My Wife's Tempter by Fitzjames O'Brien
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my wife's tempter

by Fitzjames O'Brien

I

a predestined marriage

Elsie and I were to_be married in less_than a week . it_was rather a strange match, and I_knew that some_of_our neighbors shook their heads over it and said that no good would come . the way it came to_pass was thus .

I loved Elsie Burns for two years, during_which_time she refused me three times . I_could no more help asking her to_have me, when_the chance offered, than I_could help breathing or living . to love her seemed natural to_me as existence . I_felt no shame, only sorrow, when she rejected me; I_felt no shame either when I renewed my suit . the neighbors called me mean- spirited to_take up with any girl that had refused me as often as Elsie Burns had done; but what cared I about_the neighbors ? if_it_is black weather, and_the sun is under a cloud every day for a month, is_that any reason why the poor farmer should_not hope for_the blue sky and_the plentiful burst of warm light when_the dark month is over ? I never entirely lost heart . do_not, however, mistake me . I_did_not mope, and moan, and grow pale, after_the manner of poetical lovers . no such thing .I went bravely about_my business, ate and drank as usual, laughed when_the laugh went round, and slept soundly, and woke refreshed . yet all this_time I loved-- desperately loved--Elsie Burns .I went wherever I hoped to meet her, but did_not haunt her with my attentions .I behaved to her as any friendly young man would_have behaved: I met her and parted from her cheerfully . she was a good girl, too, and behaved well . she had me in her power-- how a woman in Elsie's situation could_have mortified a man in mine ! -- but she never took the slightest advantage of it . she danced with me when I asked her, and had no foolish fears of allowing me to_see her home of nights, after a ball was over, or of wandering with me through_the pleasant new England fields when_the wild flowers made the paths like roads in fairyland .

on_the several disastrous occasions when I presented my suit I_did it simply and manfully, telling her that I loved her very_much, and would do everything to_make her happy if she_would be my wife . I_made no fulsome protestations, and did_not once allude to suicide . she, on_the other hand, calmly and gravely thanked me for_my good opinion, but with_the same calm gravity rejected me .I used to_tell her that i_was grieved; that i_would_not press her; that i_would wait and_hope for some change in her feelings . she had an esteem for_me, she_would say, but could_not marry me .I never asked her for any reasons .I hold it to_be an insult to a woman of sense to demand her reasons on_such an occasion . enough for_me that she did_not then wish to_be my wife; so that_the old intercourse went on-- she cordial and polite as ever, I never for_one moment doubting that_the day would come when my roof tree would shelter her, and we_should smile together over our fireside at my long and indefatigable wooing .

i_will confess that at times I_felt a little jealous-- jealous of a man named Hammond brake, who lived in_our village . he_was a weird, saturnine fellow, who_made no friends among_the young men of_the neighborhood, but who loved to_go alone, with_his books and_his own thoughts for company . he_was a studious and, I believe, a learned young man, and there_was no avoiding the fact that he possessed considerable influence over Elsie . she liked to_talk with_him in corners, or in secluded nooks of_the forest, when we all went out blackberry gathering or picnicking . she read books that he_gave her, and whenever adiscussion arose relative to any topic higher than those ordinary ones we usually canvassed, Elsie appealed to brake for_his opinion, as a disciple consulting a beloved master .I confess that for a time I feared this man as a rival .a little closer observation, however, convinced me that my suspicions were unfounded . the relations between Elsie and Hammond brake were purely intellectual . she reverenced his talents and acquirements, but she did_not love him . his influence over her, nevertheless, was none the less decided .

in_time-- as i_thought all along--Elsie yielded . i_was what_was considered a most eligible match, being tolerably rich, and Elsie's parents were most anxious to_have me for a son- in- law . i_was good- looking and well educated enough, and_the old people, I believe, pertinaciously dinned all my advantages into my little girl's ears . she battled against the marriage for_a_long_time with a strange persistence-- all the more strange because she never alleged the slightest personal dislike to_me; but after a vigorous cannonading from her own garrison ( in_which, I_am proud to_say, I_did_not in any_way join), she hoisted the white flag and surrendered .

i_was very happy .I had no fear about being able to gain Elsie's heart . i_think-- indeed I_know-- that she had liked me all along, and_that her refusals were dictated by other feelings than those of a personal nature .I only guessed as_much then . it_was some_time before I_knew all .

as_the day approached for_our wedding Elsie did_not appear at all stricken with woe . the village gossips had_not the smallest opportunity for establishing a romance, with a compulsory bride for_the heroine . yet to_me it seemed as_if there_was something strange about her .a vague terror appeared to beset her . even in her most loving moments, when resting in my arms, she_would shrink away from me, and shudder as_if some cold wind had suddenly struck upon her . that_it_was caused by no aversion to_me was evident, for she_would the moment after, as_if to_make amends, give_me one of_those voluntary kisses that_are sweeter than all others .

once only did she show any emotion . when_the solemn question was put to her, the answer to which_was to decide her destiny, I_felt her hand-- which_was in mine-- tremble . as she gasped out a convulsive " yes," she gave one brief, imploring glance at_the gallery on_the right .I placed the ring upon her finger, and looked in_the direction in_which she gazed . Hammond brake's dark countenance was visible looking over the railings, and_his eyes were bent sternly on Elsie .I turned quickly round to my bride, but her brief emotion, of whatever nature, had vanished . she was looking at me anxiously, and smiling-- somewhat sadly-- through her maiden's tears .

