William Wilson by Edgar Allan Poe
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William Wilson

by Edgar Allan Poe

what say of it ? what say of conscience grim, that spectre in my path ?

Chamberlayne's Pharronida .

let me call myself, for_the_present, William Wilson . the fair page now lying before me need_not_be sullied with my real appellation . this has_been already too_much an object for_the scorn -- for_the horror -- for_the detestation of_my race . to_the uttermost regions of_the globe have_not the indignant winds bruited its unparalleled infamy ? Oh, outcast of all outcasts most abandoned ! -- to_the earth art thou not forever dead ? to its honors, to its flowers, to its golden aspirations ? -- and a cloud, dense, dismal, and limitless, does it not hang eternally between thy hopes and heaven ?

i_would_not, if I_could, here or to- day, embody a record of_my later years of unspeakable misery, and unpardonable crime . this epoch -- these later years -- took unto themselves a sudden elevation in turpitude, whose origin alone it_is my present purpose to assign . men usually grow base by degrees . from me, in an instant, all virtue dropped bodily as a mantle . from comparatively trivial wickedness I passed, with_the stride of a giant, into more than_the enormities of an Elah-Gabalus . what chance -- what one event brought this evil thing to_pass, bear with me while I relate . death approaches; and_the shadow which foreruns him has thrown asoftening influence over my spirit .I long, in passing through_the dim valley, for_the sympathy -- I had nearly said for_the pity -- of_my fellow men . i_would fain have them believe that I_have_been, in some measure, the slave of circumstances beyond human control . i_would wish them to seek out for_me, in_the details I_am about to_give, some little oasis of fatality amid a wilderness of error . i_would_have them allow -- what they_cannot refrain from allowing -- that, although temptation may_have erewhile existed as great, man was never thus, at_least, tempted before -- certainly, never thus fell . and_is it therefore that he has never thus suffered ? have I not indeed been living in a dream ? and am I not now dying a victim to_the horror and_the mystery of_the wildest of all sublunary visions ?

I_am the descendant of a race whose imaginative and easily excitable temperament has at all times rendered them remarkable; and, in my earliest infancy, I_gave evidence of having fully inherited the family character . as I advanced in years it_was more strongly developed; becoming, for many reasons, a cause of serious disquietude to my friends, and of positive injury to myself .I grew self- willed, addicted to_the wildest caprices, and a prey to_the most ungovernable passions . weak- minded, and beset with constitutional infirmities akin to my own, my parents could do but little to_check the evil propensities which distinguished me . some feeble and ill- directed efforts resulted in complete failure on their part, and, of_course, in total triumph on mine . thenceforward my voice was a household law; and at an age when few children have abandoned their leading-strings, i_was left to_the guidance of_my own will, and became, in all but name, the master of_my own actions .

my earliest recollections of a school- life, are connected with a large, rambling, Elizabethan house, in a misty- looking village of England, where were a vast number of gigantic and gnarled trees, and where all the houses were excessively ancient . in truth, it_was a dream- like and spirit-soothing place, that venerable old town . at_this moment, in fancy, I_feel the refreshing chilliness of_its deeply- shadowed avenues, inhale the fragrance of_its thousand shrubberies, and thrill anew with undefinable delight, at_the deep hollow note of_the church- bell, breaking, each hour, with sullen and sudden roar, upon_the stillness of_the dusky atmosphere in_which_the fretted Gothic steeple lay imbedded and asleep .

it gives me, perhaps, as_much of pleasure as I_can now in any manner experience, to dwell upon minute recollections of_the school and its concerns .Steeped in misery as I_am -- misery, alas ! only too real -- I_shall_be pardoned for seeking relief, however slight and temporary, in_the weakness of a few rambling details . these, moreover, utterly trivial, and even ridiculous in themselves, assume, to my fancy, adventitious importance, as connected with a period and a locality when and where I recognise the first ambiguous monitions of_the destiny which afterwards so fully overshadowed me . let me then remember .

the house, I_have said, was old and irregular . the grounds were extensive, and a high and solid brick wall, topped with a bed of mortar and broken glass, encompassed the whole . this prison- like rampart formed the limit of_our domain; beyond it we saw but thrice a week -- once every Saturday afternoon, when, attended by two ushers, we were permitted to_take brief walks in a body through some_of_the neighbouring fields -- and twice during Sunday, when we were paraded in_the same formal manner to_the morning and evening service in_the one church of_the village . of_this church the principal of_our school was pastor . with how deep a spirit of wonder and perplexity was I wont to regard him from_our remote pew in_the gallery, as, with step solemn and slow, he ascended the pulpit ! this reverend man, with countenance so demurely benign, with robes so glossy and so clerically flowing, with wig so minutely powdered, so rigid and so vast, -- - could this be he who, of late, with sour visage, and in snuffy habiliments, administered, ferule in hand, the Draconian laws of_the academy ? Oh, gigantic paradox, too utterly monstrous for solution !

