Oz 16: Kabumpo in Oz by Ruth Plumly Thompson
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to_his head, for something hard had struck him between_the eyes . he_felt about_the floor and found a round shiny object which he_was about to show the king when Pompus pounced upon a tall scroll sitting upright in_his tumbler . in_the confusion of_the moment it had escaped his attention .

" perhaps this_will explain," spluttered the king breaking the seal . queen Pozy pink opened her eyes with a sigh and_the Courtiers, crawling out from beneath the table, looked up anxiously, for everyone was still dazed from_the tremendous explosion .Pompus read the scroll to himself with popping eyes and then began to dance up and down in a frenzy .

" what_is it ? what_is it ? " cried the queen, trying to read over his shoulder . then she gave a well- bred scream and fainted away in_the arms of general Quakes, who had come up behind her ?

by_this_time the prime Pumper had recovered sufficiently to remember that reading scrolls and court papers was his business . somewhat unsteadily he walked over and took the scroll from_the king .

"Oyez ! Oyez ! " he faltered, pounding on_the table ."Oh, never mind that ! " rumbled Kabumpo, flapping his ears ." let's hear what it says ! " " know ye, " began the old man in a high shaky voice, " know ye that unless ye prince of ye ancient and honorable kingdom of Pumperdink wed ye proper fairy princess in ye proper span of_time ye kingdom of Pumperdink shall disappear forever and even longer from ye Gilliken country of Oz .J .G ." " what ? " screamed Pompadore, bounding to_his feet ." me ? but I don't want to marry ! " " you'll have to," groaned the king, with a wave at_the scroll . the Courtiers sat staring at one another in dazed disbelief . from_the courtyard came the splash and splutter of_the luckless footmen and_the dismal creaking of_the stone bucket .

"Oh ! " wailed Pompa, throwing up his hands ." this_is_the worst eighteenth birthday I've ever had .I'll never have another as long as I live ! "

chapter 2 Picking a proper princess

" what shall we_do first ? " groaned the king, holding his head with both hands ." let me think ! "

" right," said Kabumpo ." think by all means ."

so the great hall was cleared and_the king, with_the mysterious scroll spread out before him, thought and thought and thought . but he_did_not make much headway, for, as he explained over and over to queen Pozy, who- with Pompadore, the elegant elephant and_the prime-Pumper-- had remained to help him, " how is one to_know where to_find the proper princess, and how is one to_know the proper time for Pompa to wed her ? "

who was J .G .? how did the scroll get in_the cake ?

the more the king thought about these questions, the more wrinkled his forehead became .

" why ! we're liable to wake up any morning and find ourselves gone," he announced gloomily ." how does it feel to disappear, I wonder ? "

"I suppose it would give one rather a gone feeling, but I don't believe it would hurt-- much ! " volunteered Kabumpo, glancing uneasily over his shoulder ." perhaps not, but it would_not get us anywhere . my idea is to marry the prince at once to a proper princess, "

" you're in a great hurry to marry me off, aren't you," said Pompadore sulkily ." for_my part, I don't want to marry at all ! "

" well, that's very selfish of you Pompa," said the king in a grieved voice ." do_you_want your poor old father to disappear ? "

" not_only your poor old father," choked the prime Pumper, rolling up his eyes ." how about me ? "

Oh, you-- you_can disappear any_time you_want," said the prince unfeelingly .

" it all started with_that wretched cake," sighed the queen ." I_am positive the scroll flew out_of_the cake ."

" of_course it did ! " cried Pompus ." let_us send for_the cook and question him ."

so Hashem, very wet and blue from_his dip, was brought before_the king .

"A fine cook you_are ! " roared Pompus, "mixing gun powder and scrolls in a birthday cake ."

" but I didn't " wailed Hashem, falling on_his knees ." only eggs, your highness-- very best eggs-- sugar, flour, spice and -"

"Bombshells ! " cried the king angrily .

" the cake disappeared before_the party, your majesty ! " cried Eejabo .

everyone jumped at_the sudden interruption, and Eejabo, who had crept in unnoticed, stepped before_the throne .

" disappeared," continued Eejabo hoarsely, dripping blue water all over the royal rugs ." one minute there it_was on_the pantry table . next minute- gone ! " croaked Eejabo flinging up his hands and shrugging his shoulders .

" then, before a fellow could turn around, it_was back .'Tweren't our fault if magic got mixed into_it, and here we_have_been dipped for nothing ! "

" well, why didn't you say so before ! " asked the king in exasperation .

" fine chance I had to_say anything ! " sniffed Eejabo, wringing out his lace ruffles .

