the curious republic of Gondour

by mark twain

as_soon_as I had learned to_speak the language a little, I became greatly interested in_the people and_the system of government .

I_found that_the nation had at first tried universal suffrage pure and simple, but had thrown that form aside because the result was not satisfactory . it had seemed to deliver all power into_the hands of_the ignorant and non- tax-paying classes; and of a necessity the responsible offices were filled from_these classes also .

a remedy was sought . the people believed they had found it; not in_the destruction of universal suffrage, but in_the enlargement of it . it_was an odd idea, and ingenious . you_must understand, the constitution gave every man a vote; therefore that vote was a vested right, and could_not_be taken away . but the constitution did_not say that certain individuals might_not_be given two votes, or ten ! so an amendatory clause was inserted in a quiet way; a clause which authorised the enlargement of_the suffrage in certain cases to_be specified by statute . to offer to " limit" the suffrage might_have made instant trouble; the offer to " enlarge" it had a pleasant aspect . but of_course the newspapers soon began to suspect; and then out they came ! it_was found, however, that for once-- and for_the first time in_the history of_the republic -- property, character, and intellect were able to wield a political influence; for once, money, virtue, and intelligence took a vital and a united interest in a political question; for once these powers went to_the "primaries" in strong force; for once the best men in_the nation were put forward as candidates for_that parliament whose business it should_be to enlarge the suffrage . the weightiest half of_the press quickly joined forces with_the new movement, and left the other half to rail about_the proposed " destruction of_the liberties" of_the bottom layer of society, the hitherto governing class of_the community .

the victory was complete . the new law was framed and passed . under it every citizen, howsoever poor or ignorant, possessed one vote, so universal suffrage still reigned; but if a man possessed a good common- school education and no money, he had two votes; a high- school education gave him four; if he had property like wise, to_the value of three thousand 'sacos,' he wielded one more vote; for every fifty thousand 'sacos' a man added to_his property, he_was entitled to another vote; a university education entitled a man to nine votes, even though he owned no property . therefore, learning being more prevalent and more easily acquired than riches, educated men became a wholesome check upon wealthy men, since they_could outvote them .Learning goes usually with uprightness, broad views, and humanity; so the learned voters, possessing the balance of power, became the vigilant and efficient protectors of_the great lower rank of society .

and now a curious thing developed itself--a sort of emulation, whose object was voting power ! whereas formerly a man was honored only according to_the amount of money he possessed, his grandeur was measured now by_the number of votes he wielded .a man with only_one vote was conspicuously respectful to_his neighbor who possessed three . and if he_was a man above the common- place, he_was as conspicuously energetic in_his determination to acquire three for himself . this spirit of emulation invaded all ranks .Votes based upon capital were commonly called " mortal" votes, because they_could be lost; those based upon learning were called " immortal," because they were permanent, and because of_their customarily imperishable character they were naturally more valued than_the other sort . I_say " customarily" for_the reason that_these votes were_not absolutely imperishable, since insanity could suspend them .

under this system, gambling and speculation almost ceased in_the republic .a man honoured as_the possessor of great voting power could_not afford to risk the loss of it upon a doubtful chance .

it_was curious to observe the manners and customs which the enlargement plan produced .Walking the street with a friend one day he delivered a careless bow to apasser- by, and then remarked that that person possessed only_one vote and would probably never earn another; he_was more respectful to_the next acquaintance he met; he explained that_this salute was afour- vote bow .I tried to " average" the importance of_the people he accosted after_that, by_the- nature of_his bows, but my success was only partial, because of_the somewhat greater homage paid to_the immortals than to_the mortals . my friend explained . he_said there_was no law to regulate this thing, except that most powerful of all laws, custom . custom had created these varying bows, and in_time they had become easy and natural . at_this moment he delivered himself of a very profound salute, and then said, " now there's a man who began life as a shoemaker's apprentice, and without education; now he swings twenty- two mortal votes and two immortal ones; he expects to_pass a high- school examination this year and climb a couple of votes higher among_the immortals; mighty valuable citizen ."

by and by my friend met a venerable personage, and not_only made him a most elaborate bow, but also took off his hat . i_took off mine, too, with a mysterious awe . i_was beginning to_be infected .

