by Ambrose Bierce

CORONADO, June 20th

myself more and more interested in him , , his-- any noun corresponding adjective "handsome" ? One like "beauty" when speaking of man handsome enough, heaven knows; I even care to trust you --faithful of all possible wives that -- when he looks his best, as he always does Nor do the fascination manner has much with it You recollect charm of art inheres undefinable, and and me, my dear Irene, I fancy rather less branch of art under consideration than to girls in their first season I fancy how my fine gentleman produces many effects, and could, perhaps, give him pointer on heightening them Nevertheless, his manner is something truly delightful I suppose what interests me chiefly man's brains His conversation best ever heard, and altogether unlike anyone's else He seems everything, as, indeed, he ought, for he everywhere, read everything, seen all --sometimes rather more than is good for him--and had acquaintance QUEEREST people And then his voice--Irene, when I hear it I actually feel I PAID DOOR, though, , my own door

July 3d

my remarks about Dr Barritz must , being thoughtless, very silly, or written of him levity, not disrespect Believe me, dearest, he has more dignity and seriousness ( kind, I mean, not inconsistent with manner sometimes playful and always charming) than any men that you and I ever met And young Raynor-- Raynor at Monterey--tells me men all like him, treated with something like deference everywhere mystery, too--something about his connection Blavatsky people in Northern India Raynor either or tell me the particulars I infer that Dr Barritz is thought--don't you dare to laugh at me--a magician ! Could anything be finer than that ? An ordinary mystery , , as good as scandal, but when it relates to dark and dreadful practices-- exercise of unearthly powers--could anything be more piquant ? It explains, too, the singular influence the man has upon me undefinable art--black art Seriously, dear, I quite tremble when he looks me full eyes with those unfathomable orbs , which already vainly attempted to describe How dreadful the power one fall in love ! Blavatsky crowd have that power-- outside of Sepoy ?

July 1

The strangest thing ! Last evening while Auntie was attending hotel hops (I hate them) Dr Barritz called scandalously late--I actually believe he had talked with Auntie ballroom, and learned from her that alone I all the evening contriving how to worm out of him the truth about his connection Thugs in Sepoy, and all black business, but the moment he fixed his eyes on me (for I admitted him, I'm ashamed ) helpless, I trembled, I blushed, I-- O Irene, Irene, I love the man beyond expression, and how yourself !

Fancy ! I, an ugly duckling from Redhorse--daughter (they say) of old Calamity Jim--certainly his heiress, with no living relation but an absurd old aunt, who spoils me thousand and fifty ways-- absolutely destitute of everything but million dollars and hope in Paris--I daring to love god like him ! My dear, if I had you here, tear your hair out with mortification

convinced that aware feeling, for he stayed but , said nothing but what another man said half , and pretending that he had an engagement went away I learned to-day (a little bird told me--the bell bird) that he went straight to bed How does that strike you as evidence of exemplary habits ?

July 17th

That little wretch, Raynor, called yesterday, babble set me almost wild He never runs down-- , when he exterminates score of reputations, more or less, pause between one reputation next ( , he inquired about you, manifestations of interest in you had, I confess, of vraisemblance )

Mr Raynor observes no game laws; like Death (which inflict if slander were fatal) he has all seasons own But I like him, for one another at Redhorse when we were young and true-hearted and barefooted known in those far fair days as "Giggles," and I--O Irene, ever forgive me ? -- called "Gunny " God knows why; perhaps in allusion material pinafores; perhaps because the name is in alliteration with "Giggles," for Gig and I were inseparable playmates, miners thought it delicate compliment to recognize some kind of relationship

