The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson by Mark Twain
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and cock his eye again; then, "Hab it ! " with another furtive glace; and finally, " take it ! "-- and_the prize was his . the next moment the heavy implement was raised aloft; the next, there_was a crash and a squall, and_the cat was off on three legs to meet an engagement; Roxy would arrive just as_the lamp or a window went to irremediable smash .

Tom got all the petting, Chambers got none .Tom got all the delicacies, Chambers got mush and milk, and clabber without sugar . in consequence Tom was a sickly child and Chambers wasn't .Tom was " fractious," as Roxy called it, and overbearing; Chambers was meek and docile .

with all her splendid common sense and practical everyday ability, Roxy was adoting fool of a mother . she was_this toward her child-- and she was also more than this: by_the fiction created by herself, he_was become her master; the necessity of recognizing this relation outwardly and of perfecting herself in_the forms required to express the recognition, had moved her to such diligence and faithfulness in practicing these forms that_this exercise soon concreted itself into habit; it became automatic and unconscious; then a natural result followed: deceptions intended solely for others gradually grew practically into self-deceptions as_well; the mock reverence became real reverence, the mock homage real homage; the little counterfeit rift of separation between imitation- slave and imitation- master widened and widened, and became an abyss, and a very real one-- and on one side of it stood Roxy, the dupe of her own deceptions, and on_the other stood her child, no longer a usurper to her, but her accepted and recognized master . he_was her darling, her master, and her deity all in one, and in her worship of him she forgot who she was and what he had_been .

in babyhood Tom cuffed and banged and scratched Chambers unrebuked, and Chambers early learned that between meekly bearing it and resenting it, the advantage all lay with_the former policy . the few_times that his persecutions had moved him beyond control and made him fight back had cost him very dear at headquarters; not at_the hands of Roxy, for if she ever went beyond scolding him sharply for "forgett'n' who his young marster was," she at_least never extended her punishment beyond a box on_the ear . no, Percy Driscoll was_the person . he_told Chambers that under no provocation whatever was he privileged to lift his hand against his little master .Chambers overstepped the line three times, and got three such convincing canings from_the man who was his father and didn't know it, that he_took Tom's cruelties in all humility after_that, and made no more experiments .

outside the house the two boys were together all through their boyhood .Chambers was strong beyond his years, and a good fighter; strong because he_was coarsely fed and hard worked about_the house, and a good fighter because Tom furnished him plenty of practice-- on white boys whom he hated and was afraid of .Chambers was his constant bodyguard, to and from school; he_was present on_the playground at recess to protect his charge . he fought himself into such a formidable reputation, by and by, that Tom could_have changed clothes with_him, and " ridden in peace," like sir Kay in Launcelot's armor .

he_was good at games of skill, too .Tom staked him with marbles to play "keeps" with, and then took all the winnings away from_him . in_the winter season Chambers was on hand, in Tom's worn- out clothes, with " holy" red mittens, and " holy" shoes, and pants " holy" at_the knees and seat, to drag a sled up the hill for Tom, warmly clad, to ride down on; but he never got a ride himself . he built snowmen and snow fortifications under Tom's directions . he_was Tom's patient target when Tom wanted to_do some snowballing, but the target couldn't fire back .Chambers carried Tom's skates to_the river and strapped them on him, the trotted around after him on_the ice, so as to_be on hand when he_wanted; but he wasn't ever asked to_try the skates himself .

in summer the pet pastime of_the boys of Dawson's Landing was to steal apples, peaches, and melons from_the farmer's fruit wagons-- mainly on account of_the risk they ran of getting their heads laid open with_the butt of_the farmer's whip .Tom was a distinguished adept at_these thefts-- by proxy .Chambers did his stealing, and got the peach stones, apple cores, and melon rinds for_his share .

Tom always made Chambers go in swimming with_him, and stay by him as a protection . when Tom had had enough, he_would slip out and tie knots in chamber's shirt, dip the knots in_the water and make them hard to undo, then dress himself and sit by and laugh while the naked shiverer tugged at_the stubborn knots with_his teeth .

