The Door in the Wall by H.G. Wells
Section [1 | 2 | 3]
with a grave, pale face and dreamy eyes, asombre woman, wearing a soft long robe of pale purple, who carried a book, and beckoned and took me aside with her into a gallery above a hall-- though my playmates were loth to_have me go, and ceased their game and stood watching as i_was carried away . come back to_us ! ' they cried .' come back to_us soon ! ' I looked up at her face, but she heeded them not at all . her face was very gentle and grave . she took me to a seat in_the gallery, and I stood beside her, ready to look at her book as she opened it upon her knee . the pages fell open . she pointed, and I looked, marvelling, for in_the living pages of_that book I_saw myself; it_was a story about myself, and in_it were all the things that had happened to_me since ever i_was born .. .

" it_was wonderful to_me, because the pages of_that book were_not pictures, you understand, but realities ."

Wallace paused gravely-- looked at me doubtfully .

" go on," I_said ."I understand ."

" they were realities--- yes, they_must_have been; people moved and things came and went in_them; my dear mother, whom I had near forgotten; then my father, stern and upright, the servants, the nursery, all the familiar things of home . then the front door and_the busy streets, with traffic to and fro .I looked and marvelled, and looked half doubtfully again into_the woman's face and turned the pages over, skipping this and_that, to_see more of_this book and more, and so at last I_came to myself hovering and hesitating outside the green door in_the long white wall, and felt again the conflict and_the fear .

"' and next ? ' I cried, and would_have turned on, but the cool hand of_the grave woman delayed me .

"' next ? ' I insisted, and struggled gently with her hand, pulling up her fingers with all my childish strength, and as she yielded and_the page came over she bent down upon me like a shadow and kissed my brow .

" but the page did_not show the enchanted garden, nor the panthers, nor the girl who had led me by_the hand, nor the playfellows who had_been so loth to let me go . it showed a long grey street in west Kensington, in_that chill hour of afternoon before_the lamps are lit, and i_was there, a wretched little figure, weeping aloud, for all that I_could do to restrain myself, and i_was weeping because I_could_not return to my dear playfellows who had called after me, ' come back to_us ! come back to_us soon ! ' i_was there . this_was no page in a book, but harsh reality; that enchanted place and_the restraining hand of_the grave mother at whose knee I stood had gone-- whither had they gone ? "

he halted again, and remained for a time staring into_the fire .

"Oh ! the woefulness of_that return ! " he murmured .

" well ? " I_said, after a minute or so .

" poor little wretch i_was ! -- brought back to_this grey world again ! as I realised the fulness of what had happened to_me, I_gave way to quite ungovernable grief . and_the shame and humiliation of_that public weeping and my disgraceful home-coming remain with me still . I_see again the benevolent- looking old gentleman in gold spectacles who stopped and spoke to_me--prodding me first with_his umbrella .' poor little chap,' said he; ' and are_you lost then ? '-- and me a London boy of five and more ! and he_must needs bring in a kindly young policeman and make a crowd of me, and so march me home .Sobbing, conspicuous, and frightened, I_came back from_the enchanted garden to_the steps of_my father's house .

" that_is as_well as I_can remember my vision of_that garden-- the garden that haunts me still . of_course, I_can convey nothing of_that indescribable quality of translucent unreality, that difference_ from_the common things of experience that hung about_it all; but that-- that_is what happened . if_it_was a dream, I_am_sure it_was a day- time and altogether extraordinary dream .. .H'm ! -- naturally there followed a terrible questioning, by my aunt, my father, the nurse, the governess-- everyone .. .

"I tried to_tell them, and my father gave_me my first thrashing for telling lies . when afterwards I tried to_tell my aunt, she punished me again for_my wicked persistence . then, as I_said, everyone was forbidden to listen to_me, to hear a word about_it . even my fairytale books were taken away from me for a time-- because i_was too ' imaginative .' Eh ? yes, they_did that ! my father belonged to_the old school .. . and my story was driven back upon myself .I whispered it to my pillow-- my pillow that was often damp and salt to my whispering lips with childish tears . and I added always to my official and less fervent prayers this_one heartfelt request: ' please god I_may dream of_the garden .Oh ! take me back to my garden ! ' take me back to my garden ! I dreamt often of_the garden . I_may_have added to_it, I_may_have changed it; I_do_not know .. . all this, you understand, is an attempt to reconstruct from fragmentary memories a very early experience . between that and_the other consecutive memories of_my boyhood there_is a gulf .a time came when it seemed impossible i_should ever speak of_that wonder glimpse again ."

I asked an obvious question .

" no," he_said ."I don't remember that I ever attempted to_find my way back to_the garden in those early years . this seems odd to_me now, but i_think that very probably a closer watch was kept on my movements after_this misadventure to_prevent my going astray . no, it wasn't till you_knew me that I tried for_the garden again . and I believe there_was a period-- incredible as it seems now-- when I forgot the garden altogether-- when i_was about eight or nine it may have_been . do_you remember me as a kid at saint Aethelstan's ? "

" rather ! "

"I didn't show any signs, did I, in those days of having a secret dream ? "

II .

he looked up with a sudden smile .

" did you ever play north- west passage with me ? .. . no, of_course you didn't come my way ! "

" it was_the sort of game," he went on, " that every imaginative child plays all day . the idea was_the discovery of a north- west passage to school . the way to school was plain enough; the game consisted in finding some way that wasn't plain, starting off ten minutes early in some almost hopeless direction, and working my way round through unaccustomed streets to my goal . and one day I got entangled among some rather low- class streets on_the other side of Campden hill, and I began to_think that for once the game would_be against me and_that i_should get to school late .I tried rather desperately a street that seemed acul-de-sac_, and found a passage at_the end .I hurried through_that with renewed hope .' I_shall do_it yet,' I_said, and passed a row of frowsy little shops that were inexplicably familiar to_me, and behold ! there_was my long white wall and_the green door that led to_the enchanted garden !

