A Dog's Tale by Mark Twain
Section [1 | 2]
A dog's tale

by mark twain

chapter I

my father was aSt . Bernard, my mother was a collie, but I_am a Presbyterian . this_is what my mother told me, I_do_not know these nice distinctions myself . to_me they_are only fine large words meaning nothing . my mother had a fondness for such; she liked to_say them, and_see other dogs look surprised and envious, as wondering how she got so_much education . but, indeed, it_was not real education; it_was only show: she got the words by listening in_the dining- room and drawing- room when there_was company, and by going with_the children to Sunday- school and listening there; and whenever she heard a large word she said it over to herself many_times, and so was able to_keep it until there_was a dogmatic gathering in_the neighborhood, then she_would get it off, and surprise and distress them all, from pocket- pup to mastiff, which rewarded her for all her trouble . if there_was a stranger he_was nearly sure to_be suspicious, and when he got his breath again he_would ask her what it meant . and she always told him . he_was never expecting this but thought he_would catch her; so when she told him, he was_the one that looked ashamed, whereas he had thought it_was going to_be she . the others were always waiting for_this, and glad of it and proud of her, for they knew what_was going to happen, because they had had experience . when she told the meaning of a big word they were all so taken up with admiration that_it never occurred to any dog to doubt if_it_was the right one; and_that was natural, because, for_one_thing, she answered up so promptly that_it seemed like a dictionary speaking, and for another thing, where could they find out whether it_was right or not ? for she was_the only cultivated dog there_was . by and by, when i_was older, she brought home the word Unintellectual, one_time, and worked it pretty hard all the week at different gatherings, making much unhappiness and despondency; and it_was at_this_time that I noticed that during that week she was asked for_the meaning at eight different assemblages, and flashed out a fresh definition every time, which showed me that she had more presence of mind than culture, though I_said nothing, of_course . she had one word which she always kept on hand, and ready, like a life- preserver, a kind of emergency word to strap on when she was likely to_get washed overboard in a sudden way-- that was_the word synonymous . when she happened to fetch out a long word which had had its day weeks before and its prepared meanings gone to her dump- pile, if there_was a stranger there of_course it knocked him groggy for a couple of minutes, then he_would come to, and by_that_time she_would be away down wind on another tack, and not expecting anything; so when he'd hail and ask her to cash in, I ( the only dog on_the inside of her game) could_see her canvas flicker a moment-- but only just a moment-- then it would belly out taut and full, and she_would say, as calm as a summer's day, " it's synonymous with supererogation," or some godless long reptile of a word like that, and go placidly about and skim away on_the next tack, perfectly comfortable, you_know, and leave that stranger looking profane and embarrassed, and_the initiated slatting the floor with their tails in unison and their faces transfigured with a holy joy .

and it was_the same with phrases . she_would drag home a whole phrase, if_it had a grand sound, and play it six nights and two matinees, and explain it a new way every time-- which she had to, for all she cared for was_the phrase; she wasn't interested in what it meant, and knew those dogs hadn't wit enough to catch her, anyway . yes, she was a daisy ! she got so she wasn't afraid of anything, she had such confidence in_the ignorance of_those creatures . she even brought anecdotes that she had heard the family and_the dinner-guests laugh and shout over; and as a rule she got the nub of one chestnut hitched onto another chestnut, where, of_course, it didn't fit and hadn't any point; and when she delivered the nub she fell over and rolled on_the floor and laughed and barked in_the most insane way, while I could_see that she was wondering to herself why it didn't seem as funny as it did when she first heard it . but no harm was_done; the others rolled and barked too, privately ashamed of themselves for not seeing the point, and never suspecting that_the fault was not with_them and there wasn't any to_see .

you_can see by_these things that she was of a rather vain and frivolous character; still, she had virtues, and enough to_make up, i_think . she had a kind heart and gentle ways, and never harbored resentments for injuries done her, but put them easily out of her mind and forgot them; and she taught her children her kindly way, and from her we learned also to_be brave and prompt in_time of danger, and not to run away, but face the peril that threatened friend or stranger, and help him the best we_could without stopping to_think what the cost might_be to_us . and she taught us not by words only, but by example, and that_is_the best way and_the surest and_the most lasting . why, the brave things she did, the splendid things ! she was just a soldier; and so modest about_it-- well, you couldn't help admiring her, and you couldn't help imitating her; not even a king Charles spaniel could remain entirely despicable in her society . so, as you_see, there_was more to her than her education .

chapter II

when i_was well grown, at last, i_was sold and taken away, and I never saw her again . she was broken-hearted, and so was I, and we cried; but she comforted me as_well as she_could, and said we were sent into_this world for a wise and good purpose, and must do our duties without repining, take our life as we_might find it, live it for_the best good of others, and never mind about_the results; they were_not our affair . she said men who did like this would_have a noble and beautiful reward by and by in another world, and although we animals would_not go there, to_do well and right without reward would give to our brief lives a worthiness and dignity which in itself would_be a reward . she had gathered these things from_time to_time when she had gone to_the Sunday- school with_the children, and had laid them up in her memory more carefully than she had done with those other words and phrases; and she had studied them deeply, for her good and ours . one may see by_this that she had a wise and thoughtful head, for all there_was so_much lightness and vanity in_it .

