Oz 08: Tik-Tok of Oz by L. Frank Baum
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port-ed me to_this place in_the wink of an eye; but here I met the Nome king him- self-- old Rug-ge- do, who_is called in_these parts the Met-al Mon- arch .Rug-ge- do knew what I had come for, and he_was so an-gry that he threw me down the well .Af-ter my works ran down i_was help- less un-til you came a- long and pulled me out a- gain . MA-ny thanks ."

" this_is, indeed, good news," said shaggy ."I suspected that my brother was_the prisoner of Ruggedo; but now I_know it . tell us, Tik-Tok, how shall we get to_the Nome king's underground cavern ? "

" the best way is to walk," said Tik-Tok ." we_might crawl, or jump, or roll o-ver and o-ver until we get there; but the best way is to walk ."

" I_know; but which road shall we take ? "

" my MA- chin-er-y is-n't made to_tell that," replied Tik-Tok .

" there_is more than one entrance to_the underground cavern," said polychrome; " but old Ruggedo has cleverly concealed every opening, so_that earth dwellers can not intrude in_his domain . if we_find our way underground at all, it_will_be by chance ."

" then," said Betsy, " let_us select any road, haphazard, and_see where it leads us ."

" that seems sensible," declared the princess ." it may require alot of_time for_us to_find Ruggedo, but we_have more time than anything else ."

" if_you keep me wound up," said Tik-Tok, " i_will last a thou- sand years ."

" then the only question to decide is which_way to_go," added shaggy, looking first at one road and then at another .

but while they stood hesitating, a peculiar sound reached their ears--a sound like the tramping of many feet .

" what's coming ? " cried Betsy; and then she ran to_the left- hand road and glanced along the path ." why, it's an army ! " she exclaimed ." what shall we_do, hide or run ? "

" stand still," commanded shaggy ."I'm not afraid of an army . if_they prove to_be friendly, they_can help_us; if_they_are enemies, I'll show them the love magnet ."

chapter Eight

Tik-Tok Tackles a tough task

while shaggy and_his companions stood huddled in a group at one side, the army of Oogaboo was approaching along the pathway, the tramp of_their feet being now_and_then accompanied by a dismal groan as one_of_the officers stepped on a sharp stone or knocked his funnybone against his neighbor's sword- handle .

then out from among_the trees marched private Files, bearing the banner of Oogaboo, which fluttered from a long pole . this pole he stuck in_the ground just in front of_the well and then he cried in a loud voice:

"I hereby conquer this territory in_the name of queen Ann Soforth of Oogaboo, and all the inhabitants of_the land I proclaim her slaves ! "

some_of_the officers now stuck their heads out_of_the bushes and asked:

" is_the coast clear, private Files ? "

" there_is no coast here," was_the reply, " but all's well ."

" I_hope there's water in_it," said general cone, mustering courage to advance to_the well; but just then he caught a glimpse of Tik-Tok and shaggy and at once fell upon his knees, trembling and frightened and cried out:

" mercy, kind enemies ! mercy ! spare us, and we_will_be your slaves forever ! "

the other officers, who had now advanced into_the clearing, likewise fell upon their knees and begged for mercy .

Files turned around and, seeing the strangers for_the first time, examined them with much curiosity . then, discovering that three of_the party were girls, he lifted his cap and made a polite bow .

" what's all this ? " demanded a harsh voice, as queen Ann reached the place and beheld her kneeling army .

" permit us to introduce ourselves," replied shaggy, stepping forward ." this_is Tik-Tok, the clockwork man-- who works better than some meat people . and here_is princess Ozga of Roseland, just now unfortunately exiled from her kingdom of Roses .I next present polychrome, a sky fairy, who lost her bow by an accident and can't find her way home . the small girl here_is Betsy bobbin, from some unknown earthly paradise called Oklahoma, and with her you_see Mr Hank, a mule with a long tail and a short temper ."

"Puh ! " said Ann, scornfully; "a pretty lot of vagabonds you_are, indeed; all lost or strayed, I suppose, and not worth a queen's plundering .I'm sorry I've conquered you ."

" but you haven't conquered us yet," called Betsy indignantly .

" no," agreed Files, " that_is a fact . but if_my officers will kindly command me to conquer you, i_will do_so at once, after which we_can stop arguing and converse more at our ease ."

the officers had by_this_time risen from their knees and brushed the dust from their trousers . to_them the enemy did_not look very fierce, so the Generals and Colonels and Majors and Captains gained courage to_face them and began strutting in their most haughty manner .

