The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson by Mark Twain
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but concealed another, which_was gambling . it would_not do to gamble where his uncle could hear of it; he_knew that quite well .

Tom's eastern polish was not popular among_the young people . they could_have endured it, perhaps, if Tom had stopped there; but he wore gloves, and that_they couldn't stand, and wouldn't; so he_was mainly without society . he brought home with_him a suit of clothes of_such exquisite style and cut in fashion-- eastern fashion, city fashion-- that_it filled everybody with anguish and was regarded as a peculiarly wanton affront . he enjoyed the feeling which he_was exciting, and paraded the town serene and happy all day; but the young fellows set a tailor to work that night, and when Tom started out on_his parade next morning, he_found the old deformed Negro bell ringer straddling along in_his wake tricked out in a flamboyant curtain- calico exaggeration of_his finery, and imitating his fancy eastern graces as_well as he_could .

Tom surrendered, and after_that clothed himself in_the local fashion . but the dull country town was tiresome to him, since his acquaintanceship with livelier regions, and it grew daily more and more so . he began to_make little trips to St . Louis for refreshment . there he_found companionship to suit him, and pleasures to_his taste, along with more freedom, in some particulars, than he could_have at home . so, during the next two years, his visits to_the city grew in frequency and_his tarryings there grew steadily longer in duration .

he_was getting into deep waters . he_was taking chances, privately, which might get him into trouble some day-- in_fact, did .

judge Driscoll had retired from_the bench and from all business activities in 1850, and had now been comfortably idle three years . he_was president of_the Freethinkers' society, and Pudd'nhead Wilson was_the other member . the society's weekly discussions were now the old lawyer's main interest in life .Pudd'nhead was still toiling in obscurity at_the bottom of_the ladder, under the blight of_that unlucky remark which he had let fall twenty- three years before about_the dog .

judge Driscoll was his friend, and claimed that he had a mind above the average, but that was regarded as one_of_the judge's whims, and it failed to modify the public opinion . or rather, that was one_of_the reason why it failed, but there_was another and better one . if_the judge had stopped with bare assertion, it would_have had a good_deal of effect; but he_made the mistake of trying to_prove his position . for_some_years Wilson had_been privately at work on a whimsical almanac, for_his amusement--a calendar, with a little dab of ostensible philosophy, usually in ironical form, appended to each date; and_the judge thought that_these quips and fancies of Wilson's were neatly turned and cute; so he carried a handful of_them around one day, and read them to some_of_the chief citizens . but irony was not for_those people; their mental vision was not focused for_it . they read those playful trifles in_the solidest terms, and decided without hesitancy that if there had ever been any doubt that Dave Wilson was apudd'nhead-- which there hadn't-- this revelation removed that doubt for good and all . that_is just the way in_this world; an enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect . after_this the judge felt tenderer than ever toward Wilson, and surer than ever that his calendar had merit .

judge Driscoll could_be a freethinker and still hold his place in society because he was_the person of most consequence to_the community, and therefore could venture to_go his own way and follow out his own notions . the other member of_his pet organization was allowed the like liberty because he_was a cipher in_the estimation of_the public, and nobody attached any importance to what he thought or did . he_was liked, he_was welcome enough all around, but he simply didn't count for anything .

the widow Cooper-- affectionately called " aunt Patsy" by everybody-- lived in a snug and comely cottage with her daughter Rowena, who was nineteen, romantic, amiable, and very pretty, but otherwise of no consequence . Rowena had a couple of young brothers-- also of no consequence .

the widow had a large spare room, which she let to a lodger, with board, when she_could find one, but this room had_been empty for a year now, to her sorrow . her income was only sufficient for_the family support, and she needed the lodging money for trifling luxuries . but now, at last, on aflaming June day, she found herself happy; her tedious wait was ended; her year- worn advertisement had_been answered; and not by a village applicant, no, no ! -- this letter was from away off yonder in_the dim great world to_the north; it_was from St . Louis . she sat on her porch gazing out with unseeing eyes upon_the shining reaches of_the mighty Mississippi, her thoughts steeped in her good fortune . indeed it_was specially good fortune, for she was to_have two lodgers instead of one .

she had read the letter to_the family, and Rowena had danced away to_see to_the cleaning and airing of_the room by_the slave woman, Nancy, and_the boys had rushed abroad in_the town to spread the great news, for it_was a matter of public interest, and_the public would wonder and not be pleased if_not informed . presently Rowena returned, all ablush with joyous excitement, and begged for arereading of_the letter . it_was framed thus:

honored madam: my brother and I_have_seen your advertisement, by chance, and beg leave to take_the room you offer . we_are twenty-four years_of_age and twins . we_are Italians by birth, but have lived long in_the various countries of Europe, and several years in_the United_States . our names are Luigi and Angelo Capello . you_desire but one guest; but, dear madam, if_you_will allow us to_pay for two, we_will_not incommode you . we_shall_be down Thursday .

"Italians ! how romantic ! just think, MA-- there's never been one in_this town, and everybody will_be dying to_see them, and_they're all ours ! think of_that ! "

" yes, I reckon they'll make a grand stir ."

"Oh, indeed they_will . the whole town will_be on its head ! think-- they've been in Europe and everywhere ! there's never been a traveler in_this town before, MA, I shouldn't wonder if_they've seen kings ! "

" well, a body can't tell, but they'll make stir enough, without that ."

