No. 1 Scandal in Bohemia by Arthur Conan Doyle
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all three standing in a knot in front of_the altar .I lounged up the side aisle like any_other idler who has dropped into a church . suddenly, to my surprise, the three at_the altar faced round to_me, and Godfrey Norton came running as hard as he_could towards me .

" thank god," he cried ." you'll do . come ! come ! "

" what then ? " I asked .

" come, man, come, only three minutes, or it won't be legal ."

i_was half-dragged up_to_the altar, and before I_knew where i_was I_found myself mumbling responses which were whispered in my ear . and vouching for things of_which I_knew nothing, and generally assisting in_the secure tying up of Irene Adler, spinster, to Godfrey Norton, bachelor . it_was all done in an instant, and there_was the gentleman thanking me on_the one side and_the lady on_the other, while the clergyman beamed on me in front . it was_the most preposterous position in_which I ever found myself in my life, and it was_the thought of it that started me laughing just now . it seems that there had_been some informality about their license, that_the clergyman absolutely refused to marry them without a witness of some sort, and_that my lucky appearance saved the bridegroom from having to sally out into_the streets in search of a best man . the bride gave_me a sovereign, and I mean to wear it on my watch- chain in memory of_the occasion ."

" this_is a very unexpected turn of affairs," said I; " and what then ? "

" well, I_found my plans very seriously menaced . it looked as if_the pair might take an immediate departure, and so necessitate very prompt and energetic measures on my part . at_the church door, however, they separated, he driving back to_the temple, and she to her own house .' I_shall drive out in_the park at five as usual,' she said as she left him .I heard no more . they drove away in different directions, and I went off to_make my own arrangements ."

" which are ? "

" some cold beef and a glass of beer," he answered, ringing the bell ." I_have_been too busy to_think of food, and I_am likely to_be busier still this evening . by_the_way, doctor, I_shall want your cooperation ."

" I_shall_be delighted ."

" you don't mind breaking the law ? "

" not in_the least ."

" nor running a chance of arrest ? "

" not in a good cause ."

"Oh, the cause is excellent ! "

" then I_am your man ."

" i_was sure that I_might rely on you ."

" but what_is it you wish ? "

" when Mrs turner has brought in_the tray i_will make it clear to_you . now," he_said as he turned hungrily on_the simple fare that_our landlady had provided, " I_must discuss it while I eat, for I_have_not much time . it_is nearly five now . in two hours we_must_be on_the scene of action . miss Irene, or Madame, rather, returns from her drive at seven . we_must_be at Briony lodge to meet her ."

" and what then ? "

" you_must leave that to_me . I_have already arranged what_is to occur . there_is only_one point on_which I_must insist . you_must not interfere, come what may . you understand ? "

" I_am to_be neutral ? "

" to_do nothing whatever . there_will probably be some small unpleasantness . do_not join in_it . it_will end in my being conveyed into_the house .Four or five minutes afterwards the sitting- room window will open . you_are to station yourself close to_that open window ."

" yes ."

" you_are to watch me, for i_will_be visible to_you ."

" yes ."

" and when I raise my hand-- so-- you_will throw into_the room what I give_you to throw, and will, at_the same time, raise the cry of fire . you quite follow me ? "

" entirely ."

" it_is nothing very formidable," he_said, taking a long cigar- shaped roll from_his pocket ." it_is an ordinary plumber's smoke- rocket, fitted with acap at either end to_make it self-lighting . your task is confined to_that . when_you raise your cry of fire, it_will_be taken up by quite a number of people . you_may then walk to_the end of_the street, and_I_will rejoin you in ten minutes . I_hope_that I_have_made myself clear ? "

" I_am to remain neutral, to_get near the window, to watch you, and at_the signal to throw in_this object, then to raise the cry of fire, and to wait you at_the corner of_the street ."

" precisely ."

" then you_may entirely rely on me ."

" that_is excellent . i_think, perhaps, it_is almost time that I prepare for_the new role I_have to play ."

he disappeared into his bedroom and returned in_a_few_minutes in_the character of an amiable and simple- minded nonconformist clergyman . his broad black hat, his baggy trousers . his white tie, his sympathetic smile, and general look of peering and benevolent curiosity were such as Mr John hare alone could_have equalled . it_was not merely that Holmes changed his costume . his expression, his manner, his very soul seemed to vary with every fresh part that he assumed . the stage lost a fine actor, even as science lost an acute reasoner, when he became a specialist in crime .

it_was a quarter past six when we left baker street, and it still wanted ten minutes to_the hour when we_found ourselves in serpentine avenue . it_was already dusk, and_the lamps were just being lighted as_we paced up and down in front of Briony lodge, waiting for_the coming of_its occupant . the house was just such as I had pictured it from Sherlock Holmes's succinct description, but the locality appeared to_be less private than I expected . on_the contrary, for a small street in a quiet neighborhood, it_was remarkably animated . there_was a group of shabbily dressed men smoking and laughing in a corner, a scissors- grinder with_his wheel, two guardsmen who were flirting with a nurse- girl, and several well- dressed young men who were lounging up and down with cigars in their mouths .

" you_see," remarked Holmes, as_we paced to and fro in front of_the house, " this marriage rather simplifies matters . the photograph becomes a double- edged weapon now . the chances are that she_would be as averse to its being seen by_Mr Godfrey Norton, as our client is to its coming to_the eyes of_his princess . now the question is, where are we to_find the photograph ? "

" where, indeed ? "

" it_is most unlikely that she carries it about with her . it_is cabinet size . too large for easy concealment about a woman's dress . she knows that_the king is capable of having her waylaid and searched . two attempts of_the sort have already been made . we_may take it, then, that she does_not carry it about with her ."

