The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson by Mark Twain
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whisky ? "

" yes, a little ."

" fetch it ! "

he ran to_his room overhead and brought down a bottle which_was two-thirds full . she tilted it up and took a drink . her eyes sparkled with satisfaction, and she tucked the bottle under her shawl, saying, " it's prime .I'll take it along ."

Tom humbly held the door for her, and she marched out as grim and erect as a grenadier .

chapter 9

Tom Practices sycophancy

why is_it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral ? it_is because we_are_not the person involved .

--Pudd'nhead Wilson's calendar

it_is easy to_find fault, if one has_that disposition . there_was once a man who, not being able to_find any_other fault with_his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in_it .

--Pudd'nhead Wilson's calendar

Tom flung himself on_the sofa, and put his throbbing head in_his hands, and rested his elbows on_his knees . he rocked himself back and forth and moaned .

"I've knelt to anigger wench ! " he muttered ." i_thought I had struck the deepest depths of degradation before, but oh, dear, it_was nothing to_this .. .. well, there_is one consolation, such as_it_is--I've struck bottom this_time; there's nothing lower ."

but that was a hasty conclusion .

at ten that night he climbed the ladder in_the haunted house, pale, weak, and wretched .Roxy was standing in_the door of one_of_the rooms, waiting, for she had heard him .

this_was a two- story log house which had acquired the reputation a few years_ago of being haunted, and_that was_the end of_its usefulness . nobody would live in_it afterward, or go near it by night, and most people even gave it a wide berth in_the daytime . as it had no competition, it_was called the haunted house . it_was getting crazy and ruinous now, from long neglect . it stood three hundred yards beyond Pudd'nhead Wilson's house, with nothing between but vacancy . it was_the last house in_the town at_that end .

Tom followed Roxy into_the room . she had a pile of clean straw in_the corner for a bed, some cheap but well- kept clothing was hanging on_the wall, there_was a tin lantern freckling the floor with little spots of light, and there were various soap and candle boxes scattered about, which served for chairs . the two sat down .Roxy said:

" now den, I'll tell you straight off, en I'll begin to k'leck de money later on; I ain't in no hurry . what does you reckon I's gwine to_tell you ? "

" well, you-- you--oh, Roxy, don't make it too hard for_me ! come right out and tell me you've found out somehow what a shape I'm in on account of dissipation and foolishness ."

" disposition en foolishness ! no sir, dat ain't it .Dat jist ain't nothin' at all, 'longside o' what I knows ."

Tom stared at her, and said:

" why, Roxy, what do_you_mean ? "

she rose, and gloomed above him like a fate .

"I means dis--en it's de lord's truth . you ain't no more kin to ole Marse Driscoll den I is ! dat's what I means ! " and her eyes flamed with triumph .

" what ? "

"Yassir, en dat ain't all ! you's anigger ! --_bawn anigger and a slave ! --en you's anigger en a slave dis minute; en if I opens my mouf ole Marse Driscoll'll sell you down de river befo' you is two days older den what you is now ! "

" it's a thundering lie, you miserable old blatherskite ! "

" it ain't no lie, nuther . it's just de truth, en nothin' but de truth, so he'p me .Yassir-- you's my son_--"

" you devil ! "

"En dat po' boy dat you's be'n a-kickin' en a-cuffin' today is Percy Driscoll's son en yo' marster_--"

" you beast ! "

"En his name is Tom Driscoll, en yo's name's valet de Chambers, en you ain't got no fambly name, beca'se niggers don't have em ! "

Tom sprang up and seized a billet of wood and raised it, but his mother only laughed at him, and said:

" set down, you pup ! Does you_think you kin skyer me ? it ain't in you, nor de likes of you .I reckon you'd shoot me in de back, maybe, if_you got a chance, for dat's jist yo' style--_I knows you, throo en throo-- but I don't mind gitt'n killed, beca'se all dis is down in writin' and it's in safe hands, too, en de man dat's got it knows whah to look for de right man when I gits killed .Oh, bless yo' soul, if_you puts yo' mother up for as big a fool as _you is, you's POW'ful mistaken, I kin tell you ! now den, you set still en behave yo' self; en don't you git up ag' in till I tell you ! "

Tom fretted and chafed awhile in a whirlwind of disorganizing sensations and emotions, and finally said, with something like settled conviction:

" the whole thing is moonshine; now then, go ahead and do your worst; I'm done with_you ."

