No. 12 The Adventure of the Retired Colourman by Arthur Conan Doyle
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of importance ." whatever you_do, see that he really does go," said he ." should he break away or return, get to_the nearest telephone exchange and send the single word ' bolted .' i_will arrange here that_it shall reach me wherever I_am ."

little Purlington is_not an easy place to reach, for_it is on a branch line . my remembrance of_the journey is_not a pleasant one, for_the weather was hot, the train slow, and my companion sullen and silent, hardly talking at all save to_make an occasional sardonic remark as_to_the futility of_our proceedings . when we at last reached the little station it_was a two- mile drive before we came to_the vicarage, where a big, solemn, rather pompous clergyman received us in_his study . our telegram lay before him .

" well, gentlemen," he asked, " what can I_do for_you ? "

" we came," I explained, " in answer to your wire ."

" my wire ! I_sent no wire ."

"I mean the wire which you sent to Mr Josiah Amberley about his wife and_his money ."

" if_this_is a joke, sir, it_is a very questionable one," said the vicar angrily ." I_have never heard of_the gentleman you name, and I_have_not sent a wire to anyone ."

our client and I looked at each_other in amazement .

" perhaps there_is some mistake," said I; " are there perhaps two vicarages ? here_is_the wire itself, signed Elman and dated from_the vicarage ."

" there_is only_one vicarage, sir, and only_one vicar, and this wire is a scandalous forgery, the origin of_which shall certainly be investigated by_the police . meanwhile, I_can_see no possible object in prolonging this interview ."

so Mr Amberley and I_found ourselves on_the roadside in what seemed to_me to_be the most primitive village in England . we_made for_the telegraph office, but it_was already closed . there_was a telephone, however, at_the little railway Arms, and by_it I got into touch with Holmes, who shared in_our amazement at_the result of_our journey .

" most singular ! " said the distant voice ." most remarkable ! I much fear, my dear Watson, that_there_is no return train to- night . I_have unwittingly condemned you to_the horrors of a country inn . however, there_is always nature, Watson -- nature and Josiah Amberley -- you_can_be in close commune with both ." I heard his dry chuckle as he turned away .

it_was soon apparent to_me that my companion's reputation as a miser was not undeserved . he had grumbled at_the expense of_the journey, had insisted upon travelling third- class, and was now clamorous in_his objections to_the hotel bill . next morning, when we_did at last arrive in London, it_was hard to_say which of us was in_the worse humour .

" you had best take baker street as_we pass," said I ." Mr Holmes may_have some fresh instructions ."

" if_they_are_not worth more than_the last ones they_are_not of much use," said Amberley with a malevolent scowl . none the less, he kept me company .I had already warned Holmes by telegram of_the hour of_our arrival, but we_found a message waiting that he_was at Lewisham and would expect us there . that was a surprise, but an even greater one was to_find that he_was not alone in_the sitting- room of_our client .a stern- looking, impassive man sat beside him, a dark man with gray- tinted glasses and a large masonic pin projecting from_his tie .

" this_is my friend Mr Barker," said Holmes ." he has_been interesting himself also in your business, Mr Josiah Amberley, though we_have_been working independently . but we both have the same question to ask_you ! "

Mr Amberley sat down heavily . he sensed impending danger . I_read it in_his straining eyes and_his twitching features .

" what_is the question, Mr Holmes ? "

" only this: what did you_do with_the bodies ? "

the man sprang to_his feet with a hoarse scream . he clawed into_the air with_his bony hands . his mouth was open, and for_the instant he looked like some horrible bird of prey . in a flash we got a glimpse of_the real Josiah Amberley, a misshapen demon with a soul as distorted as his body . as he fell back into his chair he clapped his hand to_his lips as_if to stifle a cough .Holmes sprang at his throat like a tiger and twisted his face towards the ground .a white pellet fell from between his gasping lips .

" no short cuts, Josiah Amberley . things must_be_done decently and in_order . what about_it, Barker ? "

" I_have a cab at_the door," said our taciturn companion .

" it_is only a few hundred yards to_the station . we_will go together . you_can stay here, Watson . I_shall_be back within half an hour ."

the old colourman had the strength of a lion in_that great trunk of_his, but he_was helpless in_the hands of_the two experienced man-handlers .Wriggling and twisting he_was dragged to_the waiting cab, and i_was left to my solitary vigil in_the ill-omened house . in less time than he had named, however, Holmes was back, in company with a smart young police inspector .

