The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson by Mark Twain

The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson by Mark Twain
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's pinted

Sent

, en I's

de woods en ain't got

' I knowed de Mogul

'uz

de Sent

'uz jes

, en I

o' niggers en white

folks huntin'

de sho', en troublin' deyselves

;

't troublin' myself

dem

"' bout dat time sally Jackson, dat used to_be second chambermaid en 'uz head now , she come out de guard , en 'uz POW 'ful glad_to_see , en 'uz all de officers; en I tole 'em I'd got kidnapped en sole down de river , en dey made twenty dollahs en give to_me , en sally she rigged out wid good clo'es, en when I got here I went straight whah you used wuz, en den I come dis house , en dey say you 's away but 'spected back every day ; I didn't dast to_go down de river Dawson 's, 'ca'se I_might miss you

" well , las' Monday I 'uz pass 'n one o' dem places fourth street whah deh sticks runaway nigger bills, en ' ketch 'em, en I seed marster ! I 'mos' flopped down de groun', I_felt gone had his back to_me , en 'uz talkin' de man en givin' him some bills--nigger bills, I reckon , en I's de nigger 's offerin' reward --dat's Ain't I right , don't you reckon ? "

Tom had_been gradually sinking into state ghastly terror , and he_said himself , now : "I'm lost , matter what turn things take ! this man has said to_me that thinks there_was something suspicious about_that sale he_said had letter from passenger on_the grand Mogul saying that Roxy came here on_that boat and_that everybody board knew all about_the case ; he_says that her coming here instead flying free state looks bad for_me , I don't find her for him , pretty soon , he_will make trouble for_me I never believed that story ; I couldn't believe she_would dead all motherly instincts to_come here , knowing the risk run getting into irremediable trouble and after all , here she_is ! and I stupidly swore i_would help find her , thinking it_was perfectly safe thing promise I venture deliver her , she -- she -- but how can I help myself ? I've got do_that pay the money , and where 's the money to_come from ? I--I-- well , i_should think that he_would swear treat her kindly hereafter -- and she says , herself , that he_is good man -- and swear never allow her to_be overworked , ill fed, --"

flash lightning exposed Tom's pallid face , drawn and rigid with_these worrying thoughts Roxana spoke sharply now , and there_was apprehension her voice

" turn dat light ! i_want_to_see yo' face better Dah now --lemme look you Chambers, you 's white yo' shirt ! has you_see dat man ? has 'n to_see you ? "

" -s "

" when ? "

" Monday noon "

" Monday noon ! was track ? "

" -- well , thought he_was that_is , hoped he_was this_is_the bill you saw " he_took out of_his pocket

" read to_me ! "

she was panting with excitement , and there_was dusky glow her eyes that Tom could_not translate with certainty , but there seemed to_be something threatening about_it the handbill had the usual rude woodcut turbaned Negro woman running, with_the customary bundle stick over her shoulder , and_the heading bold type , "$100 reward " Tom read the bill aloud -- at_least the part that described Roxana and named the master and_his St Louis address and_the address of_the fourth street agency ; but left out the item that applicants for_the reward might also apply Mr Thomas Driscoll

"Gimme de bill ! "

Tom had folded and was putting in_his pocket he_felt chilly streak creeping down his back , but said carelessly he_could :

" the bill ? why , isn't any use to_you , you_can 't read what do_you_want with ? "

"Gimme de bill ! " Tom gave her , but with reluctance which he_could_not entirely disguise " did you read all to_me ? "

" certainly I_did "

" hole yo' han' en swah to_it "

Tom did Roxana put the bill carefully away her pocket , with her eyes fixed upon Tom's face all the while ; then she said :

"Yo's lyin' ! "

" what would i_want lie about_it for ? "

