Oz 08: Tik-Tok of Oz by L. Frank Baum
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my army," she said; " they're so common . I_am told that princess Ozma once had a private soldier, but she made him her captain- general, which_is good evidence that_the private was unnecessary ."

"Ozma's army doesn't fight," returned Files; " but your army must fight like fury in_order to conquer the world . I_have read in my books that_it_is always the private soldiers who do_the fighting, for no officer is ever brave enough to_face the foe . also, it stands to reason that your officers must_have some one to command and to issue their orders to; therefore I'll be the one .I long to slash and slay the enemy and become a hero . then, when we return to Oogaboo, I'll take all the marbles away from_the children and melt them up and make a marble statue of myself for all to look upon and admire ."

Ann was much pleased with private Files . he_seemed indeed to_be such awarrior as she needed in her enterprise, and her hopes of success took a sudden bound when Files told her he_knew where a gun- tree grew and would go there at once and pick the ripest and biggest musket the tree bore .

chapter two

out of Oogaboo

three days later the grand army of Oogaboo assembled in_the square in front of_the royal palace . the sixteen officers were attired in gorgeous uniforms and carried sharp, glittering swords . the private had picked his gun and, although it_was not a very big weapon, Files tried to look fierce and succeeded so_well that all his commanding officers were secretly afraid of him .

the women were there, protesting that queen Ann Soforth had no right to_take their husbands and fathers from_them; but Ann commanded them to_keep silent, and_that was_the hardest order to obey they had ever received .

the queen appeared before her army dressed in an imposing uniform of green, covered with gold braid . she wore a green soldier-cap with a purple plume in_it and looked so royal and dignified that everyone in Oogaboo except the army was glad she was going . the army was sorry she was not going alone .

" form ranks ! " she cried in her shrill voice .

Salye leaned out_of_the palace window and laughed .

"I believe your army can run better than it can fight," she observed .

" of_course," replied general Bunn, proudly ." we're not looking for trouble, you_know, but for plunder . the more plunder and_the less fighting we get, the better we_shall like our work ."

" for_my part," said Files, "I prefer war and carnage to anything . the only way to_become a hero is to conquer, and_the story-books all say that_the easiest way to conquer is to fight ."

" that's the idea, my brave man ! " agreed Ann ." to fight is to conquer and to conquer is to secure plunder and to secure plunder is to_become a hero . with_such noble determination to back me, the world is mine ! good-bye, Salye . when we return we_shall_be rich and famous . come, Generals; let_us march ."

at_this the Generals straightened up and threw out their chests . then they swung their glittering swords in rapid circles and cried to_the Colonels:

" for- ward march ! "

then the Colonels shouted to_the Majors: " for- ward march ! " and_the Majors yelled to_the Captains: " for- ward march ! " and_the Captains screamed to_the private:

" for- ward march ! "

so Files shouldered his gun and began to march, and all the officers followed after him . queen Ann came last of all, rejoicing in her noble army and wondering why she had_not decided long_ago to conquer the world .

in_this order the procession marched out of Oogaboo and took the narrow mountain pass which led into_the lovely fairyland of Oz .

chapter three

magic Mystifies the Marchers

princess Ozma was all unaware that_the army of Oogaboo, led by their ambitious queen, was determined to conquer her kingdom . the beautiful girl ruler of Oz was busy with_the welfare of her subjects and had no time to_think of Ann Soforth and her disloyal plans . but there_was one who constantly guarded the peace and happiness of_the land of Oz and this_was the official sorceress of_the kingdom, Glinda the good .

in her magnificent castle, which stands far north of_the emerald city where Ozma holds her court, Glinda owns a wonderful magic record book, in_which is printed every event that takes place anywhere, just as_soon_as it happens .

the smallest things and_the biggest things are all recorded in_this book . if a child stamps its foot in anger, Glinda reads about_it; if a city Burns down, Glinda finds the fact noted in her book .

