The Unparalleled Advertures of One Hans Pfaal by Edgar Allan Poe
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in an equal degree as at_the surface of_the earth, the actual gravity of bodies at either planet supposed in_the ratio of_the atmospheric condensation . that_it_was not the case, however, my precipitous downfall gave testimony enough; why it_was not so, can only be explained by a reference to_those possible geological disturbances to_which I_have formerly alluded . at all events i_was now close upon_the planet, and coming down with_the most terrible impetuosity .I lost not a moment, accordingly, in throwing overboard first my ballast, then my water-kegs, then my condensing apparatus and gum- elastic chamber, and finally every article within_the car . but it_was all to no purpose .I still fell with horrible rapidity, and was now not more than half a mile from_the surface . as a last resource, therefore, having got rid of_my coat, hat, and boots, I cut loose from_the balloon the car itself, which_was of no inconsiderable weight, and thus, clinging with both hands to_the net- work, I had barely time to observe that_the whole country, as far as_the eye could reach, was thickly interspersed with diminutive habitations, ere I tumbled headlong into_the very heart of afantastical- looking city, and into_the middle of a vast crowd of ugly little people, who none_of_them uttered a single syllable, or gave themselves the least trouble to render me assistance, but stood, like a parcel of idiots, grinning in a ludicrous manner, and eyeing me and my balloon askant, with their arms set a-kimbo .I turned from_them in contempt, and, gazing upward at_the earth so lately left, and left perhaps for ever, beheld it like a huge, dull, copper shield, about two degrees in diameter, fixed immovably in_the heavens overhead, and tipped on one of_its edges with a crescent border of_the most brilliant gold . no traces of land or water could_be discovered, and_the whole was clouded with variable spots, and belted with tropical and equatorial zones .

" thus, may it please your Excellencies, after a series of great anxieties, unheard of dangers, and unparalleled escapes, I had, at_length, on_the nineteenth day of_my departure from Rotterdam, arrived in safety at_the conclusion of a voyage undoubtedly the most extraordinary, and_the most momentous, ever accomplished, undertaken, or conceived by any denizen of earth . but my adventures yet remain to_be related . and indeed your Excellencies may well imagine that, after a residence of five years upon a planet not_only deeply interesting in its own peculiar character, but rendered doubly so by its intimate connection, in capacity of satellite, with_the world inhabited by man, I_may_have intelligence for_the private ear of_the States' college of Astronomers of far more importance than_the details, however wonderful, of_the mere voyage which so happily concluded . this_is, in_fact, the case . I_have much -- very_much which it would give_me the greatest pleasure to communicate . I_have much to_say of_the climate of_the planet; of_its wonderful alternations of heat and cold, of unmitigated and burning sunshine for_one fortnight, and more than polar frigidity for_the next; of a constant transfer of moisture, by distillation like that in vacuo, from_the point beneath the sun to_the point the farthest from_it; of a variable zone of running water, of_the people themselves; of_their manners, customs, and political institutions; of_their peculiar physical construction; of_their ugliness; of_their want of ears, those useless appendages in an atmosphere so peculiarly modified; of_their consequent ignorance of_the use and properties of speech; of_their substitute for speech in a singular method of inter- communication; of_the incomprehensible connection between each particular individual in_the moon with some particular individual on_the earth -- a connection analogous with, and depending upon, that of_the orbs of_the planet and_the satellites, and by_means of_which the lives and destinies of_the inhabitants of_the one are interwoven with_the lives and destinies of_the inhabitants of_the other; and above all, if_it so please your Excellencies -- above all, of_those dark and hideous mysteries which lie in_the outer regions of_the moon -- regions which, owing to_the almost miraculous accordance of_the satellite's rotation on its own axis with its sidereal revolution about_the earth, have never yet been turned, and, by god's mercy, never shall be turned, to_the scrutiny of_the telescopes of man . all this, and more- much more -- would I most willingly detail . but, to_be brief, I_must_have my reward . I_am pining for a return to my family and to my home, and as_the price of any farther communication on my part -- in consideration of_the light which I_have it in my power to throw upon many very_important branches of physical and metaphysical science -- I_must solicit, through_the influence of your honorable body, a pardon for_the crime of_which I_have_been guilty in_the death of_the creditors upon my departure from Rotterdam . this, then, is_the object of_the present paper . its bearer, an inhabitant of_the moon, whom I_have prevailed upon, and properly instructed, to_be my messenger to_the earth, will await your Excellencies' pleasure, and return to_me with_the pardon in_question, if_it can, in any manner, be obtained .