"eh-rr- you_may_have the day off, my good man," said Pompus, with an apologetic cough-- " and you also," with a wave at Hashem . very stiffly the two walked to_the door .

" it's an off day for_us, all right," said Eejabo ungraciously, and without so_much as a bow the two disappeared .

" I_fear you were a bit hasty, my love," murmured queen Pozy, looking after them with a troubled little frown .

" well, who wouldn't be ! " cried Pompus, ruffling up his hair ." here we_are liable to disappear any minute and all you_do is to stand around and criticize me . begone ! " he puffed angrily, as a page stuck his head in_the door .

" no use shouting at people to begone," said the elegant elephant testily ." we'll all begone soon enough ."

at_this queen Pozy began to weep into her silk handkerchief, which sight so affected prince Pompadore that he rushed forward and embraced her tenderly .

"I'll marry ! " cried the prince impulsively ."I'll do anything ! the trouble is_there aren't any fairy Princesses around here ! "

" there_must_be," said the king .

" there_is-- there_are ! " screamed the prime Pumper, bounceing up suddenly ."Oyez, Oyez ! has your majesty forgotten Faleero, royal princess . she_must be the proper one ! "

"Fa--leero ! " trumpeted the elegant elephant, sitting down with a terrific thud ." that awful old creature ? you ought_to_be ashamed of yourself ! "

" silence ! " thundered the king .

" nonsense ! " trumpeted Kabumpo ." she's a thousand years old and as ugly as a stone Lukoogoo .Don't you marry her, Pompa ."

"I command him to marry her ! " cried the king opening his eyes very wide and bending forward .

"Faleero ? " gasped the prince, scarcely believing his ears . no wonder Pompadore was shocked .Faleero, although a princess in her own right and of royal fairy descent, was so unattractive that in all her thousand years of life no one had wished to marry her . she lived in a small hut in_the great forest kingdom next to Pumperdink and did nothing all day but gather faggots . her face was long and lean, her hair thin and black and her nose so large that_it made you_think of a cauliflower ."Ugh ! " groaned prince Pompadore, falling back on Kabumpo for support .

" well, she's a princess and a fairy-- the only_one in any kingdom .I don't see why you_want to_be so fussy ! " said the king Fretfully .

" shall I tell her royal highness of_the great and good fortune that has befallen her ? " asked the prime Pumper, starting for_the door .

" do_so at once," snapped Pompus . just then he_gave a scream of fright and pain, for a round shiny object had flown through_the air and struck him in_the head ." what_was that ? "

the prime Pumper looked suspiciously at_the elegant elephant .Kabumpo glared back .

"A-a warning ! " stuttered the prime Pumper, afraid to_say that Kabumpo had flung the offending missile ."A warning, your majesty ! "

" it's nothing of_the kind," said the king angrily .

" you're getting old, Pumper and stupid . it's-- why it's a door knob ! who dares to hit me with a door knob ? "

" it hit me once," mumbled Kabumpo, shifting uneasily from one foot to_the other three ." how does it strike you ? "

" as an outrageous piece of impertinence ! " spluttered Pompus, turning red as a turkey cock .

" perhaps it has something to_do with_the scroll," suggested queen Pozy, taking it from_the king ." see ! it_is gold and all the door knobs in_the palace are ivory . and look ! here are some initials ! "

sure enough ! it_was gold and in_the very center were the initials P .a.

just at_this interesting juncture the page, who had_been poking his head in_the door every few_minutes, gathered his courage together and rushed up_to_the king .

" pardon, most high highness, but general Quakes bade me say that_this mirror was found under the window," stuttered the page and before Pompus had an opportunity to cry " begone ! " or "Dip him ! " the little fellow made a dash for_the door and disappeared .

" it grows more puzzling every_minute," wailed the king, looking from_the door knob to_the mirror from_the mirror to_the scroll .

" if_you take my advice you'll have this marriage performed at once," said the prime Pumper in atrembling voice .

"I believe i_will ! " sighed Pompus, rubbing the bump on_his head ." go and fetch the princess Faleero and you, Pompa, prepare for your wedding ."

" but father ! " began the prince .

" not another word or you'll be dipped ! " rumbled the king of Pumperdink ."I'm not going to_have my kingdom disappearing if I_can help it ! "

" you mean if I_can help it," muttered Pompadore gloomily .

