The Hotel Experience of Mr. Pink Fluker by Richard Malcolm Johnston
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sorry for Sim, and wished he had_not brought these good things at all .

nobody knew how it came about; but when_the Flukers had_been in town somewhere between two and three months, Sim Marchman, who ( to use his own words) had never bothered her a great deal with_his visits, began to suspect that what few he_made were received by Marann lately with less cordiality than before; and so one day, knowing no better, in_his awkward, straightforward country manners, he_wanted to_know the reason why . then Marann grew distant, and asked Sim the following question:

" you_know where Mr pike's gone, Mr Marchman ? "

now the fact was, and she knew it, that Marann Fluker had never before, not since she was born, addressed that boy as Mister .

the visitor's face reddened and reddened .

" no," he faltered in answer; " no-- no--_ma'am_, i_should say .I--I don't know where Mr pike's gone ."

then he looked around for_his hat, discovered it in_time, took it into his hands, turned it around two_or_three times, then, bidding good-bye without shaking hands, took himself off .

Mrs Fluker liked all the Marchmans, and she was troubled somewhat when she heard of_the quickness and manner of Sim's departure; for he had_been fully expected by her to stay to dinner .

" say he didn't even shake hands, Marann ? what for ? what you_do to him ? "

" not one blessed thing, MA; only he_wanted to_know why I wasn't gladder to_see him ." then Marann looked indignant .

" say them words, Marann ? "

" no, but he hinted 'em ."

" what did you say then ? "

"I just asked, a-meaning nothing in_the wide world, MA--I asked him if he_knew where Mr pike had gone ."

" and_that were answer enough to hurt his feelin's . what you_want to_know where Matt pike's gone for, Marann ? "

"I didn't care about knowing, MA, but I didn't like the way Sim talked ."

" look here, Marann . look straight at me . you'll be mighty fur off your feet if_you let Matt pike put things in your head that hain't no business a-bein' there, and special if_you find yourself a-wantin' to_know where he's a-perambulatin' in_his everlastin' meanderin's . not a cent has he paid for_his board, and which your pa say he have a' understandin' with_him about allowin' for_his absentees, which_is all right enough, but which it's now goin' on to three mont's, and what_is comin' to_us I_need and i_want . he ought, your pa ought to let me bargain with Matt pike, because he know he don't understan' figgers like Matt pike . he don't know exactly what the bargain were; for I've asked him, and he always begins with amultiplyin' of words and never answers me ."

on_his next return from_his travels Mr pike noticed acoldness in Mrs Fluker's manner, and this enhanced his praise of_the house . the last week of_the third month came .Mr pike was often noticed, before and after meals, standing at_the desk in_the hotel office ( called in those times the bar- room) engaged in making calculations . the day before_the contract expired Mrs Fluker, who had_not indulged herself with a single holiday since they had_been in town, left Marann in charge of_the house, and rode forth, spending part of_the day with Mrs Marchman, Sim's mother . all were glad_to_see her, of_course, and she returned smartly, freshened by_the visit . that night she had a talk with Marann, and oh, how Marann did cry !

the very last day came . like insurance policies, the contract was to expire at a certain hour .Sim Marchman came just before dinner, to_which he_was sent for by Mrs Fluker, who had seen him as he rode into town .

"Hello, Sim," said Mr pike as he_took his seat opposite him ." you here ? what's the news in_the country ? how's your health ? how's crops ? "

" jest mod' rate, Mr pike . got little business with_you after dinner, ef you_can spare time ."

" all right . got a little matter with pink here first .'Twon't take long . see you arfter amejiant, Sim ."

never had the deputy been more gracious and witty . he talked and talked, outtalking even Mr Fluker; he was_the only man in town who_could do_that . he winked at Marann as he put questions to Sim, some_of_the words employed in_which Sim had never heard before . yet Sim held up as_well as he_could, and after dinner followed Marann with some little dignity into_the parlor . they had_not_been there more than ten minutes when Mrs Fluker was heard to walk rapidly along the passage leading from_the dining- room, to enter her own chamber for only a moment, then to_come out and rush to_the parlor door with_the gig- whip in her hand . such uncommon conduct in a woman like Mrs pink Fluker of_course needs explanation .

when all the other boarders had left the house, the deputy and Mr Fluker having repaired to_the bar- room, the former said:

" now, pink, for_our settlement, as_you say your wife think we better have one .I'd 'a' been willin' to let accounts keep on a-runnin', knowin' what astraightforrards sort o' man you was . your count, ef I ain't mistakened, is jes' thirty- three dollars, even money . is_that so, or is_it not ? "

" that's it, to a dollar, Matt . three times eleben make thirty- three, don't it ? "

" it do, pink, or eleben times three, jes' which you please . now here's my count, on_which you'll see, pink, that not nary cent have I charged for infloonce .I has infloonced a consider'ble custom to_this house, as_you_know, bo'din' and transion . but I done that out o' my respects of you an' Missis Fluker, an' your keepin' of afa'r--I'll say, as I've said freckwent, a very fa'r house .I let them infloonces go to friendship, ef you'll take it so . will_you, pink Fluker ? "

