Dan Murphy

by mark twain

one_of_the saddest things that ever came under my notice ( said the banker's clerk) was there in Corning, during the war .Dan Murphy enlisted as a private, and fought very bravely . the boys all liked him, and when a wound by and by weakened him down till carrying a musket was too heavy work for him, they clubbed together and fixed him up as a sutler . he_made money then, and sent it always to_his wife to bank for him . she was a washer and ironer, and knew enough by hard experience to_keep money when she got it . she didn't waste a penny . on_the contrary, she began to_get miserly as her bank account grew . she grieved to part with a cent, poor creature, for twice in her hard-working life she had known what it_was to_be hungry, cold, friendless, sick, and without a dollar in_the_world, and she had ahaunting dread of suffering so again . well, at last Dan died; and_the boys, in testimony of_their esteem and respect for him, telegraphed to Mrs Murphy to_know if she_would like to_have him embalmed and sent home, when_you know the usual custom was to dump a poor devil like him into a shallow hole, and then inform his friends what had become of him .Mrs Murphy jumped to_the conclusion that_it would only cost two_or_three dollars to embalm her dead husband, and so she telegraphed " yes ." it_was at_the " wake" that_the bill for embalming arrived and was presented to_the widow . she uttered a wild, sad wail, that pierced every heart, and said: "Sivinty-foive dollars for stoofhn' Dan, blister their sowls ! did thim divils suppose i_was goin' to stairt aMuseim, that I'd be dalin' in_such expinsive curiassities ! "

the banker's clerk said there_was not a dry eye in_the house .