Tom did his humble comrade these various ill turns partly out of native viciousness, and partly because he hated him for_his superiorities of physique and pluck, and for_his manifold cleverness .Tom couldn't dive, for_it gave him splitting headaches .Chambers could dive without inconvenience, and was fond of doing it . he excited so_much admiration, one day, among a crowd of white boys, by throwing back somersaults from_the stern of a canoe, that_it wearies Tom's spirit, and at last he shoved the canoe underneath Chambers while he_was in_the air-- so he_came down on_his head in_the canoe bottom; and while he lay unconscious, several of Tom's ancient adversaries saw that their long- desired opportunity was come, and_they gave the false heir such adrubbing that with chamber's best help he_was hardly able to drag himself home afterward .

when_the boys was fifteen and upward, Tom was "showing off" in_the river one day, when he_was taken with a cramp, and shouted for help . it_was a common trick with_the boys-- particularly if a stranger was present-- to pretend a cramp and howl for help; then when_the stranger came tearing hand over hand to_the rescue, the howler would go on struggling and howling till he_was close at hand, then replace the howl with a sarcastic smile and swim blandly away, while the town boys assailed the dupe with a volley of jeers and laughter .Tom had never tried this joke as_yet, but was supposed to_be trying it now, so the boys held warily back; but Chambers believed his master was in earnest; therefore, he swam out, and arrived in_time, unfortunately, and saved his life .

this_was the last feather .Tom had managed to endure everything else, but to_have to remain publicly and permanently under such an obligation as_this to anigger, and to_this nigger of all niggers-- this_was too_much . he heaped insults upon Chambers for "pretending" to_think he_was in earnest in calling for help, and said that anybody but ablockheaded nigger would_have known he_was funning and left him alone .

Tom's enemies were in strong force here, so they came out with their opinions quite freely . the laughed at him, and called him coward, liar, sneak, and other sorts of pet names, and told him they meant to_call Chambers by a new name after_this, and make it common in_the town--"Tom Driscoll's nigger pappy,"-- to signify that he had had a second birth into_this life, and_that Chambers was_the author of_his new being .Tom grew frantic under these taunts, and shouted:

" knock their heads off, Chambers ! knock their heads off ! what do_you stand there with your hands in your pockets for ? "

Chambers expostulated, and said, " but, Marse Tom, dey's too many of 'em--dey's--"

" do_you hear me ? "

" please, Marse Tom, don't make me ! Dey's so_many of 'em dat--"

Tom sprang at him and drove his pocketknife into him two_or_three times before_the boys could snatch him away and give the wounded lad a chance to escape . he_was considerably hurt, but not seriously . if_the blade had_been a little longer, his career would_have ended there .

Tom had long_ago taught Roxy " her place ." it had_been many a day now since she had ventured a caress or afondling epithet in_his quarter . such things, from a"nigger," were repulsive to him, and she had_been warned to_keep her distance and remember who she was . she saw her darling gradually cease from being her son, she saw that detail perish utterly; all that was left was master-- master, pure and simple, and it_was not a gentle mastership, either . she saw herself sink from_the sublime height of motherhood to_the somber depths of unmodified slavery, the abyss of separation between her and her boy was complete . she was merely his chattel now, his convenience, his dog, his cringing and helpless slave, the humble and unresisting victim of_his capricious temper and vicious nature .

Sometimes she_could_not go to sleep, even when worn out with fatigue, because her rage boiled so high over the day's experiences with her boy . she_would mumble and mutter to herself:

" he struck me en I warn't no way to blame-- struck me in de face, right before folks .En he's al'ays callin' me nigger wench, en hussy, en all dem mean names, when I's doin' de very bes' I kin .Oh, lord, I done so_much for him--I lif' him away up_to what he_is-- en dis is what I git for_it ."