"Cert'nly, Matt, an' I'm a thousand times obleeged to_you, an'--"

" say no more, pink, on_that p'int o' view .Ef I like a man, I_know how to treat him . now as_to_the p'ints o' absentees, my business as dep'ty sheriff has took me away from_this inconsider'ble town freckwent, hain't it ? "

" it have, Matt, er somethin' else, more'n I were aexpectin', an'--"

"Jes' so . but a public officer, pink, when jooty call on him to_go, he got to_go; in fack he got to goth_, as_the scripture say, ain't that so ? "

"I s' pose so, Matt, by good rights, a--a official speakin' ."

Mr Fluker felt that he_was becoming a little confused .

"Jes' so . now, pink, I were to_have credics for_my absentees 'cordin' to transion an' single- meal bo'ders an' sleepers; ain't that so ? "

"I--I--somethin' o' that sort, Matt," he answered vaguely .

"Jes' so . now look here," drawing from_his pocket a paper ."Itom one .Twenty-eight dinners at half a dollar makes fourteen dollars, don't it ? Jes' so .Twenty-five breakfasts at a quarter makes six an' a quarter, which make dinners an' breakfasts twenty an' a quarter .Foller me up, as I go up, pink .Twenty-five suppers at a quarter makes six an' a quarter, an' which them added to_the twenty an' a quarter makes them twenty-six an' a half .Foller, pink, an' if_you ketch me in any mistakes in_the kyarin' an' addin', p'int it out .Twenty- two an' a half beds-- an' I_say half_, pink, because you ' member one night when them A' gusty lawyers got here ' bout midnight on their way to co't, rather'n have_you too bad cramped, I ris to_make way for two of 'em; yit as I had one good nap, I didn't think I ought to_put that down but for half . them makes five dollars half an' seb'n pence, an' which kyar'd on to_the t' other twenty-six an' a half, fetches the whole cabool to jes' thirty- two dollars an' seb'n pence . but I_made up my mind I'd fling out that seb'n pence, an' jes' call it a dollar even money, an' which here's the solid silver ."

in_spite of_the rapidity with_which this enumeration of counter-charges was_made, Mr Fluker commenced perspiring at_the first item, and when_the balance was announced his face was covered with huge drops .

it_was at_this juncture that Mrs Fluker, who, well knowing her husband's unfamiliarity with complicated accounts, had felt her duty to_be listening near the bar- room door, left, and quickly afterwards appeared before Marann and Sim as I_have represented .

" you_think Matt pike ain't tryin' to settle with your pa with a dollar ? I'm goin' to_make him keep his dollar, an' I'm goin' to_give him somethin' to_go ' long with it ."

" the good lord have mercy upon us ! " exclaimed Marann, springing up and catching hold of her mother's skirts, as she began her advance towards the bar- room ."Oh, MA ! for_the lord's sake ! --Sim, Sim, Sim, if_you care any_thing for_me in_this wide world, don't let MA go into that room ! "

"Missis Fluker," said Sim, rising instantly, " wait jest two minutes till I_see Mr pike on some pressin' business; I won't keep you over two minutes a-waitin' ."

he_took her, set her down in a chair trembling, looked at her a moment as she began to weep, then, going out and closing the door, strode rapidly to_the bar- room .

" let me help_you settle your board- bill, Mr pike, by payin' you a little one I owe you ."

Doubling his fist, he struck out with a blow that felled the deputy to_the floor . then catching him by his heels, he dragged him out_of_the house into_the street .Lifting his foot above his face, he_said:

" you stir till I tell you, an' I'll stomp your nose down even with_the balance of your mean face .'Tain't exactly my business how you cheated Mr Fluker, though, 'pon my soul, I never knowed atrifliner, lowdowner trick . but I owed you myself for your talkin' ' bout and your lyin' ' bout me, and now I've paid you; an' ef you only knowed it, I've saved you from a gig-whippin' . now you_may git up ."

" here's his dollar, Sim," said Mr Fluker, throwing it out_of_the window ."Nervy say make him take it ."

the vanquished, not daring to refuse, pocketed the coin, and slunk away amid the jeers of a score of villagers who had_been drawn to_the scene .

in all human probability the late omission of_the shaking of Sim's and Marann's hands was compensated at their parting that afternoon . I_am more confident on_this point because at_the end of_the year those hands were joined inseparably by_the preacher . but this_was when_they had all gone back to_their old home; for if Mr Fluker did_not become fully convinced that his mathematical education was not advanced quite enough for all the exigencies of hotel-keeping, his wife declared that she had had enough of it, and_that she and Marann were going home .Mr Fluker may_be said, therefore, to_have followed, rather than led, his family on_the return .

as for_the deputy, finding that if he_did_not leave it voluntarily he_would_be drummed out_of_the village, he departed, whither I_do_not remember if anybody ever knew .

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