Oz 06: Emerald City of Oz by L. Frank Baum
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to_do with_these prisoners ? "

" that_is for_you to decide," declared the captain ." you_are the king ."

" to_be_sure; to_be_sure," muttered the cleaver, musingly ." as_you say, we_have_had dull times since_the steel and grindstone eloped and left us . command my Counselors and_the royal Courtiers to attend me, as_well as_the high priest and_the judge . we'll then decide what can_be_done ."

the captain saluted and retired and Dorothy sat down on an overturned kettle and asked:

" have_you anything to eat in your kingdom ? "

" here ! get up ! get off from me ! " cried a faint voice, at which his majesty the cleaver said:

" excuse me, but you're sitting on my friend the Ten- quart Kettle ."

Dorothy at once arose, and_the kettle turned right side up and looked at her reproachfully .

"I'm a friend of_the king, so no one dares sit on me," said he .

"I'd prefer a chair, anyway," she replied .

" sit on_that hearth," commanded the king .

so Dorothy sat on_the hearth- shelf of_the big range, and_the subjects of Utensia began to gather around in a large and inquisitive throng .Toto lay at Dorothy's feet and Billina flew upon_the range, which had no fire in_it, and perched there as comfortably as she_could .

when all the Counselors and Courtiers had assembled-- and these seemed to include most of_the inhabitants of_the kingdom-- the king rapped on_the block for order and said:

" friends and fellow Utensils ! our worthy commander of_the spoon brigade, captain Dipp, has captured the three prisoners you_see before_you and brought them here for-- for--I don't know what for . so I ask your advice how to act in_this_matter, and what fate i_should mete out to_these captives . judge Sifter, stand on my right . it_is your business to sift this affair to_the bottom . high priest Colender, stand on my left and_see that no one testifies falsely in_this_matter ."

as_these two officials took their places, Dorothy asked:

" why is_the colander the high priest ? "

" he's the holiest thing we_have in_the kingdom," replied king Kleaver .

" except me," said a sieve ."I'm the whole thing when it comes to holes ."

" what we_need," remarked the king, rebukingly, " is a wireless sieve . I_must speak to Marconi about_it . these old- fashioned sieves talk too_much . now, it_is_the duty of_the king's Counselors to counsel the king at all times of emergency, so I beg you to_speak out and advise me what to_do with_these prisoners ."

"I demand that_they be killed several_times, until they_are dead ! " shouted apepperbox, hopping around very excitedly .

" compose yourself, Mr Paprica," advised the king ." your remarks are piquant and highly- seasoned, but you_need ascattering of commonsense . it_is only necessary to kill a person once to_make him dead; but I_do_not_see that_it_is necessary to kill this little girl at all ."

"I don't, either," said Dorothy .

" pardon me, but you_are_not expected to advise me in_this_matter," replied king Kleaver .

" why_not ? " asked Dorothy .

" you_might_be prejudiced in your own favor, and so mislead us," he_said ." now then, good subjects, who speaks next ? "

"I'd like to smooth this thing over, in some way," said a flatiron, earnestly ." we_are supposed to_be useful to mankind, you_know ."

" but the girl isn't mankind ! she's womankind ! " yelled a corkscrew .

" what do_you_know about_it ? " inquired the king .

"I'm a lawyer," said the corkscrew, proudly ." I_am accustomed to appear at_the bar ."

" but you're crooked," retorted the king, " and_that debars you . you_may_be acorking good lawyer, Mr Popp, but I_must ask_you to withdraw your remarks ."

" very_well," said the corkscrew, sadly; " I_see I haven't any pull at_this court ."

" permit me," continued the flatiron, " to press my suit, your majesty . I_do_not wish to gloss over any fault the prisoner may_have committed, if such a fault exists; but we owe her some consideration, and_that's flat ! "

"I'd like to hear from prince Karver," said the king .

at_this a stately carvingknife stepped forward and bowed .

" the captain was wrong to bring this girl here, and she was wrong to_come," he_said ." but now that_the foolish deed is done let_us all prove our mettle and_have aslashing good_time ."

