the European Wars

by mark twain

--[ from_the buffalo express, July 25, 1870 .]

first day the European war ! ! !

no battle yet ! ! ! HOSTILITIES imminent ! ! ! tremendous excitement . Austria ARMING ! BERLIN, Tuesday .

no battle has_been fought yet . but hostilities may burst forth any week .

there_is tremendous excitement here over news from_the front that two companies of French soldiers are assembling there .

it_is rumoured that Austria is arming-- what with, is_not known .

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second day the European war

no battle yet ! FIGHTING imminent . awful excitement . Russia SIDES with PRUSSIA ! England neutral ! ! Austria not ARMING .BERLIN, Wednesday .

no battle has_been fought yet . however, all thoughtful men feel that_the land may_be drenched with blood before_the summer is over .

there_is an awful excitement here over the rumour that two companies of Prussian troops have concentrated on_the border . German confidence remains unshaken ! !

there_is news to_the effect that Russia espouses the cause of Prussia and will bring 4,000,000 men to_the field .

England proclaims strict neutrality .

the report that Austria is arming needs confirmation .

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third day the European war

no battle yet ! bloodshed imminent ! ! enormous excitement ! ! invasion of PRUSSIA ! ! invasion of FRANCE ! ! Russia SIDES with FRANCE . England still neutral ! FIRING heard ! the emperor to_take command .PARIS, Thursday .

no battle has_been fought yet . but field marshal McMahon telegraphs thus to_the emperor:

" if_the Frinch army survoives until Christmas there'll be throuble .Forninst this fact it would_be sagacious if_the divil wint the rounds of_his establishment to_prepare for_the occasion, and tuk the precaution to warrum up the Prussian depairtment a bit agin the day .MIKE ."

there_is an enormous state of excitement here over news from_the front to_the effect that yesterday France and Prussia were simultaneously invaded by_the two bodies of troops which lately assembled on_the border . both armies conducted their invasions secretly and_are now hunting around for each_other on opposite sides of_the border .

Russia espouses the cause of France . she will bring 200,000 men to_the field .

England continues to remain neutral .

Firing was heard yesterday in_the direction of Blucherberg, and for a while the excitement was intense . however the people reflected that_the country in_that direction is uninhabitable, and impassable by anything but birds, they became quiet again .

the emperor sends his troops to_the field with immense enthusiasm . he_will lead them in person, when_they return .

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fourth day the European war !

no battle yet ! ! the TROOPS GROWING old ! but bitter strife imminent ! prodigious excitement ! the INVASIONS successfully accomplished and_the INVADERS safe ! Russia SIDES with both SIDES England will fight both ! London, Friday .

no battle has_been fought thus far, but a million impetuous soldiers are gritting their teeth at each_other across the border, and_the most serious fears entertained that if they_do_not die of old age first, there_will_be bloodshed in_this war yet .

the prodigious patriotic excitement goes on . in Prussia, per Prussian telegrams, though contradicted from France . in France, per French telegrams, though contradicted from Prussia .

the Prussian invasion of France was a magnificent success . the military failed to_find the French, but made good their return to Prussia without the loss of a single man . the French invasion of Prussia is also demonstrated to_have_been a brilliant and successful achievement . the army failed to_find the Prussians, but made good their return to_the Vaterland without bloodshed, after having invaded as_much as_they wanted to .

there_is glorious news from Russia to_the effect that she will side with both sides .

also from England-- she will fight both sides .

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London, Thursday evening .

I rushed over too soon . I_shall return home on Tuesday's steamer and wait until the war begins .M .T .