The Plattner Story by H.G. Wells
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the Plattner story

by H .G .Wells

whether the story of Gottfried Plattner is_to_be credited or not is a pretty question in_the value of evidence . on_the one hand, we_have seven witnesses-- to_be perfectly exact, we_have six and a half pairs of eyes, and one undeniable fact; and on_the other we_have-- what_is it ? --prejudice, common- sense, the inertia of opinion . never were there seven more honest-seeming witnesses; never was there a more undeniable fact than_the inversion of Gottfried Plattner's anatomical structure, and-- never was there a more preposterous story than_the one they_have to_tell ! the most preposterous part of_the story is_the worthy Gottfried's contribution ( for I count him as one_of_the seven) . heaven forbid that i_should_be led into giving countenance to superstition by a passion for impartiality, and so come to share the fate of Eusapia's patrons ! frankly, I believe there_is something crooked about_this business of Gottfried Plattner; but what that crooked factor is, i_will admit as frankly, I_do_not know . I_have_been surprised at_the credit accorded to_the story in_the most unexpected and authoritative quarters . the fairest way to_the reader, however, will_be for_me to_tell it without further comment .

Gottfried Plattner is, in_spite of_his name, a freeborn Englishman . his father was an Alsatian who came to England in_the 'sixties, married a respectable English girl of unexceptionable antecedents, and died, after a wholesome and uneventful life ( devoted, I understand, chiefly to_the laying of parquet flooring), in 1887 .Gottfried's age is seven- and-twenty . he_is, by virtue of_his heritage of three languages, modern Languages master in a small private school in_the south of England . to_the casual observer he_is singularly like any_other modern Languages master in any_other small private school . his costume is neither very costly nor very fashionable, but, on_the other hand, it_is_not markedly cheap or shabby; his complexion, like his height and_his bearing, is inconspicuous . you_would notice, perhaps, that, like the majority of people, his face was not absolutely symmetrical, his right eye a little larger than_the left, and_his jaw a trifle heavier on_the right side . if_you, as an ordinary careless person, were to bare his chest and feel his heart beating, you_would probably find it quite like the heart of anyone else . but here you and_the trained observer would part company . if_you found his heart quite ordinary, the trained observer would find it quite otherwise . and once the thing was pointed out to_you, you too would perceive the peculiarity easily enough . it is_that Gottfried's heart beats on_the right side of_his body .

now, that_is_not the only singularity of Gottfried's structure, although it_is_the only_one that_would appeal to_the untrained mind . careful sounding of Gottfried's internal arrangements by a well- known surgeon seems to point to_the fact that all the other unsymmetrical parts of_his body are similarly misplaced . the right lobe of_his liver is on_the left side, the left on_his right; while his lungs, too, are similarly contraposed . what_is still more singular, unless Gottfried is a consummate actor, we_must believe that his right hand has recently become his left . since_the occurrences we_are about to consider ( as impartially as possible), he has found the utmost difficulty in writing, except from right to left across the paper with_his left_hand . he_cannot throw with_his right hand, he_is perplexed at meal-times between knife and fork, and_his ideas of_the rule of_the road-- he_is acyclist-- are still a dangerous confusion . and there_is not a scrap of evidence to show that before these occurrences Gottfried was at all left- handed .

there_is yet another wonderful fact in_this preposterous business .Gottfried produces three photographs of himself . you_have him at_the age of five or six, thrusting fat legs at you from under a plaid frock, and scowling . in_that photograph his left eye is a little larger than his right, and_his jaw is a trifle heavier on_the left side . this_is_the reverse of_his present living condition . the photograph of Gottfried at fourteen seems to contradict these facts, but that_is because it_is one of_those cheap " gem" photographs that were then in vogue, taken direct upon metal, and therefore reversing things just as a looking- glass would . the third photograph represents him at one- and-twenty, and confirms the record of_the others . there seems here evidence of_the strongest confirmatory character that Gottfried has exchanged his left side for_his right . yet how a human being can_be so changed, short of a fantastic and pointless miracle, it_is exceedingly hard to suggest .

