The Schoolmaster's Progress by Caroline M.S. Kirkland
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the schoolmaster's progress

by Caroline M .S .Kirkland (1801-1864)

[ from_the gift for 1845, published late in 1844 .Republished in_the volume, western Clearings (1845), by Caroline M .S .Kirkland .]

master William Horner came to our village to school when he_was about eighteen years old: tall, lank, straight- sided, and straight-haired, with a mouth of_the most puckered and solemn kind . his figure and movements were those of a puppet cut out of shingle and jerked by a string; and_his address corresponded very_well with_his appearance . never did that prim mouth give way before a laugh .a faint and misty smile was_the widest departure from its propriety, and this unaccustomed disturbance made wrinkles in_the flat, skinny cheeks like those in_the surface of a lake, after_the intrusion of a stone . master Horner knew well what belonged to_the pedagogical character, and_that facial solemnity stood high on_the list of indispensable qualifications . he had made up his mind before he left his father's house how he_would look during the term . he had_not planned any smiles (knowing that he_must " board round"), and it_was not for ordinary occurrences to alter his arrangements; so_that when he_was betrayed into a relaxation of_the muscles, it_was " in_such a sort" as_if he_was putting his bread and butter in jeopardy .

truly he had a grave time that first winter . the rod of power was new to him, and he_felt it his " duty" to use it more frequently than might_have_been thought necessary by_those upon whose sense the privilege had palled .Tears and sulky faces, and impotent fists doubled fiercely when his back was turned, were the rewards of_his conscientiousness; and_the boys-- and girls too-- were glad when working time came round again, and_the master went home to help his father on_the farm .

but with_the autumn came master Horner again, dropping among us as quietly as_the faded leaves, and awakening at_least as_much serious reflection . would he be as self-sacrificing as before, postponing his own ease and comfort to_the public good, or would he have become more sedentary, and less fond of circumambulating the school- room with a switch over his shoulder ? many were fain to hope he_might_have learned to smoke during the summer, an accomplishment which would probably have moderated his energy not a little, and disposed him rather to reverie than to action . but here he_was, and all the broader-chested and stouter- armed for_his labors in_the harvest- field .

let it not be supposed that master Horner was of a cruel and ogrish nature--a babe- eater--a Herod-- one who delighted in torturing the helpless . such souls there_may_be, among those endowed with_the awful control of_the ferule, but they_are rare in_the fresh and natural regions we describe . it_is, we believe, where young gentlemen are to_be crammed for college, that_the process of hardening heart and skin together goes on most vigorously . yet among_the uneducated there_is so high a respect for bodily strength, that_it_is necessary for_the schoolmaster to show, first of all, that he possesses this inadmissible requisite for_his place . the rest is more readily taken for granted .Brains he_may_have--a strong arm he_must_have: so he proves the more important claim first . we_must therefore make all due allowance for master Horner, who_could_not be expected to overtop his position so_far as_to discern at once the philosophy of teaching .

he_was sadly brow- beaten during his first term of service by a great broad- shouldered lout of some eighteen years or so, who thought he_needed a little more "schooling," but at_the same time felt quite competent to direct the manner and measure of_his attempts .

" you'd ought to_begin with large- hand, Joshuay," said master Horner to_this youth .

" what should i_want coarse- hand for ? " said the disciple, with great contempt; " coarse- hand won't never do me no good . i_want a fine- hand copy ."

the master looked at_the infant giant, and did as he_wished, but we say not with what secret resolutions .

at another time, master Horner, having had a hint from some one more knowing than himself, proposed to_his elder scholars to write after dictation, expatiating at_the same time quite floridly ( the ideas having been supplied by_the knowing friend), upon_the advantages likely to arise from_this practice, and saying, among other things,

" it_will help_you, when_you write letters, to spell the words good ."

"Pooh ! " said Joshua, "spellin' ain't nothin'; let them that finds the mistakes correct 'em .I'm for every_one's havin' a way of_their own ."

" how dared you be so saucy to_the master ? " asked one_of_the little boys, after school .

" because I_could lick him, easy," said the hopeful Joshua, who knew very_well why the master did_not undertake him on_the spot .

can we wonder that master Horner determined to_make his empire good as far as it went ?

a new examination was required on_the entrance into a second term, and, with whatever secret trepidation, the master was obliged to submit . our law prescribes examinations, but forgets to_provide for_the competency of_the examiners; so_that few better farces offer than_the course of question and answer on_these occasions . we_know not precisely what were master Horner's trials; but we_have heard of a sharp dispute between_the inspectors whether a-n-g-e-l spelt angle_ or angel . angle had it, and_the school maintained that pronunciation ever after . master Horner passed, and he_was requested to draw up the certificate for_the inspectors to sign, as one had left his spectacles at home, and_the other had a bad cold, so that_it_was not convenient for either to write more than his name . master Homer's exhibition of learning on_this occasion did_not reach_us, but we_know that_it must_have been considerable, since he stood the ordeal .

