by Bret Harte (1839-1902)

[From Harper's Magazine_, March, 1901 Republished volume, _Openings Old Trail (1902), by Bret Harte; copyright, 1902, by Houghton Mifflin Company, the authorized publishers of Bret Harte's complete works; reprinted by their permission ]

It day of triumph for Colonel Starbottle First, personality, as it difficult to separate the Colonel's achievements individuality; second, oratorical abilities as sympathetic pleader; and third, functions leading counsel Eureka Ditch Company versus the State of California strictly legal performances issue I prefer not ; there were those who denied them, although the jury had accepted them face ruling half-amused, half-cynical Judge himself For an hour they had laughed Colonel, wept , been stirred to personal indignation or patriotic exaltation by his passionate and lofty periods--what else could than give him their verdict ? alleged by some American eagle, Thomas Jefferson, Resolutions of '98 had nothing whatever contest of ditch company over doubtfully worded legislative document; that wholesale abuse State Attorney political motives the slightest connection legal question raised-- , nevertheless, generally accepted losing party only too the Colonel on their side And Colonel Starbottle knew this, as, perspiring, florid, and panting, he rebuttoned the lower buttons blue frock-coat, which had become loosed in an oratorical spasm, and readjusted his old-fashioned, spotless shirt frill above it as he strutted court-room amidst the hand-shakings and acclamations friends

And here an unprecedented thing occurred The Colonel absolutely declined spirituous refreshment neighboring Palmetto Saloon, and declared his intention of proceeding directly office adjoining square Nevertheless the Colonel quitted the building alone, and apparently unarmed except faithful gold-headed stick, which hung as usual forearm The crowd gazed after him with undisguised admiration new evidence pluck remembered also that mysterious note handed to him conclusion speech--evidently challenge State Attorney quite plain Colonel--a practised duellist--was hastening home to answer it

But herein they were wrong The note was in female hand, and simply requested the Colonel to accord an interview writer Colonel's office he left the court But an engagement Colonel--as devoted fair sex as "code"--was no less prompt in accepting He flicked away the dust spotless white trousers and varnished boots handkerchief, and settled his black cravat under his Byron collar as he neared his office surprised, however, on opening the door private office his visitor already there; still more startled her somewhat past middle age and plainly attired But the Colonel was brought up in school of Southern politeness, already antique republic, bow of courtesy belonged epoch shirt frill and strapped trousers No one detected his disappointment manner, albeit his sentences were short and incomplete But the Colonel's colloquial speech was apt fragmentary incoherencies larger oratorical utterances

"A thousand pardons--for--er--having kept lady waiting--er ! But--er--congratulations of friends--and--er--courtesy due --er--interfered with--though perhaps only heightened--by procrastination--pleasure of--ha ! " Colonel completed his sentence with gallant wave fat but white and well-kept hand

"Yes ! you along o' that speech of yours in court When I heard you gettin' it off jury, I says to myself that's the kind o' lawyer man that's flowery and convincin' ! Just the man up our case "

"Ah ! It's matter of business, ," said the Colonel, inwardly relieved, but externally careless "And--er--may I nature case ? "

"Well ! it's breach-o'-promise suit," said the visitor, calmly

Colonel surprised before, now really startled, and with an added horror that required all his politeness to conceal Breach-of-promise cases were his peculiar aversion He had always held them kind of litigation which obviated prompt killing masculine offender-- gladly defended the killer But suit for damages ! --_damages ! -- reading of love-letters before hilarious jury and court, was against all his instincts His chivalry was outraged; his sense of humor was small--and course career he had lost important cases through an unexpected development quality in jury

The woman had evidently noticed his hesitation, but mistook its cause "It ain't me--but my darter "

The Colonel recovered his politeness "Ah ! relieved, my dear madam ! hardly conceive man ignorant enough to--er--er--throw away such evident good fortune--or base enough to deceive the trustfulness of womanhood--matured and experienced only chivalry sex, ha ! "

The woman smiled grimly "Yes ! --it's my darter, Zaidee Hooker--so ye might spare pretty speeches for her_-- jury "

