My Double; And How He Undid Me by Edward Everett Hale
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this arrangement did_not long continue .

after_this he went to several Commencements for_me, and ate the dinners provided; he sat through three of_our quarterly Conventions for_me-- always voting judiciously, by_the simple rule mentioned above, of siding with_the minority . and I, meanwhile, who had before been losing caste among my friends, as holding myself aloof from_the associations of_the body, began to rise in everybody's favor ."Ingham's a good fellow-- always on hand"; " never talks much-- but does the right thing at_the right time"; " is_not as unpunctual as he used to_be-- he comes early, and sits through to_the end ." " he has got over his old talkative habit, too .I spoke to a friend of_his about_it once; and i_think Ingham took it kindly," etc ., etc .

this voting power of Dennis was particularly valuable at_the quarterly meetings of_the Proprietors of_the Naguadavick ferry . my wife inherited from her father some shares in_that enterprise, which is_not_yet fully developed, though it doubtless will become a very valuable property . the law of Maine then forbade stockholders to appear by proxy at such meetings .Polly disliked to_go, not being, in_fact, a"hens'-rights hen," and transferred her stock to_me .I, after going once, disliked it more than she . but Dennis went to_the next meeting, and liked it very_much . he_said the armchairs were good, the collation good, and_the free rides to stockholders pleasant . he_was a little frightened when_they first took him upon one_of_the ferry-boats, but after two_or_three quarterly meetings he became quite brave .

thus far I never had any difficulty with_him . indeed, being of_that type which_is called shiftless, he_was only too happy to_be told daily what to_do, and to_be charged not to_be forthputting or in any_way original in_his discharge of_that duty . he learned, however, to discriminate between_the lines of_his life, and very_much preferred these stockholders' meetings and trustees' dinners and commencement collations to another set of occasions, from_which he used to beg off most piteously . our excellent brother, Dr .Fillmore, had taken a notion at_this_time that_our Sandemanian churches needed more expression of mutual sympathy . he insisted upon it that we were remiss . he_said, that, if_the bishop came to preach at Naguadavick, all the episcopal clergy of_the neighborhood were present; if Dr . pond came, all the congregational clergymen turned out to hear him; if Dr .Nichols, all the Unitarians; and he thought we owed it to each_other that, whenever there_was an occasional service at aSandemanian church, the other brethren should all, if possible, attend ." it looked well," if nothing more . now this really meant that I had_not_been to hear one of Dr .Fillmore's lectures on_the ethnology of religion . he forgot that he_did_not hear one of_my course on_the Sandemanianism of Anselm . but I_felt badly when he_said it; and afterwards I always made Dennis go to hear all the brethren preach, when i_was not preaching myself . this_was what he_took exceptions to-- the_only_thing, as I_said, which he ever did except to . now came the advantage of_his long morning- nap, and of_the green tea with_which Polly supplied the kitchen . but he_would plead, so humbly, to_be let off, only from one_or_two ! I never excepted him, however . I_knew the lectures were of value, and i_thought it best he_should_be_able to_keep the connection .

Polly is more rash than I_am, as_the reader has observed in_the outset of_this memoir . she risked Dennis one night under the eyes of her own sex . governor Gorges had always been very kind to_us; and when he_gave his great annual party to_the town, asked us .I confess I hated to_go . i_was deep in_the new volume of Pfeiffer's Mystics_, which Haliburton had just sent me from Boston ." but how rude," said Polly, " not to return the governor's civility and Mrs Gorges's, when they_will_be sure to ask why you_are away ! " still I demurred, and at last she, with_the wit of Eve and of Semiramis conjoined, let me off by saying that, if i_would go in with her, and sustain the initial conversations with_the governor and_the ladies staying there, she_would risk Dennis for_the rest of_the evening . and_that was just what we_did . she took Dennis in training all that afternoon, instructed him in fashionable conversation, cautioned him against the temptations of_the supper- table-- and at nine in_the evening he drove us all down in_the carryall . I_made the grand star-entree with Polly and_the pretty Walton girls, who were staying with_us . we had put Dennis into a great rough top- coat, without his glasses-- and_the girls never dreamed, in_the darkness, of looking at him . he sat in_the carriage, at_the door, while we entered . I_did the agreeable to Mrs Gorges, was introduced to her niece . miss Fernanda--I complimented judge Jeffries on_his decision in_the great case of D'Aulnay vs .Laconia Mining Co .--I stepped into_the dressing- room for a moment-- stepped out for another-- walked home, after a nod with Dennis, and tying the horse to a pump-- and while I walked home, Mr Frederic Ingham, my double, stepped in through_the library into_the Gorges's grand saloon .