" I_have the honor to_be, etc ., your Excellencies' very humble servant,

HANS PFAALL ."

upon finishing the perusal of_this very extraordinary document, professor rub-a-dub, it_is said, dropped his pipe upon_the ground in_the extremity of_his surprise, and Mynheer Superbus Von Underduk having taken off his spectacles, wiped them, and deposited them in_his pocket, so_far forgot both himself and_his dignity, as to_turn round three times upon his heel in_the quintessence of astonishment and admiration . there_was no_doubt about_the_matter -- the pardon should_be obtained . so at_least swore, with a round oath, professor rub-a-dub, and so finally thought the illustrious Von Underduk, as he_took the arm of_his brother in science, and without saying a word, began to make_the best of_his way home to deliberate upon_the measures to_be adopted .Having reached the door, however, of_the burgomaster's dwelling, the professor ventured to suggest_that as_the messenger had thought proper to disappear -- no_doubt frightened to death by_the savage appearance of_the burghers of Rotterdam -- the pardon would_be of little use, as no one but a man of_the moon would undertake a voyage to so vast a distance . to_the truth of_this observation the burgomaster assented, and_the matter was therefore at an end . not so, however, rumors and speculations . the letter, having been published, gave rise to a variety of gossip and opinion . some_of_the over- wise even made themselves ridiculous by decrying the whole business; as nothing better than a hoax . but hoax, with_these sort of people, is, I believe, a general term for all matters above their comprehension . for_my part, I_cannot conceive upon what data they_have founded such an accusation . let_us_see what they say:

Imprimus . that certain wags in Rotterdam have certain especial antipathies to certain burgomasters and astronomers .

Don't understand at all .

secondly . that an odd little dwarf and bottle conjurer, both of whose ears, for some misdemeanor, have_been cut off close to_his head, has_been missing for several_days from_the neighboring city of Bruges .

well -- what of_that ?

Thirdly . that_the newspapers which were stuck all over the little balloon were newspapers of Holland, and therefore could_not have_been made in_the moon . they were dirty papers -- very dirty -- and Gluck, the printer, would take his Bible oath to_their having been printed in Rotterdam .

he_was mistaken -- undoubtedly -- mistaken .

Fourthly, that Hans Pfaall himself, the druken villain, and_the three very idle gentlemen styled his creditors, were all seen, no longer than two_or_three days_ago, in atippling house in_the suburbs, having just returned, with money in their pockets, from a trip beyond the sea .

Don't believe it -- don't believe a word of it .

lastly . that_it_is an opinion very generally received, or which ought_to_be generally received, that_the college of Astronomers in_the city of Rotterdam, as_well as other colleges in all other parts of_the world, -- not to mention colleges and astronomers in general, -- are, to_say the least of_the matter, not a whit better, nor greater, nor wiser than they ought_to_be .

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Notes to Hans Pfaal

{*1} note-- strictly speaking, there_is but little similarity between_the above sketchy trifle and_the celebrated " moon- story" of Mr Locke; but as both have the character of hoaxes ( although the one is in a tone of banter, the other of downright earnest), and as both hoaxes are on_the same subject, the moon-- moreover, as both attempt to_give plausibility by scientific detail-- the author of "Hans Pfaall" thinks it necessary to_say, in self-defence, that his own _jeu d' esprit was published in_the " southern literary messenger" about three weeks before_the commencement of Mr L's in_the " New_York sun ." Fancying a likeness which, perhaps, does_not exist, some_of_the New_York papers copied "Hans Pfaall," and collated it with_the " moon- hoax," by way of detecting the writer of_the one in_the writer of_the other .

as_many more persons were actually gulled by_the " moon- hoax" than would_be willing to acknowledge the fact, it may here afford some little amusement to show why no one should_have_been deceived- to point out those particulars of_the story which should_have_been sufficient to establish its real character . indeed, however rich the imagination displayed in_this ingenious fiction, it wanted much of_the force which might_have_been given it by a more scrupulous attention to facts and to general analogy . that_the public were misled, even for an instant, merely proves the gross ignorance which_is so generally prevalent upon subjects of an astronomical nature .