at an angle of_the ponderous wall frowned a more ponderous gate . it_was riveted and studded with iron bolts, and surmounted with jagged iron spikes . what impressions of deep awe did it inspire ! it_was never opened save for_the three periodical egressions and ingressions already mentioned; then, in every creak of_its mighty hinges, we_found a plenitude of mystery -- a world of matter for solemn remark, or for more solemn meditation .

the extensive enclosure was irregular in form, having many capacious recesses . of_these, three or four of_the largest constituted the play- ground . it_was level, and covered with fine hard gravel .I well remember it had no trees, nor benches, nor anything similar within it . of_course it_was in_the rear of_the house . in front lay a small parterre, planted with box and other shrubs; but through_this sacred division we passed only upon rare occasions indeed -- such as a first advent to school or final departure thence, or perhaps, when a parent or friend having called for_us, we joyfully took our way home for_the Christmas or midsummer holy-days .

but the house ! -- how quaint an old building was_this ! -- to_me how veritably a palace of enchantment ! there_was really no end to its windings -- to its incomprehensible subdivisions . it_was difficult, at any given time, to_say with certainty upon_which of_its two stories one happened to_be . from each room to every_other there were_sure to_be found three or four steps either in ascent or descent . then the lateral branches were innumerable -- inconceivable -- and so returning in upon themselves, that_our most exact ideas in regard to_the whole mansion were_not very far different from those with_which we pondered upon infinity . during the five years of_my residence here, i_was never able to ascertain with precision, in what remote locality lay the little sleeping apartment assigned to myself and some eighteen or twenty other scholars .

the school- room was_the largest in_the house -- I_could_not help thinking, in_the_world . it_was very long, narrow, and dismally low, with pointed Gothic windows and aceiling of oak . in a remote and terror-inspiring angle was a square enclosure of eight or ten feet, comprising the sanctum, " during hours," of_our principal, the reverend Dr .Bransby . it_was a solid structure, with massy door, sooner than open which in_the absence of_the " Dominic," we_would all have willingly perished by_the peine forte et dure . in other angles were two other similar boxes, far less reverenced, indeed, but still greatly matters of awe . one_of_these was_the pulpit of_the " classical" usher, one_of_the " English and mathematical ." interspersed about_the room, crossing and recrossing in endless irregularity, were innumerable benches and desks, black, ancient, and time- worn, piled desperately with much-bethumbed books, and so beseamed with initial letters, names at full length, grotesque figures, and other multiplied efforts of_the knife, as to_have entirely lost what little of original form might_have_been their portion in days long departed .a huge bucket with water stood at one extremity of_the room, and aclock of stupendous dimensions at_the other .

Encompassed by_the massy walls of_this venerable academy, I passed, yet not in tedium or disgust, the years of_the third lustrum of_my life . the teeming brain of childhood requires no external world of incident to occupy or amuse it; and_the apparently dismal monotony of a school was replete with more intense excitement than my riper youth has derived from luxury, or my full manhood from crime . yet I_must believe that my first mental development had in_it much of_the uncommon -- even much of_the outre . upon mankind at large the events of very early existence rarely leave in mature age any definite impression . all is gray shadow -- a weak and irregular remembrance -- an indistinct regathering of feeble pleasures and phantasmagoric pains . with me this_is_not so . in childhood I_must_have felt with_the energy of a man what I now find stamped upon memory in lines as vivid, as deep, and as durable as_the exergues of_the Carthaginian medals .

