Oz 09: The Scarecrow of Oz by L. Frank Baum
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front was quite open and faced the sea, and as our friends came nearer they observed a little man, with a long pointed beard, sitting motionless on a stool and staring thoughtfully out over the water .

" get out_of_the way, please," he_called in a fretful voice ." can't you_see you_are obstructing my view ? "

" good morning," said Cap'n bill, politely .

" it isn't a good morning ! " snapped the little man ."I've seen plenty of mornings better than this . do_you call it a good morning when I'm pestered with_such a crowd as_you ? "

trot was astonished to hear such words from a stranger whom they had greeted quite properly, and Cap'n bill grew red at_the little man's rudeness . but the sailor said, in a quiet tone of voice:

" are_you the only_one as lives on_this 'ere island ? "

" your grammar's bad," was_the reply ." but this_is my own exclusive island, and I'll thank_you to_get off it as_soon_as_possible ."

" we'd like to do_that," said trot, and then she and Cap'n bill turned away and walked down to_the shore, to_see if any_other land was in sight .

the little man rose and followed them, although both were now too provoked to_pay any attention to him .

Nothin' in sight, partner," reported Cap'n bill, shading his eyes with_his hand; " so we'll have to stay here for a time, anyhow . it isn't a bad place, trot, by any means ."

" that's all you_know about_it ! " broke in_the little man ." the trees are altogether too green and_the rocks are harder than they ought_to_be . I_find the sand very grainy and_the water dreadfully wet . every breeze makes a draught and_the sun shines in_the daytime, when there's no need of it, and disappears just as_soon_as it begins to_get dark . if_you remain here you'll find the island very unsatisfactory ."

trot turned to look at him, and her sweet face was grave and curious .

"I wonder who you_are," she said .

" my name is Pessim," said he, with an air of pride ."I'm called the observer,"

"Oh . what do_you observe ? " asked the little girl .

" everything I_see," was_the reply, in a more surly tone . then Pessim drew back with a startled exclamation and looked at some footprints in_the sand ." why, good gracious me ! " he cried in distress .

" what's the matter now ? " asked Cap'n bill .

" someone has pushed the earth in ! Don't you_see it ?

" it isn't pushed in far enough to hurt anything," said trot, examining the footprints .

" everything hurts that isn't right," insisted the man ." if_the earth were pushed in a mile, it would_be a great calamity, wouldn't it ? "

"I s' pose so," admitted the little girl .

" well, here it_is pushed in a full inch ! that's atwelfth of a foot, or a little more than a millionth part of a mile . therefore it_is one- millionth part of a calamity -- Oh, dear ! how dreadful ! " said Pessim in awailing voice .

" try to forget it, sir," advised Cap'n bill, soothingly ." it's beginning to rain . let's get under your shed and keep dry ."

"Raining ! is_it really raining ? " asked Pessim, beginning to weep .

" it_is," answered Cap'n bill, as_the drops began to descend, " and I don't see any_way to stop it -- although I'm some observer myself ."

" no; we_can't stop it, I_fear," said the man ." are_you very busy just now ? "

"I won't be after I get to_the shed," replied the sailor- man .

" then do me a favor, please," begged Pessim, walking briskly along behind them, for they were hastening to_the shed .

"Depends on what it_is," said Cap'n bill .

" i_wish you_would take my umbrella down to_the shore and hold it over the poor fishes till it stops raining .I'm afraid they'll get wet," said Pessim .

trot laughed, but Cap'n bill thought the little man was poking fun at him and so he scowled upon Pessim in a way that showed he_was angry .

they reached the shed before getting very wet, although the rain was now coming down in big drops . the roof of_the shed protected them and while they stood watching the rainstorm something buzzed in and circled around Pessim's head . at once the observer began beating it away with_his hands, crying out:

"A bumblebee ! abumblebee ! the queerest bumblebee I ever saw ! "

Cap'n bill and trot both looked at it and_the little girl said in surprise:

" dear me ! it's awee little Ork ! "

" that's what it_is, sure enough," exclaimed Cap'n bill .

really, it wasn't much bigger than a big bumblebee, and when it came toward trot she allowed it to alight on her shoulder .