the sorceress always reads her record book every day, and so it_was she knew that Ann Soforth, queen of Oogaboo, had foolishly assembled an army of sixteen officers and one private soldier, with_which she intended to invade and conquer the land of Oz .

there_was no danger but that Ozma, supported by_the magic arts of Glinda the good and_the powerful wizard of Oz-- both her firm friends-- could easily defeat a far more imposing army than Ann's; but it would_be a shame to_have the peace of Oz interrupted by any sort of quarreling or fighting . so Glinda did_not even mention the matter to Ozma, or to anyone else . she merely went into a great chamber of her castle, known as_the magic room, where she performed a magical ceremony which caused the mountain pass that led from Oogaboo to_make several turns and twists . the result was_that when Ann and her army came to_the end of_the pass they were_not in_the land of Oz at all, but in an adjoining territory that was quite distinct from Ozma's domain and separated from Oz by an invisible barrier .

as_the Oogaboo people emerged into_this country, the pass they had traversed disappeared behind them and it_was not likely they_would ever find their way back into_the valley of Oogaboo . they were greatly puzzled, indeed, by their surroundings and did_not know which_way to_go . none_of_them had ever visited Oz, so it took them some_time to discover they were_not in Oz at all, but in an unknown country .

" never mind," said Ann, trying to conceal her disappointment; " we_have started out to conquer the world, and here_is part of it . in_time, as_we pursue our victorious journey, we_will doubtless come to Oz; but, until we get there, we_may as_well conquer whatever land we_find ourselves in ."

" have we conquered this place, your majesty ? " anxiously inquired major cake .

" most certainly," said Ann ." we_have met no people, as_yet, but when we_do, we_will inform them that_they_are our slaves ."

" and afterward we_will plunder them of all their possessions," added general apple .

" they_may not possess anything," objected private Files; " but I_hope they_will fight us, just the same .a peaceful conquest wouldn't be any fun at all ."

"Don't worry," said the queen ." we_can fight, whether our foes do or not; and perhaps we_would find it more comfortable to_have the enemy surrender promptly ."

it_was a barren country and not very pleasant to travel in . moreover, there_was little for_them to eat, and as_the officers became hungry they became fretful . many would_have deserted had they been able to_find their way home, but as_the Oogaboo people were now hopelessly lost in a strange country they considered it more safe to_keep together than to separate .

queen Ann's temper, never very agreeable, became sharp and irritable as she and her army tramped over the rocky roads without encountering either people or plunder . she scolded her officers until they became surly, and a few of_them were disloyal enough to ask her to hold her tongue .Others began to reproach her for leading them into difficulties and in_the space of three unhappy days every man was mourning for_his orchard in_the pretty valley of Oogaboo .

Files, however, proved a different sort . the more difficulties he encountered the more cheerful he became, and_the sighs of_the officers were answered by_the merry whistle of_the private . his pleasant disposition did much to encourage queen Ann and before long she consulted the private soldier more often than she did his superiors .

it_was on_the third day of_their pilgrimage that_they encountered their first adventure . toward evening the sky was suddenly darkened and major Nails exclaimed:

"A fog is coming toward us ."

" I_do_not_think it_is a fog," replied Files, looking with interest at_the approaching cloud ." it seems to_me more like the breath of aRak ."

" what_is aRak ? " asked Ann, looking about fearfully .

"A terrible beast with a horrible appetite," answered the soldier, growing a little paler than usual ." I_have never seen aRak, to_be_sure, but I_have read of_them in_the story-books that grew in my orchard, and if_this_is indeed one of_those fearful monsters, we_are_not likely to conquer the world ."

Hearing this, the officers became quite worried and gathered closer about their soldier .

" what_is the thing like ? " asked one .