Oh ! Polly died of laughing as she told me of it at midnight ! and even here, where I_have to teach my hands to hew the beech for stakes to fence our cave, she dies of laughing as she recalls it-- and says that single occasion was worth all we_have paid for_it . gallant Eve that she_is ! she joined Dennis at_the library door, and in an instant presented him to Dr .Ochterlong, from Baltimore, who was on a visit in town, and was talking with her, as Dennis came in ." Mr Ingham would like to hear what you were telling us about_your success among_the German population ." and Dennis bowed and said, in_spite of a scowl from Polly, "I'm very_glad you liked it ." but Dr .Ochterlong did_not observe, and plunged into_the tide of explanation, Dennis listening like a prime- minister, and bowing like a mandarin-- which_is, I suppose, the same thing .Polly declared it_was just like Haliburton's Latin conversation with_the Hungarian minister, of_which he_is very fond of telling ."_Quoene sit historia Reformationis in Ungaria ? " quoth Haliburton, after some thought . and_his confrere replied gallantly, "_In seculo decimo tertio,_" etc ., etc ., etc .; and from _decimo tertio [ which_means, " in_the thirteenth century," my dear little bell- and- coral reader . you_have rightly guessed that_the question means, " what_is the history of_the reformation in Hungary ? "] to_the nineteenth century and a half lasted till the oysters came . so was_it that before Dr .Ochterlong came to_the " success," or near it, governor Gorges came to Dennis and asked him to hand Mrs Jeffries down to supper, a request which he heard with great joy .

Polly was skipping round the room, I guess, gay as a lark .Auchmuty came to her " in pity for poor Ingham," who was so bored by_the stupid pundit-- and Auchmuty could_not understand why I stood it so_long . but when Dennis took Mrs Jeffries down, Polly could_not resist standing near them . he_was a little flustered, till the sight of_the eatables and drinkables gave him the same Mercian courage which it gave Diggory .a little excited then, he attempted one_or_two of_his speeches to_the judge's lady . but little he_knew how hard it_was to_get in even apromptu there edgewise ." very_well, i_thank_you," said he, after_the eating elements were adjusted; " and you ? " and then did_not he have to hear about_the mumps, and_the measles, and arnica, and belladonna, and chamomile- flower, and dodecathem, till she changed oysters for salad-- and then about_the old practice and_the new, and what her sister said, and what her sister's friend said, and what the physician to her sister's friend said, and then what_was said by_the brother of_the sister of_the physician of_the friend of her sister, exactly as_if it had_been in Ollendorff ? there_was a moment's pause, as she declined champagne ." I_am very_glad you liked it," said Dennis again, which he never should_have said, but to one who complimented a sermon ."Oh ! you_are so sharp, Mr Ingham ! no ! I never drink any wine at all-- except sometimes in summer a little currant spirits-- from_our own currants, you_know . my own mother-- that_is, I call her my own mother, because, you_know, I_do_not remember," etc ., etc ., etc .; till they came to_the candied orange at_the end of_the feast-- when Dennis, rather confused, thought he_must say something, and tried no .4--"I agree, in general, with my friend the other side of_the room"-- which he never should_have said but at a public meeting . but Mrs Jeffries, who never listens expecting to understand, caught him up instantly with, " well, I'm sure my husband returns the compliment; he always agrees with_you-- though we_do worship with_the Methodists-- but you_know, Mr Ingham," etc ., etc ., etc ., till the move was_made upstairs; and as Dennis led her through_the hall, he_was scarcely understood by any but Polly, as he_said, " there_has_been so_much said, and, on_the whole, so_well said, that i_will_not occupy the time ."

