The Angel of the Odd by Edgar Allan Poe
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now_and_then ! "

I_gave the matter no further consideration, and at my usual hour retired to bed .Here, having placed acandle upon areading stand at_the bed head, and having made an attempt to peruse some pages of_the _Omnipresence of_the Deity_, I unfortunately fell asleep in less_than twenty seconds, leaving the light burning as it_was .

My dreams were terrifically disturbed by visions of_the Angel of_the Odd .Methought he stood at_the foot of_the couch, drew aside the curtains, and in_the hollow, detestable tones of arum puncheon, menaced me with_the bitterest vengeance for_the contempt with_which I had treated him .He concluded along harangue by taking off his funnel-cap, inserting the tube into my gullet, and thus deluging me with an ocean of Kirschenwaesser, which he poured in acontinuous flood, from one_of_the long-necked bottles that stood him instead of an arm .My agony was at_length insufferable, and I awoke just in_time to perceive that arat had run off with_the lighted candle from_the stand, but not in season to_prevent his making his escape with it through_the hole, very_soon astrong, suffocating odor assailed my nostrils; the house, I clearly perceived, was on fire . in_a_few_minutes the blaze broke forth with violence, and in an incredibly brief period the entire building was wrapped in flames .All egress from my chamber, except through awindow, was cut off .The crowd, however, quickly procured and raised along ladder . by_means of_this i_was descending rapidly, and in apparent safety, when ahuge hog, about whose rotund stomach, and indeed about whose whole air and physiognomy, there_was something which reminded me of_the Angel of_the Odd-- when_this hog, I_say, which hitherto had_been quietly slumbering in_the mud, took it suddenly into his head that his left shoulder needed scratching, and could find no more convenient rubbing-post than that afforded by_the foot of_the ladder .In an instant i_was precipitated, and had the misfortune to fracture my arm .

This accident, with_the loss of_my insurance, and with_the more serious loss of_my hair, the whole of_which had_been singed off by_the fire, predisposed me to serious impressions, so_that finally I_made up my mind to_take awife . there_was arich widow disconsolate for_the loss of her seventh husband, and to her wounded spirit I offered the balm of_my vows .She yielded areluctant consent to my prayers .I knelt at her feet in gratitude and adoration .She blushed and bowed her luxuriant tresses into close contact with those supplied me temporarily by Grandjean . I_know not how the entanglement took place but so it_was .I arose with ashining pate, wigless; she in disdain and wrath, half-buried in alien hair .Thus ended my hopes of_the widow by an accident which could_not have_been anticipated, to_be_sure, but which the natural sequence of events had brought about .

Without despairing, however, I undertook the siege of aless implacable heart .The fates were again propitious for abrief period, but again atrivial incident interfered .Meeting my betrothed in an avenue thronged with_the elite of_the city, i_was hastening to greet her with one of_my best considered bows, when asmall particle of some foreign matter lodging in_the corner of_my eye rendered me for_the moment completely blind .Before I_could recover my sight, the lady of_my love had disappeared--irreparably affronted at what she chose to consider my premeditated rudeness in passing her by ungreeted .While I stood bewildered at_the suddenness of_this accident (which might_have happened, nevertheless, to any_one under the sun), and while I still continued incapable of sight, i_was accosted by_the Angel of_the Odd, who proffered me his aid with acivility which I had no reason to expect .He examined my disordered eye with much gentleness and skill, informed me that I had adrop in_it, and (whatever a"drop" was) took it out, and afforded me relief .

I now considered it high time to die (since fortune had so determined to persecute me), and accordingly made my way to_the nearest river .Here, divesting myself of_my clothes (for there_is no reason why we_cannot die as_we were born), I threw myself headlong into_the current; the sole witness of_my fate being asolitary crow that had_been seduced into_the eating of brandy-saturated corn, and so had staggered away from_his fellows .No sooner had I entered the water than this bird took it into his head to fly away with_the most indispensable portion of_my apparel .Postponing, therefore, for_the_present, my suicidal design, I just slipped my nether extremities into_the sleeves of_my coat, and betook myself to apursuit of_the felon with all the nimbleness which the case required and its circumstances would admit .But my evil destiny attended me still .As I ran at full speed, with my nose up in_the atmosphere, and intent only upon_the purloiner of_my property, I suddenly perceived that my feet rested no longer upon _terra firma_; the fact is, I had thrown myself over aprecipice, and should inevitably have_been dashed to pieces but for_my good fortune in grasping the end of along guide-rope, which depended from apassing balloon .

