Bargain Day at Tutt House by George Randolph Chester
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bargain day at Tutt house

by George Randolph Chester (1869- )

[ from McClure's magazine, June, 1905; copyright, 1905, by_the S .S .McClure Co .; republished by_the author's permission .]

I

just as_the stage rumbled over the rickety old bridge, creaking and groaning, the sun came from behind the clouds that had frowned all the way, and_the passengers cheered up a bit . the two richly dressed matrons who had_been so utterly and unnecessarily oblivious to_the presence of each_other now suspended hostilities for_the moment by mutual and unspoken consent, and viewed with relief the little, golden- tinted valley and_the tree-clad road just beyond . the respective husbands of_these two ladies exchanged amere glance, no more, of comfort . they, too, were relieved, though more by_the momentary truce than by anything else . they regretted very_much to_be compelled to hate each_other, for each had reckoned up his vis-a-vis as a rather proper sort of fellow, probably a man of some achievement, used to good living and good company .

extreme iciness was unavoidable between_them, however . when one stranger has a splendidly preserved blonde wife and_the other a splendidly preserved brunette wife, both of whom have won social prominence by years of hard fighting and aloofness, there remains nothing for_the two men but to_follow the lead, especially when directly under the eyes of_the leaders .

the son of_the blonde matron smiled cheerfully as_the welcome light flooded the coach .

he_was a nice- looking young man, of about twenty- two, one might judge, and he_did his smiling, though in a perfectly impersonal and correct sort of manner, at_the pretty daughter of_the brunette matron . the pretty daughter also smiled, but her smile was demurely directed at_the trees outside, clad as_they were in all the flaming glory of_their autumn tints, glistening with_the recent rain and dripping with gems that sparkled and flashed in_the noonday sun as_they fell .

it_is marvelous how_much one can_see out_of_the corner of_the eye, while seeming to view mere scenery .

the driver looked down, as he drove safely off the bridge, and shook his head at_the swirl of water that rushed and eddied, dark and muddy, close up under the rotten planking; then he cracked his whip, and_the horses sturdily attacked the little hill .

thick, overhanging trees on either side now dimmed the light again, and_the two plump matrons once more glared past the opposite shoulders, profoundly unaware of each_other . the husbands took on_the politely surly look required of_them . the blonde son's eyes still sought the brunette daughter, but it_was furtively done and quite unsuccessfully, for_the daughter was now doing a little glaring on her own account . the blonde matron had just swept her eyes across the daughter's skirt, estimating the fit and material of it with contempt so artistically veiled that_it could almost be understood in_the dark .

II

the big bays swung to_the brow of_the hill with ease, and dashed into a small circular clearing, where a quaint little two- story building, with a mossy watering- trough out in front, nestled under the shade of majestic old trees that reared their brown and scarlet crowns proudly into_the sky .a long, low porch ran across the front of_the structure, and acomplaining sign hung out announcing, in dim, weather-flecked letters on a cracked board, that_this was_the "Tutt house ." a gray- headed man, in brown overalls and faded blue jumper, stood on_the porch and shook his fist at_the stage as it whirled by .

" what a delightfully old- fashioned inn ! " exclaimed the pretty daughter ." how i_should like to stop there over night ! "

" you_would probably wish yourself away before morning, Evelyn," replied her mother indifferently ." no_doubt it would_be amere siege of discomfort ."

the blonde matron turned to her husband . the pretty daughter had_been looking at_the picturesque " inn" between_the heads of_this lady and her son .

" Edward, please pull down the shade behind me," she directed ." there_is quite a draught from_that broken window ."

the pretty daughter bit her lip . the brunette matron continued to stare at_the shade in_the exact spot upon_which her gaze had_been before directed, and she never quivered an eyelash . the young man seemed very uncomfortable, and he tried to look his apologies to_the pretty daughter, but she_could_not see him now, not even if her eyes had_been all corners .

they were bowling along through another avenue of trees when_the driver suddenly shouted, "Whoa there ! "

the horses were brought up with a jerk that was well nigh fatal to_the assortment of dignity inside the coach .a loud roaring could_be heard, both ahead and in_the rear, a sharp splitting like a fusillade of pistol shots, then acreaking and tearing of timbers . the driver bent suddenly forward .

"Gid ap ! " he cried, and_the horses sprang forward with a lurch . he swung them around a sharp bend with a skillful hand and poised his weight above the brake as_they plunged at terrific speed down a steep grade . the roaring was louder than ever now, and it became deafening as_they suddenly emerged from_the thick underbrush at_the bottom of_the declivity .

