Jimmy Goggles the God by H.G. Wells
Section [1 | 2]
and then kept on .I stopped with my head a foot from_the surface, and tried to_see where i_was going, but, of_course, nothing was to_be seen but the reflection of_the bottom . then out I dashed, like knocking my head through a mirror . directly I got my eyes out_of_the water, I_saw I'd come up a kind of beach near the forest .I had a look round, but the natives and_the brig were both hidden by a big hummucky heap of twisted lava . the born fool in me suggested a run for_the woods .I didn't take_the helmet off, but I eased open one_of_the windows, and, after a bit of a pant, went on out_of_the water . you'd hardly imagine how clean and light the air tasted .

" of_course, with four inches of lead in your boot soles, and your head in a copper knob the size of a football, and been thirty-five minutes under water, you don't break any records running .I ran like aploughboy going to work . and half- way to_the trees I_saw a dozen niggers or more, coming out in agaping, astonished sort of way to meet me .

"I just stopped dead, and cursed myself for all the fools out of London .I had about as_much chance of cutting back to_the water as a turned turtle .I just screwed up my window again to leave my hands free, and waited for_them . there wasn't anything else for_me to_do .

" but they didn't come on very_much .I began to suspect why .'Jimmy Goggles,' I says, ' it's your beauty does it .' i_was inclined to_be a little lightheaded, i_think, with all these dangers about and_the change in_the pressure of_the blessed air .' who're ye staring at ? ' I_said, as if_the savages could hear me .' what d' ye take me for ? I'm hanged if I don't give_you something to stare at,' I_said, and with_that I screwed up the escape valve and turned on_the compressed air from_the belt, until i_was swelled out like a blown frog . regular imposing it must_have been .I'm blessed if_they'd come on a step; and presently one and then another went down on their hands and knees . they didn't know what to_make of me, and_they was doing the extra polite, which_was very wise and reasonable of_them .I had half a mind to edge back seaward and cut and run, but it seemed too hopeless .a step back and_they'd have_been after me . and out of sheer desperation I began to march towards them up the beach, with slow, heavy steps, and waving my blown- out arms about, in a dignified manner . and inside of me i_was singing as small as atomtit .

" but there's nothing like astriking appearance to help a man over a difficulty,--I've found that before and since . people like ourselves, who're up_to diving dresses by_the_time we're seven, can scarcely imagine the effect of one on a simple- minded savage . one_or_two of_these niggers cut and run, the others started in a great hurry trying to knock their brains out on_the ground . and on I went as slow and solemn and silly- looking and artful as ajobbing plumber . it_was evident they took me for something immense .

" then up jumped one and began pointing, making extraordinary gestures to_me as he_did so, and all the others began sharing their attention between me and something out at; sea .' what's the matter now ? ' I_said .I turned slowly on account of_my dignity, and there I_saw, coming round a point, the poor old pride of Banya towed by a couple of canoes . the sight fairly made me sick . but they evidently expected some recognition, so I waved my arms in astriking sort of non-committal manner . and then I turned and stalked on towards the trees again . at_that_time i_was praying like mad, I remember, over and over again: ' lord help me through with it ! lord help me through with it ! ' it's only fools who_know nothing of danger can afford to laugh at praying ."

" but these niggers weren't going to let me walk through and away like that . they started a kind of bowing dance about me, and sort of pressed me to_take a pathway that lay through_the trees . it_was clear to_me they didn't take me for a British citizen, whatever else they thought of me, and for_my own part i_was never less anxious to own up_to_the old country .

