The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson by Mark Twain
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body so sudden for, like dat ? what's be'n en gone en happen' ? "

" well, there's one_thing I didn't tell you . when I wouldn't fight, he tore up the will again, and--"

Roxana's face turned a dead white, and she said:

" now you's done ! -- done forever ! Dat's de end .Bofe un us is gwine to starve to--"

" wait and hear me through, can't you ! I reckon that when he resolved to fight, himself, he thought he might get killed and not have a chance to forgive me any more in_this life, so he_made the will again, and I've seen it, and it's all right . but--"

"Oh, thank goodness, den we's safe ag' in ! -- safe ! en so what did you_want to_come here en talk sich dreadful--"

" hold on, I tell you, and let me finish . the swag I gathered won't half square me up, and_the first thing we_know, my creditors-- well, you_know what'll happen ."

Roxana dropped her chin, and told her son to leave her alone-- she_must think this_matter out . presently she said impressively:

" you got to_go mighty keerful now, I tell you ! En here's what you got to_do . he didn't git killed, en if_you gives him de least reason, he'll bust de will ag' in, en dat's de las' time, now you hear me ! so-- you's got to show him what you kin do in de nex' few_days . you got to_be pison good, en let him see it; you got to_do everything dat'll make him b'lieve in you, en you got to sweeten aroun' ole aunt Pratt, too-- she's POW'ful strong with de Jedge, en de bes' frien' you got .Nex', you'll go ' long away to Sent Louis, en dat'll keep him in yo' favor . den you go en make a bargain wid dem people . you tell 'em he ain't gwine to live long--en dat's de fac', too--en tell 'em you'll pay 'em intrust, en big intrust, too--ten per-- what you call it ? "

"Ten percent a month ? "

"Dat's it . den you take and sell yo' truck aroun', a little at_a_time, en pay de intrust . how long will it las' ? "

" i_think there's enough to_pay the interest five or six months ." " den you's all right . if he don't die in six months, dat don't make no diff'rence-- Providence'll provide . you's gwine to_be safe-- if_you behaves ." she bent an austere eye on him and added, "En you is gwine to behave--does you_know dat ? "

he laughed and said he_was going to_try, anyway . she did_not unbend . she said gravely:

"Tryin' ain't de thing . you's gwine to_do_it . you ain't gwine to steal a pin--'ca'se it ain't safe no mo'; en you ain't gwine into no bad comp'ny-- not even once, you understand; en you ain't gwine to drink a drop--nary a single drop; en you ain't gwine to gamble one single gamble-- not one ! Dis ain't what you's gwine to_try to_do, it's what you's gwine to_do .En I'll tell you how I knows it .Dis is how .I's gwine to foller along to Sent Louis my own self; en you's gwine to_come to_me every day o' your life, en I'll look you over; en if_you fails in one single one o' dem things--jist one_-- I take my oath I'll come straight down to dis town en tell de Jedge you's anigger en a slave--en prove it ! " she paused to let her words sink home . then she added, "Chambers, does you b'lieve me when I says dat ? "

Tom was sober enough now . there_was no levity in_his voice when he answered:

" yes, mother, I_know, now, that I_am reformed-- and permanently . permanently-- and beyond the reach of any human temptation ."

" den g' long home en begin ! "

chapter 15

the robber robbed

nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits .

--Pudd'nhead Wilson's calendar

behold, the fool saith, " put not all thine eggs in_the one basket"-- which_is but a manner of saying, " scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, " put all your eggs in_the one basket and--_watch that basket ! "

--Pudd'nhead Wilson's calendar

what a time of it Dawson's Landing was having ! all its life it had_been asleep, but now it hardly got a chance for a nod, so swiftly did big events and crashing surprises come along in one another's wake: Friday morning, first glimpse of real nobility, also grand reception at aunt Patsy Cooper's, also great robber raid; Friday evening, dramatic kicking of_the heir of_the chief citizen in presence of four hundred people; Saturday morning, emergence as practicing lawyer of_the long- submerged Pudd'nhead Wilson; Saturday night, duel between chief citizen and titled stranger .