" caught, by gravy ! " ejaculated the driver, and, for_the second time, he brought the coach to an abrupt stop .

" do see what_is the matter, Ralph," said the blonde matron impatiently .

thus commanded, the young man swung out and asked the driver about_it .

"Paintsville dam's busted," he_was informed ."I been a-lookin' fer it this many a year, an' this here freshet done it . you_see the holler there ? well, they's ten foot o' water in_it, an' it had ort to_be stone dry . the bridge is tore out behind us, an' we're stuck here till that water runs out . we_can't git away till to-morry, anyways ."

he pointed out the peculiar topography of_the place, and Ralph got back in_the coach .

" we're practically on a flood- made island," he exclaimed, with one eye on_the pretty daughter, " and we_shall_have to stop over night at_that quaint, old- fashioned inn we passed a few_moments_ago ."

the pretty daughter's eyes twinkled, and he thought he caught a swift, direct gleam from under the long lashes-- but he_was not sure .

" dear me, how annoying," said the blonde matron, but the brunette matron still stared, without the slightest trace of interest in anything else, at_the infinitesimal spot she had selected on_the affronting window- shade .

the two men gave sighs of resignation, and cast carefully concealed glances at each_other, speculating on_the possibility of a cigar and a glass, and maybe a good story or two, or possibly even a game of poker after_the evening meal . who_could tell what might or might_not happen ?

III

when_the stage drew up in front of_the little hotel, it found uncle Billy Tutt prepared for_his revenge . in former days the stage had always stopped at_the Tutt house for_the noonday meal . since_the new railway was built through_the adjoining county, however, the stage trip became amere twelve- mile, cross- country transfer from one railroad to another, and_the stage made a later trip, allowing the passengers plenty of_time for " dinner" before_they started . day after day, as_the coach flashed by with its money- laden passengers, uncle Billy had hoped that_it would break down . but this_was better, much better . the coach might_be quickly mended, but not the flood .

"I'm a-goin' t' charge 'em till they squeal," he declared to_the timidly protesting aunt Margaret, " an' then I'm goin' t' charge 'em a least mite more, drat 'em ! "

he retreated behind the rough wooden counter that did duty as a desk, slammed open the flimsy, paper- bound " cash book" that served as a register, and planted his elbows uncompromisingly on either side of it .

" let 'em bring in their own traps," he commented, and aunt Margaret fled, ashamed and conscience- smitten, to_the kitchen . it seemed awful .

the first one out_of_the coach was_the husband of_the brunette matron, and, proceeding under instructions, he waited neither for luggage nor women folk, but hurried straight into_the Tutt house . the other man would_have_been neck and neck with_him in_the race, if_it had_not_been that he paused to seize two suitcases and had the misfortune to drop one, which burst open and scattered a choice assortment of lingerie from one end of_the dingy coach to_the other .

in_the confusion of rescuing the fluffery, the owner of_the suitcase had to sacrifice her hauteur and help her husband and son block up the aisle, while the other matron had the ineffable satisfaction of being _kept waiting_, at last being enabled to_say, sweetly and with_the most polite consideration:

" will_you kindly allow me to_pass ? "

the blonde matron raised up and swept her skirts back perfectly flat . she was pale but collected . her husband was pink but collected . her son was crimson and uncollected . the brunette daughter could_not have found an eye anywhere in_his countenance as she rustled out after her mother .

" I_do hope_that Belmont has_been_able to secure choice quarters," the triumphing matron remarked as her daughter joined her on_the ground ." this place looked so very_small that there can scarcely be more than one comfortable suite in_it ."

it_was a vital thrust . only a splendidly cultivated self- control prevented the blonde matron from retaliating upon_the unfortunate who had muddled things . even so, her eyes spoke whole shelves of volumes .

the man who first reached the register wrote, in a straight black scrawl, "J . Belmont Van Kamp, wife, and daughter ." there being no space left for_his address, he put none down .

" i_want three adjoining rooms, en suite if possible," he demanded .

" three ! " exclaimed uncle Billy, scratching his head ." won't two do ye ? I ain't got but six bedrooms in th' house . me an' Marg't sleeps in one, an' we're a-gittin' too old fer a shake- down on th' floor .I'll have t' save one room fer th' driver, an' that leaves four . you take two now---"

Mr Van Kamp cast a hasty glance out_of_the window, the other man was getting out_of_the coach . his own wife was stepping on_the porch .