" what grandee is_that ? "

" that_is our most illustrious astronomer . he hasn't any money, but is fearfully learned .Nine immortals is his political weight ! he_would swing a hundred and fifty votes if our system were perfect ."

" is_there any altitude of mere moneyed grandeur that you take off your hat to ? "

" no .Nine immortal votes is_the only power we uncover for_that is, in civil life . very great officials receive that mark of homage, of_course ."

it_was common to hear people admiringly mention men who had begun life on_the lower levels and in_time achieved great voting- power . it_was also common to hear youths planning a future of ever so_many votes for themselves .I heard shrewd mammas speak of certain young men as good "catches" because they possessed such- and- such a number of votes . I_knew of more than one case where an heiress was married to a youngster who had but one vote; the argument being that he_was gifted with_such excellent parts that in_time he_would acquire a good voting strength, and perhaps in_the long run be_able to outvote his wife, if he had luck .

competitive examinations were the rule and in all official grades .I remarked that_the questions asked the candidates were wild, intricate, and often required a sort of knowledge not needed in_the office sought .

" can a fool or an ignoramus answer them ? " asked the person i_was talking with .

" certainly not ."

" well, you_will_not find any fools or ignoramuses among our officials ."

I_felt rather cornered, but made shift to_say:

" but these questions cover a good_deal more ground than is necessary ."

" no matter; if candidates can answer these it_is tolerably fair evidence that_they can answer nearly any_other question you choose to ask them ."

there were some things in Gondour which one could_not shut his eyes to . one was, that ignorance and incompetence had no place in_the government .Brains and property managed the state .a candidate for office must_have marked ability, education, and high character, or he stood no sort of chance of election . if a hod- carrier possessed these, he_could succeed; but the mere fact that he_was a hod- carrier could_not elect him, as in previous times .

it_was now a very great honour to_be in_the parliament or in office; under the old system such distinction had only brought suspicion upon a man and made him a helpless mark for newspaper contempt and scurrility .Officials did_not need to steal now, their salaries being vast in comparison with_the pittances paid in_the days when parliaments were created by hod-carriers, who viewed official salaries from a hod-carrying point of view and compelled that view to_be respected by their obsequious servants . justice was wisely and rigidly administered; for a judge, after once reaching his place through_the specified line of promotions, was apermanency during good behaviour . he_was not obliged to modify his judgments according to_the effect they_might have upon_the temper of areigning political party .

the country was mainly governed by a ministry which went out with_the administration that created it . this_was also the case with_the chiefs of_the great departments . minor officials ascended to_their several positions through well- earned promotions, and not by a jump from gin-mills or the needy families and friends of members of parliament . good behaviour measured their terms of office .

the head of_the governments the grand caliph, was elected for a term of twenty years .I questioned the wisdom of_this . i_was answered that he_could do no harm, since_the ministry and_the parliament governed the land, and he_was liable to impeachment for misconduct . this great office had twice been ably filled by women, women as aptly fitted for_it as some_of_the sceptred queens of history .Members of_the cabinet, under many administrations, had_been women .

I_found that_the pardoning power was lodged in a court of pardons, consisting of several great judges . under the old regime, this important power was vested in a single official, and he usually took care to_have a general jail delivery in_time for_the next election .

I inquired about public schools . there were plenty of_them, and of free colleges too .I inquired about compulsory education . this_was received with a smile, and_the remark:

" when a man's child is able to_make himself powerful and honoured according to_the amount of education he acquires, don't you suppose that that parent will apply the compulsion himself ? our free schools and free colleges require no law to_fill them ."

there_was aloving pride of country about_this person's way of speaking which annoyed me .I had long been unused to_the sound of it in my own . the Gondour national airs were forever dinning in my ears; therefore i_was glad to leave that country and come back to my dear native land, where one never hears that sort of music .