Oz 17: The Cowardly Lion of Oz by Ruth Plumly Thompson
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said the third door .

" and it's only may now . we_cannot possibly wait that long ." Notta took off his hat and made the door a polite bow ." besides," he explained to Bob, who was slowly spelling out the words on_the fourth door, "dorms stands for dormitories and dormitories stand for sleep . who wants to sleep ? "

" king Theodore the third," said the fourth door .

"Whew ! " whistled Notta ." another king ! come away, Bob up, I don't trust these king chaps at all ."

" the queen," announced the plate on_the fifth door proudly, "Adora the first . no one without a title need apply ."

" well ? we_may not be earls, but we're early," chuckled Notta, winking at Bob . they hurried curiously to_the sixth door ." push ! " said the plate .

" but would that be wise ? " ruminated Notta, rubbing his forehead anxiously ." let's try the last door, Bob ."

"Don't try me too_much or I'll fall on_your head," wheezed a disagreeable voice ." haven't you anything better to_do than go trying poor hardworking doors ? "

after atalking sign, Notta and Bob should_not have_been surprised . but they were- simply astonished- and for a moment could do nothing but stare .

" this door answers itself," said the plate on_the seventh and strangest of all the strange doorways .

" no bread, no ice, no milk; and if_you're selling brushes you_might as_well go at once, continued the door sulkily ." we don't need any .

" we're not ! " interrupted Notta, in a slightly choked voice ." we just want to_get in ."

" what for ? " asked the door stubbornly ." is_it a door matter ? have_you cards of admission ? "

" we're hunting Dorothy and_the cowardly lion," volunteered Bob timidly .

"A likely story," sniffed the door, looking contemptuously from one to_the other ." but what could one expect of people with curly ears .

" we_have_not curly ears," cried Bob, stamping his foot indignantly .

"Don't argue," said the door stiffly ." how's your temper- long or short ? " it rolled its wooden knot eyes inquiringly at Notta .

" what's that got to_do with_our getting in ? " asked the clown impatiently .

" short ! " muttered the door triumphantly to itself ." no, you'd better stay out, i_think . her highness is very slammish today, and_the last time I let strangers in she nearly twisted my knob off . that's the trouble around here- when anything goes wrong, everybody slams the door .Sometimes I almost wish I were a sofa cushion ."

" i_wish you were, myself," frowned the clown, " for then I'd toss you out_of_the way instead of wasting my breath here . are_you going to let_us in or not ? "

" not ! " snapped the door, rattling its knob vindictively ." and I don't care a slam what you wish ."

"Bob," said Notta, turning his back on_the door, " did you ever hear anything like that ? let's try number two .I'd rather risk wakening a baby than trying to argue with a door that answers itself ."

"I'm not afraid of babies," said Bob following manfully . the knob of number two turned easily and_the door swung open with_such a rush that both Notta and Bob fell through . at_the first glimpse of_that baby, Notta clapped his hand over Bob's mouth and, rising with quaking knees; pulled him toward the door . for you_see it_was a baby dragon-a snoring, roaring baby dragon as long and heavy as a freight train . it gave a shrill whistle and snort as_the door slammed shut and Notta and Bob sat down in a weak heap .

" baby," choked the clown, rubbing his eyes, which were full of dragon smoke ." well, if_that's the baby, preserve me from_the rest of_the family ! "

" will it come after us ? " shuddered Bob, in a frightened whisper .

" how did you like our little doorter ? " the seventh door looked sideways at_the two and chuckled wickedly ." still want to_get in ? "

" certainly," said Notta, turning a dozen cartwheels to relieve his nervousness, " but not that way ." he winked reassuringly at Bob ." before I_do anything else I_must put on my disguise . no wonder things are going so badly ."

"Don't you_think you look silly enough ? " wheezed the door rudely, as_the clown drew out disguise number three .Notta paid no attention to_this remark but, turning his back, struggled hastily into number three . even Bob felt reassured, for this_time Notta was disguised as a bear-a huge and terrible- looking bear .Grasping Bob's hand he rushed at_the door marked " push," with_such a ferocious growl that number Seven shook like a leaf .

"Oh, my hinges," chattered the door, " that went through me like a sword ." but immediately afterward it broke into derisive laughter . for no sooner had Notta and Bob pushed number Six, than number Six pushed back, and so hard that_the two went flying into a clump of blueberry bushes .

" that's the door way to treat 'em, brother," roared Seven, and Notta picked himself up and straightened his bear skin .