the months went by quickly, and we were very happy .I learned that Elsie really loved me, and of_my love for her she had proof long_ago . i_will_not say that there_was no cloud upon our little horizon . there_was one, but it_was so small, and appeared so seldom, that I scarcely feared it . the old vague terror seemed still to attack my wife . if I_did_not know her to_be pure as heaven's snow, i_would_have said it_was a remorse . at times she scarcely appeared to hear what I_said, so deep would_be her reverie . nor did those moods seem pleasant ones . when rapt in_such, her sweet features would contract, as_if in a hopeless effort to solve some mysterious problem .a sad pain, as it were, quivered in her white, drooped eyelids . one_thing I particularly remarked: she spent HOURS at_a_time GAZING at_the west . there_was a small room in_our house whose windows, every evening, flamed with_the red light of_the setting sun . here Elsie would sit and gaze westward, so motionless and entranced that_it seemed as_if her soul was going down with_the day . her conduct to_me was curiously varied . she apparently loved me very_much, yet there were times when she absolutely avoided me . I_have_seen her strolling through_the fields, and left the house with_the intention of joining her, but the moment she caught sight of me approaching she has fled into_the neighboring copse, with so evident a wish to avoid me that_it would_have_been absolutely cruel to_follow .

once_or_twice the old jealousy of Hammond brake crossed my mind, but i_was obliged to dismiss it as a frivolous suspicion . nothing in my wife's conduct justified any such theory . brake visited us once_or_twice a week-- in_fact, when I returned from my business in_the village, I used to_find him seated in_the parlor with Elsie, reading some favorite author, or conversing on some novel literary topic; but there_was no disposition to avoid my scrutiny . brake seemed to_come as a matter of right; and_the perfect unconsciousness of furnishing any grounds for suspicion with_which he acted was a sufficient answer to my mind for any wild doubts that my heart may_have suggested .

still I_could_not but remark that brake's visits were in some manner connected with Elsie's melancholy . on_the days when he had appeared and departed, the gloom seemed to hang more thickly than ever over her head . she sat, on_such occasions, all the evening at_the western window, silently gazing at_the cleft in_the hills through which the sun passed to_his repose .

at last I_made up my mind to_speak to her . it seemed to_me to_be my duty, if she had a sorrow, to partake of it .I approached her on_the matter with_the most perfect confidence that I had nothing to learn beyond the existence of some girlish grief, which a confession and a few loving kisses would exorcise forever .

"Elsie," I_said to her one night, as she sat, according to her custom, gazing westward, like those maidens of_the old ballads of chivalry watching for_the knights that never came--"Elsie, what_is the matter with_you, darling ? I_have noticed a strange melancholy in you for some_time past . tell me all about_it ."

she turned quickly round and gazed at me with eyes wide open and face filled with a sudden fear ." why do_you ask me that, mark ? " she answered ." I_have nothing to_tell ."

from_the strange, startled manner in_which this reply was given, I_felt convinced that she had something to_tell, and instantly formed a determination to discover what it_was .a pang shot through my heart as i_thought that_the woman whom I held dearer than anything on earth hesitated to trust me with a petty secret .

I believed I understood . i_was tolerably rich . I_knew it could_not_be any secret over milliners' bills or women's usual money troubles . god help me ! I_felt sad enough at_the moment, though I kissed her back and ceased to question her . I_felt sad, because my instinct told me that she deceived me; and it_is very hard to_be deceived, even in trifles, by_those we love .I left her sitting at her favorite window, and walked out into_the fields . i_wanted to_think .

I remained out until I_saw lights in_the parlor shining through_the dusky evening; then I returned slowly . as I passed the windows-- which were near the ground, our house being cottage- built--I looked in . Hammond brake was sitting with my wife . she was sitting in arocking chair opposite to him, holding a small volume open on her lap . brake was talking to her very earnestly, and she was listening to him with an expression I had never before seen on her countenance . awe, fear, and admiration were all blent together in those dilating eyes . she seemed absorbed, body and soul, in what this man said .I shuddered at_the sight .a vague terror seized upon me; I hastened into_the house . as I entered the room rather suddenly, my wife started and hastily concealed the little volume that lay on her lap in one of her wide pockets . as she did so, a loose leaf escaped from_the volume and slowly fluttered to_the floor unobserved by either her or her companion . but I had my eye upon it . I_felt that_it_was a clew .

" what new novel or philosophical wonder have_you both been poring over ? " I asked quite gayly, stealthily watching at_the same time the telltale embarrassment under which Elsie was laboring .

brake, who was not in_the least discomposed, replied ." that," said he, " is a secret which_must be kept from_you . it_is an advance copy, and is_not to_be shown to anyone except your wife ."

"Ha ! " cried I, " I_know what it_is . it_is your volume of poems that Ticknor is publishing . well, I_can wait until it_is regularly for sale ."

I_knew that brake had a volume in_the hands of_the publishing house I mentioned, with a vague promise of publication some_time in_the present century . Hammond smiled significantly, but did_not reply . he evidently wished to cultivate this supposed impression of_mine .Elsie looked relieved, and heaved a deep sigh . I_felt more than ever convinced that a secret was beneath all this . so I drew my chair over the fallen leaf that lay unnoticed on_the carpet, and talked and laughed with Hammond brake gayly, as_if nothing was on my mind, while all the time a great load of suspicion lay heavily at my heart .

at_length Hammond brake rose to_go .I wished him good night, but did_not offer to accompany him to_the door . my wife supplied this omitted courtesy, as I had expected . the moment i_was alone I picked up the book leaf from_the floor . it_was not the leaf of a volume of poems . beyond that, however, I learned nothing

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