"I've left Barker to look after_the formalities," said Holmes ." you had_not met Barker, Watson . he_is my hated rival upon_the surrey shore . when_you said a tall dark man it_was not difficult for_me to complete the picture . he has several good cases to_his credit, has he not, inspector ? "

" he has certainly interfered several_times," the inspector answered with reserve .

" his methods are irregular, no_doubt, like my own . the irregulars are useful sometimes, you_know . you, for example, with your compulsory warning about whatever he_said being used against him, could never have bluffed this rascal into what_is virtually a confession ."

" perhaps not . but we get there all the same, Mr Holmes .Don't imagine that we had_not formed our own views of this_case, and_that we_would_not have laid our hands on_our man . you_will excuse us for feeling sore when_you jump in with methods which we_cannot use, and so rob us of_the credit ."

" there shall be no such robbery, MacKinnon .I assure you that I efface myself from now onward, and as_to Barker, he has_done nothing save what i_told him ."

the inspector seemed considerably relieved .

" that_is very handsome of you, Mr Holmes . praise or blame can matter little to_you, but it_is very different to_us when_the newspapers begin to ask questions ."

" quite so . but they_are pretty sure to ask questions anyhow, so it would_be as_well to_have answers . what_will you say, for example, when_the intelligent and enterprising reporter asks you what the exact points were which aroused your suspicion, and finally gave_you a certain conviction as_to_the real facts ? "

the inspector looked puzzled .

" we don't seem to_have got any real facts yet, Mr Holmes . you say that_the prisoner, in_the presence of three witnesses, practically confessed by trying to commit suicide, that he had murdered his wife and her lover . what other facts have_you ? "

" have_you arranged for a search ? "

" there_are three constables on their way ."

" then you_will soon get the clearest fact of all . the bodies cannot_be far away . try the cellars and_the garden . it should_not take long to dig up the likely places . this house is older than_the water-pipes . there_must_be adisused well somewhere . try your luck there ."

" but how did you_know of it, and how was_it done ? "

"I'll show you first how it was_done, and then i_will give the explanation which_is due to WI WI ven more to my longsuffering friend here, who has_been invaluable throughout . but, first, i_would give_you an insight into_this man's mentality . it_is a very unusual one -- so_much so_that i_think his destination is more likely to_be Broadmoor than_the scaffold . he has, to a high degree, the sort of mind which one associates with_the mediaeval Italian nature rather than with_the modern Briton . he_was a miserable miser who_made his wife so wretched by his niggardly ways that she was a ready prey for any adventurer . such a one came upon_the scene in_the person of_this chess-playing doctor .Amberley excelled at chess -- one mark, Watson, of ascheming mind . like all misers, he_was a jealous man, and_his jealousy became a frantic mania . rightly or wrongly, he suspected an intrigue . he determined to_have his revenge, and he planned it with diabolical cleverness . come here ! "

Holmes led us along the passage with as_much certainty as_if he had lived in_the house and halted at_the open door of_the strong- room .

"Pooh ! what an awful smell of paint ! " cried the inspector .

" that was our first clue," said Holmes ." you_can thank Dr .Watson's observation for_that, though he failed to draw the inference . it set my foot upon_the trail . why should this man at_such_a_time be filling his house with strong odours ? obviously, to_cover some other smell which he wisfhed to conceal -- some guilty smell which would suggest suspicions . then came the idea of a room such as you_see here with iron door and shutter -- a hermetically sealed room . put those two facts together, and whither do they lead ? I_could only determine that by examining the house myself . i_was already certain that_the case was serious, for I had examined the box- office chart at_the Haymarket Theatre -- another of Dr .Watson's bull's- eyes -- and ascertained that neither B thirty nor thirty- two of_the upper circle had_been occupied that night . therefore, Amberley had_not_been to_the theatre, and_his alibi fell to_the ground . he_made a bad slip when he allowed my astute friend to notice the number of_the seat taken for_his wife . the question now arose how I_might_be able to examine the house . I_sent an agent to_the most impossible village I_could think of, and summoned my man to_it at such an hour that he_could_not possibly get back . to_prevent any miscarriage, Dr .Watson accompanied him . the good vicar's name i_took, of_course, out of_my Crockford . do I make it all clear to_you ? "

" it_is masterly," said the inspector in an awed voice .