the moon's distance from_the earth is, in round numbers, 240,000 miles . if we_desire to ascertain how near, apparently, a lens would bring the satellite ( or any distant object), we, of_course, have but to divide the distance by_the magnifying or, more strictly, by_the space-penetrating power of_the glass .Mr L .makes his lens have a power of 42,000 times . by_this divide 240,000 ( the moon's real distance), and we_have five miles and five sevenths, as_the apparent distance . no animal at all could_be seen so_far; much less the minute points particularized in_the story .Mr L .speaks about sir John Herschel's perceiving flowers ( the Papaver rheas, etc .), and even detecting the color and_the shape of_the eyes of small birds . shortly before, too, he has himself observed that_the lens would_not render perceptible objects of less_than eighteen inches in diameter; but even this, as I_have said, is giving the glass by far too great power . it may_be observed, in passing, that_this prodigious glass is said to_have_been molded at_the glasshouse of Messrs .Hartley and grant, in Dumbarton; but Messrs .H . and G .'s establishment had ceased operations for many years previous to_the publication of_the hoax .

on page 13, pamphlet edition, speaking of "a hairy veil" over the eyes of a species of bison, the author says: " it immediately occurred to_the acute mind of Dr .Herschel that_this was a providential contrivance to protect the eyes of_the animal from_the great extremes of light and darkness to_which all the inhabitants of_our side of_the moon are periodically subjected ." but this_cannot_be thought a very " acute" observation of_the doctor's . the inhabitants of_our side of_the moon have, evidently, no darkness at all, so there can_be nothing of_the "extremes" mentioned . in_the absence of_the sun they_have a light from_the earth equal to_that of thirteen full unclouded moons .

the topography throughout, even when professing to accord with blunt's lunar chart, is entirely at variance with_that or any_other lunar chart, and even grossly at variance with itself . the points of_the compass, too, are in inextricable confusion; the writer appearing to_be ignorant that, on a lunar map, these are_not in accordance with terrestrial points; the east being to_the left, etc .

deceived, perhaps, by_the vague titles, mare Nubium, mare Tranquillitatis, mare Faecunditatis, etc ., given to_the dark spots by former astronomers, Mr L . has entered into details regarding oceans and other large bodies of water in_the moon; whereas there_is no astronomical point more positively ascertained than that no such bodies exist there . in examining the boundary between light and darkness ( in_the crescent or gibbous moon) where this boundary crosses any of_the dark places, the line of division is found to_be rough and jagged; but, were these dark places liquid, it would evidently be even .

the description of_the wings of_the man- bat, on page 21, is but a literal copy of Peter Wilkins' account of_the wings of_his flying islanders . this simple fact should_have induced suspicion, at_least, it might_be thought .

on page 23, we_have the following: " what a prodigious influence must our thirteen times larger globe have exercised upon_this satellite when an embryo in_the womb of_time, the passive subject of chemical affinity ! " this_is very fine; but it should_be observed that no astronomer would_have made such remark, especially to any journal of science; for_the earth, in_the sense intended, is not_only thirteen, but forty-nine times larger than_the moon .a similar objection applies to_the whole of_the concluding pages, where, by way of introduction to some discoveries in Saturn, the philosophical correspondent enters into a minute schoolboy account of_that planet -- this to_the " Edinburgh journal of science ! "

but there_is one point, in_particular, which should_have betrayed the fiction . let_us imagine the power actually possessed of seeing animals upon_the moon's surface -- what would first arrest the attention of an observer from_the earth ? certainly neither their shape, size, nor any_other such peculiarity, so soon as their remarkable situation . they_would appear to_be walking, with heels up and head down, in_the manner of flies on aceiling . the real_ observer would_have uttered an instant ejaculation of surprise ( however prepared by previous knowledge) at_the singularity of_their position; the fictitious observer has_not even mentioned the subject, but speaks of seeing the entire bodies of_such creatures, when it_is demonstrable that he could_have seen only the diameter of_their heads !

it might as_well be remarked, in conclusion, that_the size, and particularly the powers of_the man-bats ( for example, their ability to fly in so rare an atmosphere--

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