" that's it ! that's it ! " screamed a fat choppingknife ." we'll make mincemeat of_the girl and hash of_the chicken and sausage of_the dog ! "

there_was a shout of approval at_this and_the king had to rap again for order .

" gentlemen, gentlemen ! " he_said, " your remarks are somewhat cutting and rather disjointed, as might_be expected from such acute intellects . but you give_me no reasons for your demands ."

" see here, Kleaver; you make me tired," said a saucepan, strutting before_the king very impudently ." you're about_the worst king that ever reigned in Utensia, and_that's saying a good_deal . why don't you run things yourself, instead of asking everybody's advice, like the big, clumsy idiot you_are ? "

the king sighed .

" i_wish there wasn't a saucepan in my kingdom," he_said ." you fellows are always stewing, over something, and every once in a while you slop over and make a mess of it . go hang yourself, sir-- by_the handle-- and don't let me hear_from_you again ."

Dorothy was much shocked by_the dreadful language the utensils employed, and she thought that they_must_have had very little proper training . so she said, addressing the king, who seemed very unfit to rule his turbulent subjects:

" i_wish you'd decide my fate right away . I_can't stay here all day, trying to_find out what you're going to_do with me ."

" this thing is becoming a regular broil, and it's time i_took part in_it," observed a big gridiron, coming forward .

" what I'd like to_know," said a can- opener, in a shrill voice, " is why the little girl came to our forest anyhow and why she intruded upon captain Dipp-- who ought_to_be called Dippy-- and who she_is, and where she came from, and where she_is going, and why and wherefore and therefore and when ."

"I'm sorry to_see, sir jabber," remarked the king to_the can- opener, " that you_have such aprying disposition . as a matter of fact, all the things you mention are none of_our business ."

Having said this the king relighted his pipe, which had gone out .

" tell me, please, what_is our business ? " inquired a potato- masher, winking at Dorothy somewhat impertinently ."I'm fond of little girls, myself, and it seems to_me she has as_much right to wander in_the forest as we_have ."

" who accuses the little girl, anyway ? " inquired arolling- pin ." what has she done ? "

"I don't know," said the king ." what has she done, captain Dipp ? "

" that's the trouble, your majesty . she hasn't done anything," replied the captain .

" what do_you_want me to_do ? " asked Dorothy .

this question seemed to puzzle them all . finally, achafingdish, exclaimed irritably:

" if no one can throw any light on_this subject you_must excuse me if I go out ."

at_this, a big kitchen fork pricked up its ears and said in a tiny voice:

" let's hear from judge Sifter ."

" that's proper," returned the king .

so judge Sifter turned around slowly several_times and then said:

" we_have nothing against the girl except the stove- hearth upon_which she sits . therefore I order her instantly discharged ."

" discharged ! " cried Dorothy ." why, I never was discharged in my life, and I don't intend to_be . if_it's all the same to_you, I'll resign ."

" it's all the same," declared the king ." you_are free-- you and your companions-- and may go wherever you like ."

" thank_you," said the little girl ." but haven't you anything to eat in your kingdom ? I'm hungry ."

" go into_the woods and pick blackberries," advised the king, lying down upon his back again and preparing to_go to sleep ." there isn't a morsel to eat in all Utensia, that I_know of ."

so Dorothy jumped up and said:

" come on, Toto and Billina . if_we_can't find the camp, we_may find some blackberries ."

the utensils drew back and allowed them to_pass without protest, although captain Dipp marched the spoon brigade in close order after them until they had reached the edge of_the clearing .

there the spoons halted; but Dorothy and her companions entered the forest again and began searching diligently for a way back to_the camp, that they_might rejoin their party .

