The European Wars

by Mark Twain

--[ from_the Buffalo Express, July 25, 1870 .]

First Day THE EUROPEAN WAR ! ! !

NO BATTLE YET ! ! ! HOSTILITIES IMMINENT ! ! ! TREMENDOUS EXCITEMENT .AUSTRIA ARMING ! BERLIN, Tuesday .

No battle has_been fought yet .But hostilities may burst forth any week .

there_is tremendous excitement here over news from_the front that two companies of French soldiers are assembling there .

it_is rumoured that Austria is arming--what with, is_not known .

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Second Day THE EUROPEAN WAR

NO BATTLE YET ! FIGHTING IMMINENT .AWFUL EXCITEMENT .RUSSIA SIDES WITH PRUSSIA ! ENGLAND NEUTRAL ! ! AUSTRIA NOT ARMING .BERLIN, Wednesday .

No battle has_been fought yet .However, all thoughtful men feel that_the land may_be drenched with blood before_the Summer is over .

there_is an awful excitement here over the rumour that two companies of Prussian troops have concentrated on_the border .German confidence remains unshaken ! !

there_is news to_the effect that Russia espouses the cause of Prussia and will bring 4,000,000 men to_the field .

England proclaims strict neutrality .

The report that Austria is arming needs confirmation .

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Third Day THE EUROPEAN WAR

NO BATTLE YET ! BLOODSHED IMMINENT ! ! ENORMOUS EXCITEMENT ! ! INVASION OF PRUSSIA ! ! INVASION OF FRANCE ! ! RUSSIA SIDES WITH FRANCE .ENGLAND STILL NEUTRAL ! FIRING HEARD ! THE EMPEROR to_take COMMAND .PARIS, Thursday .

No battle has_been fought yet .But Field Marshal McMahon telegraphs thus to_the Emperor:

" if_the Frinch army survoives until Christmas there'll be throuble .Forninst this fact it would_be sagacious if_the divil wint the rounds of_his establishment to_prepare for_the occasion, and tuk the precaution to warrum up the Prussian depairtment abit agin the day .MIKE ."

there_is an enormous state of excitement here over news from_the front to_the effect that yesterday France and Prussia were simultaneously invaded by_the two bodies of troops which lately assembled on_the border .Both armies conducted their invasions secretly and_are now hunting around for each_other on opposite sides of_the border .

Russia espouses the cause of France .She will bring 200,000 men to_the field .

England continues to remain neutral .

Firing was heard yesterday in_the direction of Blucherberg, and for awhile the excitement was intense .However the people reflected that_the country in_that direction is uninhabitable, and impassable by anything but birds, they became quiet again .

The Emperor sends his troops to_the field with immense enthusiasm . he_will lead them in person, when_they return .

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Fourth Day THE EUROPEAN WAR !

NO BATTLE YET ! ! THE TROOPS GROWING OLD ! BUT BITTER STRIFE IMMINENT ! PRODIGIOUS EXCITEMENT ! THE INVASIONS SUCCESSFULLY ACCOMPLISHED and_the INVADERS SAFE ! RUSSIA SIDES WITH BOTH SIDES ENGLAND WILL FIGHT BOTH ! LONDON, Friday .

No battle has_been fought thus far, but amillion impetuous soldiers are gritting their teeth at each_other across the border, and_the most serious fears entertained that if they_do_not die of old age first, there_will_be bloodshed in_this war yet .

The prodigious patriotic excitement goes on .In Prussia, per Prussian telegrams, though contradicted from France .In France, per French telegrams, though contradicted from Prussia .

The Prussian invasion of France was amagnificent success .The military failed to_find the French, but made good their return to Prussia without the loss of asingle man .The French invasion of Prussia is also demonstrated to_have_been abrilliant and successful achievement .The army failed to_find the Prussians, but made good their return to_the Vaterland without bloodshed, after having invaded as_much as_they wanted to .

there_is glorious news from Russia to_the effect that she will side with both sides .

Also from England--she will fight both sides .

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LONDON, Thursday evening .

I rushed over too soon . I_shall return home on Tuesday's steamer and wait until the war begins .M .T .