introductory to " memoranda"

by mark twain

in taking upon myself the burden of editing a department in_the galaxy magazine, I_have_been actuated by aconviction that i_was needed, almost imperatively, in_this particular field of literature . I_have long felt that while the magazine literature of_the day had much to recommend it, it yet lacked stability, solidity, weight . it seemed plain to_me that too_much space was given to poetry and romance, and not enough to statistics and agriculture . this defect it shall be my earnest endeavour to remedy . if I succeed, the simple consciousness that I_have_done a good deed will_be a sufficient reward .**--[** together with salary .]

in_this department of_mine the public may always rely upon finding exhaustive statistical tables concerning the finances of_the country, the ratio of births and deaths; the percentage of increase of population, etc ., etc .-- in a word, everything in_the realm of statistics that_can make existence bright and beautiful .

also, in my department will always be found elaborate condensations of_the patent office Reports, wherein a faithful endeavour will at all times be made to strip the nutritious facts bare of_that effulgence of imagination and sublimity of diction which too often mar the excellence of_those great works .**--[** N .B .-- no other magazine in_the country makes a specialty of_the patent office Reports .]

in my department will always be found ample excerpts from those able dissertations upon political economy which I_have for_a_long_time been contributing to a great metropolitan journal, and which, for reasons utterly incomprehensible to_me, another party has chosen to usurp the credit of composing .

and, finally, I call attention with pride to_the fact that in my department of_the magazine the farmer will always find full market reports, and also complete instructions about farming, even from_the grafting of_the seed to_the harrowing of_the matured crop . I_shall throw a pathos into_the subject of agriculture that_will surprise and delight the world .

such is my programme; and I_am persuaded that by adhering to_it with fidelity I_shall succeed in materially changing the character of_this magazine . therefore I_am emboldened to ask_the assistance and encouragement of all whose sympathies are with progress and reform .

in_the other departments of_the magazine will_be found poetry, tales, and other frothy trifles, and to_these the reader can turn for relaxation from_time to_time, and thus guard against overstraining the powers of_his mind .M .T .

P .S .--1 . I_have_not sold out_of_the " buffalo express," and shall_not; neither shall I stop writing for_it . this remark seems necessary in a business point of view .

2 . these memoranda are_not a" humorous" department . i_would_not conduct an exclusively and professedly humorous department for any_one . i_would always prefer to_have the privilege of printing a serious and sensible remark, in_case one occurred to_me, without the reader's feeling obliged to consider himself outraged . we_cannot keep the same mood day after day . I_am liable, some day, to want to_print my opinion on jurisprudence, or Homeric poetry, or international law, and I_shall do_it . it_will_be of small consequence to_me whether the reader survive or not . I_shall never go straining after jokes when in a cheerless mood, so_long as_the unhackneyed subject of international law is open to_me . i_will leave all that straining to people who edit professedly and inexorably " humorous" departments and publications .

3 . I_have chosen the general title of memoranda for_this department because it_is plain and simple, and makes no fraudulent promises . I_can print under it statistics, hotel arrivals, or anything that comes handy, without violating faith with_the reader .

4 .Puns cannot_be allowed a place in_this department . inoffensive ignorance, benignant stupidity, and unostentatious imbecility will always be welcomed and cheerfully accorded a corner, and even the feeblest humour will_be admitted, when we_can do no better; but no circumstances, however dismal, will ever be considered a sufficient excuse for_the admission of_that last-- and saddest evidence of intellectual poverty, the pun .