his great resource the rest of_the evening was standing in_the library, carrying on animated conversations with one and another in much the same way .Polly had initiated him in_the mysteries of a discovery of_mine, that_it_is not necessary to finish your sentence in a crowd, but by a sort of mumble, omitting sibilants and dentals . this, indeed, if your words fail you, answers even in public extempore speech-- but better where other talking is going on . thus: " we missed you at_the natural history society, Ingham ." Ingham replies: " I_am very gligloglum, that_is, that you were m-m-m-m-m ." by gradually dropping the voice, the interlocutor is compelled to supply the answer ." Mrs Ingham, I_hope your friend Augusta is better ." Augusta has_not_been ill .Polly cannot think of explaining, however, and answers: " thank_you, MA'am; she_is very rearason wewahwewob," in lower and lower tones . and Mrs Throckmorton, who forgot the subject of_which she spoke, as_soon_as she asked the question, is quite satisfied .Dennis could_see into_the card- room, and came to Polly to ask if he_might_not go and play all-fours . but, of_course, she sternly refused . at midnight they came home delightedly: Polly, as I_said, wild to_tell me the story of victory; only both the pretty Walton girls said: " cousin Frederic, you_did_not come near me all the evening ."

we always called him Dennis at home, for convenience, though his real name was Frederic Ingham, as I_have explained . when_the election day came round, however, I_found that by some accident there_was only_one Frederic Ingham's name on_the voting- list; and, as i_was quite busy that day in writing some foreign letters to Halle, i_thought i_would forego my privilege of suffrage, and stay quietly at home, telling Dennis that he might use the record on_the voting- list and vote . I_gave him a ticket, which i_told him he might use, if he liked to . that was_that very sharp election in Maine which the readers of_the Atlantic so_well remember, and it had_been intimated in public that_the ministers would do well not to appear at_the polls . of_course, after_that, we had to appear by self or proxy . still, Naguadavick was not then a city, and this standing in a double queue at townmeeting several hours to vote was a bore of_the first water; and so, when I_found that there_was but one Frederic Ingham on_the list, and_that one of us must give up, I stayed at home and finished the letters ( which, indeed, procured for Fothergill his coveted appointment of professor of astronomy at Leavenworth), and I_gave Dennis, as_we called him, the chance . something in_the matter gave a good_deal of popularity to_the Frederic Ingham name; and at_the adjourned election, next week, Frederic Ingham was chosen to_the legislature . whether this_was I or Dennis, I never really knew . my friends seemed to_think it_was I; but I_felt, that, as Dennis had done the popular thing, he_was entitled to_the honor; so I_sent him to Augusta when_the time came, and he_took the oaths . and a very valuable member he_made . they appointed him on_the committee on Parishes; but i_wrote a letter for him, resigning, on_the ground that he_took an interest in_our claim to_the stumpage in_the minister's sixteenths of gore A, next no .7, in_the 10th range . he never made any speeches, and always voted with_the minority, which_was what he_was sent to_do . he_made me and himself a great_many good friends, some of whom I_did_not afterwards recognize as quickly as Dennis did my parishioners . on one_or_two occasions, when there_was wood to saw at home, I kept him at home; but i_took those occasions to_go to Augusta myself .Finding myself often in_his vacant seat at_these times, I watched the proceedings with a good_deal of care; and once was so_much excited that I delivered my somewhat celebrated speech on_the central school district question, a speech of_which the state of Maine printed some extra copies .I believe there_is no formal rule permitting strangers to_speak; but no one objected .

Dennis himself, as I_said, never spoke at all . but our experience this session led me to_think, that if, by some such " general understanding" as_the reports speak of in legislation daily, every member of congress might leave a double to sit through those deadly sessions and answer to roll-calls and do_the legitimate party-voting, which appears stereotyped in_the regular list of Ashe, Bocock, black, etc ., we_should gain decidedly in working power . as things stand, the saddest state prison I ever visit is_that Representatives' chamber in Washington . if a man leaves for an hour, twenty "correspondents" may_be howling, " where was Mr Prendergast when_the Oregon bill passed ? " and if poor Prendergast stays there ! certainly, the worst use you_can_make of a man is to_put him in prison !

I_know, indeed, that public men of_the highest rank have resorted to_this expedient long_ago .Dumas's novel of_the iron mask turns on_the brutal imprisonment of Louis the Fourteenth's

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