the people took more pride in_the duel than in all the other events put together, perhaps . it_was a glory to_their town to_have such a thing happen there . in their eyes the principals had reached the summit of human honor . everybody paid homage to_their names; their praises were in all mouths . even the duelists' subordinates came in for a handsome share of_the public approbation: wherefore Pudd'nhead Wilson was suddenly become a man of consequence . when asked to run for_the mayoralty Saturday night, he_was risking defeat, but Sunday morning found him a made man and_his success assured .

the twins were prodigiously great now; the town took them to its bosom with enthusiasm . day after day, and night after night, they went dining and visiting from house to house, making friends, enlarging and solidifying their popularity, and charming and surprising all with their musical prodigies, and now_and_then heightening the effects with samples of what they_could do in other directions, out of_their stock of rare and curious accomplishments . they were so pleased that_they gave the regulation thirty days' notice, the required preparation for citizenship, and resolved to finish their days in_this pleasant place . that was_the climax . the delighted community rose as one man and applauded; and when_the twins were asked to stand for seats in_the forthcoming aldermanic board, and consented, the public contentment was rounded and complete .

Tom Driscoll was not happy over these things; they sunk deep, and hurt all the way down . he hated the one twin for kicking him, and_the other one for being the kicker's brother .

now_and_then the people wondered why nothing was heard of_the raider, or of_the stolen knife or the other plunder, but nobody was able to throw any light on_that matter . nearly a week had drifted by, and still the thing remained a vexed mystery .

on Sunday constable Blake and Pudd'nhead Wilson met on_the street, and Tom Driscoll joined them in_time to open their conversation for_them . he_said to Blake: " you_are_not looking well, Blake; you seem_to_be annoyed about something . has anything gone wrong in_the detective business ? I believe you fairly and justifiably claim to_have a pretty good reputation in_that line, isn't it so ? "-- which made Blake feel good, and look it; but Tom added, " for a country detective"-- which made Blake feel the other way, and not_only look it, but betray it in_his voice .

" yes, sir, I_have got a reputation; and it's as good as anybody's in_the profession, too, country or no country ."

"Oh, I beg pardon; I didn't mean any offense . what I started out to ask was only about_the old woman that raided the town-- the stoop- shouldered old woman, you_know, that you said you were going to catch; and I_knew you_would, too, because you_have the reputation of never boasting, and-- well, you-- you've caught the old woman ? "

"Damn the old woman ! "

" why, sho ! you don't mean to_say you haven't caught her ? "

" no, I haven't caught her . if anybody could_have caught her, I_could; but nobody couldn't, I don't care who he_is ."

I_am sorry, real sorry-- for your sake; because, when it gets around that a detective has expressed himself confidently, and then--"

"Don't you worry, that's all--don't you worry; and as for_the town, the town needn't worry either . she's my meat-- make yourself easy about_that .I'm on her track; I've got clues that--"

" that's good ! now if_you_could get an old veteran detective down from St . Louis to help_you find out what the clues mean, and where they lead to, and then--"

"I'm plenty veteran enough myself, and I don't need anybody's help .I'll have her inside of a we-- inside of a month . that I'll swear to ! "

Tom said carelessly:

"I suppose that_will answer-- yes, that_will answer . but I reckon she_is pretty old, and old people don't often outlive the cautious pace of_the professional detective when he has got his clues together and_is out on_his still- hunt ."

Blake's dull face flushed under this gibe, but before he_could set his retort in_order Tom had turned to Wilson, and was saying, with placid indifference of manner and voice:

" who got the reward, Pudd'nhead ? "

Wilson winced slightly, and saw that his own turn was come .

" what reward ? "

" why, the reward for_the thief, and_the other one for_the knife ."

Wilson answered-- and rather uncomfortably, to judge by his hesitating fashion of delivering himself:

" well, the-- well, in face, nobody has claimed it yet ."

Tom seemed surprised .