so we said our farewells, and looked our last upon each_other through our tears; and_the last thing she said--keeping it for_the_last to_make me remember it the better, i_think-- was, " in memory of me, when there_is a time of danger to another do_not think of yourself, think of your mother, and do as she_would do ."

do_you_think I_could forget that ? no .

chapter III

it_was such acharming home ! -- my new one; a fine great house, with pictures, and delicate decorations, and rich furniture, and no gloom anywhere, but all the wilderness of dainty colors lit up with flooding sunshine; and_the spacious grounds around it, and_the great garden--oh, greensward, and noble trees, and flowers, no end ! and I was_the same as a member of_the family; and_they loved me, and petted me, and did_not give_me a new name, but called me by my old one that was dear to_me because my mother had given it me-- Aileen Mavourneen . she got it out of a song; and_the Grays knew that song, and said it_was a beautiful name .

Mrs gray was thirty, and so sweet and so lovely, you_cannot imagine it; and Sadie was ten, and just like her mother, just a darling slender little copy of her, with auburn tails down her back, and short frocks; and_the baby was a year old, and plump and dimpled, and fond of me, and never could get enough of hauling on my tail, and hugging me, and laughing out its innocent happiness; and Mr gray was thirty-eight, and tall and slender and handsome, a little bald in front, alert, quick in_his movements, business- like, prompt, decided, unsentimental, and with_that kind of trim- chiseled face that just seems to glint and sparkle with frosty intellectuality ! he_was a renowned scientist . I_do_not know what the word means, but my mother would know how to use it and get effects . she_would know how to depress a rat- terrier with it and make a lap- dog look sorry he_came . but that_is_not the best one; the best one was laboratory . my mother could organize a trust on_that one that_would skin the tax-collars off the whole herd . the laboratory was not a book, or a picture, or a place to wash your hands in, as_the college president's dog said-- no, that_is_the lavatory; the laboratory is quite different, and_is filled with jars, and bottles, and electrics, and wires, and strange machines; and every week other scientists came there and sat in_the place, and used the machines, and discussed, and made what they called experiments and discoveries; and often I_came, too, and stood around and listened, and tried to learn, for_the sake of_my mother, and in loving memory of her, although it_was a pain to_me, as realizing what she was losing out of her life and I gaining nothing at all; for try as I_might, i_was never able to_make anything out of it at all .

other times I lay on_the floor in_the mistress's work- room and slept, she gently using me for a foot- stool, knowing it pleased me, for it_was a caress; other times I spent an hour in_the nursery, and got well tousled and made happy; other times I watched by_the crib there, when_the baby was asleep and_the nurse out for_a_few_minutes on_the baby's affairs; other times I romped and raced through_the grounds and_the garden with Sadie till we were tired out, then slumbered on_the grass in_the shade of a tree while she read her book; other times I went visiting among_the neighbor dogs-- for there were some most pleasant ones not far away, and one very handsome and courteous and graceful one, a curly-haired Irish setter by_the name of robin Adair, who was a Presbyterian like me, and belonged to_the Scotch minister .

the servants in_our house were all kind to_me and were fond of me, and so, as you_see, mine was a pleasant life . there could_not_be a happier dog that i_was, nor agratefuller one . i_will say this for_myself, for_it is only the truth: I tried in all ways to_do well and right, and honor my mother's memory and her teachings, and earn the happiness that had come to_me, as best I_could .

by and by came my little puppy, and then my cup was full, my happiness was perfect . it was_the dearest little waddling thing, and so smooth and soft and velvety, and had such cunning little awkward paws, and such affectionate eyes, and such a sweet and innocent face; and it made me so proud to_see how the children and their mother adored it, and fondled it, and exclaimed over every little wonderful thing it did . it did seem to_me that life was just too lovely to--

then came the winter . one day i_was standing a watch in_the nursery . that_is_to_say, i_was asleep on_the bed . the baby was asleep in_the crib, which_was alongside the bed, on_the side next the fireplace . it was_the kind of crib that has a lofty tent over it made of gauzy stuff that you_can see through . the nurse was out, and we two sleepers were alone .a spark from_the wood- fire was shot out, and it lit on_the slope of_the tent .I suppose a quiet interval followed, then a scream from_the baby awoke me, and there_was that tent flaming up toward the ceiling ! before I_could think, I sprang to_the floor in my fright, and in a second was half- way to_the door; but in_the next half- second my mother's farewell was sounding in my ears, and i_was back on_the bed again .I reached my head through_the flames and dragged the baby out by_the waist- band, and tugged it along, and we fell to_the floor together in a cloud of smoke; I snatched a new hold, and dragged the screaming little creature along and out at_the door and around the bend of_the hall, and was still tugging away, all excited and happy and proud, when_the master's voice shouted:

" begone you cursed beast ! " and I jumped to save myself; but he_was furiously quick, and chased me up, striking furiously at me with_his cane, I dodging this_way and_that, in

Section [1 | 2]