Roxy made no answer . she took the lantern and started for_the door .Tom was in a cold panic in a moment .

" come back, come back ! " he wailed ."I didn't mean it, Roxy; I take it all back, and I'll never say it again ! please come back, Roxy ! "

the woman stood a moment, then she said gravely:

"Dat's one_thing you's got to stop, valet de Chambers . you_can't call me Roxy_, same as if_you was my equal .Chillen don't speak to dey mammies like dat . you'll call me MA or mammy, dat's what you'll call me--leastways when de ain't nobody aroun' . say it ! "

it cost Tom a struggle, but he got it out .

"Dat's all right .don't you ever forgit it ag' in, if_you knows what's good for_you . now den, you had said you wouldn't ever call it lies en moonshine ag' in .I'll tell you dis, for awarnin': if_you ever does say it ag' in, it's de LAS' time you'll ever say it to_me; I'll tramp as straight to de judge as I kin walk, en tell him who you is, en prove it .Does you b'lieve me when I says dat ? "

"Oh," groaned Tom, "I more than believe it; I_know it ."

Roxy knew her conquest was complete . she could_have proved nothing to anybody, and her threat of writings was a lie; but she knew the person she was dealing with, and had made both statements without any doubt as_to_the effect they_would produce .

she went and sat down on her candle box, and_the pride and pomp of her victorious attitude made it a throne . she said:

" now den, Chambers, we's gwine to_talk business, en dey ain't gwine to_be no mo' foolishness . in de fust place, you gits fifty dollahs a month; you's gwine to han' over half of it to yo' MA . plank it out ! "

but Tom had only six dollars in_the_world . he_gave her that, and promised to start fair on next_month's pension .

"Chambers, how_much is you in debt ? "

Tom shuddered, and said:

" nearly three hundred dollars ."

" how is you gwine to_pay it ? "

Tom groaned out: "Oh, I don't know; don't ask me such awful questions ."

but she stuck to her point until she wearied a confession out of him: he had_been prowling about in disguise, stealing small valuables from private houses; in_fact, he_made a good_deal of a raid on_his fellow villagers a fortnight before, when he_was supposed to_be in St . Louis; but he doubted if he had sent away enough stuff to realize the required amount, and was afraid to_make a further venture in_the present excited state of_the town . his mother approved of_his conduct, and offered to help, but this frightened him . he tremblingly ventured to_say that if she_would retire from_the town he_should feel better and safer, and could hold his head higher-- and was going on to_make an argument, but she interrupted and surprised him pleasantly by saying she was ready; it didn't make any difference to her where she stayed, so_that she got her share of_the pension regularly . she said she_would not go far, and would call at_the haunted house once_a_month for her money . then she said:

"I don't hate you so_much now, but I've hated you a many a year-- and anybody would .Didn't I change you off, en give_you a good fambly en a good name, en made you a white gen'l' man en rich, wid store clothes on--en what did I git for_it ? you despised me all de time, en was al'ays sayin' mean hard things to_me befo' folks, en wouldn't ever let me forgit I's anigger--en--en--"

she fell to sobbing, and broke down .Tom said: " but you_know I didn't know you were my mother; and besides--"

" well, nemmine ' bout dat, now; let it go .I's gwine to fo'git it ." then she added fiercely, "En don't ever make me remember it ag' in, or you'll be sorry, I tell you ."

when_they were parting, Tom said, in_the most persuasive way he_could command:

" MA, would you mind telling me who was my father ? "

he had supposed he_was asking an embarrassing question . he_was mistaken .Roxy drew herself up with a proud toss of her head, and said:

"Does I mine tellin' you ? no, dat I don't ! you ain't got no 'casion to_be shame' o' yo' father, I kin tell you . he wuz de highest quality in dis whole town--ole Virginny stock .Fust famblies, he wuz .Jes as good stock as de Driscolls en de Howards, de bes' day dey ever seed ." she put on a little prouder air, if possible, and added impressively: "Does you ' member Cunnel Cecil Burleigh Essex, dat died de same year yo' young Marse Tom Driscoll's pappy died, en all de Masons en odd Fellers en Churches turned out en give him de bigges' funeral dis town ever seed ? Dat's de man ."

under the inspiration of her soaring complacency the departed graces of her earlier days returned to her, and her bearing took to itself a dignity and state that might_have passed for queenly if her surroundings had_been a little more in keeping with it .

