Titbottom's Spectacles by George William Curtis
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to_give . the Parian face was so polished and smooth, because there_was no sorrow upon_the heart,-- and, drearily often, no heart to_be touched . I_could_not wonder that_the noble heart of devotion was broken, for_it had dashed itself against a stone .I wept, until my spectacles were dimmed for_that hopeless sorrow; but there_was a pang beyond tears for_those icy statues .

" still a boy, i_was thus too_much a man in knowledge,-- I_did_not comprehend the sights i_was compelled to_see .I used to tear my glasses away from my eyes, and, frightened at myself, run to escape my own consciousness .Reaching the small house where we then lived, I plunged into my grandmother's room and, throwing myself upon_the floor, buried my face in her lap; and sobbed myself to sleep with premature grief . but when I awakened, and felt her cool hand upon my hot forehead, and heard the low, sweet song, or the gentle story, or the tenderly told parable from_the Bible, with_which she tried to soothe me, I_could_not resist the mystic fascination that lured me, as I lay in her lap, to steal a glance at her through_the spectacles .

"Pictures of_the madonna have_not her rare and pensive beauty . upon_the tranquil little islands her life had_been eventless, and all the fine possibilities of her nature were like flowers that never bloomed . placid were all her years; yet I_have read of no heroine, of no woman great in sudden crises, that_it did_not seem to_me she might_have_been . the wife and widow of a man who loved his own home better than_the homes of others, I_have yet heard of no queen, no belle, no imperial beauty, whom in grace, and brilliancy, and persuasive courtesy, she might_not have surpassed .

" madam," said Titbottom to my wife, whose heart hung upon his story; " your husband's young friend, Aurelia, wears sometimes acamelia in her hair, and no diamond in_the ball- room seems so costly as_that perfect flower, which women envy, and for whose least and withered petal men sigh; yet, in_the tropical solitudes of Brazil, how_many acamelia bud drops from a bush that no eye has ever seen, which, had it flowered and been noticed, would_have gilded all hearts with its memory .

" when I stole these furtive glances at my grandmother, half fearing that_they were wrong, I_saw only a calm lake, whose shores were low, and over which the sky hung unbroken, so that_the least star was clearly reflected . it had an atmosphere of solemn twilight tranquillity, and so completely did its unruffled surface blend with_the cloudless, star- studded sky, that, when I looked through my spectacles at my grandmother, the vision seemed to_me all heaven and stars . yet, as I gazed and gazed, I_felt what stately cities might well have_been built upon those shores, and_have flashed prosperity over the calm, like coruscations of pearls .

"I dreamed of gorgeous fleets, silken sailed and blown by perfumed winds, drifting over those depthless waters and through those spacious skies .I gazed upon_the twilight, the inscrutable silence, like a god-fearing discoverer upon a new, and vast, and dim sea, bursting upon him through forest glooms, and in_the fervor of whose impassioned gaze, a millennial and poetic world arises, and man need no longer die to_be happy .

" my companions naturally deserted me, for I had grown wearily grave and abstracted: and, unable to resist the allurement of_my spectacles, i_was constantly lost in a world, of_which those companions were part, yet of_which they knew nothing .I grew cold and hard, almost morose; people seemed to_me blind and unreasonable . they_did the wrong thing . they called green, yellow; and black, white . young men said of a girl, ' what a lovely, simple creature ! ' I looked, and there_was only aglistening wisp of straw, dry and hollow . or they said, ' what a cold, proud beauty ! ' I looked, and lo ! a madonna, whose heart held the world . or they said, ' what a wild, giddy girl ! ' and I_saw aglancing, dancing mountain stream, pure as_the virgin snows whence it flowed, singing through sun and shade, over pearls and gold dust, slipping along unstained by weed, or rain, or heavy foot of cattle, touching the flowers with a dewy kiss,--a beam of grace, a happy song, a line of light, in_the dim and troubled landscape .