" this_is ridiculous ! " stormed the elegant elephant, as_the prime Pumper rushed importantly out_of_the room ."Don't you_know that_this country of ours is only a small part of_the great kingdom of Oz ? there_must_be hundreds of Princesses for Pompadore to_choose from . why should he not wed Ozma, the princess of us all ? haven't you read any Oz history ? have_you never heard of_the wonderful emerald city ? let Pompadore start out at once .I, myself, will accompany him, and if Ozma refuses to marry him well" the elegant elephant drew himself up " i_will carry her off -- that's all ! "

" it's a long way to_the emerald city," mused queen Pozy, " but still-"

" yes, and what_is to_become of us in_the meantime pray ? while you_are wandering all over Oz we_can disappear I suppose ! no sir ! not one step do_you go out of Pumperdink .Faleero is_the proper princess and Pompadore shall marry her ! " said Pompus .

" you're talking through your crown," wheezed Kabumpo ." how about_the door knob and mirror ? they came out_of_the cake as_well as_the scroll . what_are you going to_do about_them ? let's have a look at_that mirror ."

" just a common gold mirror," fumed Pompus, holding it up for_the elegant elephant to_see .

" what's the matter ? " as Kabumpo gave a snort .

on_the face of_the mirror as Kabumpo looked in two words appeared: elegant elephant .

and when Pompus snatched the mirror, above his reflection stood the words: fat old king

then queen Pozy peeped into_the mirror, which promptly flashed: lovely queen .

" why, it's telling the truth ! " screamed Pompa, looking over his mother's shoulder . at_this the words "Charming prince" formed quickly in_the glass .

the prince grinned at his father, who was now quite beside himself with rage ." you_think I'm fat and old, do_you ! " snorted the king flinging the gold mirror face down on_the table ." this_is a nice day, I_must say ! Scrolls, door knobs, mirrors and insults ! "

" but what can P .a. stand for ? " mused queen Pozy thoughtfully ." plain enough," chuckled Kabumpo, maliciously ." it stands for perfectly awful ! "

" who's perfectly awful ? " asked Pompus suspiciously .

" why, Faleero," sniffed the elegant elephant ." that's plain enough to everybody ! "

"Dip him ! " shrieked Pompus ."I've had enough of_this ! ! Dip him-- do_you hear ? "

" that," yawned Kabumpo, straightening his silk robe, " is impossible ! " and, considering his size it_was . but just that minute the prime Pumper returned and in_his interest to hear what the princess Faleero had said the king forgot about dipping Kabumpo .

the courier from_the princess stepped forward ." her highness,"puffed the prime Pumper, who had run all the way, " her highness accepts prince Pompadore with pleasure and will marry him to-mor-ow morning ."

prince Pompadore gave a dismal groan .

" fine ! " cried the king, rubbing his hands together ." let everything be made ready for_the ceremony, and in_the meantime"--Pompus glared about fiercely--"I forbid anyone's disappearing . I_am still the king ! set a guard around the castle, Pumper, to watch for any signs of disappearance, and if so_much as a fence paling disappears,"-- he drew himself up--" notify me at once ! " then turning to_the throne Pompus gave his arm to queen Pozy and together they started for_the garden .

" do_you_mean to_say you_are going to_pay no attention to_the mirror or door knob ? " cried Kabumpo, planting himself in_the king's path .

" go away," said Pompus crossly

"Oyes ! Oyes ! way for their Majesties ! " cried the prime Pumper, running ahead with_his silver staff, and_the royal couple swept out_of_the banquet hall .

" never mind, Kabumpo," said the prince, flinging his arm affectionately around the elegant elephant's trunk, "I dare say Faleero has her good points-- and we_cannot let the old kingdom disappear, you_know ! "

"Fiddlesticks ! " choked Kabumpo . she'll make a door mat of you, Pompa-- prince Pompadormat-- that's what you'll be ! let's run away" he proposed, his little eyes twinkling anxiously .

"I couldn't do_that and let the kingdom disappear, it wouldn't be right," sighed the prince, and sadly he followed his parents into_the royal gardens .

" the king's aGooch ! " gulped the elegant elephant unhappily . then, all at once he flung up his trunk ." somebody's going to disappear around here," he wheezed darkly, " that's certain ! " with a mighty rustling of_his silk robe, Kabumpo hurried off to_his own royal quarters in_the palace .

left alone, prince Pompa threw himself down at_the foot of_the throne, and gazed sadly into space .

chapter 3 Kabumpo and Pompa disappear

once in_his own apartment, Kabumpo pulled the bell rope furiously .

" my pearls and my purple plush robe ! bring them at once ! " he puffed when his personal attendant appeared in_the doorway .

" yes, sir ! are_you

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