Sometimes when some outrage of peculiar offensiveness stung her to_the heart, she_would plan schemes of vengeance and revel in_the fancied spectacle of_his exposure to_the world as an imposter and a slave; but in_the midst of_these joys fear would strike her; she had made him too strong; she_could prove nothing, and--heavens, she might get sold down the river for her pains ! so her schemes always went for nothing, and she laid them aside in impotent rage against the fates, and against herself for playing the fool on_that fatal September day in not providing herself with a witness for use in_the day when such a thing might_be needed for_the appeasing of her vengeance- hungry heart .

and yet the moment Tom happened to_be good to her, and kind-- and this occurred every now_and_then-- all her sore places were healed, and she was happy; happy and proud, for_this was her son, her nigger son, lording it among_the whites and securely avenging their crimes against her race .

there were two grand funerals in Dawson's Landing that fall-- the fall of 1845 . one was_that of colonel Cecil Burleigh Essex, the other that of Percy Driscoll .

on_his deathbed Driscoll set Roxy free and delivered his idolized ostensible son solemnly into_the keeping of_his brother, the judge, and_his wife . those childless people were glad to_get him . childless people are_not difficult to_please .

judge Driscoll had gone privately to_his brother, a month before, and bought Chambers . he had heard that Tom had_been trying to_get his father to_sell the boy down the river, and he_wanted to_prevent the scandal-- for public sentiment did_not approve of_that way of treating family servants for light cause or for no cause .

Percy Driscoll had worn himself out in trying to save his great speculative landed estate, and had died without succeeding . he_was hardly in_his grave before_the boom collapsed and left his envied young devil of an heir a pauper . but that was nothing; his uncle told him he_should_be his heir and_have all his fortune when he died; so Tom was comforted .

Roxy had no home now; so she resolved to_go around and say good- by to her friends and then clear out and_see the world-- that_is_to_say, she_would go chambermaiding on a steamboat, the darling ambition of her race and sex .

her last call was on_the black giant, Jasper . she found him chopping Pudd'nhead Wilson's winter provision of wood .

Wilson was chatting with_him when Roxy arrived . he asked her how she_could bear to_go off chambermaiding and leave her boys; and chaffingly offered to copy off a series of_their fingerprints, reaching up to_their twelfth year, for her to remember them by; but she sobered in a moment, wondering if he suspected anything; then she said she believed she didn't want them . Wilson said to himself, " the drop of black blood in her is superstitious; she thinks there's some devilry, some witch business about_my glass mystery somewhere; she used to_come here with an old horseshoe in her hand; it could_have_been an accident, but I_doubt it ."

chapter 5

the Twins thrill Dawson's Landing

Training is everything . the peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education .

--Pudd'nhead Wilson's calendar

remark of Dr . Baldwin's, concerning upstarts: we don't care to eat toadstools that think they_are truffles .

--Pudd'nhead Wilson's calendar

Mrs York Driscoll enjoyed two years of bliss with_that prize, Tom-- bliss that was troubled a little at times, it_is true, but bliss nevertheless; then she died, and her husband and_his childless sister, Mrs Pratt, continued this bliss- business at_the old stand .Tom was petted and indulged and spoiled to_his entire content-- or nearly that . this went on till he_was nineteen, then he_was sent to Yale . he went handsomely equipped with "conditions," but otherwise he_was not an object of distinction there . he remained at Yale two years, and then threw up the struggle . he_came home with_his manners a good_deal improved; he had lost his surliness and brusqueness, and was rather pleasantly soft and smooth, now; he_was furtively, and sometimes openly, ironical of speech, and given to gently touching people on_the raw, but he_did it with a good-natured semiconscious air that carried it off safely, and kept him from getting into trouble . he_was as indolent as ever and showed no very strenuous desire to hunt up an occupation . people argued from_this that he preferred to_be supported by his uncle until his uncle's shoes should become vacant . he brought back one_or_two new habits with_him, one of_which he rather openly practiced--tippling-- but

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