as_soon_as I sufficiently recovered my senses to comprehend the terrific predicament in_which I stood, or rather hung, I exerted all the power of_my lungs to_make that predicament known to_the aeronaut overhead .But for_a_long_time I exerted myself in vain .Either the fool could_not, or the villain would_not perceive me .Meanwhile the machine rapidly soared, while my strength even more rapidly failed . i_was soon upon_the point of resigning myself to my fate, and dropping quietly into_the sea, when my spirits were suddenly revived by hearing ahollow voice from above, which seemed to_be lazily humming an opera air .Looking up, I perceived the Angel of_the Odd . he_was leaning, with_his arms folded, over the rim of_the car; and with apipe in_his mouth, at which he puffed leisurely, seemed to_be upon excellent terms with himself and_the universe . i_was too_much exhausted to_speak, so I merely regarded him with an imploring air .

For several minutes, although he looked me full in_the face, he_said nothing . at_length, removing carefully his meerschaum from_the right to_the left corner of_his mouth, he condescended to_speak .

"Who pe you," he asked, "und what der teuffel you pe do dare ? "

to_this piece of impudence, cruelty, and affectation, I_could reply only by ejaculating the monosyllable "Help ! "

"Elp ! " echoed the ruffian, "not I .Dare iz te pottle--elp yourself, und pe tam'd ! "

with_these words he let fall aheavy bottle of Kirschenwaesser, which, dropping precisely upon_the crown of_my head, caused me to imagine that my brains were entirely knocked out .Impressed with_this idea i_was about to relinquish my hold and give up the ghost with agood grace, when i_was arrested by_the cry of_the Angel, who bade me hold on .

"'Old on ! " he_said: "don't pe in te 'urry--don't . will_you pe take de odder pottle, or 'ave you pe got zober yet, and come to your zenzes ? "

I_made haste, hereupon, to nod my head twice--once in_the negative, meaning thereby that i_would prefer not taking the other bottle at present; and once in_the affirmative, intending thus to imply that I _was sober and had positively come to my senses . by_these means I somewhat softened the Angel .

"Und you pelief, ten," he inquired, "at te last ? You pelief, ten, in te possibility of te odd ? "

I again nodded my head in assent .

"Und you ave pelief in me_, te Angel of te Odd ? "

I nodded again .

"Und you acknowledge tat you pe te blind dronk und te vool ? "

I nodded once more .

"Put your right hand into your left preeches pocket, ten, in token ov your vull zubmizzion unto te Angel ov te Odd ."

This thing, for very obvious reasons, I_found it quite impossible to_do . in_the first place, my left arm had_been broken in my fall from_the ladder, and therefore, had I let go my hold with_the right hand I_must_have let go altogether . in_the second place, I_could_have no breeches until I_came across the crow . i_was therefore obliged, much to my regret, to shake my head in_the negative, intending thus to_give the Angel to understand that I_found it inconvenient, just at_that moment, to comply with_his very reasonable demand ! No sooner, however, had I ceased shaking my head than--

"Go to der teuffel, ten ! " roared the Angel of_the Odd .

In pronouncing these words he drew asharp knife across the guide-rope by_which i_was suspended, and as_we then happened to_be precisely over my own house (which, during my peregrinations, had_been handsomely rebuilt), it so occurred that I tumbled headlong down the ample chimney and alit upon_the dining-room hearth .

Upon coming to my senses ( for_the fall had very thoroughly stunned me) I_found it about four o'clock in_the morning .I lay outstretched where I had fallen from_the balloon .My head groveled in_the ashes of an extinguished fire, while my feet reposed upon_the wreck of asmall table, overthrown, and amid the fragments of amiscellaneous dessert, intermingled with anewspaper, some broken glasses and shattered bottles, and an empty jug of_the Schiedam Kirschenwaesser .Thus revenged himself the Angel of_the Odd .

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