" you'd hardly believe it, perhaps, unless you're familiar with savages, but these poor, misguided, ignorant creatures took me straight to_their kind of joss place to_present me to_the blessed old black stone there . by_this_time i_was beginning to sort of realise the depth of_their ignorance, and directly I set eyes on_this deity i_took my cue .I started a baritone howl, 'wow-wow,' very long on one note, and began waving my arms about alot, and then very slowly and ceremoniously turned their image over on its side and sat down on_it . i_wanted to sit down badly, for diving dresses ain't much wear in_the tropics . or, to_put it different like, they're a sight too_much . it took away their breath, I could_see, my sitting on their joss, but in less time than a minute they made up their minds and were hard at work worshipping me . and I_can tell you I_felt a bit relieved to_see things turning out so_well, in_spite of_the weight on my shoulders and feet .

" but what made me anxious was what the chaps in_the canoes might think when_they came back . if_they'd seen me in_the boat before I went down, and without the helmet on-- for they might_have_been spying and hiding since over night-- they_would very likely take a different view from_the others . i_was in adeuce of a stew about_that for hours, as it seemed, until the shindy of_the arrival began .

" but they took it down-- the whole blessed village took it down . at_the cost of sitting up stiff and stern, as_much like those sitting Egyptian images one sees as I_could manage, for pretty nearly twelve hours, i_should guess at_least, on end, I got over it . you'd hardly think what it meant in_that heat and stink .I don't think any of_them dreamt of_the man inside . i_was just a wonderful leathery great joss that had come up with luck out_of_the water . but the fatigue ! the heat ! the beastly closeness ! the mackintosheriness and_the rum ! and_the fuss ! they lit astinking fire on a kind of lava slab there_was before me, and brought in alot of gory muck-- the worst parts of what they were feasting on outside, the Beasts-- and burnt it all in my honour . i_was getting a bit hungry, but I understand now how gods manage to_do without eating, what with_the smell of burnt- offerings about_them . and_they brought in alot of_the stuff they'd got off the brig and, among other stuff, what i_was a bit relieved to_see, the kind of pneumatic pump that was used for_the compressed air affair, and then alot of chaps and girls came in and danced about me something disgraceful . it's extraordinary the different ways different people have of showing respect . if I'd had a hatchet handy I'd have_gone for_the lot of_them-- they made me feel that wild . all this_time I sat as stiff as company, not knowing anything better to_do . and at last, when nightfall came, and_the wattle joss- house place got a bit too shadowy for their taste-- all these here savages are afraid of_the dark, you_know-- and I started a sort of 'Moo' noise, they built big bonfires outside and left me alone in peace in_the darkness of_my hut, free to unscrew my windows a bit and think things over, and feel just as bad as I liked . and lord ! i_was sick .

" i_was weak and hungry, and my mind kept on behaving like a beetle on a pin, tremendous activity and nothing done at_the end of it . come round just where it_was before . there_was sorrowing for_the other chaps, beastly drunkards certainly, but not deserving such a fate, and young Sanders with_the spear through his neck wouldn't go out of_my mind . there_was the treasure down there in_the ocean Pioneer_, and how one might get it and hide it somewhere safer, and get away and come back for_it . and there_was the puzzle where to_get anything to eat .I tell you i_was fair rambling . i_was afraid to ask by signs for food, for fear of behaving too human, and so there I sat and hungered until very near the dawn . then the village got a bit quiet, and I couldn't stand it any longer, and I went out and got some stuff like artichokes in a bowl and some sour milk . what_was left of_these I put away among_the other offerings, just to_give them a hint of_my tastes . and in_the morning they came to worship, and found me sitting up stiff and respectable on their previous god, just as_they'd left me overnight .I'd got my back against the central pillar of_the hut, and, practically, i_was asleep . and_that's how I became a god among_the heathen-- false god, no_doubt, and blasphemous, but one can't always pick and choose .

" now, I don't want to crack myself up as a god beyond my merits, but I_must confess that while i_was god to_these people they was extraordinary successful .I don't say there's anything in_it, mind you . they won a battle with another tribe--I got alot of offerings I didn't want through it-- they had wonderful fishing, and their crop of pourra was exceptional fine . and_they counted the capture of_the brig among_the benefits I brought 'em . I_must say I don't think that was a poor record for a perfectly new hand . and, though perhaps you'd scarcely credit it, I was_the tribal god of_those beastly savages for pretty nearly four months .. .