"I don't know -- but you Dat's opinion , anyways but nemmine ' bout dat when I seed dat man I 'uz dat sk'yerd dat I_could sca'cely wobble home den I_give nigger man dollar for dese clo'es, en I ain't ' house sence, night ner day , till now I blacked face en laid hid de cellar ole house dat's burnt down , daytimes, en robbed de sugar hogsheads en grain sacks de wharf , nights, git somethin' eat , en never dast to_try to_buy noth'n', en I's 'mos' starved En I never dast to_come near dis place till dis rainy night , when dey ain't people roun' sca'cely but tonight I 'n a-stanin' de dark alley ever sence night come , waitin' for_you to_go En here I "

she fell thinking presently she said :

" you seed dat man noon , las' Monday ? "

" yes "

"I seed him de middle o' dat arternoon hunted you , didn't ? "

" yes "

" did give_you de bill dat time ? "

" , hadn't got printed yet "

Roxana darted suspicious glance him

" did you 'p him fix de bill ? "

Tom cursed himself for making that stupid blunder , and tried rectify saying remember now that_it_was noon Monday that_the man gave him the bill Roxana said :

" you 's lyin' ag' , sho " then she straightened and raised her finger :

" now den ! I's gwine ask_you question , en I wants to_know how you 's gwine git aroun' you knowed 'uz arter ; en if_you run off , 'stid o' stayin' here 'p him , 'd know dey 'uz somethin' wrong ' bout dis business , en den he_would inquire ' bout you , en dat would take him yo' uncle , en yo' uncle would read de bill en see dat you 'n sellin' free nigger down de river , en you_know him , I reckon ! 'd t'ar de will en kick you outen de house now , den , you answer dis question : hain't you tole dat man dat i_would_be sho' to_come here , en den you_would fix he_could set trap en ketch ? "

Tom recognized that neither lies nor arguments could help him any longer -- he_was vise , with_the screw turned , and out there_was budging his face began to_take ugly look , and presently he_said , with snarl :

" well , what could I_do ? you_see , yourself , that i_was in_his grip and couldn't get out "

Roxy scorched him with scornful gaze awhile, then she said :

" what could you_do ? you_could_be Judas yo' own mother save yo' wuthless hide ! would anybody b'lieve ? --a dog couldn't ! you de lowdownest orneriest hound dat was ever pup 'd into dis worl'--en I's 'sponsible for_it ! "-- and she spat him

he_made effort resent this Roxy reflected moment , then she said :

" now I'll tell you what you 's gwine to_do you 's gwine to_give dat man de money dat you 's got laid , en make him wait till you kin de judge en git de res' en buy free agin "

" thunder ! what_are you thinking ? and ask him for three hundred dollars and odd ? what would I tell him i_want for , pray ? "

Roxy's answer was delivered serene and level voice

" you 'll tell him you 's sole to_pay yo' gamblin' debts en dat you lied to_me en was villain , en dat I 'quires you git dat money en buy back ag' "

" why , you 've gone stark mad ! he_would tear the will shreads minute --don't you_know that ? "

" yes , I does "

" then you don't believe I'm idiot enough to_go him , do_you ? "

"I don't b'lieve nothin' ' bout --I KNOWS you 's a-goin' I knows 'ca'se you knows dat if_you don't raise dat money I'll him myself , en den 'll sell you down de river , en you kin see how you like ! "

Tom rose , trembling and excited, and there_was evil light in_his eye strode to_the door and said he_must get out of_this suffocating place for moment and clear his brain in_the fresh air so_that he_could determine what to_do the door wouldn't open Roxy smiled grimly, and said :

"I's got the key , honey -- set down you needn't cle'r yo' brain none fine out what you gwine to_do --_I knows what you 's gwine to_do " Tom sat down and began to_pass his hands through his hair with helpless and desperate air Roxy said , " dat man dis house ? "

Tom glanced with surprised expression , and asked :

" what gave_you such idea ? "

" you done Gwine out cle'r yo' brain ! de fust place you ain't got none cle'r, en de second place yo' ornery eye tole you you 's de lowdownest hound dat ever -- but I done told you dat befo' now den , dis Friday you kin fix wid dat man , en tell him you 's gwine away git de res' o' de money , en dat you 'll back wid nex' Tuesday , maybe Wednesday you understan' ? "

