Oz 17: The Cowardly Lion of Oz by Ruth Plumly Thompson
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said, " shall we let them pass through Doorways, my love ? " instead of answering the queen leaned over and whispered in Theodore's ear .

" her highness wishes to_be amused," announced the king, straightening up ." you said in_this circus it_was your business to_make people laugh . well, if you_can_make us laugh you_may continue your journey . you_may begin now and you_may_have three trials ."

the king folded his hands on_his stomach and leaned back vastly pleased with himself .Notta's forehead wrinkled anxiously, for queen Adora looked as_if she had never laughed in her life . but with a wink at Bob the clown began . first he let out an ear splitting screech that so alarmed the king his crown fell off . then he turned a complete somersault, chair and all, ran across the room on_his hands and cartwheeled back so fast one could_not have told whether he_was a person or apinwheel . next he bent double, seized his ankles with_his hands and jumped in_this singular position entirely over Bob, finishing with a neat bow before_the queen's throne .

" do_you_think that's funny ? " puffed the queen, turning to squarely face the king, who was mopping his brow with a silk handkerchief .

" no- no ! " stuttered Theodore, in a slightly cracked voice ." it quite upset me, my love .Slammer, where's my crown ? " Slammer recovered the king's crown and then both their Majesties stared solemnly at Notta . the clown stared back, a puzzled expression on_his round jolly face . then, dragging a huge handkerchief from_his pocket, he whirled it over his hand and instantly it tied itself into a foolish rag baby, which the clown clasped to_his bosom, crooning:

"I love my baby, ' deed I_do, indeed, indeed I_do ! he has no hair upon his head, but neither, sir, have_you !

" but his will grow, it_will, I_know, as_soon_as he_is big, but yours will never grow- and so you'd better buy a wig ! "

"Wh- at ! " screamed king Theodore furiously, and Notta, dropping the handkerchief baby, noticed for_the first time that_the king's head was entirely bald .Bob up was holding himself together and smiling into his collar .

"Shocking ! " coughed Adora, looking at_the clown through her eye glasses .

" i_was singing about Slammer," gulped Notta, noting in an instant that_the chief doorman was bald too ." now just let me tell you a little joke . there_was once a triangular Pig, who_could dance a triangular jig, and-"

" do_you believe that ? " shrilled king Theodore, again turning to_face his queen .

" no," snapped the queen, shutting her lips very tight ." how could I ? "

" then, if_the clouds rolled away, would they be mist ? " roared Notta, before_they could continue their disagreeing . he bounced four feet into_the air and pointed playfully at_the king .

"I wouldn't miss 'em," replied the king sullenly ." do_you_think that's funny ? " again he turned to_the queen, who shook her head emphatically .

" well, i_think it's funny ! " said Bob, jumping out of_his chair . he looked indignantly from_the king to_the queen .

" then why don't you laugh ? " asked the king accusingly . poor Bob couldn't explain that laughing was a hard matter for an orphan, so he sat down rather suddenly, while Notta began looking all around as_if he were hunting something . he searched on each step of_the king's throne, then he looked into his majesty's lap and, finally, running around to_the back peered under Theodore's collar .

" what's the matter ? " asked his majesty irritably ." what_are you looking for now ? "

" my joke," sighed the clown, "I'm looking for_my poor little joke . it_was lost on you . when I asked, ' if_the clouds rolled away, would they be mist,' you_should_have said it's according to_the way you spell 'em- see ? "

" no," said Theodore, sternly, "I don't,

"I only see you_are a dunce; you haven't made us laugh, not once ! "

the queen nodded emphatically at_this and, glaring scornfully at_the two intruders, swept out_of_the throne room .

" last rule," whispered Notta, winking at Bob for out_of_the tail of_his eye, he could_see the king signaling Slammer .Rushing forward impetuously he flung up his hand ." could your majesty tell me a word to rhyme with toboggan ? " he asked pleadingly . immediately king Theodore's face lit up with pleasure . he closed his eyes and began to drum with one hand on_the arm of_his throne . if there_was one_thing he adored it_was rhyming .

he forgot to finish his directions to Slammer and instead mumbled hurriedly under his breath, "Choggin, foggin, doggon, noggin, loggin, joggin .Ah, I_have it-joggin ! " he opened his eyes and looked around triumphantly, but the clown and Bob up were nowhere to_be seen . in_fact they had run as_soon_as_the king's eyes closed . for Notta, while endeavoring to_make their Majesties laugh, had discovered that one_of_the doors said " out ." and out they went, bowling over doormen like ten pins in their headlong flight . as_the door slammed they slid down a steep dark passageway and in about two minutes shot out into_the middle of a dusty road . above them on a high hill rose the gray walls of_the singular kingdom of Doorways .