" it's me, all right," said a very_small voice in her ear; " but I'm in an awful pickle, just the same ! "

" what, are_you our Ork, then ? " demanded the girl, much amazed .

" no, I'm my own Ork . but I'm the only Ork you_know," replied the tiny creature .

" what's happened to_you ? " asked the sailor, putting his head close to trot's shoulder in_order to hear the reply better .Pessim also put his head close, and_the Ork said:

" you_will remember that when I left you I started to fly over the trees, and just as I got to_this side of_the forest I_saw a bush that was loaded down with_the most luscious fruit you_can imagine . the fruit was about_the size of a gooseberry and of a lovely lavender color . so I swooped down and picked off one in my bill and ate it . at once I began to grow small . I_could feel myself shrinking, shrinking away, and it frightened me terribly, so_that I lighted on_the ground to_think over what_was happening . in a few seconds I had shrunk to_the size you now see me; but there I remained, getting no smaller, indeed, but no larger . it_is certainly a dreadful affliction ! after I had recovered somewhat from_the shock I began to search for_you . it_is_not so easy to_find one's way when a creature is so small, but fortunately I spied you here in_this shed and came to_you at once ."

Cap'n bill and trot were much astonished at_this story and felt grieved for_the poor Ork, but the little man Pessim seemed to_think it a good joke . he began laughing when he heard the story and laughed until he choked, after which he lay down on_the ground and rolled and laughed again, while the tears of merriment coursed down his wrinkled cheeks .

"Oh, dear ! Oh, dear ! " he finally gasped, sitting up and wiping his eyes ." this_is too rich ! it's almost too joyful to_be true ."

"I don't see anything funny about_it," remarked trot indignantly .

" you_would if_you'd had my experience," said Pessim, getting upon his feet and gradually resuming his solemn and dissatisfied expression of countenance .

the same thing happened to_me ."

"Oh, did it ? and how did you happen to_come to_this island ? " asked the girl .

"I didn't come; the neighbors brought me," replied the little man, with a frown at_the recollection ." they said i_was quarrelsome and fault-finding and blamed me because i_told them all the things that went wrong, or never were right, and because i_told them how things ought_to_be . so they brought me here and left me all alone, saying that if I quarreled with myself, no one else would_be made unhappy . absurd, wasn't it ? "

"Seems to_me," said Cap'n bill, " those neighbors did the proper thing ."

" well," resumed Pessim, " when I_found myself king of_this island i_was obliged to live upon fruits, and I_found many fruits growing here that I had never seen before .I tasted several and found them good and wholesome . but one day I ate a lavender berry -- as_the Ork did -- and immediately I grew so small that i_was scarcely two inches high . it_was a very unpleasant condition and like the Ork I became frightened . I_could_not walk very_well nor very far, for every lump of earth in my way seemed a mountain, every blade of grass a tree and every grain of sand a rocky boulder . for several_days I stumbled around in an agony of fear . once a tree toad nearly gobbled me up, and if I ran out from_the shelter of_the bushes the gulls and cormorants swooped down upon me . finally I decided to eat another berry and become nothing at all, since life, to one as small as i_was, had become a dreary nightmare .

" at last I_found a small tree that i_thought bore the same fruit as_that I had eaten . the berry was dark purple instead of light lavender, but otherwise it_was quite similar . being unable to climb the tree, i_was obliged to wait underneath it until a sharp breeze arose and shook the limbs so_that a berry fell . instantly I seized it and taking a last view of_the world -- as I then thought -- I ate the berry in atwinkling . then, to my surprise, I began to grow big again, until I became of_my former stature, and so I_have since remained . needless to_say, I_have never eaten again of_the lavender fruit, nor do any of_the beasts or birds that live upon_this island eat it ."

they had all three listened eagerly to_this amazing tale, and when it_was finished the Ork exclaimed:

" do_you_think, then, that_the deep purple berry is_the antidote for_the lavender one ? "

"I'm sure of it," answered Pessim .