yet in_fact -- in_the fact of_the world's view -- how little was there to remember ! the morning's awakening, the nightly summons to bed; the connings, the recitations; the periodical half-holidays, and perambulations; the play- ground, with its broils, its pastimes, its intrigues; -- these, by a mental sorcery long forgotten, were made to involve a wilderness of sensation, a world of rich incident, an universe of varied emotion, of excitement the most passionate and spirit-stirring ."Oh, le bon temps, que ce siecle de fer ! "

in truth, the ardor, the enthusiasm, and_the imperiousness of_my disposition, soon rendered me a marked character among my schoolmates, and by slow, but natural gradations, gave_me an ascendancy over all not greatly older than myself; -- over all with a single exception . this exception was found in_the person of a scholar, who, although no relation, bore the same Christian and surname as myself; -- a circumstance, in_fact, little remarkable; for, notwithstanding a noble descent, mine was one of_those everyday appellations which seem, by prescriptive right, to_have_been, time out of mind, the common property of_the mob . in_this narrative I_have therefore designated myself as William Wilson, -- a fictitious title not very dissimilar to_the real . my namesake alone, of_those who in school phraseology constituted " our set," presumed to compete with me in_the studies of_the class -- in_the sports and broils of_the play- ground -- to refuse implicit belief in my assertions, and submission to my will -- indeed, to interfere with my arbitrary dictation in any respect whatsoever . if_there_is on earth a supreme and unqualified despotism, it_is_the despotism of a master mind in boyhood over the less energetic spirits of_its companions .

Wilson's rebellion was to_me a source of_the greatest embarrassment; -- the more so as, in_spite of_the bravado with_which in public I_made a point of treating him and_his pretensions, I secretly felt that I feared him, and could_not help thinking the equality which he maintained so easily with myself, a proof of_his true superiority; since not to_be overcome cost me a perpetual struggle . yet this superiority -- even this equality -- was in truth acknowledged by no one but myself; our associates, by some unaccountable blindness, seemed not even to suspect it . indeed, his competition, his resistance, and especially his impertinent and dogged interference with my purposes, were_not more pointed than private . he appeared to_be destitute alike of_the ambition which urged, and of_the passionate energy of mind which enabled me to excel . in_his rivalry he_might_have_been supposed actuated solely by a whimsical desire to thwart, astonish, or mortify myself; although there were times when I_could_not help observing, with afeeling made up of wonder, abasement, and pique, that he mingled with_his injuries, his insults, or his contradictions, a certain most inappropriate, and assuredly most unwelcome affectionateness of manner . I_could only conceive this singular behavior to arise from a consummate self- conceit assuming the vulgar airs of patronage and protection .

perhaps it was_this latter trait in Wilson's conduct, conjoined with_our identity of name, and_the mere accident of_our having entered the school upon_the same day, which set afloat the notion that we were brothers, among_the senior classes in_the academy . these do_not usually inquire with much strictness into_the affairs of_their juniors . I_have before said, or should_have said, that Wilson was not, in_the most remote degree, connected with my family . but assuredly if_we had_been brothers we_must_have been twins; for, after leaving Dr .Bransby's, I casually learned that my namesake was born on_the nineteenth of January, 1813 -- and this_is a somewhat remarkable coincidence; for_the day is precisely that of_my own nativity .

it may seem strange that in_spite of_the continual anxiety occasioned me by_the rivalry of Wilson, and_his intolerable spirit of contradiction, I_could_not bring myself to hate him altogether . we had, to_be_sure, nearly every day a quarrel in_which, yielding me publicly the palm of victory, he, in some manner, contrived to_make me feel that_it_was he who had deserved it; yet a sense of pride on my part, and a veritable dignity on_his own, kept us always upon what_are called "speaking terms," while there were many points of strong congeniality in_our tempers, operating to awake me in a sentiment which our position alone, perhaps, prevented from ripening into friendship . it_is difficult, indeed, to define, or even to describe, my real feelings towards him . they formed a motley and heterogeneous admixture; -- some petulant animosity, which_was not yet hatred, some esteem, more respect, much fear, with a world of uneasy curiosity . to_the moralist it_will_be unnecessary to_say, in_addition, that Wilson and myself were the most inseparable of companions .

it_was no_doubt the anomalous state of affairs existing between_us, which turned all my attacks upon him, ( and_they were many, either open or covert) into_the channel of banter or practical joke (giving pain while assuming the aspect of mere fun) rather than into a more serious and determined hostility . but my endeavours on_this head were by no means uniformly successful, even when my plans were the most wittily concocted; for_my namesake had much about him, in character, of_that unassuming and quiet austerity which, while enjoying the poignancy of_its own jokes, has no heel of Achilles in itself, and absolutely refuses to_be laughed at . I_could find, indeed, but one vulnerable point, and_that, lying in a personal peculiarity, arising, perhaps, from constitutional disease, would_have_been spared by any antagonist less at his wit's end than myself; -- my rival had a weakness in_the faucal or guttural organs, which precluded him from raising his voice at any_time above a very low whisper . of_this defect I_did_not fall to_take what poor advantage lay in my

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