" toboggan was right," muttered the clown, rising stiffly ." this country grows odder and odder, Bob . what do they call it now-Oz ? but never mind, we_shall_have lots to_tell each_other on stormy nights when we reach the states .Lots and lots ! "

Bob did_not answer . instead he clutched Notta's wide pantaloon and pointed toward a large clump of bushes . looking out from_the leaves was_the head of a huge, shaggy lion .a shudder ran down the clown's back . he tried to remember the procedure of bill, the old lion tamer in_the circus .' subdue the creature with your eye," bill said . yes, that was what he had said .Notta's knees rattled like castanets, but with a frightened gulp he stared the lion straight in_the eye . for a moment nothing happened, then with a gusty sigh the lion began to_speak .

" what have they done with_the rest of me ? " it roared mournfully .

" who ? " stuttered Notta, getting a good hold on Bob and making ready to run at_the lion's first move .

" the Mudgers," wheezed the lion, two tears rolling down its nose . with many gulps and sighs it told them how Tazzywaller had cut it in two and imprisoned its back half in_the lion enclosure .

" you mean to_say that you were cut in half and still live to_tell the tale ? " gasped Notta in astonishment .

"I don't know what you mean by telling the tail . how can I tell the tail anything when all my connections with it are cut off ? Oh, my poor tail, how it must miss me ! " moaned the half lion ." then you only have two legs," said Bob in a relieved tone and coming out from behind Notta . the lion nodded gloomily ." if I had four, do_you_think I'd be standing propped up against these bushes .I'd have eaten you long_ago .

" what ablessing," murmured the clown under his breath, " that_it's only half a lion ."

"I'd like a little sympathy," continued the lion in its mournful voice ." if_the little fellow would pat me on_the head, i_think it would ease me a bit ."

" shall I ? " asked Bob up doubtfully .

" how do we_know you won't bite him ? " asked Notta cautiously .

"I haven't the courage," replied the lion dolefully ." besides my stomach is gone and_that rather takes the appetite away, you_know .Oh, my poor little empty stomach, how dreadfully it must feel ! then, to bite a person i_should_have to work myself up into a rage, and_that I_cannot do without a tail to lash . and half my heart is missing so I-"

" do everything half-heartedly," finished Notta, with a wink at Bob .

" exactly," blubbered the half lion . two more tears rolled down its nose, and these so affected

Bob up that he stepped bravely over and patted its mane .

" harder ! " cried the half lion, closing its eyes ." harder ! harder ! " Notta seized a stick and fell to patting the lion's head with_this, but it kept roaring harder until Bob up and Notta were perfectly breathless .

" sorry," puffed the clown at last, " but we'll have to_say goodbye now . we're on_our way to_the emerald city ."

" are_you ? " the half lion opened its eyes and regarded them with new interest ." there's a wonderful wizard in_the emerald city," it began in a more cheerful roar ." could you, would you, tell him about_my sad separation ? tell him I_am pining for_my better half and perhaps he_would put me together again . promise to_tell him ." the poor beast was so earnest that he almost lost his balance .

" why, certainly we_will tell him," said Notta, who was_the most obliging soul imaginable .

" we'll be_glad to, old fellow, but I didn't think there were any more wizards ."

" no wizards ? " coughed the lion, surveying the clown in amazement ." why, Oz is full of wizards . just keep going north and you'll soon find that out . i_would go along with_you, but I haven't quite learned to travel on two legs, and I'm so tired of standing ."

" why don't you sit down," asked Bob thoughtlessly . the lion groaned and looked at him reproachfully, and seeing it_was going to cry again Notta began to move off .

" by_the_way," he asked, pausing suddenly, " did you come through Doorways ? "

" yes ! " sobbed the lion, sniffing with each word, " through_the right door ."