" then lead me to_the tree at once ! " begged the Ork, " for_this tiny form I now have terrifies me greatly ."

Pessim examined the Ork closely

" you_are ugly enough as_you_are," said he ." were you any larger you_might_be dangerous ."

"Oh, no," trot assured him; " the Ork has_been our good friend . please take us to_the tree ."

then Pessim consented, although rather reluctantly . he led them to_the right, which_was the east side of_the island, and in_a_few_minutes brought them near to_the edge of_the grove which faced the shore of_the ocean . here stood a small tree bearing berries of a deep purple color . the fruit looked very enticing and Cap'n bill reached up and selected one that seemed especially plump and ripe .

the Ork had remained perched upon trot's shoulder but now it flew down to_the ground . it_was so difficult for Cap'n bill to kneel down, with_his wooden leg, that_the little girl took the berry from_him and held it close to_the Ork's head .

" it's too big to_go into my mouth," said the little creature, looking at_the fruit sidewise .

" you'll have to_make sev'ral mouthfuls of it, I guess," said trot; and_that is what the Ork did . he pecked at_the soft, ripe fruit with_his bill and ate it up very quickly, because it_was good .

even before he had finished the berry they_could see the Ork begin to grow . in_a_few_minutes he had regained his natural size and was strutting before them, quite delighted with_his transformation .

" well, well ! what do_you_think of me now ? " he asked proudly .

" you_are very skinny and remarkably ugly," declared Pessim .

" you_are a poor judge of Orks," was_the reply ." anyone can_see that I'm much handsomer than those dreadful things called birds, which are all fluff and feathers ."

" their feathers make soft beds," asserted Pessim ." and my skin would make excellent drumheads," retorted the Ork ." nevertheless, a plucked bird or a skinned Ork would_be of no value to himself, so we needn't brag of_our usefulness after we_are dead . but for_the sake of argument, friend Pessim, I'd like to_know what good you_would_be, were you not alive ? "

" never mind that," said Cap'n bill ." he isn't much good as he_is ."

" I_am king of_this island, allow me to_say, and you're intruding on my property," declared the little man, scowling upon them ." if_you don't like me -- and I'm sure you don't, for no one else does -- why don't you go away and leave me to myself ? "

" well, the Ork can fly, but we_can't," explained trot, in answer ." we don't want to stay here a bit, but I don't see how we_can get away ."

" you_can go back into_the hole you came from ."

Cap'n bill shook his head; trot shuddered at_the thought; the Ork laughed aloud .

" you_may_be king here," the creature said to Pessim, " but we intend to run this island to suit ourselves, for we_are three and you_are one, and_the balance of power lies with_us ."

the little man made no reply to_this, although as_they walked back to_the shed his face wore its fiercest scowl .Cap'n bill gathered alot of leaves and, assisted by trot, prepared two nice beds in opposite corners of_the shed .Pessim slept in a hammock which he swung between two trees .

they required no dishes, as all their food consisted of fruits and nuts picked from_the trees; they made no fire, for_the weather was warm and there_was nothing to cook; the shed had no furniture other_than the rude stool which the little man was accustomed to sit upon . he_called it his " throne" and_they let him keep it .

so they lived upon_the island for three days, and rested and ate to_their hearts' content . still, they were_not at all happy in_this life because of Pessim . he continually found fault with_them, and all that_they did, and all their surroundings . he could_see nothing good or admirable in all the world and trot soon came to understand why the little man's former neighbors had brought him to_this island and left him there, all alone, so he_could_not annoy anyone . it_was their misfortune that_they had_been led to_this place

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