" you_must understand," said Ann, " that I_am the queen of Oogaboo, and this_is my invincible army . we_are busy conquering the world, and since you seem_to_be a part of_the world, and_are obstructing our journey, it_is necessary for_us to conquer you-- unworthy though you_may_be of_such high honor ."

" that's all right," replied shaggy ." conquer us as often as_you like . we don't mind ."

" but we won't be anybody's slaves," added Betsy, positively .

" we'll see about_that," retorted the queen, angrily ." advance, private Files, and bind the enemy hand and foot ! "

but private Files looked at pretty Betsy and fascinating polychrome and_the beautiful rose princess and shook his head .

" it would_be impolite, and I won't do_it," he asserted .

" you_must ! " cried Ann ." it_is your duty to obey orders ."

"I haven't received any orders from my officers," objected the private .

but the Generals now shouted: " forward, and bind the prisoners ! " and_the Colonels and Majors and Captains repeated the command, yelling it as loud as they_could .

all this noise annoyed Hank, who had_been eyeing the army of Oogaboo with strong disfavor . the mule now dashed forward and began backing upon_the officers and kicking fierce and dangerous heels at them . the attack was so sudden that_the officers scattered like dust in a whirlwind, dropping their swords as_they ran and trying to seek refuge behind the trees and bushes .

Betsy laughed joyously at_the comical rout of_the " noble army," and polychrome danced with glee . but Ann was furious at_this ignoble defeat of her gallant forces by one small mule .

" private Files, I command you to_do your duty ! " she cried again, and then she herself ducked to escape the mule's heels-- for Hank made no distinction in favor of a lady who was an open enemy .Betsy grabbed her champion by_the forelock, however, and so held him fast, and when_the officers saw that_the mule was restrained from further attacks they crept fearfully back and picked up their discarded swords .

" private Files, seize and bind these prisoners ! " screamed the queen .

" no," said Files, throwing down his gun and removing the knapsack which_was strapped to_his back, "I resign my position as_the army of Oogaboo .I enlisted to fight the enemy and become a hero, but if_you_want some one to bind harmless girls you_will_have to hire another private ."

then he walked over to_the others and shook hands with shaggy and Tik-Tok .

" treason ! " shrieked Ann, and all the officers echoed her cry .

" nonsense," said Files ."I've the right to resign if i_want to ."

" indeed you haven't ! " retorted the queen ." if_you resign it_will break up my army, and then I_cannot conquer the world ." she now turned to_the officers and said: " I_must ask_you to_do me a favor . I_know it_is undignified in officers to fight, but unless you immediately capture private Files and force him to obey my orders there_will_be no plunder for any of us . also it_is likely you_will all suffer the pangs of hunger, and when we meet a powerful foe you_are liable to_be captured and made slaves ."

the prospect of_this awful fate so frightened the officers that_they drew their swords and rushed upon Files, who stood beside shaggy, in a truly ferocious manner . the next instant, however, they halted and again fell upon their knees; for there, before them, was_the glistening love magnet, held in_the hand of_the smiling shaggy man, and_the sight of_this magic talisman at once won the heart of every Oogabooite . even Ann saw the love magnet, and forgetting all enmity and anger threw herself upon shaggy and embraced him lovingly .

quite disconcerted by_this unexpected effect of_the magnet, shaggy disengaged himself from_the queen's encircling arms and quickly hid the talisman in_his pocket . the adventurers from Oogaboo were now his firm friends, and there_was no more talk about conquering and binding any of_his party .

" if_you insist on conquering anyone," said shaggy, " you_may march with me to_the underground kingdom of Ruggedo . to conquer the world, as_you_have set out to_do, you_must conquer everyone under its surface as_well as_those upon its surface, and no one in all the world needs conquering so_much as Ruggedo ."

" who_is he ? " asked Ann .

" the metal monarch, king of_the Nomes ."

" is he rich ? " inquired major stockings in an anxious voice .

" of_course," answered shaggy ." he owns all the metal that lies underground-- gold, silver, copper, brass and tin . he has an idea he also owns all the metals above ground, for he_says all metal was once a part of_his kingdom . so, by conquering the metal monarch, you_will win all the riches in_the_world ."