" my grandmother sent me to school, but I looked at_the master, and saw that he_was a smooth, round ferule-- or an improper noun-- or a vulgar fraction, and refused to obey him . or he_was a piece of string, a rag, a willow- wand, and I had a contemptuous pity . but one was a well of cool, deep water, and looking suddenly in, one day, I_saw the stars . he_gave me all my schooling . with_him I used to walk by_the sea, and, as_we strolled and_the waves plunged in long legions before_us, I looked at him through_the spectacles, and as his eye dilated with_the boundless view, and_his chest heaved with an impossible desire, I_saw Xerxes and_his army tossing and glittering, rank upon rank, multitude upon multitude, out of sight, but ever regularly advancing and with_the confused roar of ceaseless music, prostrating themselves in abject homage . or, as with arms outstretched and hair streaming on_the wind, he chanted full lines of_the resounding Iliad, I_saw Homer pacing the AEgean sands in_the Greek sunsets of forgotten times .

" my grandmother died, and i_was thrown into_the world without resources, and with no capital but my spectacles .I tried to_find employment, but men were shy of me . there_was a vague suspicion that i_was either a little crazed, or a good_deal in league with_the prince of darkness . my companions who_would persist in calling a piece of painted muslin a fair and fragrant flower had no difficulty; success waited for_them around every corner, and arrived in every ship .I tried to teach, for I loved children . but if anything excited my suspicion, and, putting on my spectacles, I_saw that i_was fondling a snake, or smelling at a bud with a worm in_it, I sprang up in horror and ran away; or, if_it seemed to_me through_the glasses that a cherub smiled upon me, or a rose was blooming in my buttonhole, then I_felt myself imperfect and impure, not fit to_be leading and training what_was so essentially superior in quality to myself, and I kissed the children and left them weeping and wondering .

" in despair I went to a great merchant on_the island, and asked him to employ me .

"' my young friend,' said he, 'I understand that you_have some singular secret, some charm, or spell, or gift, or something, I don't know what, of_which people are afraid . now, you_know, my dear,' said the merchant, swelling up, and apparently prouder of_his great stomach than of_his large fortune, ' I_am not of_that kind . I_am not easily frightened . you_may spare yourself the pain of trying to impose upon me . people who propose to_come to_time before I arrive, are accustomed to arise very early in_the morning,' said he, thrusting his thumbs in_the armholes of_his waistcoat, and spreading the fingers, like two fans, upon his bosom .' i_think I_have heard something of your secret . you_have a pair of spectacles, I believe, that you value very_much, because your grandmother brought them as a marriage portion to your grandfather . now, if_you_think fit to_sell me those spectacles, i_will pay you the largest market price for glasses . what do_you say ? '

" i_told him that I had_not the slightest idea of selling my spectacles .

"' my young friend means to eat them, I suppose,' said he with a contemptuous smile .

" I_made no reply, but was turning to leave the office, when_the merchant called after me--

"' my young friend, poor people should never suffer themselves to_get into pets . anger is an expensive luxury, in_which only men of a certain income can indulge .a pair of spectacles and a hot temper are_not the most promising capital for success in life, master Titbottom .'

" I_said nothing, but put my hand upon_the door to_go out, when_the merchant said more respectfully,--

"' well, you foolish boy, if you_will_not sell your spectacles, perhaps you_will agree to_sell the use of_them to_me . that_is, you shall only put them on when I direct you, and for_my purposes .Hallo ! you little fool ! ' cried he impatiently, as he_saw that I intended to_make no reply .

" but I had pulled out my spectacles, and put them on for_my own purpose, and against his direction and desire .I looked at him, and saw a huge bald- headed wild boar, with gross chops and aleering eye-- only the more ridiculous for_the high-arched, gold- bowed spectacles, that straddled his nose . one of_his fore hoofs was thrust into_the safe, where his bills payable were hived, and_the other into his pocket, among_the loose change and bills there . his ears were pricked forward with a brisk, sensitive smartness . in a world where prize pork was_the best excellence, he_would_have carried off all the premiums .