" what_is orthography ? " said an inspector once, in_our presence .

the candidate writhed a good_deal, studied the beams overhead and_the chickens out_of_the window, and then replied,

" it_is so_long since I learnt the first part of_the spelling- book, that I_can't justly answer that question . but if I_could just look it over, I guess I_could ."

our schoolmaster entered upon his second term with new courage and invigorated authority . twice certified, who_should dare doubt his competency ? even Joshua was civil, and lesser louts of_course obsequious; though the girls took more liberties, for they feel even at_that early age, that influence is stronger than strength .

could a young schoolmaster think of feruling a girl with her hair in ringlets and a gold ring on her finger ? impossible-- and_the immunity extended to all the little sisters and cousins; and there were enough large girls to protect all the feminine part of_the school . with_the boys master Horner still had many a battle, and whether with a view to_this, or as an economical ruse, he never wore his coat in school, saying it_was too warm . perhaps it_was an astute attention to_the prejudices of_his employers, who love no man that_does_not earn his living by_the sweat of_his brow . the shirt-sleeves gave the idea of a manual- labor school in one sense at_least . it_was evident that_the master worked, and_that afforded a probability that_the scholars worked too .

master Horner's success was most triumphant that winter .a year's growth had improved his outward man exceedingly, filling out the limbs so_that they_did_not remind you so forcibly of a young colt's, and supplying the cheeks with_the flesh and blood so necessary where mustaches were_not worn . experience had given him a degree of confidence, and confidence gave him power . in short, people said the master had waked up; and so he had . he actually set about reading for improvement; and although at_the end of_the term he_could_not quite make out from_his historical studies which side Hannibal was on, yet this_is readily explained by_the fact that he boarded round, and was obliged to read generally by firelight, surrounded by ungoverned children .

after_this, master Horner made his own bargain . when schooltime came round with_the following autumn, and_the teacher presented himself for a third examination, such a test was pronounced no longer necessary; and_the district consented to engage him at_the astounding rate of sixteen dollars a month, with_the understanding that he_was to_have a fixed home, provided he_was willing to allow a dollar a week for_it . master Horner bethought him of_the successive "killing-times," and consequent doughnuts of_the twenty families in_which he had sojourned the years before, and consented to_the exaction .

behold our friend now as high as district teacher can ever hope to_be-- his scholarship established, his home stationary and not revolving, and_the good behavior of_the community insured by_the fact that he, being of age, had now a farm to retire upon in_case of any disgust .

master Horner was at once the preeminent beau of_the neighborhood, spite of_the prejudice against learning . he brushed his hair straight up in front, and wore a sky- blue ribbon for a guard to_his silver watch, and walked as if_the tall heels of_his blunt boots were egg-shells and not leather . yet he_was far from neglecting the duties of_his place . he_was beau only on Sundays and holidays; very schoolmaster the rest of_the time .

it_was at a"spelling- school" that master Horner first met the educated eyes of miss Harriet bangle, a young lady visiting the Engleharts in_our neighborhood . she was from one_of_the towns in western New_York, and had brought with her a variety of city airs and graces somewhat caricatured, set off with year- old French fashions much travestied . whether she had_been sent out to_the new country to_try, somewhat late, a rustic chance for an establishment, or whether her company had_been found rather trying at home, we_cannot_say . the view which she was at some pains to_make understood was, that her friends had contrived this method of keeping her out_of_the way of a desperate lover whose addresses were_not acceptable to_them .

if_it should seem surprising that so high- bred a visitor should_be sojourning in_the wild woods, it must_be remembered that more than one celebrated Englishman and not a few distinguished Americans have farmer brothers in_the western country, no whit less rustic in their exterior and manner of life than_the plainest of_their neighbors . when these are visited by their refined kinsfolk, we of_the woods catch glimpses of_the gay world, or think we_do .

that great medicine hath with its tinct gilded--

many a vulgarism to_the satisfaction of wiser heads than ours .

miss bangle's manner bespoke for her that high consideration which she felt to_be her due . yet she condescended to_be amused by_the rustics and their awkward attempts at gaiety and elegance; and, to_say truth, few of_the village merry- makings escaped her, though she wore always the air of great superiority .