" what do_you ask for meals and lodging until this_time to- morrow ? " he interrupted .

the decisive moment had arrived . uncle Billy drew a deep breath .

" two dollars a head ! " he defiantly announced . there ! it_was out ! he_wished Margaret had stayed to hear him say it .

the guest did_not seem_to_be seriously shocked, and uncle Billy was beginning to_be sorry he had_not said three dollars, when Mr Van Kamp stopped the landlord's own breath .

"I'll give_you fifteen dollars for_the three best rooms in_the house," he calmly said, and landlord Tutt gasped as_the money fluttered down under his nose .

"Jis' take yore folks right on up, Mr Kamp," said uncle Billy, pouncing on_the money ."Th' rooms is th' three right along th' hull front o' th' house .I'll be up and make on a fire in a minute .Jis' take th' Jonesville banner an' th' Uticky clarion along with ye ."

as_the swish of skirts marked the passage of_the Van Kamps up the wide hall stairway, the other party swept into_the room .

the man wrote, in a round flourish, " Edward Eastman Ellsworth, wife, and son ."

"I'd like three choice rooms, en suite," he_said .

"Gosh ! " said uncle Billy, regretfully ." that's what Mr Kamp wanted, fust off, an' he got it . they hain't but th' little room over th' kitchen left .I'll have to_put you an' your wife in_that, an' let your boy sleep with th' driver ."

the consternation in_the Ellsworth party was past calculating by any known standards of measurement . the thing was an outrage ! it_was not to_be borne ! they_would not submit to_it !

uncle Billy, however, secure in_his mastery of_the situation, calmly quartered them as he had said ." an' let 'em splutter all they_want to," he commented comfortably to himself .

IV

the Ellsworths were holding a family indignation meeting on_the broad porch when_the Van Ramps came contentedly down for a walk, and brushed by_them with unseeing eyes .

" it makes a perfectly fascinating suite," observed Mrs Van Kamp, in a pleasantly conversational tone that could_be easily overheard by anyone impolite enough to listen ." that delightful old- fashioned fireplace in_the middle apartment makes it an ideal sitting- room, and_the beds are so roomy and comfortable ."

"I just knew it would_be like this ! " chirruped miss Evelyn ."I remarked as_we passed the place, if_you_will remember, how charming it would_be to stop in_this dear, quaint old inn over night . all my wishes seem to_come true this year ."

these simple and, of_course, entirely unpremeditated remarks were as vinegar and wormwood to Mrs Ellsworth, and she gazed after_the retreating Van Kamps with a glint in her eye that_would make one understand Lucretia Borgia at last .

her son also gazed after_the retreating Van Kamp . she had an exquisite figure, and she carried herself with a most delectable grace . as_the party drew away from_the inn she dropped behind the elders and wandered off into a side path to gather autumn leaves .

Ralph, too, started off for a walk, but naturally not in_the same direction .

" Edward ! " suddenly said Mrs Ellsworth ." i_want you to_turn those people out of_that suite before night ! "

" very_well," he replied with a sigh, and got up to_do_it . he had wrecked a railroad and made one, and had operated successful corners in nutmegs and chicory . no task seemed impossible . he walked in to_see the landlord .

" what_are the Van Kamps paying you for_those three rooms ? " he asked .

"Fifteen dollars," uncle Billy informed him, smoking one of Mr Van Kamp's good cigars and twiddling his thumbs in huge content .

"I'll give_you thirty for_them . just set their baggage outside and tell them the rooms are occupied ."

" no sir-ree ! " rejoined uncle Billy ."A bargain's a bargain, an' I allus stick to one I make ."

Mr Ellsworth withdrew, but not defeated . he had never supposed that such an absurd proposition would_be accepted . it_was only a feeler, and he had noticed a wince of regret in_his landlord . he sat down on_the porch and lit a strong cigar . his wife did_not bother him . she gazed complacently at_the flaming foliage opposite, and allowed him to_think .Getting impossible things was his business in life, and she had confidence in him .

" i_want to rent your entire house for a week," he announced to uncle Billy a few_minutes later . it had occurred to him that_the flood might last longer than they anticipated .

uncle Billy's eyes twinkled .

"I reckon it kin be did," he allowed ."I reckon aho_-tel man's got a right to rent his hull house ary minute ."

" of_course he has . how_much do_you_want ? "

uncle Billy had made one mistake in not asking this sort of folks enough, and he reflected in perplexity .

" make me a offer," he proposed ."Ef it hain't enough I'll tell ye . you_want to rent th' hull place, back lot an' all ? "

" no,

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