The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson by Mark Twain

The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson by Mark Twain
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Pudd'nhead Wilson

mark twain

whisper to_the reader

there_is character , howsoever good and fine , but can_be destroyed ridicule , poor and witless observe the ass, for instance : his about perfect , is_the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what has brought him instead feeling complimented when we_are called ass, we_are left doubt

--Pudd'nhead Wilson 's

person who_is ignorant legal matters always liable to_make mistakes when tries photograph court scene with_his pen ; and i_was not willing let the law chapters in_this book press without first subjecting them rigid and exhausting revision and correction trained barrister -- that_is what they_are called these chapters are right , now , every detail , for they were rewritten under the immediate eye William Hicks, who studied law part while southwest Missouri thirty-five years_ago and then came over here Florence for_his health and_is still helping for exercise and board macaroni vermicelli 's horse - shed , which_is the back alley as_you turn around the corner out_of_the piazza del Duomo just beyond the house where that stone that Dante used sit six hundred years_ago let into_the wall when let to_be watching them build Giotto's campanile and yet always got tired looking Beatrice passed along her way to_get chunk chestnut cake defend herself with in_case Ghibelline outbreak before she got school , at_the same old stand where they sell the same old cake to_this day and it_is just light and good it_was then , too , and this_is_not flattery , far from_it he_was little rusty on_his law , but rubbed for_this book , and those two_or_three legal chapters are right and straight , now he_told himself

given under hand this second day January , 1893, at_the villa Viviani, village Settignano, three miles back Florence , on_the hills-- the same certainly affording the most charming view to_be found on_this planet , and with the most dreamlike and enchanting sunsets to_be found any planet even any solar system -- and given , too , in_the swell room of_the house , with_the busts Cerretani senators and other grandees of_this line looking approvingly down upon , as_they used look down upon Dante, and mutely asking adopt them into family , which I_do with pleasure , for_my remotest ancestors are but spring chickens compared with_these robed and stately antiques, and it_will_be great and satisfying lift for_me , that six hundred years will

mark twain

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chapter 1

Pudd'nhead Wins his name

tell the truth trump -- but get the trick

--Pudd'nhead Wilson 's

the scene of_this chronicle is_the town Dawson 's Landing, on_the Missouri side of_the Mississippi , half day 's journey , per steamboat , below St Louis

1830 it_was snug collection modest one - and two - story frame dwellings , whose whitewashed exteriors were almost concealed from sight climbing tangles rose vines, honeysuckles, and morning glories each of_these pretty homes had garden front fenced with white palings and opulently stocked with hollyhocks, marigolds, touch - -nots, prince 's-feathers, and other old - fashioned flowers; while on_the windowsills of_the houses stood wooden boxes containing moss rose plants and terra-cotta pots in_which grew breed geranium whose spread intensely red blossoms accented the prevailing pink tint of_the rose -clad house - front like explosion flame when there_was room on_the ledge outside of_the pots and boxes for cat, the cat was there -- sunny weather -- stretched full length , asleep and blissful , with her furry belly to_the sun and paw curved over her nose then that house was complete , and its contentment and peace were made manifest to_the world by_this symbol , whose testimony infallible home without cat-- and well -fed, well - petted , and properly revered cat-- may_be perfect home , perhaps , but how can prove title ?

all along the streets, both sides, at_the outer edge of_the brick sidewalks, stood locust trees with trunks protected wooden boxing, and these furnished shade for summer and sweet fragrancer spring , when_the clusters buds came forth the main street , one block back from_the river , and running parallel with , was_the sole business street it_was six blocks long , and each block two_or_three brick stores, three stories high , towered above interjected bunches little frame shops Swinging signs creaked in_the wind the street 's whole length the candy - striped pole , which indicates nobility proud and ancient along the palace - bordered canals Venice, indicated merely the humble barbershop along the main street Dawson 's Landing chief corner stood lofty unpainted pole wreathed from top bottom with tin pots and pans and cups, the chief tinmonger's noisy notice to_the world ( when_the wind blew ) that his shop was hand for business at_that corner

the hamlet 's front was washed by_the clear waters of_the great river ; its body stretched itself rearward gentle incline ; its most border fringed itself out and scattered its houses about its base line of_the hills; the hills rose high , enclosing the town half - moon curve , clothed with forests from foot summit

Steamboats passed and down every hour those belonging to_the little Cairo line and_the little Memphis line always stopped ; the big Orleans liners stopped for hails only , land passengers freight ; and this_was the case also with_the great flotilla "transients " these latter came out dozen rivers-- the Illinois , the Missouri , the upper Mississippi , the Ohio , the Monongahela, the Tennessee , the red river , the white river , and -- and were bound every whither and stocked with every imaginable comfort necessity , which the 's communities could want , from_the frosty Falls St Anthony down through nine climates torrid New_Orleans