in one_way, of_course, these facts might_be explicable on_the supposition that Plattner has undertaken an elaborate mystification, on_the strength of_his heart's displacement .Photographs may_be faked, and left-handedness imitated . but the character of_the man does_not lend itself to any such theory . he_is quiet, practical, unobtrusive, and thoroughly sane, from_the Nordau standpoint . he likes beer, and smokes moderately, takes walking exercise daily, and has a healthily high estimate of_the value of_his teaching . he has a good but untrained tenor voice, and takes a pleasure in singing airs of a popular and cheerful character . he_is fond, but not morbidly fond, of reading,-- chiefly fiction pervaded with avaguely pious optimism,--sleeps well, and rarely dreams . he_is, in_fact, the very last person to evolve a fantastic fable . indeed, so_far from forcing this story upon_the world, he has_been singularly reticent on_the matter . he meets enquirers with a certain engaging--bashfulness is almost the word, that disarms the most suspicious . he seems genuinely ashamed that anything so unusual has occurred to him .

it is_to_be regretted that Plattner's aversion to_the idea of post-mortem dissection may postpone, perhaps for ever, the positive proof that his entire body has had its left and right sides transposed . upon that fact mainly the credibility of_his story hangs . there_is no way of taking a man and moving him about in space as ordinary people understand space, that_will result in_our changing his sides . whatever you_do, his right is still his right, his left his left . you_can do_that with a perfectly thin and flat thing, of_course . if_you were to cut a figure out of paper, any figure with a right and left side, you_could change its sides simply by lifting it up and turning it over . but with a solid it_is different . mathematical theorists tell us that_the only way in_which_the right and left sides of a solid body can_be changed is by taking that body clean out of space as we_know it,--taking it out of ordinary existence, that_is, and turning it somewhere outside space . this_is a little abstruse, no_doubt, but anyone with any knowledge of mathematical theory will assure the reader of_its truth . to_put the thing in technical language, the curious inversion of Plattner's right and left sides is proof that he has moved out of_our space into what_is called the fourth dimension, and_that he has returned again to our world . unless we choose to consider ourselves the victims of an elaborate and motiveless fabrication, we_are almost bound to_believe that_this has occurred .

so_much for_the tangible facts . we come now to_the account of_the phenomena that attended his temporary disappearance from_the world . it appears that in_the Sussexville proprietary school, Plattner not_only discharged the duties of modern Languages master, but also taught chemistry, commercial geography, bookkeeping, shorthand, drawing, and any_other additional subject to_which_the changing fancies of_the boys' parents might direct attention . he_knew little or nothing of_these various subjects, but in secondary as distinguished from board or elementary schools, knowledge in_the teacher is, very properly, by no means so necessary as high moral character and gentlemanly tone . in chemistry he_was particularly deficient, knowing, he_says, nothing beyond the three Gases ( whatever the three gases may_be) . as, however, his pupils began by knowing nothing, and derived all their information from_him, this caused him ( or anyone) but little inconvenience for several terms . then a little boy named Whibble joined the school, who had_been educated ( it seems) by some mischievous relative into an inquiring habit of mind . this little boy followed Plattner's lessons with marked and sustained interest, and in_order to exhibit his zeal on_the_subject, brought, at various times, substances for Plattner to analyse .Plattner, flattered by_this evidence of_his power of awakening interest, and trusting to_the boy's ignorance, analysed these, and even, made general statements as to_their composition . indeed, he_was so_far stimulated by his pupil as_to obtain a work upon analytical chemistry, and study it during his supervision of_the evening's preparation . he_was surprised to_find chemistry quite an interesting subject .

so_far the story is absolutely commonplace . but now the greenish powder comes upon_the scene . the source of_that greenish powder seems, unfortunately, lost . master Whibble tells a tortuous story of finding it done up in a packet in adisused limekiln near the Downs . it would_have_been an excellent thing for Plattner, and possibly for master Whibble's family, if a match could_have_been applied to_that powder there and then . the young gentleman certainly did_not bring it to school in a packet, but in a common eight- ounce graduated medicine bottle, plugged with masticated newspaper . he_gave it to Plattner at_the end of_the afternoon school .Four boys had_been detained after school prayers in_order to complete some neglected tasks, and Plattner was supervising these in_the small class- room in_which_the chemical teaching was conducted . the appliances for_the practical teaching of chemistry in_the Sussexville proprietary school, as in most small schools in_this country, are characterised by a severe simplicity . they_are kept in a small cupboard standing in a recess, and having about_the same capacity as a common travelling trunk .Plattner, being bored with_his passive superintendence, seems to_have welcomed the intervention of Whibble with_his green powder as an agreeable diversion, and, unlocking this cupboard, proceeded at once with_his analytical experiments .Whibble sat, luckily for himself, at a safe distance, regarding him . the four malefactors, feigning a profound absorption in their work, watched him furtively with_the keenest interest . for even within_the limits of_the three Gases, Plattner's practical chemistry was, I understand, temerarious .