" the only picture of aRak that I ever saw in a book was rather blurred," said Files, " because the book was not quite ripe when it_was picked . but the creature can fly in_the air and run like a deer and swim like a fish . inside its body is aglowing furnace of fire, and_the Rak breathes in air and breathes out smoke, which darkens the sky for miles around, wherever it goes . it_is bigger than a hundred men and feeds on any living thing ."

the officers now began to groan and to tremble, but Files tried to cheer them, saying:

" it may not be aRak, after all, that we see approaching us, and you_must not forget that we people of Oogaboo, which_is part of_the fairyland of Oz, cannot_be killed ."

" nevertheless," said captain Buttons, " if_the Rak catches us, and chews us up into small pieces, and swallows us-- what_will happen then ? "

" then each small piece will still be alive," declared Files .

"I cannot_see how that_would help_us," wailed colonel banjo ."A hamburger steak is ahamburger steak, whether it_is alive or not ! "

"I tell you, this_may not be aRak," persisted Files ." we_will know, when_the cloud gets nearer, whether it_is_the breath of aRak or not . if_it has no smell at all, it_is probably a fog; but if_it has an odor of salt and pepper, it_is aRak and we_must prepare for a desperate fight ."

they all eyed the dark cloud fearfully . before long it reached the frightened group and began to envelop them . every nose sniffed the cloud-- and every_one detected in_it the odor of salt and pepper .

" the Rak ! " shouted private Files, and with a howl of despair the sixteen officers fell to_the ground, writhing and moaning in anguish . queen Ann sat down upon a rock and faced the cloud more bravely, although her heart was beating fast . as for Files, he calmly loaded his gun and stood ready to fight the foe, as a soldier should .

they were now in absolute darkness, for_the cloud which covered the sky and_the setting sun was black as ink . then through_the gloom appeared two round, glowing balls of red, and Files at once decided these must_be the monster's eyes .

he raised his gun, took aim and fired .

there were several bullets in_the gun, all gathered from an excellent bullet- tree in Oogaboo, and_they were big and hard . they flew toward the monster and struck it, and with a wild, weird cry the Rak came fluttering down and its huge body fell plump upon_the forms of_the sixteen officers, who thereupon screamed louder than before .

" badness me ! " moaned the Rak ." see what you've done with_that dangerous gun of yours ! "

" I_can't see," replied Files, " for_the cloud formed by your breath darkens my sight ! "

"Don't tell me it_was an accident," continued the Rak, reproachfully, as it still flapped its wings in a helpless manner ."Don't claim you didn't know the gun was loaded, I beg of you ! "

"I don't intend to," replied Files ." did the bullets hurt you very badly ? "

" one has broken my jaw, so_that I_can't open my mouth . you_will notice that my voice sounds rather harsh and husky, because I_have to_talk with my teeth set close together . another bullet broke my left wing, so_that I_can't fly; and still another broke my right leg, so_that I_can't walk . it was_the most careless shot I ever heard of ! "

" can't you manage to lift your body off from my commanding officers ? " inquired Files ." from their cries I'm afraid your great weight is crushing them ."

" I_hope it_is," growled the Rak ." i_want to crush them, if possible, for I_have a bad disposition . if only I_could open my mouth, I'd eat all of you, although my appetite is poorly this warm weather ."

with_this the Rak began to roll its immense body sidewise, so as_to crush the officers more easily; but in doing this it rolled completely off from_them and_the entire sixteen scrambled to_their feet and made off as fast as they_could run .

private Files could_not_see them go but he_knew from_the sound of_their voices that_they had escaped, so he ceased to worry about_them .

" pardon me if I now bid you good-bye," he_said to_the Rak ." the parting is caused by our desire to_continue our journey . if_you die, do_not blame me, for i_was obliged to shoot you as a matter of self- protection ."

" I_shall_not die," answered the monster, " for I bear a charmed life . but I beg you not to leave me ! "

" why_not ? " asked Files .

" because my broken jaw will heal in about an hour, and then I_shall_be_able to eat you . my wing will


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