Dawson 's Landing was slaveholding town , with rich , slave - worked grain and pork country back the town was sleepy and comfortable and contented it_was fifty years old , and was growing slowly -- very slowly , in_fact , but still it_was growing

the chief citizen was York Leicester Driscoll, about forty years old , judge of_the county court he_was very proud of_his old Virginian ancestry , and in_his hospitalities and_his rather formal and stately manners, kept its traditions he_was fine and just and generous to_be gentleman --a without stain blemish -- was his only religion , and to_it he_was always faithful he_was respected , esteemed , and beloved all of_the community he_was well off , and was gradually adding to_his store and_his wife were very nearly happy , but not quite , for they had children the longing for_the treasure child had grown stronger and as_the years slipped away , but the blessing never came -- and was never to_come

with_this pair lived the judge 's widowed sister , Mrs Rachel Pratt, and she also was childless -- , and sorrowful for_that reason , and not to_be comforted the women were good and commonplace people , and did their duty , and had their reward clear consciences and_the community 's approbation they were Presbyterians, the judge was freethinker

Pembroke Howard , lawyer and bachelor , aged almost forty, was another old Virginian grandee with proved descent from_the first families he_was fine , majestic creature , gentleman according to_the nicest requirements of_the rule , devoted Presbyterian , authority on_the " code ", and man always courteously ready stand before_you in_the field any act word of_his had seemed doubtful suspicious to_you , and explain with any weapon you_might prefer from bradawls artillery he_was very popular with_the people , and was_the judge 's dearest friend

then there_was colonel Cecil Burleigh Essex, another F F V formidable caliber -- however , with_him we_have concern

Percy Northumberland Driscoll, brother to_the judge , and younger than five years, was married man , and had had children around his hearthstone ; but they were attacked detail measles , croup , and scarlet fever , and this had given the doctor chance with_his effective antediluvian methods; the cradles were empty he_was prosperous man , with good head for speculations, and_his fortune was growing on_the first February , 1830, two boy babes were born in_his house ; one him , one one of_his slave girls, Roxana name Roxana was twenty years old she was and around the same day , with her hands full , for she was tending both babes

Mrs Percy Driscoll died within_the week Roxy remained charge of_the children she had her own way , for_Mr Driscoll soon absorbed himself in_his speculations and left her her own devices

in_that same month February , Dawson 's Landing gained new citizen this_was Mr David Wilson , young fellow Scotch parentage had wandered to_this remote region from_his birthplace in_the interior of_the state New_York , seek his fortune he_was twenty-five years old , college bred , and had finished post - college course eastern law school couple years before

he_was homely , freckled , sandy -haired young fellow , with intelligent blue eye that had frankness and comradeship in_it and covert twinkle pleasant sort but for unfortunate remark of_his , he_would no_doubt have entered once upon successful career Dawson 's Landing but he_made his fatal remark the first day spent in_the village , and "gaged" him had just made the acquaintance group citizens when invisible dog began yelp and snarl and howl and make himself very comprehensively disagreeable , whereupon young Wilson said , much one who_is thinking aloud :

" i_wish I owned half of_that dog "

" why ? " somebody asked

" because i_would kill half "

the group searched his face with curiosity , with anxiety even , but found light there , expression that they_could read they fell away from_him from something uncanny , and went into privacy discuss him one said :

"'Pears to_be fool "

"'Pears ? " said another "_Is, I reckon you better say "

" said he_wished owned half of_the dog , the idiot ," said third " what did reckon would become of_the other half killed his half ? do_you reckon thought would live ? "

" why , he_must_have thought , unless is_the downrightest fool in_the_world ; because hadn't thought , he_would_have wanted own the whole dog , knowing that killed his half and_the other half died , he_would_be responsible for_that half just the same as_if had killed that half instead of_his own Don't look that way to_you , gents ? "

" yes , does owned one half of_the general dog , would_be ; owned one end of_the dog and another person owned the other end , , just the same ; particularly in_the first case , because if_you kill one half general dog , there ain't any man that_can tell whose half it_was ; but owned one end of_the dog , maybe he_could kill his end and --"

" , couldn't either ; couldn't and not responsible if_the other end died , which would opinion that man ain't in_his right mind "

" opinion hain't got any mind "

3 said : " well , 's lummox, anyway "

that 's what he_is ;" said 4 " 's labrick-- just Simon- pure labrick, there_was one "

" yes , sir , 's dam fool that 's the way I put him ," said 5 " anybody can think different that wants , but those are sentiments "

"I'm with_you , gentlemen ," said 6 " perfect jackass-- yes , and ain't going too far to_say he_is pudd'nhead ain't pudd'nhead, I ain't judge , that 's all "

Mr Wilson stood elected the incident was told all over the town , and gravely discussed everybody within week had lost his first name ; Pudd'nhead took its place in_time he_came to_be liked , and well liked too ; but by_that_time the nickname had got well stuck , and stayed that first day 's verdict made him fool , and he_was not able to_get set aside , even modified the soon ceased carry any harsh unfriendly feeling with , but held its place , and was to_continue hold its place for twenty long years

chapter 2

Driscoll Spares his Slaves

Adam was but human -- this explains all he_did_not want the apple for_the apple 's sake , he_wanted only because it_was forbidden the mistake was not forbidding the serpent ; then he_would_have eaten the serpent

--Pudd'nhead Wilson 's

Pudd'nhead Wilson had trifle money when arrived , and bought small house on_the extreme western verge of_the town between and judge Driscoll's house there_was only grassy yard , with paling fence dividing the properties in_the middle hired small office down in_the town and hung out tin sign with_these words on_it :