by Mark Twain

saddest things that ever came under my notice (said the banker's clerk) was there in Corning, during the war Dan Murphy enlisted as private, and fought very bravely The boys all liked him, and when wound by and by weakened him down till carrying musket was too heavy work for him, they clubbed together and fixed him up as sutler money then, and sent it always wife to bank for him She was washer and ironer, and knew enough by hard experience money when she got it She didn't waste penny contrary, she began miserly as her bank account grew She grieved to part with cent, poor creature, for twice in her hard-working life she had known what hungry, cold, friendless, sick, and without dollar , and she had haunting dread of suffering so again Well, at last Dan died; boys, in testimony esteem and respect for him, telegraphed to Mrs Murphy if like him embalmed and sent home, know the usual custom was to dump poor devil like him into shallow hole, and then inform his friends what had become of him Mrs Murphy jumped conclusion would only cost dollars to embalm her dead husband, and so she telegraphed "Yes " "wake" bill for embalming arrived and was presented widow She uttered wild, sad wail, that pierced every heart, and said: "Sivinty-foive dollars for stoofhn' Dan, blister their sowls ! Did thim divils suppose goin' to stairt Museim, that I'd be dalin' expinsive curiassities ! "

The banker's clerk said not dry eye house