" where, then ? "

" her banker or her lawyer . there_is that double possibility . but I_am inclined to_think neither . women are naturally secretive, and_they like to_do their own secreting . why should she hand it over to anyone else ? she_could trust her own guardianship, but she_could_not tell what indirect or political influence might_be brought to bear upon a business man . besides, remember that she had resolved to use it within a few_days . it must_be where she_can lay her hands upon it . it must_be in her own house ."

" but it has twice been burgled ."

"Pshaw ! they_did_not know how to look ."

" but how will_you look ? "

" i_will_not look ."

" what then ? "

" i_will get her to show me ."

" but she will refuse ."

" she will_not_be_able to . but I hear the rumble of wheels . it_is her carriage . now carry out my orders to_the letter ."

as he spoke the gleam of_the side-lights of a carriage came round the curve of_the avenue . it_was a smart little landau which rattled up_to_the door of Briony lodge . as it pulled up, one_of_the loafing men at_the corner dashed forward to open the door in_the hope of earning a copper, but was elbowed away by another loafer, who had rushed up with_the same intention .a fierce quarrel broke out, which_was increased by_the two guardsmen, who took sides with one_of_the loungers, and by_the scissorsgrinder, who was equally hot upon_the other side .a blow was struck, and in an instant the lady, who had stepped from her carriage, was_the centre of a little knot of flushed and struggling men, who struck savagely at each_other with their fists and sticks .Holmes dashed into_the crowd to protect the lady; but just as he reached her he_gave a cry and dropped to_the ground, with_the blood running freely down his face . at his fall the guardsmen took to_their heels in one direction and_the loungers in_the other, while a number of better- dressed people, who had watched the scuffle without taking part in_it, crowded in to help the lady and to attend to_the injured man .Irene Adler, as i_will still call her, had hurried up the steps; but she stood at_the top with her superb figure outlined against the lights of_the hall, looking back into_the street .

" is_the poor gentleman much hurt ? " she asked .

" he_is dead," cried several voices .

" no, no, there's life in him ! " shouted another ." but he'll be gone before_you_can get him to hospital ."

" he's a brave fellow," said a woman ." they_would_have had the lady's purse and watch if_it hadn't been for him . they were a gang, and a rough one, too .Ah, he's breathing now ."

" he_can't lie in_the street . may we bring him in, marm ? "

" surely . bring him into_the sitting- room . there_is a comfortable sofa . this_way, please ! "

slowly and solemnly he_was borne into Briony lodge and laid out in_the principal room, while I still observed the proceedings from my post by_the window . the lamps had_been lit, but the blinds had_not_been drawn, so_that I could_see Holmes as he lay upon_the couch . I_do_not know whether he_was seized with compunction at_that moment for_the part he_was playing, but I_know that I never felt more heartily ashamed of myself in my life than when I_saw the beautiful creature against whom i_was conspiring, or the grace and kindliness with_which she waited upon_the injured man . and yet it would_be the blackest treachery to Holmes to draw back now from_the part which he had intrusted to_me .I hardened my heart, and took the smoke- rocket from under my ulster . after all, i_thought, we_are_not injuring her . we_are but preventing her from injuring another .

Holmes had sat up upon_the couch, and I_saw him motion like a man who_is in need of air .a maid rushed across and threw open the window . at_the same instant I_saw him raise his hand and at_the signal I tossed my rocket into_the room with a cry of " fire ! " the word was no sooner out of_my mouth than_the whole crowd of spectators, well dressed and ill-- gentlemen, ostlers, and servant-maids-- joined in a general shriek of " fire ! " thick clouds of smoke curled through_the room and out at_the open window .I caught a glimpse of rushing figures, and a moment later the voice of Holmes from within assuring them that_it_was a false alarm .Slipping through_the shouting crowd I_made my way to_the corner of_the street, and in ten minutes was rejoiced to_find my friend's arm in mine, and to_get away from_the scene of uproar . he walked swiftly and in silence for some few_minutes until we had turned down one_of_the quiet streets which lead towards the Edgeware road .

" you_did it very nicely, doctor," he remarked ." nothing could_have_been better . it_is all right ."

" you_have the photograph ? "

" I_know where it_is ."

" and how did you find out ? "

" she showed me, as i_told you she_would ."

" I_am still in_the dark ."

" I_do_not wish to_make a mystery," said he, laughing ." the matter was perfectly simple . you, of_course, saw that everyone in_the street was an accomplice . they were all engaged for_the evening ."

"I guessed as_much ."

" then, when_the row broke out, I had a little moist red paint in_the palm of_my hand .I rushed forward, fell down . clapped my hand to my face, and became a piteous spectacle . it_is an old trick ."

" that also I_could fathom ."

" then they carried me in . she was bound to_have me in . what else could she do ? and into her sitting- room . which_was the very room which I suspected . it lay between that and her bedroom, and i_was determined to_see which . they laid me on a couch, I motioned for air, they were compelled to open the window . and you had your chance ."

" how did that help_you ? "

" it_was all- important . when a woman thinks that her house is on fire, her instinct is at once to rush to_the thing which she values most . it_is a perfectly overpowering impulse, and I_have more than once taken advantage of it . in_the case of_the Darlington substitution scandal it_was of use to_me, and also in_the Arnsworth castle business .a married woman grabs at her baby; an unmarried one reaches for her jewel- box . now it_was clear to_me that_our lady of to- day had nothing in_the house more precious to her than what we_are in quest of . she_would rush to secure it .

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