The Door in the Wall by H.G. Wells
Section [1 | 2 | 3]
the door in_the wall

by H .G .Wells

I .

one confidential evening, not three months_ago, Lionel Wallace told me this story of_the door in_the wall . and at_the_time i_thought that so_far as he_was concerned it_was a true story .

he_told it me with_such a direct simplicity of conviction that I_could_not do otherwise than believe in him . but in_the morning, in my own flat, I woke to a different atmosphere, and as I lay in bed and recalled the things he had told me, stripped of_the glamour of_his earnest slow voice, denuded of_the focussed, shaded table light, the shadowy atmosphere that wrapped about him and me, and_the pleasant bright things, the dessert and glasses and napery of_the dinner we had shared, making them for_the_time a bright little world quite cut off from everyday realities, I_saw it all as frankly incredible ." he_was mystifying ! " I_said, and then: " how well he_did it ! .. . it isn't quite the thing i_should_have expected him, of all people, to_do well ."

Afterwards as I sat up in bed and sipped my morning tea, I_found myself trying to account for_the flavour of reality that perplexed me in_his impossible reminiscences, by supposing they_did in some way suggest, present, convey--I hardly know which word to use-- experiences it_was otherwise impossible to_tell .

well, I don't resort to_that explanation now . I_have got over my intervening doubts .I believe now, as I believed at_the moment of telling, that Wallace did to_the very best of_his ability strip the truth of_his secret for_me . but whether he himself saw, or only thought he_saw, whether he himself was_the possessor of an inestimable privilege or the victim of a fantastic dream, I_cannot pretend to guess . even the facts of_his death, which ended my doubts for ever, throw no light on_that .

that much the reader must judge for himself .

I forget now what chance comment or criticism of_mine moved so reticent a man to confide in me . he_was, i_think, defending himself against an imputation of slackness and unreliability I had made in_relation to a great public movement, in_which he had disappointed me . but he plunged suddenly ." I_have," he_said, "a preoccupation----

" I_know," he went on, after a pause, " I_have_been negligent . the fact is-- it isn't a case of ghosts or apparitions-- but-- it's an odd thing to_tell of, Redmond-- I_am haunted . I_am haunted by something-- that rather takes the light out of things, that fills me with longings .. ."

he paused, checked by_that English shyness that so often overcomes us when we_would speak of moving or grave or beautiful things ." you were at saint Aethelstan's all through," he_said, and for a moment that seemed to_me quite irrelevant ." well"-- and he paused . then very haltingly at first, but afterwards more easily, he began to_tell of_the thing that was hidden in_his life, the haunting memory of a beauty and a happiness that filled his heart with insatiable longings, that made all the interests and spectacle of worldly life seem dull and tedious and vain to him .

now that I_have the clue to_it, the thing seems written visibly in_his face . I_have a photograph in_which that look of detachment has_been caught and intensified . it reminds me of what a woman once said of him--a woman who had loved him greatly ." suddenly," she said, " the interest goes out of him . he forgets you . he doesn't care arap for_you-- under his very nose .. ."

yet the interest was not always out of him, and when he_was holding his attention to a thing Wallace could contrive to_be an extremely successful man . his career, indeed, is set with successes . he left me behind him long_ago: he soared up over my head, and cut a figure in_the_world that I couldn't cut--anyhow . he_was still a year short of forty, and_they say now that he would_have_been in office and very probably in_the new cabinet if he had lived . at school he always beat me without effort-- as it were by nature . we were at school together at saint Aethelstan's college in west Kensington for almost all our school- time . he_came into_the school as my coequal, but he left far above me, in a blaze of scholarships and brilliant performance . yet i_think I_made a fair average running . and it_was at school I heard first of_the " door in_the wall"-- that i_was to hear of a second time only a month before his death .

to him at_least the door in_the wall was a real door, leading through a real wall to immortal realities . of_that I_am now quite assured .

and it came into his life quite early, when he_was a little fellow between five and six .I remember how, as he sat making his confession to_me with a slow gravity, he reasoned and reckoned the date of it ." there_was," he_said, "a crimson Virginia creeper in_it-- all one bright uniform crimson, in a clear amber sunshine against a white wall . that came into_the impression somehow, though I don't clearly remember how, and there were horse-chestnut leaves upon_the clean pavement outside the green door . they were blotched yellow and green, you_know, not brown nor dirty, so_that they_must_have been new fallen .I take it that means October .I look out for horse-chestnut leaves every year and I ought to_know .

" if I'm right in_that, i_was about five years and four months old ."

he_was, he_said, rather a precocious little boy-- he learnt to_talk at an abnormally early age, and he_was so sane and " old- fashioned," as people say, that he_was permitted an amount of initiative that most children scarcely attain by seven or eight . his mother died when he_was two, and he_was under the less vigilant and authoritative care of a nursery governess . his father was a stern, preoccupied lawyer, who gave him little attention, and expected great things of him . for all his brightness he_found life a little grey and dull, i_think . and one day he wandered .

he_could_not recall the particular neglect that enabled him to_get away, nor the course he_took among_the west Kensington roads . all that had faded among_the incurable blurs of memory . but the white wall and_the green door stood out quite distinctly .

as his memory of_that childish experience ran, he_did at_the very first sight of_that door experience a peculiar emotion, an attraction, a desire to_get to_the door and open it and walk in . and at_the same time he had the clearest conviction that either it_was unwise or it_was wrong of him-- he_could_not tell which-- to yield to_this attraction . he insisted upon it as a curious thing that he_knew from_the very beginning-- unless memory has played him the queerest trick-- that_the door was unfastened, and_that he_could go in as he chose .