"I stepped into_the next office in_the street, and a mild- faced, genial man, also a large and opulent merchant, asked me my business in_such a tone, that I instantly looked through my spectacles, and saw a land flowing with milk and honey . there I pitched my tent, and stayed till the good man died, and_his business was discontinued .

" but while there," said Titbottom, and_his voice trembled away into a sigh, "I first saw Preciosa . spite of_the spectacles, I_saw Preciosa . for days, for weeks, for months, I_did_not take my spectacles with me .I ran away from_them, I threw them up on high shelves, I tried to_make up my mind to throw them into_the sea, or down the well . I_could_not, i_would_not, I dared not look at Preciosa through_the spectacles . it_was not possible for_me deliberately to destroy them; but I awoke in_the night, and could almost have cursed my dear old grandfather for_his gift .I escaped from_the office, and sat for whole days with Preciosa . i_told her the strange things I had seen with my mystic glasses . the hours were_not enough for_the wild romances which I raved in her ear . she listened, astonished and appalled . her blue eyes turned upon me with a sweet deprecation . she clung to_me, and then withdrew, and fled fearfully from_the room . but she_could_not stay away . she_could_not resist my voice, in whose tones burned all the love that filled my heart and brain . the very effort to resist the desire of seeing her as I_saw everybody else, gave a frenzy and an unnatural tension to my feeling and my manner .I sat by her side, looking into her eyes, smoothing her hair, folding her to my heart, which_was sunken and deep-- why_not forever ? -- in_that dream of peace .I ran from her presence, and shouted, and leaped with joy, and sat the whole night through, thrilled into happiness by_the thought of her love and loveliness, like a wind- harp, tightly strung, and answering the airiest sigh of_the breeze with music . then came calmer days-- the conviction of deep love settled upon our lives-- as after_the hurrying, heaving days of spring, comes the bland and benignant summer .

"' it_is no dream, then, after all, and we_are happy,' I_said to her, one day; and there came no answer, for happiness is speechless .

" we_are happy then," I_said to myself, " there_is no excitement now . how glad I_am that I_can now look at her through my spectacles ."

"I feared lest some instinct should warn me to beware .I escaped from her arms, and ran home and seized the glasses and bounded back again to Preciosa . as I entered the room i_was heated, my head was swimming with confused apprehension, my eyes must_have glared .Preciosa was frightened, and rising from her seat, stood with an inquiring glance of surprise in her eyes . but i_was bent with frenzy upon my purpose . i_was merely aware that she was in_the room . I_saw nothing else .I heard nothing .I cared for nothing, but to_see her through_that magic glass, and feel at once, all the fulness of blissful perfection which that_would reveal .Preciosa stood before_the mirror, but alarmed at my wild and eager movements, unable to distinguish what I had in my hands, and seeing me raise them suddenly to my face, she shrieked with terror, and fell fainting upon_the floor, at_the very moment that I placed the glasses before my eyes, and beheld-- myself, reflected in_the mirror, before which she had_been standing .

" dear madam," cried Titbottom, to my wife, springing up and falling back again in_his chair, pale and trembling, while Prue ran to him and took his hand, and I poured out a glass of water--" I_saw myself ."

there_was silence for many minutes .Prue laid her hand gently upon_the head of_our guest, whose eyes were closed, and who breathed softly, like an infant in sleeping . perhaps, in all the long years of anguish since that hour, no tender hand had touched his brow, nor wiped away the damps of a bitter sorrow . perhaps the tender, maternal fingers of_my wife soothed his weary head with_the conviction that he_felt the hand of_his mother playing with_the long hair of her boy in_the soft west Indian morning . perhaps it_was only the natural relief of expressing a pent- up sorrow . when he spoke

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