the spelling- school is one_of_the ordinary winter amusements in_the country . it occurs once in a fortnight, or so, and has power to draw out all the young people for miles round, arrayed in their best clothes and their holiday behavior . when all is ready, umpires are elected, and after_these have taken the distinguished place usually occupied by_the teacher, the young people of_the school choose the two best scholars to head the opposing classes . these leaders choose their followers from_the mass, each calling a name in turn, until all the spellers are ranked on one side or the other, lining the sides of_the room, and all standing . the schoolmaster, standing too, takes his spelling- book, and gives a placid yet awe-inspiring look along the ranks, remarking that he intends to_be very impartial, and_that he shall give out nothing that_is_not in_the spelling- book . for_the first half hour or so he chooses common and easy words, that_the spirit of_the evening may not be damped by_the too early thinning of_the classes . when a word is missed, the blunderer has_to sit down, and be a spectator only for_the rest of_the evening . at certain intervals, some_of_the best speakers mount the platform, and " speak a piece," which_is generally as declamatory as possible .

the excitement of_this scene is equal to_that afforded by any city spectacle whatever; and towards the close of_the evening, when difficult and unusual words are chosen to confound the small number who still keep the floor, it becomes scarcely less_than painful . when perhaps only one_or_two remain to_be puzzled, the master, weary at last of_his task, though a favorite one, tries by tricks to_put down those whom he_cannot overcome in fair fight . if among all the curious, useless, unheard- of words which_may_be picked out_of_the spelling- book, he_cannot find one which the scholars have_not noticed, he gets the last head down by some quip or catch ."Bay" will perhaps be the sound; one scholar spells it "bey," another, "bay," while the master all the time means " BA," which comes within_the rule, being in_the spelling- book .

it_was on one_of_these occasions, as we_have said, that miss bangle, having come to_the spelling- school to_get materials for a letter to a female friend, first shone upon Mr Horner . she was excessively amused by his solemn air and puckered mouth, and set him down at once as fair game . yet she_could_not help becoming somewhat interested in_the spelling- school, and after it_was over found she had_not stored up half as many_of_the schoolmaster's points as she intended, for_the benefit of her correspondent .

in_the evening's contest a young girl from some few miles' distance, Ellen Kingsbury, the only child of a substantial farmer, had_been the very last to sit down, after a prolonged effort on_the_part of Mr Horner to puzzle her, for_the credit of_his own school . she blushed, and smiled, and blushed again, but spelt on, until Mr Horner's cheeks were crimson with excitement and some touch of shame that he_should_be baffled at his own weapons . at_length, either by accident or design, Ellen missed a word, and sinking into her seat was numbered with_the slain .

in_the laugh and talk which followed ( for with_the conclusion of_the spelling, all form of a public assembly vanishes), our schoolmaster said so_many gallant things to_his fair enemy, and appeared so_much animated by_the excitement of_the contest, that miss bangle began to look upon him with rather more respect, and to_feel somewhat indignant that a little rustic like Ellen should absorb the entire attention of_the only beau . she put on, therefore, her most gracious aspect, and mingled in_the circle; caused the schoolmaster to_be presented to her, and did her best to fascinate him by certain airs and graces which she had found successful elsewhere . what game is too small for_the close- woven net of a coquette ?

Mr Horner quitted not the fair Ellen until he had handed her into her father's sleigh; and he then wended his way homewards, never thinking that he ought_to_have escorted miss bangle to her uncle's, though she certainly waited a little while for_his return .

we_must not follow into particulars the subsequent intercourse of_our schoolmaster with_the civilized young lady . all that concerns us is_the result of miss bangle's benevolent designs upon his heart . she tried most sincerely to_find its vulnerable spot, meaning no_doubt to_put Mr Homer on_his guard for_the future; and she was unfeignedly surprised to discover that her best efforts were of no avail . she concluded he_must_have taken a counter- poison, and she was not slow in guessing its source . she had observed the peculiar fire which lighted up his eyes in_the presence of Ellen Kingsbury, and she bethought her of a plan which would ensure her some amusement at_the expense of_these impertinent rustics, though in a manner different somewhat from her original more natural idea of simple coquetry .

a letter was written to master Horner, purporting to_come from Ellen Kingsbury, worded so artfully that_the schoolmaster understood at once that_it_was intended to_be a secret communication, though its ostensible object was an inquiry about some ordinary affair . this_was laid in Mr Horner's desk before

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