I seem to_see the figure of_that little boy, drawn and repelled . and it_was very clear in_his mind, too, though why it should_be so was never explained, that his father would_be very angry if he went in through_that door .

Wallace described all these moments of hesitation to_me with_the utmost particularity . he went right past the door, and then, with_his hands in_his pockets and making an infantile attempt to whistle, strolled right along beyond the end of_the wall . there he recalls a number of mean dirty shops, and particularly that of a plumber and decorator with a dusty disorder of earthenware pipes, sheet lead, ball taps, pattern books of wall paper, and tins of enamel . he stood pretending to examine these things, and coveting_, passionately desiring, the green door .

then, he_said, he had a gust of emotion . he_made a run for_it, lest hesitation should grip him again; he went plump with outstretched hand through_the green door and let it slam behind him . and so, in a trice, he_came into_the garden that has haunted all his life .

it_was very difficult for Wallace to_give_me his full sense of_that garden into which he_came .

there_was something in_the very air of it that exhilarated, that gave one a sense of lightness and good happening and well- being; there_was something in_the sight of it that made all its colour clean and perfect and subtly luminous . in_the instant of coming into_it one was exquisitely glad-- as only in rare moments, and when one is young and joyful one can be_glad in_this world . and everything was beautiful there .. .

Wallace mused before he went on telling me ." you_see," he_said, with_the doubtful inflection of a man who pauses at incredible things, " there were two great panthers there .. . yes, spotted panthers . and i_was not afraid . there_was a long wide path with marble- edged flower borders on either side, and these two huge velvety beasts were playing there with a ball . one looked up and came towards me, a little curious as it seemed . it came right up to_me, rubbed its soft round ear very gently against the small hand I held out, and purred . it_was, I tell you, an enchanted garden . I_know . and_the size ? Oh ! it stretched far and wide, this_way and_that .I believe there were hills far away . heaven knows where west Kensington had suddenly got to . and somehow it_was just like coming home .

" you_know, in_the very moment the door swung to behind me, I forgot the road with its fallen chestnut leaves, its cabs and tradesmen's carts, I forgot the sort of gravitational pull back to_the discipline and obedience of home, I forgot all hesitations and fear, forgot discretion, forgot all the intimate realities of_this life .I became in a moment a very_glad and wonder- happy little boy-- in another world . it_was a world with a different quality, a warmer, more penetrating and mellower light, with a faint clear gladness in its air, and wisps of sun- touched cloud in_the blueness of_its sky . and before me ran this long wide path, invitingly, with weedless beds on either side, rich with untended flowers, and these two great panthers .I put my little hands fearlessly on their soft fur, and caressed their round ears and_the sensitive corners under their ears, and played with_them, and it_was as_though they welcomed me home . there_was a keen sense of home-coming in my mind, and when presently a tall, fair girl appeared in_the pathway and came to meet me, smiling, and said ' well ? ' to_me, and lifted me, and kissed me, and put me down, and led me by_the hand, there_was no amazement, but only an impression of delightful rightness, of being reminded of happy things that had in some strange way been overlooked . there were broad red steps, I remember, that came into view between spikes of delphinium, and up these we went to a great avenue between very old and shady dark trees . all down this avenue, you_know, between_the red chapped stems, were marble seats of honour and statuary, and very tame and friendly white doves .. .

" along_this cool avenue my girl- friend led me, looking down--I recall the pleasant lines, the finely-modelled chin of her sweet kind face--asking me questions in a soft, agreeable voice, and telling me things, pleasant things I_know, though what they were i_was never able to recall .. . presently a little Capuchin monkey, very clean, with a fur of ruddy brown and kindly hazel eyes, came down a tree to_us and ran beside me, looking up at me and grinning, and presently leapt to my shoulder . so we two went on_our way in great happiness ."

he paused .

" go on," I_said .

"I remember little things . we passed an old man musing among laurels, I remember, and a place gay with paroquets, and came through a broad shaded colonnade to a spacious cool palace, full of pleasant fountains, full of beautiful things, full of_the quality and promise of heart's desire . and there were many things and many people, some that still seem to stand out clearly and some that_are a little vague; but all these people were beautiful and kind . in some way--I don't know how-- it_was conveyed to_me that_they all were kind to_me, glad_to_have me there, and filling me with gladness by their gestures, by_the touch of_their hands, by_the welcome and love in their eyes . yes----"

he mused for a while ."Playmates I_found there . that was very_much to_me, because i_was a lonely little boy . they played delightful games in a grass- covered court where there_was a sun- dial set about with flowers . and as one played one loved .. .

" but-- it's odd-- there's a gap in my memory .I don't remember the games we played .I never remembered .Afterwards, as a child, I spent long hours trying, even with tears, to recall the form of_that happiness . i_wanted to play it all over again-- in my nursery-- by_myself . no ! all I remember is_the happiness and two dear playfellows who were most with me .. . then presently came asombre dark woman, with

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