"Ah ! " exclaimed general apple, heaving a deep sigh, " that_would_be plunder worth our while . let's conquer him, your majesty ."

the queen looked reproachfully at Files, who was sitting next to_the lovely princess and whispering in her ear .

" alas," said Ann, " I_have no longer an army . I_have plenty of brave officers, indeed, but no private soldier for_them to command . therefore I_cannot conquer Ruggedo and win all his wealth ."

" why don't you make one of your officers the private ? " asked shaggy; but at once every officer began to protest and_the queen of Oogaboo shook her head as she replied:

" that_is impossible .a private soldier must_be a terrible fighter, and my officers are unable to fight . they_are exceptionally brave in commanding others to fight, but could_not themselves meet the enemy and conquer ."

" very true, your majesty," said colonel plum, eagerly ." there_are many kinds of bravery and one cannot_be expected to possess them all .I myself am brave as a lion in all ways until it comes to fighting, but then my nature revolts .Fighting is unkind and liable to_be injurious to others; so, being a gentleman, I never fight ."

" nor I ! " shouted each of_the other officers .

" you_see," said Ann, " how helpless I_am . had_not private Files proved himself a traitor and a deserter, i_would gladly have conquered this Ruggedo; but an army without a private soldier is like a bee without a stinger ."

" I_am not a traitor, your majesty," protested Files ."I resigned in a proper manner, not liking the job . but there_are plenty of people to_take my place . why_not make shaggy man the private soldier ? "

" he_might_be killed," said Ann, looking tenderly at shaggy, " for he_is mortal, and able to die . if anything happened to him, it would break my heart ."

" it would hurt me worse than that," declared shaggy ." you_must admit, your majesty, that I_am commander of_this expedition, for_it is my brother we_are seeking, rather than plunder . but I and my companions would like the assistance of your army, and if_you help_us to conquer Ruggedo and to rescue my brother from captivity we_will allow you to_keep all the gold and jewels and other plunder you_may find ."

this prospect was so tempting that_the officers began whispering together and presently colonel cheese said: " your majesty, by combining our brains we_have just evolved a most brilliant idea . we_will make_the clockwork man the private soldier ! "

" who ? me ? " asked Tik-Tok ." not for a sin-gle SEC-ond ! I_can- not fight, and you_must not for- get that_it_was Rug-ge- do who threw me in_the well ."

" at_that_time you had no gun," said polychrome ." but if_you join the army of Oogaboo you_will carry the gun that Mr Files used ."

"A sol-dier must_be a-ble to run as_well as_to fight," protested Tik-Tok, " and if_my works run down, as_they of-ten do, I_could nei-ther run nor fight ."

"I'll keep you wound up, Tik-Tok," promised Betsy .

" why, it isn't a bad idea," said shaggy ."Tik- Tok will make an ideal soldier, for nothing can injure him except a sledge hammer . and, since a private soldier seems_to_be necessary to_this army, Tik-Tok is_the only one_of_our party fitted to undertake the job ."

" what must I_do ? " asked Tik-Tok .

" obey orders," replied Ann ." when_the officers command you to_do anything, you_must do_it; that_is all ."

" and_that's enough, too," said Files .

" do I get a salary ? " inquired Tik-Tok .

" you get your share of_the plunder," answered the queen .

" yes," remarked Files, " one- half of_the plunder goes to queen Ann, the other half is divided among_the officers, and_the private gets the rest ."

" that_will_be sat- is-fac-tor-y," said Tik-Tok, picking up the gun and examining it wonderingly, for he had never before seen such a weapon .

then Ann strapped the knapsack to Tik-Tok's copper back and said: " now we_are ready to march to Ruggedo's kingdom and conquer it .Officers, give the command to march ."

" fall-- in ! " yelled the Generals, drawing their swords .

" fall-- in ! " cried the Colonels, drawing their swords .

" fall-- in ! " shouted the Majors, drawing their swords .

" fall-- in ! " bawled the Captains, drawing their swords .

Tik-Tok looked at them and then around him in surprise .

" fall in what ? the well ? " he asked .

" no," said queen Ann, " you_must fall in marching order ."

" can- not I march without fall-ing in- to_it ? " asked the clockwork man .

" shoulder your gun and stand ready to march," advised Files; so Tik-Tok held the gun straight and stood still .

" what next ? " he asked .

the queen turned to

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