Colonel Starbottle for the Plaintiff by Bret Harte
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of_those important and inconsistent rages which occasionally betray the habitually cautious and timid man .He caught up the Colonel's stick, which_was lying on_the table . at_the same moment the Colonel, without any apparent effort, grasped it by_the handle .To Mr Hotchkiss's astonishment, the stick separated in two pieces, leaving the handle and about two feet of narrow glittering steel in_the Colonel's hand .The man recoiled, dropping the useless fragment .The Colonel picked it up, fitting the shining blade in_it, clicked the spring, and then rising, with aface of courtesy yet of unmistakably genuine pain, and with even aslight tremor in_his voice, said, gravely:

" Mr Hotchkiss, I owe you athousand apologies, sir, that--er-- aweapon should_be drawn by me--even through your own inadvertence-- under the sacred protection of_my roof, and upon an unarmed man .I beg your pardon, sir, and I even withdraw the expressions which provoked that inadvertence .Nor does this apology prevent you from holding me responsible--personally responsible--_elsewhere for an indiscretion committed in behalf of alady--my--er--client ."

"Your client ? do_you_mean you_have taken her case ? You, the counsel for_the Ditch Company ? " said Mr Hotchkiss, in trembling indignation .

"Having won your case, sir," said the Colonel, coolly, "the--er--usages of advocacy do_not prevent me from espousing the cause of_the weak and unprotected ."

" we_shall see, sir," said Hotchkiss, grasping the handle of_the door and backing into_the passage ." there_are other lawyers who--"

"Permit me to_see you out," interrupted the Colonel, rising politely .

"-- will_be ready to resist the attacks of blackmail," continued Hotchkiss, retreating along the passage .

"And then you_will_be_able to repeat your remarks to_me in_the street_," continued the Colonel, bowing, as he persisted in following his visitor to_the door .

But here Mr Hotchkiss quickly slammed it behind him, and hurried away .The Colonel returned to_his office, and sitting down, took asheet of letter paper bearing the inscription "Starbottle and Stryker, Attorneys and Counsellors," and wrote the following lines:

Hooker versus Hotchkiss .

DEAR MADAM,--Having had avisit from_the defendant in above, we_should_be pleased to_have an interview with_you at 2 p .m .to-morrow .Your obedient servants, STARBOTTLE AND STRYKER .

This he sealed and despatched by his trusted servant Jim, and then devoted a few_moments to reflection .It was_the custom of_the Colonel to act first, and justify the action by reason afterwards .

he_knew that Hotchkiss would at once lay the matter before rival counsel . he_knew that they_would advise him that Miss Hooker had "no case"--that she_would be non-suited on her own evidence, and he ought not to compromise, but be ready to stand trial .He believed, however, that Hotchkiss feared that exposure, and although his own instincts had_been at first against that remedy, he_was now instinctively in favor of it .He remembered his own power with ajury; his vanity and_his chivalry alike approved of_this heroic method; he_was bound by_the prosaic facts--he had his own theory of_the case, which no mere evidence could gainsay . in_fact, Mrs Hooker's own words that " he_was to_tell the story in_his own way" actually appeared to him an inspiration and aprophecy .

Perhaps there_was something else, due possibly to_the lady's wonderful eyes, of_which he had thought much .Yet it_was not her simplicity that affected him solely; on_the contrary, it_was her apparent intelligent reading of_the character of her recreant lover--and of_his own ! Of all the Colonel's previous "light" or "serious" loves none had ever before flattered him in_that way .And it was_this, combined with_the respect which he had held for their professional relations, that precluded his having amore familiar knowledge of_his client, through serious questioning, or playful gallantry . I_am not sure it_was not part of_the charm to_have arustic femme incomprise as aclient .

Nothing could exceed the respect with_which he greeted her as she entered his office the next_day .He even affected not to notice that she had put on her best clothes, and he_made no_doubt appeared as when she had first attracted the mature yet faithless attentions of Deacon Hotchkiss at church .awhite virginal muslin was belted around her slim figure by ablue ribbon, and her Leghorn hat was drawn around her oval cheek by abow of_the same color .She had aSouthern girl's narrow feet, encased in white stockings and kid slippers, which were crossed primly before her as she sat in achair, supporting her arm by her faithful parasol planted firmly on_the floor .afaint odor of southernwood exhaled from her, and, oddly enough, stirred the Colonel with afar-off recollection of apine-shaded Sunday school on aGeorgia hillside and of_his first love, aged ten, in ashort, starched frock .Possibly it was_the same recollection that revived something of_the awkwardness he had felt then .

He, however, smiled vaguely and, sitting down, coughed slightly, and placed his fingertips together ." I_have_had an--er--interview with Mr Hotchkiss, but--I--er--regret to_say there seems_to_be no prospect of--er--compromise ." He paused, and to_his surprise her listless "company" face lit up with an adorable smile ." of_course ! --ketch him ! " she said ."Was he mad when_you told him ? " She put her knees comfortably together and leaned forward for areply .

For all that, wild horses could_not have torn from_the Colonel aword about Hotchkiss's anger ."He expressed his intention of employing counsel--and defending asuit," returned the Colonel, affably basking in her smile .She dragged her chair nearer his desk ."Then you'll fight him tooth and nail ? " she said eagerly; "you'll show him up ? You'll tell the whole story your own way ? You'll give him fits ? --and you'll make him pay ? Sure ? " she went on, breathlessly .

"I--er--will," said the Colonel, almost as breathlessly .

She caught his fat white hand, which_was lying on_the table, between her own and lifted it to her lips . he_felt her soft young fingers even through_the lisle-thread gloves that encased them and_the warm moisture of her lips upon his skin . he_felt himself flushing--but was unable to break the silence or change his position .The next moment she had scuttled back with her chair to her old position .