" yes, that's of_course .Luigi--Angelo . they're lovely names; and so grand and foreign-- not like Jones and Robinson and such . Thursday they_are coming, and this_is only Tuesday; it's a cruel long_time to wait . here comes judge Driscoll in at_the gate . he's heard about_it .I'll go and open the door ."

the judge was full of congratulations and curiosity . the letter was read and discussed . soon justice Robinson arrived with more congratulations, and there_was a new reading and a new discussion . this_was the beginning . neighbor after neighbor, of both sexes, followed, and_the procession drifted in and out all day and evening and all Wednesday and Thursday . the letter was read and reread until it_was nearly worn out; everybody admired its courtly and gracious tone, and smooth and practiced style, everybody was sympathetic and excited, and_the Coopers were steeped in happiness all the while .

the boats were very uncertain in low water in_these primitive times . this_time the Thursday boat had_not arrived at ten at night-- so the people had waited at_the landing all day for nothing; they were driven to_their homes by a heavy storm without having had a view of_the illustrious foreigners .

Eleven o'clock came; and_the Cooper house was_the only_one in_the town that still had lights burning . the rain and thunder were booming yet, and_the anxious family were still waiting, still hoping . at last there_was a knock at_the door, and_the family jumped to open it . two Negro men entered, each carrying a trunk, and proceeded upstairs toward the guest room . then entered the twins-- the handsomest, the best dressed, the most distinguished- looking pair of young fellows the west had ever seen . one was a little fairer than_the other, but otherwise they were exact duplicates .

chapter 6

Swimming in glory

let_us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will_be sorry .

--Pudd'nhead Wilson's calendar

habit is habit, and not to_be flung out_of_the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs at step at_a_time .

--Pudd'nhead Wilson's calendar

at breakfast in_the morning, the twins' charm of manner and easy and polished bearing made speedy conquest of_the family's good graces . all constraint and formality quickly disappeared, and_the friendliest feeling succeeded . aunt Patsy called them by their Christian names almost from_the beginning . she was full of_the keenest curiosity about_them, and showed it; they responded by talking about themselves, which pleased her greatly . it presently appeared that in their early youth they had known poverty and hardship . as_the talk wandered along, the old lady watched for_the right place to drop in a question or two concerning that matter, and when she found it, she said to_the blond twin, who was now doing the biographies in_his turn while the brunette one rested:

" if_it ain't asking what I ought not to ask, Mr Angelo, how did you come to_be so friendless and in_such trouble when_you were little ? do_you mind telling ? but don't, if_you_do ."

"Oh, we don't mind it at all, madam; in_our case it_was merely misfortune, and nobody's fault . our parents were well to_do, there in Italy, and we were their only child . we were of_the old Florentine nobility"-- Rowena's heart gave a great bound, her nostrils expanded, and a fine light played in her eyes--" and when_the war broke out, my father was on_the losing side and had to fly for_his life . his estates were confiscated, his personal property seized, and there we were, in Germany, strangers, friendless, and in_fact paupers . my brother and I were ten years old, and well educated for_that age, very studious, very fond of_our books, and well grounded in_the German, French, Spanish, and English languages . also, we were marvelous musical prodigies-- if_you_will allow me to_say it, it being only the truth .

" our father survived his misfortunes only a month, our mother soon followed him, and we were alone in_the_world . our parents could_have made themselves comfortable by exhibiting us as a show, and_they had many and large offers; but the thought revolted their pride, and_they said they_would starve and die first . but what they wouldn't consent to_do, we had to_do without the formality of consent . we were seized for_the debts occasioned by their illness and their funerals, and placed among_the attractions of a cheap museum in Berlin to earn the liquidation money . it took us two years to_get out of_that slavery . we traveled all about Germany, receiving no wages, and not even our keep . we had to_be exhibited for nothing, and beg our bread .

" well, madam, the rest is_not of much consequence . when we escaped from_that slavery at twelve years_of_age, we were in some respects men . experience had taught us some valuable things; among others, how to_take care of ourselves, how to avoid and defeat sharks and sharpers, and how to conduct our own business for_our own profit and without other people's help . we traveled everywhere--years and years-- picking up smatterings of strange tongues, familiarizing ourselves with strange sights and strange customs, accumulating an education of a wide and varied and curious sort . it_was a pleasant life . we went to Venice-- to London, Paris, Russia, India, china, Japan--"

at_this point Nancy, the slave woman, thrust her head in at_the door and exclaimed:

"Ole Missus, de house of plum' jam full o' people, en dey's jes a-spi'lin' to_see de gen'lemen ! " she indicated the twins with a nod of her head, and tucked it back out of sight again .

it_was a proud occasion for_the widow, and she promised herself high satisfaction in showing off her fine foreign birds before her neighbors and friends-- simple folk who had hardly ever seen a foreigner of any kind, and never one of any distinction or style . yet her feeling was moderate indeed when contrasted with Rowena's . Rowena was in_the clouds, she walked on air; this_was to_be the greatest day, the most romantic episode in_the colorless history of_that dull country town . she was to_be familiarly near the source of_its glory and feel the full flood of it pour over her and about her; the other girls could only gaze and envy, not partake .

the widow was ready, Rowena was ready, so also were the foreigners .

the party moved along the hall, the twins in advance, and entered the open parlor door, whence issued a low hum of conversation . the twins took a position near the door, the widow stood at Luigi's side, Rowena stood beside Angelo, and_the march- past and_the introductions began . the widow was all smiles and contentment . she received the procession and passed it on to Rowena .

" good mornin', sister Cooper"--handshake .

" good morning, brother Higgins-- count Luigi Capello, Mr Higgins"-- handshake, followed by adevouring stare and "I'm glad_to_see ye," on_the_part of Higgins, and a courteous inclination of_the head and a pleasant " most

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