17 . how they came to Bunbury

Wandering through_the woods, without knowing where you_are going or what adventure you_are about to meet next, is_not as pleasant as one might think . the woods are always beautiful and impressive, and if you_are_not worried or hungry you_may enjoy them immensely; but Dorothy was worried and hungry that morning, so she paid little attention to_the beauties of_the forest, and hurried along as fast as she_could go . she tried to_keep in one direction and not circle around, but she was not at all sure that_the direction she had chosen would lead her to_the camp .

by and by, to her great joy, she came upon a path . it ran to_the right and to_the left, being lost in_the trees in both directions, and just before her, upon a big oak, were fastened two signs, with arms pointing both ways . one sign read:

take_the other road to BUNBURY

and_the second sign read:

take_the other road to BUNNYBURY

" well ! " exclaimed Billina, eyeing the signs, " this looks as_if we were getting back to civilization again ."

"I'm not sure about_the civil'zation, dear," replied the little girl; " but it looks as_if we_might get somewhere, and_that's a big relief, anyhow ."

" which path shall we take ? " inquired the yellow Hen .

Dorothy stared at_the signs thoughtfully .

"Bunbury sounds like something to eat," she said ." let's go there ."

" it's all the same to_me," replied Billina . she had picked up enough bugs and insects from_the moss as she went along to satisfy her own hunger, but the hen knew Dorothy could_not eat bugs; nor could Toto .

the path to Bunbury seemed little traveled, but it_was distinct enough and ran through_the trees in a zigzag course until it finally led them to an open space filled with_the queerest houses Dorothy had ever seen . they were all made of crackers laid out in tiny squares, and were of many pretty and ornamental shapes, having balconies and porches with posts of bread-sticks and roofs shingled with wafer-crackers .

there were walks of bread-crusts leading from house to house and forming streets, and_the place seemed to_have many inhabitants .

when Dorothy, followed by Billina and Toto, entered the place, they found people walking the streets or assembled in groups talking together, or sitting upon_the porches and balconies .

and what funny people they were !

men, women and children were all made of buns and bread . some were thin and others fat; some were white, some light brown and some very dark of complexion .a few of_the buns, which seemed to_form the more important class of_the people, were neatly frosted . some had raisins for eyes and currant buttons on their clothes; others had eyes of cloves and legs of stick cinnamon, and many wore hats and bonnets frosted pink and green .

there_was something of a commotion in Bunbury when_the strangers suddenly appeared among them . women caught up their children and hurried into their houses, shutting the cracker doors carefully behind them . some men ran so hastily that_they tumbled over one another, while others, more brave, assembled in a group and faced the intruders defiantly .

Dorothy at once realized that she_must act with caution in_order not to frighten these shy people, who were evidently unused to_the presence of strangers . there_was a delightful fragrant odor of fresh bread in_the town, and this made the little girl more hungry than ever . she told Toto and Billina to stay back while she slowly advanced toward the group that stood silently awaiting her .

" you_must 'scuse me for coming unexpected," she said, softly, " but I really didn't know i_was coming here until I arrived . i_was lost in_the woods, you_know, and I'm as hungry as anything ."

" hungry ! " they murmured, in a horrified chorus .

" yes; I haven't had anything to eat since last night's supper," she exclaimed ." are there any eatables in Bunbury ? "

they looked at one another undecidedly, and then one portly bun man, who seemed a person of consequence, stepped forward and said:

" little girl, to_be frank with_you, we_are all eatables . everything in Bunbury is eatable to ravenous human creatures like you . but it_is to escape being eaten and destroyed that we_have secluded ourselves in_this out- of- the- way place, and there_is neither right nor justice in your coming here to feed upon us ."

Dorothy looked at him longingly .

" you're bread, aren't you ? " she asked .

" yes; bread and butter . the butter is inside me, so it won't melt and run .I do_the running myself ."

at_this joke all the others burst into a chorus of laughter, and Dorothy thought they couldn't be much afraid if they_could laugh like that .

"Couldn't I eat something besides people ? " she asked ."Couldn't I eat just one house, or a side- walk or something ? I wouldn't mind much what it_was, you_know ."

" this_is_not a public bakery, child," replied the man, sternly ." it's private property ."

" I_know Mr -- Mr --"

" my name is C .Bunn, esquire," said the man ."'C' stands for cinnamon, and this place is called after my family, which_is the most aristocratic in_the town ."

"Oh, I don't know about_that," objected another of_the queer people ." the Grahams and_the Browns and Whites are all excellent families, and

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