" what else could I_do, man ? but I didn't wear that diving- dress all the time . I_made 'em rig me up a sort of holy of holies, and adeuce of a time I had too, making them understand what it_was i_wanted them to_do . that indeed was_the great difficulty--making them understand my wishes .I couldn't let myself down by talking their lingo badly, even if I'd been able to_speak at all, and I couldn't go flapping alot of gestures at them . so I drew pictures in sand and sat down beside them and hooted like one o'clock .Sometimes they_did the things i_wanted all right, and sometimes they_did them all wrong . they was always very willing, certainly . all the while i_was puzzling how i_was to_get the confounded business settled . every night before_the dawn I used to march out in full rig and go off to a place where I could_see the channel in_which_the _Ocean pioneer lay sunk, and once even, one moonlight night, I tried to walk out to her, but the weeds and rocks and dark clean beat me .I didn't get back till full day, and then I_found all those silly niggers out on_the beach praying their sea- god to return to_them .I was_that vexed and tired, messing and tumbling about, and coming up and going down again, I_could_have punched their silly heads all round when_they started rejoicing . hanged if I like so_much ceremony .

" and then came the missionary . that missionary ! what a guy ! gummy ! it_was in_the afternoon, and i_was sitting in state in my outer temple place, sitting on_that old black stone of theirs, when he_came .I heard a row outside and jabbering, and then his voice speaking to an interpreter .' they worship stocks and stones,' he_said, and I_knew what_was up, in a flash .I had one of_my windows out for comfort, and I sang out straight away on_the spur of_the moment .'Stocks and stones ! ' I says .' you come inside,' I says, ' and I'll punch your blooming Exeter hall of a head .'

" there_was a kind of silence and more jabbering, and in he_came, Bible in hand, after_the manner of_them--a little sandy chap in specks and a pith helmet .I flatter myself that me sitting there in_the shadows, with my copper head and my big goggles, struck him a bit of a heap at first .' well,' I says, ' how's the trade in scissors ? ' for I don't hold with missionaries .

"I had a lark with_that missionary . he_was a raw hand, and quite outclassed by a man like me . he gasped out who was I, and i_told him to read the inscription at my feet if he_wanted to_know . there wasn't no inscription; why should there be ? but down he goes to read, and_his interpreter, being of_course as superstitious as any of_them, more so by reason of_his seeing missionary close to, took it for an act of worship and plumped down like a shot . all my people gave a howl of triumph, and there wasn't any more business to_be_done in my village after_that journey, not by_the likes of him .

" but, of_course, i_was a fool to choke him off like that . if I'd had any sense i_should_have told him straight away of_the treasure and taken him into Co .I've no_doubt he'd have come into Co .a child, with a few hours to_think it over, could_have seen the connection between my diving dress and_the loss of_the ocean pioneer .a week after he left I went out one morning and saw the Motherhood_, the salver's ship from Starr race, towing up the channel and sounding . the whole blessed game was up, and all my trouble thrown away . gummy ! how wild I_felt ! and guying it in_that stinking silly dress ! Four months ! "

the sunburnt man's story degenerated again ." think of it," he_said, when he emerged to linguistic purity once more ."Forty thousand pounds' worth of gold ."

" did the little missionary come back ? " I asked .

"Oh yes ! bless him ! and he pledged his reputation there_was a man inside the god, and started out to_see as_much with tremendous ceremony . but wasn't-- he got sold again .I always did hate scenes and explanations, and long before he_came i_was out of it all-- going home to Banya along the coast, hiding in bushes by day, and thieving food from_the villages by night . only weapon, a spear . no clothes, no money . nothing . my face, my fortune, as_the saying is . and just a squeak of eight thousand pounds of gold--fifth share . but the natives cut up rusty, thank goodness, because they thought it_was him had driven their luck away ."

Section [1 | 2]