" why, is_that so ? "

Wilson showed a trifle of irritation when he replied:

" yes, it's so . and what of it ? "

"Oh, nothing . only i_thought you had struck out a new idea, and invented a scheme that was going to revolutionize the timeworn and ineffectual methods of_the--" he stopped, and turned to Blake, who was happy now that another had taken his place on_the gridiron ."Blake, didn't you understand him to intimate that_it wouldn't be necessary for_you to hunt the old woman down ? "

'B' George, he_said he'd have thief and swag both inside of three days-- he_did, by hokey ! and_that's just about a week ago . why, I_said at_the_time that no thief and no thief's PAL was going to_try to pawn or sell a thing where he knowed the pawnbroker could get both rewards by taking him into camp with_the swag . it was_the blessedest idea that ever I struck ! "

" you'd change your mind," said Wilson, with irritated bluntness, " if you_knew the entire scheme instead of only part of it ."

" well," said the constable, pensively, "I had the idea that_it wouldn't work, and up_to now I'm right anyway ."

" very_well, then, let it stand at_that, and give it a further show . it has worked at_least as_well as_your own methods, you perceive ."

the constable hadn't anything handy to hit back with, so he discharged a discontented sniff, and said nothing .

after_the night that Wilson had partly revealed his scheme at his house, Tom had tried for several_days to guess out the secret of_the rest of it, but had failed . then it occurred to him to_give Roxana's smarter head a chance at it . he_made up asupposititious0z H case, and laid it before her . she thought it over, and delivered her verdict upon it .Tom said to himself, " she's hit it, sure ! " he thought he_would test that verdict now, and watch Wilson's face; so he_said reflectively:

" Wilson, you're not a fool--a fact of recent discovery . whatever your scheme was, it had sense in_it, Blake's opinion to_the contrary notwithstanding .I don't ask_you to reveal it, but i_will suppose a case--a case which you_will answer as astarting point for_the real thing I_am going to_come at, and_that's all i_want . you offered five hundred dollars for_the knife, and five hundred for_the thief . we_will suppose, for argument's sake, that_the first reward is advertised and_the second offered by _private letter to pawnbrokers and--"

Blake slapped his thigh, and cried out:

" by Jackson, he's got you, Pudd'nhead ! now why couldn't I or any fool have thought of_that ? "

Wilson said to himself, " anybody with a reasonably good head would_have thought of it . I_am not surprised that Blake didn't detect it; I_am only surprised that Tom did . there_is more to him than I supposed ." he_said nothing aloud, and Tom went on:

" very_well . the thief would_not suspect that there_was a trap, and he_would bring or send the knife, and say he bought it for a song, or found it in_the road, or something like that, and try to collect the reward, and be arrested--wouldn't he ? "

" yes," said Wilson .

" i_think so," said Tom ." there can't be any doubt of it . have_you ever seen that knife ? "

" no ."

" has any friend of yours ? "

" not that I_know of ."

" well, I begin to_think I understand why your scheme failed ."

" what do_you_mean, Tom ? what_are you driving at ? " asked Wilson, with adawning sense of discomfort .

" why, that there isn't any such knife ."

" look here, Wilson," said Blake, "Tom Driscoll's right, for a thousand dollars-- if I had it ."

Wilson's blood warmed a little, and he wondered if he had_been played upon by_those strangers; it certainly had something of_that look . but what could they gain by_it ? he threw out that suggestion .Tom replied:

" gain ? Oh, nothing that you_would value, maybe . but they_are strangers making their way in a new community . is_it nothing to_them to appear as pets of an oriental prince-- at no expense ? it_is nothing to_them to_be_able to dazzle this poor town with thousand- dollar rewards-- at no expense ? Wilson, there isn't any such knife, or your scheme would_have fetched it to light . or if_there_is any such knife, they've got it yet .I believe, myself, that_they've seen such a knife, for Angelo pictured it out with_his pencil too swiftly and handily for him to_have_been inventing it, and of_course I_can't swear that_they've never had it; but this I'll go bail for-- if_they had it when_they came to_this town, they've got it yet ."

Blake said:

" it looks mighty reasonable, the way Tom puts it; it most certainly does ."

Tom responded, turning to leave:

" you find the old woman, Blake, and if she_can't furnish the knife, go and search the twins ! "

Tom sauntered away . Wilson felt a good_deal

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