother, Dr .Fillmore, had taken anotion at_this_time that_our Sandemanian churches needed more expression of mutual sympathy .He insisted upon it that we were remiss . he_said, that, if_the Bishop came to preach at Naguadavick, all the Episcopal clergy of_the neighborhood were present; if Dr .Pond came, all the Congregational clergymen turned out to hear him; if Dr .Nichols, all the Unitarians; and he thought we owed it to each_other that, whenever there_was an occasional service at aSandemanian church, the other brethren should all, if possible, attend ."It looked well," if nothing more .Now this really meant that I had_not_been to hear one of Dr .Fillmore's lectures on_the Ethnology of Religion .He forgot that he_did_not hear one of_my course on_the Sandemanianism of Anselm .But I_felt badly when he_said it; and afterwards I always made Dennis go to hear all the brethren preach, when i_was not preaching myself . this_was what he_took exceptions to-- the_only_thing, as I_said, which he ever did except to .Now came the advantage of_his long morning-nap, and of_the green tea with_which Polly supplied the kitchen .But he_would plead, so humbly, to_be let off, only from one_or_two ! I never excepted him, however . I_knew the lectures were of value, and i_thought it best he_should_be_able to_keep the connection .

Polly is more rash than I_am, as_the reader has observed in_the outset of_this memoir .She risked Dennis one night under the eyes of her own sex .Governor Gorges had always been very kind to_us; and when he_gave his great annual party to_the town, asked us .I confess I hated to_go . i_was deep in_the new volume of Pfeiffer's Mystics_, which Haliburton had just sent me from Boston ."But how rude," said Polly, "not to return the Governor's civility and Mrs Gorges's, when they_will_be sure to ask why you_are away ! " Still I demurred, and at last she, with_the wit of Eve and of Semiramis conjoined, let me off by saying that, if i_would go in with her, and sustain the initial conversations with_the Governor and_the ladies staying there, she_would risk Dennis for_the rest of_the evening . and_that was just what we_did .She took Dennis in training all that afternoon, instructed him in fashionable conversation, cautioned him against the temptations of_the supper-table--and at nine in_the evening he drove us all down in_the carryall . I_made the grand star-entree with Polly and_the pretty Walton girls, who were staying with_us .We had put Dennis into agreat rough top-coat, without his glasses-- and_the girls never dreamed, in_the darkness, of looking at him .He sat in_the carriage, at_the door, while we entered . I_did the agreeable to Mrs Gorges, was introduced to her niece .Miss Fernanda--I complimented Judge Jeffries on_his decision in_the great case of D'Aulnay vs .Laconia Mining Co .--I stepped into_the dressing-room for amoment--stepped out for another--walked home, after anod with Dennis, and tying the horse to apump--and while I walked home, Mr Frederic Ingham, my double, stepped in through_the library into_the Gorges's grand saloon .

Oh ! Polly died of laughing as she told me of it at midnight ! And even here, where I_have to teach my hands to hew the beech for stakes to fence our cave, she dies of laughing as she recalls it--and says that single occasion was worth all we_have paid for_it .Gallant Eve that she_is ! She joined Dennis at_the library door, and in an instant presented him to Dr .Ochterlong, from Baltimore, who was on avisit in town, and was talking with her, as Dennis came in ." Mr Ingham would like to hear what you were telling us about_your success among_the German population ." And Dennis bowed and said, in_spite of ascowl from Polly, "I'm very_glad you liked it ." But Dr .Ochterlong did_not observe, and plunged into_the tide of explanation, Dennis listening like aprime-minister, and bowing like amandarin-- which_is, I suppose, the same thing .Polly declared it_was just like Haliburton's Latin conversation with_the Hungarian minister, of_which he_is very fond of telling


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