"Dey ain't another nigger in dis town dat's as highbawn as_you is . now den, go ' long ! En jes you hold yo' head up as high as you_want to-- you has de right, en dat I kin swah ."

chapter 10

the Nymph revealed

all say, " how hard it is_that we_have to die"--a strange complaint to_come from_the mouths of people who_have_had to live .

--Pudd'nhead Wilson's calendar

when angry, count four; when very angry, swear .

--Pudd'nhead Wilson's calendar

every now_and_then, after Tom went to bed, he had sudden wakings out of_his sleep, and_his first thought was, "Oh, joy, it_was all a dream ! " then he laid himself heavily down again, with a groan and_the muttered words, "A nigger ! I_am anigger ! Oh, i_wish i_was dead ! "

he woke at dawn with one more repetition of_this horror, and then he resolved to meddle no more with_that treacherous sleep . he began to_think .Sufficiently bitter thinkings they were . they wandered along something after_this fashion:

why were niggers and whites made ? what crime did the uncreated first nigger commit that_the curse of birth was decreed for him ? and why is_this awful difference made between white and black ? .. . how hard the nigger's fate seems, this_morning ! -- yet until last night such a thought never entered my head ."

he sighed and groaned an hour or more away . then "Chambers" came humbly in to_say that breakfast was nearly ready ."Tom" blushed scarlet to_see this aristocratic white youth cringe to him, anigger, and call him " young Marster ." he_said roughly:

" get out of_my sight ! " and when_the youth was gone, he muttered, " he has_done me no harm, poor wrench, but he_is an eyesore to_me now, for he_is Driscoll, the young gentleman, and I_am a--oh, i_wish i_was dead ! "

a gigantic eruption, like that of Krakatoa a few years_ago, with_the accompanying earthquakes, tidal waves, and clouds of volcanic dust, changes the face of_the surrounding landscape beyond recognition, bringing down the high lands, elevating the low, making fair lakes where deserts had_been, and deserts where green prairies had smiled before . the tremendous catastrophe which had befallen Tom had changed his moral landscape in much the same way . some of_his low places he_found lifted to ideals, some of_his ideas had sunk to_the valleys, and lay there with_the sackcloth and ashes of pumice stone and sulphur on their ruined heads .

for days he wandered in lonely places, thinking, thinking, thinking-- trying to_get his bearings . it_was new work . if he met a friend, he_found that_the habit of a lifetime had in some mysterious way vanished-- his arm hung limp, instead of involuntarily extending the hand for a shake . it was_the "nigger" in him asserting its humility, and he blushed and was abashed . and_the "nigger" in him was surprised when_the white friend put out his hand for a shake with_him . he_found the "nigger" in him involuntarily giving the road, on_the sidewalk, to a white rowdy and loafer . when Rowena, the dearest thing his heart knew, the idol of_his secret worship, invited him in, the "nigger" in him made an embarrassed excuse and was afraid to enter and sit with_the dread white folks on equal terms . the "nigger" in him went shrinking and skulking here and there and yonder, and fancying it saw suspicion and maybe detection in all faces, tones, and gestures . so strange and uncharacteristic was Tom's conduct that people noticed it, and turned to look after him when he passed on; and when he glanced back-- as he_could_not help doing, in_spite of_his best resistance-- and caught that puzzled expression in a person's face, it gave him a sick feeling, and he_took himself out of view as quickly as he_could . he presently came to_have a hunted sense and a hunted look, and then he fled away to_the hilltops and_the solitudes . he_said to himself that_the curse of ham was upon him .

he dreaded his meals; the "nigger" in him was ashamed to sit at_the white folk's table, and feared discovery all the time; and once when judge Driscoll said, " what's the matter with_you ? you look as meek as anigger," he_felt as secret murderers are said to_feel when_the accuser says, " thou art the man ! " Tom said he_was not well, and left the table .

his ostensible " aunt's" solicitudes and endearments were become a terror to him, and he avoided them .

and all the time, hatred of_his ostensible " uncle" was steadily growing in_his heart; for he_said to himself, " he_is white; and I_am his chattel, his property, his goods, and he_can sell me, just as he_could his dog ."

for as_much as a week after_this, Tom imagined

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