by Mark Twain

One calamity death of Mr Dickens dooms this country awakened the concern its gravity entitles it We refer fact nation lectured to death and read to death all next winter, by Tom, Dick, and Harry, with poor lamented Dickens for pretext All the vagabonds spell will afflict the people with "readings" from Pickwick and Copperfield, and all the insignificants who ennobled notice great novelist or transfigured by his smile will make marketable commodity of it now, and turn the sacred reminiscence practical use of procuring bread and butter The lecture rostrums will fairly swarm fortunates Already the signs of it are perceptible Behold how the unclean creatures are wending toward the dead lion and gathering feast:

"Reminiscences of Dickens " lecture By John Smith, who heard him read eight times

"Remembrances of Charles Dickens " lecture By John Jones, who saw him once in street car and twice in barber shop

"Recollections of Mr Dickens " lecture By John Brown, who gained wide fame by writing deliriously appreciative critiques and rhapsodies great author's public readings; and who shook hands great author upon various occasions, and held converse

"Readings from Dickens " By John White, who great delineator's style and manner perfectly, having attended all his readings country and made these things study, always practising each reading before retiring, and while hot great delineator's lips occasion Mr W will exhibit the remains of cigar which Mr Dickens smoke This Relic is kept in solid silver box made purposely

"Sights and Sounds Great Novelist " popular lecture By John Gray, who waited table all the time Grand Hotel, New York, and still has possession and will exhibit audience fragment Last Piece of Bread which the lamented author tasted country

"Heart Treasures of Precious Moments with Literature's Departed Monarch " lecture By Miss Serena Amelia Tryphenia McSpadden, who still wears, and will always wear, glove hand made sacred clasp of Dickens Only Death shall remove it

"Readings from Dickens " By Mrs J O'Hooligan Murphy, who washed for him

"Familiar Talks Great Author " narrative lecture By John Thomas, for two weeks his valet in America

And so forth, and so on This isn't half the list The man who has "Toothpick once used by Charles Dickens" hearing; man who "once rode in an omnibus with Charles Dickens;" lady Charles Dickens "granted the hospitalities umbrella during storm;" person who "possesses hole which once belonged in handkerchief owned by Charles Dickens " Be patient and long-suffering, good people, for even this fill up the measure of what endure next winter no creature in all this land who has had any personal relations late Mr Dickens, however slight or trivial, but will shoulder his way rostrum and inflict his testimony upon his helpless countrymen To some people fatal noticed by greatness