" there being no fear of interruption I proceeded to burgle the house .Burglary has always been an alternative profession had I cared to adopt it, and I_have little doubt that i_should_have come to_the front . observe what I_found . you_see the gas- pipe along the skirting here . very_good . it rises in_the angle of_the wall, and there_is a tap here in_the corner . the pipe runs out into_the strong- room, as_you_can see, and ends in_that plaster rose in_the centre of_the ceiling, where it_is concealed by_the ornamentation . that end is wide open . at any moment by turning the outside tap the room could_be flooded with gas . with door and shutter closed and_the tap full on i_would_not give two minutes of conscious sensation to anyone shut up in_that little chamber . by what devilish device he decoyed them there I_do_not know, but once inside the door they were at his mercy ."

the inspector examined the pipe with interest ." one_of_our officers mentioned the smell of gas," said he, " but of_course the window and door were open then, and_the paint -- or some of it -- was already about . he had begun the work of painting the day before, according to_his story . but what next, Mr Holmes ? "

" well, then came an incident which_was rather unexpected to myself . i_was slipping through_the pantry window in_the early dawn when I_felt a hand inside my collar, and a voice said: ' now, you rascal, what_are you doing in there ? ' when I_could twist my head round I looked into_the tinted spectacles of_my friend and rival, Mr Barker . it_was a curious foregathering and set us both smiling . it seems that he had_been engaged by Dr . ray Ernest's family to_make some investigations and had come to_the same conclusion as_to foul play . he had watched the house for some days and had spotted Dr .Watson as one_of_the obviously suspicious characters who had called there . he_could hardly arrest Watson, but when he_saw a man actually climbing out_of_the pantry window there came a limit to_his restraint . of_course, i_told him how matters stood and we continued the case together ."

" why him ? why_not us ? "

" because it_was in my mind to_put that little test which answered so admirably . I_fear you_would_not_have gone so_far ."

the inspector smiled .

" well, maybe not .I understand that I_have your word, Mr Holmes, that you step right out_of_the case now and_that you turn all your results over to_us ."

" certainly, that_is always my custom ."

" well, in_the name of_the force i_thank_you . it seems a clear case, as_you put it, and there can't be much difficulty over the bodies ."

"I'll show you a grim little bit of evidence," said Holmes, " and I_am_sure Amberley himself never observed it . you'll get results, inspector, by always putting yourself in_the other fellow's place, and thinking what you_would do yourself . it takes some imagination, but it pays . now, we_will suppose that you were shut up in_this little room, had_not two minutes to live, but wanted to_get even with_the fiend who was probably mocking at you from_the other side of_the door . what would you_do ? "

" write a message ."

" exactly . you_would like to_tell people how you died . no use writing on paper . that_would_be seen . if_you wrote on_the wall someone might rest upon it . now, look here ! just above the skirting is scribbled with a purple indelible pencil: ' we we --' that's all .

" what do_you make of_that ? "

" well, it's only a foot above the ground . the poor devil was on_the floor dying when he wrote it . he_lost his senses before he_could finish ."

" he_was writing, ' we were murdered .' "

" that's how I_read it . if_you find an indelible pencil on_the body --"

" we'll look out for_it, you_may_be_sure . but those securities ? clearly there_was no robbery at all . and yet he_did possess those bonds . we verified that ."

" you_may_be_sure he has them hidden in a safe place . when_the whole elopement had passed into history, he_would suddenly discover them and announce that_the guilty couple had relented and sent back the plunder or had dropped it on_the way ."

" you certainly seem to_have met every difficulty," said the inspector ." of_course, he_was bound to_call us in, but why he_should_have gone to ou I_can't understand ."

" pure swank ! " Holmes answered ." he_felt so clever and so sure of himself that he imagined no one could touch him . he could_say to any suspicious neighbour, ' look at_the steps I_have taken . I_have consulted not_only the police but even Sherlock Holmes .' "

the inspector laughed .

" we_must forgive you your ' even,' Mr Holmes," said he " it's as workmanlike a job as I_can remember ."

a couple of days later my friend tossed across to_me a copy of_the bi- weekly north surrey observer . under a series of flaming headlines, which began with " the haven horror" and ended with " brilliant police investigation," there_was apacked column of print which gave the first consecutive account of_the affair . the concluding paragraph is typical of_the whole . it ran thus:

the remarkable acumen by_which inspector MacKinnon deduced from_the smell of paint that some other smell, that of gas, for example, might_be concealed; the bold deduction that_the strong- room might also be the death- chamber, and_the subsequent inquiry which led to_the discovery of_the bodies in adisused well, cleverly concealed by a dog kennel, should live in_the history of crime as astanding example of_the intelligence of_our professional detectives .

" well, well, MacKinnon is a good fellow," said Holmes with a tolerant smile ." you_can file it in_our archives, Watson . some day the true story may_be told ."

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