"I--er--certainly shall do my best," stammered the Colonel, in an attempt to recover his dignity and composure .

"That's enough ! You'll do_it," said the girl, enthusiastically ."Lordy ! Just you talk for_me as ye did for_his old Ditch Company, and you'll fetch it--every time ! Why, when_you made that jury sit up the other day-- when_you got that off about_the Merrikan flag waving equally over the rights of honest citizens banded together in peaceful commercial pursuits, as_well as over the fortress of official proflig--"

"Oligarchy," murmured the Colonel, courteously .

"Oligarchy," repeated the girl, quickly, "my breath was just took away . I_said to maw, 'Ain't he too sweet for anything ! ' I_did, honest Injin ! And when_you rolled it all off at_the end--never missing aword--(you didn't need to mark 'em in alesson-book, but had 'em all ready on_your tongue), and walked out--Well ! I didn't know you nor the Ditch Company from Adam, but I_could_have just run over and kissed you there before_the whole court ! "

She laughed, with her face glowing, although her strange eyes were cast down .Alack ! the Colonel's face was equally flushed, and_his own beady eyes were on_his desk .To any_other woman he_would_have voiced the banal gallantry that he_should now, himself, look forward to_that reward, but the words never reached his lips .He laughed, coughed slightly, and when he looked up again she had fallen into_the same attitude as on her first visit, with her parasol point on_the floor .

" I_must ask_you to--er--direct your memory--to--er--another point; the breaking off of_the--er--er--er--engagement .Did he--er--give any reason for_it ? Or show any cause ? "

"No; he never said anything," returned the girl .

"Not in_his usual way ? --er--no reproaches out_of_the hymn-book ? --or the sacred writings ? "

"No; he just quit ."

"Er--ceased his attentions," said the Colonel, gravely ."And naturally you--er-- were_not conscious of any cause for_his doing_so ." The girl raised her wonderful eyes so suddenly and so penetratingly without reply in any_other way that_the Colonel could only hurriedly say: " I_see ! None, of_course ! "

At which she rose, the Colonel rising also ."We--shall begin proceedings at once . I_must, however, caution you to answer no questions nor say anything about_this case to any_one until you_are in court ."

She answered his request with another intelligent look and anod .He accompanied her to_the door .As he_took her proffered hand he raised the lisle-thread fingers to_his lips with old-fashioned gallantry .As if_that act had condoned for_his first omissions and awkwardness, he became his old-fashioned self again, buttoned his coat, pulled out his shirt frill, and strutted back to_his desk .

a day_or_two later it_was known throughout_the town that Zaidee Hooker had sued Adoniram Hotchkiss for breach of promise, and that_the damages were laid at five thousand dollars .As in those bucolic days the Western press was under the secure censorship of arevolver, acautious tone of criticism prevailed, and any gossip was confined to personal expression, and even then at_the risk of_the gossiper .Nevertheless, the situation provoked the intensest curiosity .The Colonel was approached--until his statement that he_should consider any attempt to overcome his professional secrecy apersonal reflection withheld further advances .The community were left to_the more ostentatious information of_the defendant's counsel, Messrs .Kitcham and Bilser, that_the case was "ridiculous" and "rotten," that_the plaintiff would_be nonsuited, and_the fire-eating Starbottle would_be taught alesson that he_could_not "bully" the law--and there were some dark hints of aconspiracy . it_was even hinted that_the "case" was_the revengeful and preposterous outcome of_the refusal of Hotchkiss to_pay Starbottle an extravagant fee for_his late services to_the Ditch Company . it_is unnecessary to_say that_these words were_not reported to_the Colonel . it_was, however, an unfortunate circumstance for_the calmer, ethical consideration of_the subject that_the church sided with Hotchkiss, as_this provoked an equal adherence to_the plaintiff and Starbottle on_the_part of_the larger body of non-church-goers, who were delighted at apossible exposure of_the weakness of religious rectitude ."I've allus had my suspicions o' them early candle-light meetings down at_that gospel shop," said one critic, "and I reckon Deacon Hotchkiss didn't rope in_the gals to attend jest for psalm-singing ." "Then for him to_get up and leave the board afore the game's finished and try to sneak out of it," said another ."I suppose that's what they call religious ."

it_was therefore not remarkable that_the courthouse three weeks later was crowded with an excited multitude of_the curious and sympathizing .The fair plaintiff, with her mother, was early in attendance, and under the Colonel's advice appeared in_the same modest garb in_which she had first visited his office .This and her downcast modest demeanor were perhaps at first disappointing to_the crowd, who had evidently expected aparagon of loveliness-- as_the Circe of_the grim ascetic defendant, who sat beside his counsel .But presently all eyes were fixed on_the Colonel, who certainly made up in_his appearance any deficiency of_his fair client .His portly figure was clothed in ablue dress-coat with brass buttons, abuff waistcoat which permitted his frilled shirt front to_become erectile above it, ablack satin stock which confined aboyish turned-down collar around his full neck, and immaculate drill trousers, strapped over varnished boots .amurmur ran round the court ."Old 'Personally Responsible' had got his war-paint on," "The Old War-Horse is smelling powder," were whispered comments .Yet for all that_the most irreverent among them recognized vaguely, in_this bizarre figure, something of an honored past in their country's history, and possibly felt the spell of old deeds and old names that had once thrilled their boyish pulses .The new District Judge returned Colonel Starbottle's profoundly punctilious bow .The Colonel was followed by his negro servant, carrying aparcel of hymn-books and Bibles, who, with acourtesy evidently imitated from_his master, placed one before_the opposite counsel .This, after afirst curious glance, the lawyer somewhat superciliously tossed aside .But when Jim, proceeding


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