Later, we took in third--another of Adversity's brood, who, like Garrick between Tragedy and Comedy, had chronic inability to adjudicate the rival claims (to himself) of Frost and Famine Between him grave seldom anything more than single suspender hope of meal which would same time support life and make it insupportable He literally picked up precarious living for himself and an aged mother by "chloriding the dumps," , the miners permitted him to search the heaps of waste rock for such pieces of "pay ore" as overlooked; and these he sacked up and sold Syndicate Mill He became member firm--"Gunny, Giggles, and Dumps," thenceforth--through my favor; for then, nor can I now, be indifferent courage and prowess in defending against Giggles the immemorial right sex to insult strange and unprotected female--myself After old Jim struck it Calamity, and I began to wear shoes and go to school, and in emulation Giggles took to washing his face, and became Jack Raynor, of Wells, Fargo & Co , and old Mrs Barts was herself chlorided to her fathers, Dumps drifted over to San Juan Smith and turned stage driver, and was killed by road agents, and so forth

Why do I tell you all this, dear ? Because heavy on my heart Because I walk the Valley of Humility Because subduing myself to permanent consciousness unworthiness to unloose the latchet of Dr Barritz's shoe Because-oh, dear, oh, dear--there's cousin of Dumps hotel ! I haven't spoken to him I never had any acquaintance , but-- suppose he has recognized me ? Do, please, in your next your candid, sure- enough opinion , and say you don't think so about me already is why He left me last evening when that I blushed and trembled like fool under His eyes ? 't bribe ALL the newspapers, and 't go back on anybody who was good to Gunny at Redhorse--not if I'm pitched out of society sea So the skeleton sometimes rattles behind the door I never cared much before, , but now--NOW the same Jack Raynor of-- tell him He seems, indeed, to hold him respect as hardly to dare speak to him at all, and I'm that way myself Dear, dear ! I had something besides million dollars ! If Jack were three inches taller I'd marry him alive and go back to Redhorse and wear sackcloth again end miserable days

July 25th

We had perfectly splendid sunset last evening, and tell you all I ran away from Auntie and everybody, and was walking alone beach I expect you , you infidel ! that I looked out window seaward side hotel and seen him walking alone beach If lost to every feeling of womanly delicacy accept my statement without question I soon established myself under my sunshade and had for been gazing out dreamily over the sea, when he approached, walking close edge water-- ebb tide I assure you the wet sand actually brightened about his feet ! As he approached me, he lifted his hat, saying: "Miss Dement, may I sit ? --or walk with me ? "

The possibility that neither agreeable seems not occurred to him Did you ever know such assurance ? Assurance ? My dear, gall, downright GALL ! Well, I didn't find it wormwood, and replied, with my untutored Redhorse heart in my throat: "I-- pleased ANYTHING " Could words more stupid ? depths of fatuity in me, friend o' my soul, which are simply bottomless !

He extended his hand, smiling, and I delivered mine without moment's hesitation, and when his fingers closed to assist me to my feet, the consciousness trembled made me blush worse red west I got up, however, and after while, observing that he let go my hand, I pulled little, but unsuccessfully He simply held on, saying nothing, but looking down into my face with some kind of smile--I didn't know-- how could I ? --whether affectionate, derisive, or what, for look at him How beautiful ! -- red fires sunset burning depths eyes , dear, Thugs and Experts Blavatsky region have any special kind of eyes ? Ah, seen his superb attitude, the godlike inclination head as he stood over me after I had got upon my feet ! noble picture, but I soon destroyed it, for I began at once to sink again earth only for him , and it; he supported me with an arm waist

"Miss Dement, ill ? "

not an exclamation; neither alarm nor solicitude If he had added: "I suppose about what expected ," hardly have expressed his sense situation more clearly His manner filled me with shame and indignation, for suffering acutely I wrenched my hand out , grasped the arm supporting me, and, pushing myself free, fell plump sand and sat helpless My hat had fallen off struggle, and my hair tumbled face and shoulders most mortifying way

"Go away from me," I cried, half choking "Oh, PLEASE go away, you--you Thug ! How dare THAT when my leg is asleep ? "

I actually said those identical words ! And then I broke down and sobbed Irene, I BLUBBERED !

His manner altered in an instant--I that much through my fingers and hair He dropped on one knee beside me, parted the tangle of hair, and said, tenderest way: My poor girl, God knows intended to pain you How should I ? --I who love you--I loved you for--for years and years ! "