they_are practically unanimous in their account of Plattner's proceedings . he poured a little of_the green powder into a test- tube, and tried the substance with water, hydrochloric acid, nitric acid, and sulphuric acid in succession .Getting no result, he emptied out a little heap-- nearly half the bottleful, in_fact-- upon a slate and tried a match . he held the medicine bottle in_his left_hand . the stuff began to smoke and melt, and then exploded with deafening violence and ablinding flash .

the five boys, seeing the flash and being prepared for catastrophes, ducked below their desks, and were none_of_them seriously hurt . the window was blown out into_the playground, and_the blackboard on its easel was upset . the slate was smashed to atoms . some plaster fell from_the ceiling . no other damage was_done to_the school edifice or appliances, and_the boys at first, seeing nothing of Plattner, fancied he_was knocked down and lying out of_their sight below the desks . they jumped out of_their places to_go to_his assistance, and were amazed to_find the space empty . being still confused by_the sudden violence of_the report, they hurried to_the open door, under the impression that he_must_have been hurt, and_have rushed out_of_the room . but Carson, the foremost, nearly collided in_the doorway with_the principal, Mr Lidgett .

Mr Lidgett is a corpulent, excitable man with one eye . the boys describe him as stumbling into_the room mouthing some_of_those tempered expletives irritable schoolmasters accustom themselves to use-- lest worse befall ." wretched mumchancer ! " he_said ." where's Mr Plattner ? " the boys are agreed on_the very words .("Wobbler," "snivelling puppy," and "mumchancer" are, it seems, among_the ordinary small change of Mr Lidgett's scholastic commerce .)

where's Mr Plattner ? that was a question that was to_be repeated many_times in_the next few_days . it really seemed as_though that frantic hyperbole, " blown to atoms," had for once realised itself . there_was not a visible particle of Plattner to_be seen; not a drop of blood nor a stitch of clothing to_be found .Apparently he had_been blown clean out of existence and left not a wrack behind . not so_much as would cover asixpenny piece, to quote a proverbial expression ! the evidence of_his absolute disappearance as a consequence of_that explosion is indubitable .

it_is_not necessary to enlarge here upon_the commotion excited in_the Sussexville proprietary school, and in Sussexville and elsewhere, by_this event . it_is quite possible, indeed, that some_of_the readers of_these pages may recall the hearing of some remote and dying version of_that excitement during_the_last summer holidays .Lidgett, it would seem, did everything in_his power to suppress and minimise the story . he instituted a penalty of twenty-five lines for any mention of Plattner's name among_the boys, and stated in_the schoolroom that he_was clearly aware of_his assistant's whereabouts . he_was afraid, he explains, that_the possibility of an explosion happening, in_spite of_the elaborate precautions taken to minimise the practical teaching of chemistry, might injure the reputation of_the school; and so might any mysterious quality in Plattner's departure . indeed, he_did everything in_his power to make_the occurrence seem as ordinary as possible . in_particular, he cross- examined the five eye-witnesses of_the occurrence so searchingly that_they began to doubt the plain evidence of_their senses . but, in_spite of_these efforts, the tale, in amagnified and distorted state, made anine days' wonder in_the district, and several parents withdrew their sons on colourable pretexts . not the least remarkable point in_the matter is_the fact that a large number of people in_the neighbourhood dreamed singularly vivid dreams of Plattner during the period of excitement before his return, and that_these dreams had a curious uniformity . in almost all of_them Plattner was seen, sometimes singly, sometimes in company, wandering about through acoruscating iridescence . in all cases his face was pale and distressed, and in some he gesticulated towards the dreamer . one_or_two of_the boys, evidently under the influence of nightmare, fancied that Plattner approached them with remarkable swiftness, and seemed to look closely into their very eyes .Others fled with Plattner from_the pursuit of vague and extraordinary creatures of a globular shape . but all these fancies were forgotten in inquiries and speculations when on_the Wednesday next but one after_the Monday of_the explosion, Plattner returned .

the circumstances of_his return were as singular as_those of_his departure . so_far as Mr Lidgett's somewhat choleric outline can_be filled in from Plattner's hesitating statements, it would appear that on Wednesday evening, towards the hour of sunset, the former gentleman, having dismissed evening preparation, was engaged in_his garden, picking and eating strawberries, a fruit of_which he_is inordinately fond . it_is a large old- fashioned garden, secured from observation, fortunately, by a high and ivy- covered red- brick wall . just as he_was stooping over a particularly prolific

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