Tom answered sullenly : " yes "

"En when_you gits de new bill o' sale dat sells own self , take en send de mail Mr Pudd'nhead Wilson , en write de back dat 's to_keep tell I come you understan' ? "

" yes "

"Dat's all den take yo' umbreller, en put yo' hat "

" why ? "

"Beca'se you 's gwine to_see home de wharf you_see dis knife ? I's toted aroun' sence de day I seed dat man en bought dese clo'es en ketch , I's gwine kill myself wid now start along , en sof', en lead de way ; en if_you gives sign dis house , anybody comes to_you de street , I's gwine jam right into you Chambers, does you b'lieve when I says dat ? "

" 's use bother with_that question I_know your word 's good "

" yes , 's diff' rent from yo'n ! Shet de light out en move along -- here 's de key "

they were_not followed Tom trembled every time late straggler brushed by_them on_the street , and half expected to_feel the cold steel in_his back Roxy was right his heels and always reach after tramping mile they reached wide vacancy on_the deserted wharves, and in_this dark and rainy desert they parted

Tom trudged home his mind was full dreary thoughts and wild plans; but last he_said himself , wearily :

" there_is but the one_way out I_must follow her plan but with variation -- i_will_not ask for_the money and ruin myself ; i_will rob the old skinflint "

chapter 19

the prophesy realized

few things are harder to_put with than_the annoyance good example

--Pudd'nhead Wilson 's

were_not best that we_should all think alike ; it_is difference opinion that makes horse races

--Pudd'nhead Wilson 's

Dawson 's Landing was comfortably finishing its season dull repose and waiting patiently for_the duel count Luigi was waiting, too ; but not patiently, rumor said Sunday came , and Luigi insisted having his challenge conveyed Wilson carried judge Driscoll declined fight with assassin -- " that_is ," added significantly , " in_the field honor "

elsewhere , of_course , he_would_be ready Wilson tried to_convince him that had_been present himself when Angelo told him about_the homicide committed Luigi, he_would_not have considered the act discreditable Luigi; but the obstinate old man was not to_be moved

Wilson went back to_his principal and reported the failure of_his mission Luigi was incensed , and asked how could_be that_the old gentleman , who was means dull -witted, held his trifling nephew 's evidence inferences to_be more value than Wilson 's but Wilson laughed, and said :

" that_is quite simple ; that_is easily explicable I_am not his doll -- his baby -- his infatuation : his nature the judge and_his late wife never had any children the judge and_his wife were past middle age when_this treasure fell into their lap one must make allowances for parental instinct that has_been starving for twenty-five thirty years it_is famished, it_is crazed wit hunger by_that_time , and will_be entirely satisfied with anything that comes handy ; its taste atrophied , can 't tell mud cat from shad devil born young couple measurably recognizable by_them devil before long , but devil adopted old couple angel to_them , and remains , through thick and thin Tom is_this old man 's angel ; he_is infatuated with_him Tom can persuade him into things which other people can 't-- not all things ; I don't mean that , but good_many -- particularly one class things : the things that create abolish personal partialities prejudices in_the old man 's mind the old man liked both you Tom conceived hatred for_you that was enough ; turned the old man around once the oldest and strongest friendship must to_the ground when one_of_these late - adopted darlings throws brick "

" 's curious philosophy ," said Luigi

" ain't philosophy all -- 's fact and there_is something pathetic and beautiful about_it , too i_think nothing more than to_see one_of_these poor old childless couples taking menagerie yelping little worthless dogs to_their hearts; and then adding some cursing and squawking parrots and jackass- voiced macaw ; and next couple hundred screeching songbirds, and presently some fetid guinea pigs and rabbits, and howling colony cats it_is all groping and ignorant effort construct out base metal and brass filings , to_speak , something take_the place of_that golden treasure denied them nature , child but this_is digression the unwritten law of_this region requires you kill judge Driscoll sight , and and_the community will expect that attention your hands-- though of_course your own death his will answer every purpose look out for him ! are_you healed -- that_is , fixed ? "