" which door was_that ? "

"I don't remember," sighed the half lion drearily ."I remember nothing nowadays . when I used to forget a fact all I had to_do was to scratch my head with my hind leg and instantly it came back, but now- ." the lion began to sob heavily .

" well, goodbye ! " said Notta uneasily, taking Bob's hand ." if_we see this wizard you've mentioned we'll tell him your sad story ."

" goodbye," choked the lion, waving his paw feebly .

"I'd like to_see a real wizard, Notta," said Bob up, as_they trudged down the dusty road .

" odder and odder ! " murmured the clown, shaking his head in bewilderment ."I declare, Bob, if_you weren't along i_should think I were asleep and dreaming all this ."

" here's another sign," whispered Bob up in a low voice so the sign would_not hear him ." wonder if_it talks too ."

"I dare say they all can if they_want to replied Notta ." at any rate a sort of sign language ."

" north road to U," said this sign, in large blue letters .

"D stood for doorways .I wonder what U stands for ? " mused the little boy, staring up at_the sign with both hands in_his pockets .

" maybe it stands for_us ? " chuckled the clown, turning a handspring .

" you ! " sneered the sign, giving itself a little shake ." why, I wouldn't stand for_you a single minute .I'd rather- ." what it would rather Notta and Bob did_not wait to hear .Seizing hands, they ran gaily down the road toward the unknown and curious country of U .

chapter 8 the cowardly lion's quest

quite unconscious of Mustafa's evil plans for_his capture, the cowardly lion of Oz paced to and fro on_the wide veranda of_the loveliest palace in Oz . it_was early morning in_the emerald city, and Ozma and her court had_not yet risen, but many_of_the palace pets were abroad and talking sociably together in_the garden .Ozma's saw horse was running races with Hank, Betsy bobbin's small mule, the comfortable camel and doubtful Drome dary were ambling down the paths in their wobbly-kneed fashion, while Dorothy's little dog, Toto, and_the glass Cat were arguing over the patchwork girl's last verses . they all seemed happy and contented and_the cowardly lion, noting this, sighed heavily ." not one_of_them is ever afraid," he murmured sorrowfully ."I, of all creatures in Oz, am the only cowardly one .

" what say ? " the cowardly lion jumped, as he always did at an unexpected sound, then gave a little roar of relief as_the soldier with_the green Whiskers stepped out from behind a pillar .

" what say ? " repeated the soldier, putting down his gun which_was never loaded, and regarding the cowardly lion inquiringly .

" i_was saying that I_am the only cowardly person in Oz ."

" well, you_can fight, can't you ? " the soldier tugged his green whiskers thoughtfully as he asked this question ." now, I_am a very brave man, but I_can never fight, so there you_are . this_was perfectly true . the soldier with_the green Whiskers, who was Ozma's entire army, never was afraid, but he always ran at_the first sign of danger . while the cowardly lion trembled terribly as enemies approached, he always fought until he overcame them .

" so what's the difference," said the soldier with_the green Whiskers, shouldering his gun and marching down the steps ." you feel cowardly and act bravely . I_feel brave and act cowardly ." " it makes a great difference to_me," mumbled the cowardly lion ." i_want to_feel brave .Oh, if only once I_could feel brave ! " Shaking his mane mournfully, he padded down the steps after_the soldier with_the green Whiskers, and soon came upon_the comfortable camel and doubtful dromedary, who were swaying idly under a tall breakfast tree .

" morning," wheezed the comfortable camel, twitching his crooked nose ." handsome as ever, I_see ."

" I_doubt that, Camy," said the doubtful dromedary, eyeing the cowardly lion solemnly .

" he's always doubting things," smiled the comfortable camel, rolling his large, limpid eyes ." now, I never do ."

" he's right this_time .I'm not handsome at all; no coward could_be handsome," said the lion gruffly, flinging himself on_the ground beside the strange pair ."Ah, if I_could only feel courageous ! "

" you're nice as_you_are, you dear cowardly old thing," snorted the camel, wagging his head affectionately ." why, if_you were brave, you_would_be just like any_other lion . it's being cowardly that makes you so interesting ."

"I'd rather be brave than interesting," rumbled the lion

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