" the thing whacked upon me suddenly . then, after all, that garden, that wonderful garden, wasn't a dream ! "

he paused .

"I suppose my second experience with_the green door marks the world of difference there_is between_the busy life of aschoolboy and_the infinite leisure of a child .Anyhow, this second time I didn't for a moment think of going in straight away . you_see---- . for_one_thing, my mind was full of_the idea of getting to school in_time-- set on not breaking my record for punctuality . I_must surely have felt some little desire at_least to_try the door-- yes . I_must_have felt that .. . but I seem to remember the attraction of_the door mainly as another obstacle to my overmastering determination to_get to school . i_was immensely interested by_this discovery I had made, of_course--I went on with my mind full of it-- but I went on . it didn't check me .I ran past, tugging out my watch, found I had ten minutes still to spare, and then i_was going downhill into familiar surroundings .I got to school, breathless, it_is true, and wet with perspiration, but in_time . I_can remember hanging up my coat and hat .. . went right by_it and left it behind me . odd, eh ? "

he looked at me thoughtfully, " of_course I didn't know then that_it wouldn't always be there .Schoolboys have limited imaginations .I suppose i_thought it_was an awfully jolly thing to_have it there, to_know my way back to_it, but there_was the school tugging at me .I expect i_was a good_deal distraught and inattentive that morning, recalling what I_could of_the beautiful strange people i_should presently see again . oddly enough I had no_doubt in my mind that they_would_be_glad to_see me .. . yes, I_must_have thought of_the garden that morning just as a jolly sort of place to_which one might resort in_the interludes of a strenuous scholastic career .

"I didn't go that day at all . the next_day was a half holiday, and_that may_have weighed with me . perhaps, too, my state of inattention brought down impositions upon me, and docked the margin of_time necessary for_the _detour .I don't know . what I_do know is_that in_the meantime the enchanted garden was so_much upon my mind that I_could_not keep it to myself .

" i_told . what_was his name ? --a ferrety- looking youngster we used to_call Squiff ."

" young Hopkins," said I .

"Hopkins it_was . I_did_not like telling him .I had afeeling that in some way it_was against the rules to_tell him, but I_did . he_was walking part of_the way home with me; he_was talkative, and if_we had_not talked about_the enchanted garden we_should_have talked of something else, and it_was intolerable to_me to_think about any_other subject . so I blabbed .

" well, he_told my secret . the next_day in_the play interval I_found myself surrounded by half a dozen bigger boys, half teasing, and wholly curious to hear more of_the enchanted garden . there_was that big Fawcett-- you remember him ? -- and Carnaby and Morley Reynolds . you weren't there by any chance ? no, i_think i_should_have remembered if_you were .. .

"A boy is a creature of odd feelings . i_was, I really believe, in_spite of_my secret self- disgust, a little flattered to_have the attention of_these big fellows .I remember particularly a moment of pleasure caused by_the praise of Crawshaw-- you remember Crawshaw major, the son of Crawshaw the composer ? -- who said it was_the best lie he had ever heard . but at_the same time there_was a really painful undertow of shame at telling what I_felt was indeed a sacred secret . that beast Fawcett made a joke about_the girl in green----"

Wallace's voice sank with_the keen memory of_that shame ."I pretended not to hear," he_said ." well, then Carnaby suddenly called me a young liar, and disputed with me when I_said the thing was true . I_said I_knew where to_find the green door, could lead them all there in ten minutes .Carnaby became outrageously virtuous, and said I'd have to-- and bear out my words or suffer . did you ever have Carnaby twist your arm ? then perhaps you'll understand how it went with me .I swore my story was true . there_was nobody in_the school then to save achap from Carnaby, though Crawshaw put in a word or so .Carnaby had got his game .I grew excited and red-eared, and a little frightened .I behaved altogether like a silly little chap, and_the outcome of it all was_that instead of starting alone for_my enchanted garden, I led the way presently--cheeks flushed, ears hot, eyes smarting, and my soul one burning misery and shame-- for a party of six mocking, curious, and threatening schoolfellows .

" we never found the white wall and_the green door .. ."

" you mean---- ? "

"I mean I couldn't find it . i_would_have found it if I_could .

" and afterwards when I_could go alone I couldn't find it .I never found it .I seem now to_have_been always looking for_it through my school- boy days, but I never came upon it-- never ."

" did the fellows-- make it disagreeable ? "

" beastly .. .Carnaby held a council over me for wanton lying .I remember how I sneaked home and upstairs to hide the marks of_my blubbering . but when I cried myself to sleep at last it wasn't for Carnaby, but for_the garden, for_the beautiful afternoon I had hoped for, for_the sweet friendly women and_the waiting playfellows, and_the game I had hoped to learn again, that beautiful forgotten game .. .

"I believed firmly that if I had_not told-- .. .I had bad times after_that--crying at night and wool-gathering by day . for two terms I slackened and had bad reports . do_you remember ? of_course you_would ! it_was _you_-- your beating me in mathematics that brought me back to_the grind again ."

III .

for a time my friend stared silently into_the red heart of_the fire . then he_said: "I never saw it again until i_was seventeen .

" it leapt upon me for_the third time-- as i_was driving to Paddington on my way to Oxford and a scholarship .I had just one momentary glimpse . i_was leaning over the apron of_my hansom smoking a cigarette, and no_doubt thinking myself no end of a man of_the world, and suddenly there_was the door, the wall, the dear sense of unforgettable and still attainable things .

" we clattered by--I too taken

Section [1 | 2 | 3]