The Colonel winced slightly before this doubtful prospect, but smiled "Ha ! Yes ! --certainly--the jury But--er--my dear lady, need we go as far ? Cannot this affair be settled--er--out of court ? this--er--individual--be admonished--told that give satisfaction--personal satisfaction-- dastardly conduct--to --er--near relative--or even valued personal friend ? The--er--arrangements necessary purpose I myself would undertake "

quite sincere; indeed, his small black eyes shone fire which pretty woman or an "affair of honor" could alone kindle The visitor stared vacantly at him, and said, slowly:

"And what good goin' us ? "

"Compel him to--er--perform his promise," said the Colonel, leaning back chair

"Ketch him doin' it ! " said the woman, scornfully "No--that ain't wot we're after make him pay ! Damages--and nothin' short o' _that "

The Colonel bit his lip "I suppose," , gloomily, " documentary evidence--written promises and protestations--er--er-- love-letters, ? "

"No--nary letter ! Ye see, that's jest it-- 's where you_ come in You've got that jury yourself You've got to show what --tell the whole story your own way Lord ! to man like you that's nothin' "

Startling admission to lawyer, Starbottle was absolutely relieved The absence of any mirth-provoking correspondence, appeal solely own powers of persuasion, actually struck his fancy He lightly put aside the compliment with wave white hand

" ," said the Colonel, confidently, " strongly presumptive and corroborative evidence ? Perhaps me--er--a brief outline affair ? "

"Zaidee kin straight enough, I reckon," said the woman; "what first is, kin you case ? "

The Colonel hesitate; his curiosity was piqued "I certainly can your daughter will put me in possession of sufficient facts and details--to constitute what we call--er--a brief "

"She kin be brief enough--or long enough-- matter ," said the woman, rising The Colonel accepted this implied witticism with smile

"And when may the pleasure of seeing her ? " he asked, politely

"Well, I reckon trot out and call her She's just outside, meanderin' road--kinder shy, ye know, at first "

She walked door The astounded Colonel nevertheless gallantly accompanied her as she stepped out street and called, shrilly, "You Zaidee ! "

young girl here apparently detached herself from tree ostentatious perusal of an old election poster, and sauntered down towards the office door Like her mother, she was plainly dressed; unlike her, she had pale, rather refined face, with demure mouth and downcast eyes all the Colonel saw as he bowed profoundly and led the way into his office, for she accepted his salutations without lifting her head He helped her gallantly to chair, she seated herself sideways, somewhat ceremoniously, with her eyes following the point of her parasol as she traced pattern carpet second chair offered mother that lady, however, declined "I reckon to leave you and Zaidee together it out," she said; turning to her daughter, she added, "Jest you tell him all, Zaidee," and Colonel could rise again, disappeared room professional experience, Starbottle was for moment embarrassed The young girl, however, broke the silence without looking up

"Adoniram K Hotchkiss," she began, in monotonous voice, it were recitation addressed public, "first began notice of me year ago Arter that--off and on----"

"One moment," interrupted the astounded Colonel; " Hotchkiss the President Ditch Company ? " He had recognized the name of prominent citizen--a rigid ascetic, taciturn, middle-aged man--a deacon--and more than that, the head company he had just defended It seemed inconceivable

"That's him," she continued, with eyes still fixed parasol and without changing her monotonous tone--"off and on Most time Free-Will Baptist church--at morning service, prayer-meetings, and such And at home--outside--er-- road "

" this gentleman-- Mr Adoniram K Hotchkiss--who--er--promised marriage ? " stammered the Colonel

"Yes "

The Colonel shifted uneasily chair "Most extraordinary ! for-- --my dear young lady--this becomes--a--er--most delicate affair "

"That's what maw said," returned the young woman, simply, yet faintest smile playing around her demure lips and downcast cheek

"I mean," said the Colonel, with pained yet courteous smile, " --er--gentleman--is --er--one clients "

"That's what maw said, too, and your knowing him will make it all the easier ," said the young woman

slight flush crossed the Colonel's cheek as he returned quickly and little stiffly, " contrary--er--it may make it impossible to--er--act "