" now some people," muttered the clown, helping Bobbie out_of_the brushes and shaking his paw at_the door, " some people would_be discouraged . but no more side shows, Bob . let's try the queen's door, if_we're to_be thrown out it might as_well be_done royally ."

there_was a silver bell on_the queen's door and Notta rang it quickly, before either of_them had time to_change their minds . for a moment nothing at all happened . then the door knob disappeared . but horrors ! next instant it shot out, seized the two in a terrible clutch, and dragged them through_the keyhole . yes, it really did !

not_only had they been pulled through_the keyhole, but they felt as if_they had_been pulled through_the keyhole . even Notta had nothing to_say . he just lay on_his back and panted . whether the keyhole had stretched as_they went through or whether they had shrunk, I cannot_say .I only know they went through somehow and were on_the other side of_the queen's door ."Cards, please ! " adoorman in a handsome blue satin uniform was leaning over them ." are_you deaf ? " he asked angrily ." are_you dumb ? " he thumped Notta on_the head with_his silver card plate .

" neither," groaned the clown ." what do_you_want ? "

" your titles," snapped the doorman, looking nervously over his shoulder . as he_did so, a vase, three books and a pair of fire tongs struck the wall just above his head .

"Oh, the queen is in a fury, whatever shall I_do next," he mumbled to himself, dropping the silver plate and then picking it up again .

" let's run," said Bob, pressing close to Notta . but the clown had already recovered his spirits and was fumbling in_his pockets under his bear skin .

" there you_are . he calmly dropped two large buttons on_the doorman's plate ." just lead us to her majesty at once .

" someone's been at_the jam again," quavered the doorman without looking at_the buttons ."Oh, the queen's in a fury-a fury-a fury ! "

at each fury he_gave a little hop .

" you said that before," observed Notta, looking around curiously .

"A fury ! a fury ! a fury ! " persisted the doorman, continuing to hop, and as each hop carried him farther away he_was soon out of sight .

" wait ! " cried Notta, lumbering after him, for_his disguise made him clumsy .

" wait ! " cried Bob up, running after Notta . down the long hall they both ran, and, turning suddenly, found themselves in a large, impressive throne room . the entire wall space was taken up by_the doors of every size and shape imaginable and before each door stood adoorman similar to_the one they had already seen . in_the center of_the room were two magnificent thrones . on_the first sat a large, handsome queen and on_the second a small nervous king . the king's crown was entirely made of china door knobs, mounted on gold bars, while the queen's was_made of many gold door keys . the queen was looking at_the buttons as Bob and Notta entered .

"Buttons ! " hissed her majesty contemptuously ." what do buttons stand for ? "

" us, your highness ! " replied Notta, bowing as low as his disguise would permit, and drawing Bob forward .

the king twiddled his thumbs and recited:

"B stands for buttons and B stands for bears, B stands for buttons and boy- bring two chairs ! "

" nonsense ! " thundered the queen . the doormen hastily brought two chairs and Bob and Notta sat down .

" i_think he'll appreciate rule two," whispered the clown ." he's quite polite himself ."

" Theodore," said the queen, her face beginning to work curiously, " Theodore, I believe they stole the jam .Bears and little boys are always stealing jam . and what right have they here without titles ? where are their titles ? "

" adorable queen," said the clown, half rising and pointing with_his paw to_the buttons, " those are the badges of_our order . we belong, your highness, to_the ancient and honorable order of Bachelors, and_are at present lords of all we survey ."

" do_you believe that ? " the queen turned and squarely faced the king .

" no ! " said Theodore emphatically, turning to squarely face the queen ." how could I, when there_is no such place . where is_this all- we- survey ? " he asked sternly ." is_it in Oz ? "

Notta was so surprised at_the sudden turn the conversation had taken that he sat down with a thump .

" he's adorm ! " screeched the queen, her voice rising higher and higher ." he's adorm- that's what he_is ! "

" what's adorm ? " gasped Bob, so surprised that he forgot to_be frightened .

"A dorm is an animal that lies dormant in cold weather, like a bear or a' possum, my dear Buttons," explained the king, shaking his finger at Bob, " but he's got no business here now .

" I_see it all," panted the queen beginning to wave her arms ." he didn't come here to sleep but to steal ! Theodore, he has stolen the jam ! "

the king wagged his head from side to side as he repeated this verse:

" he's come without reason and quite out of season; I agree with_you, MA'am, he has stolen the jam ! "

" put out your tongue ! " commanded the queen, waving a bunch of keys at Notta . this Notta was unable to_do, for_his bear head had no tongue .

" you_see ! " shrilled the queen triumphantly, " he_is afraid to_put out his tongue .Slammer," she called, turning to a huge doorman, who stood behind the throne, " what_is the punishment for door jam stealing ? "

the doorman whisked a little book from_his pocket and, after flipping over a number of pages, read in a high nasal voice, " any_one caught stealing the queen's door jam shall_have his knob twisted and every door in_the kingdom slammed on him besides ."

" how fearfully unhealthy," muttered Notta, rising to protest his innocence . but the queen waved him back, and banging her keys on_the arm of her throne called loudly, "Slammer, carry out the sentence ! "

Slammer immediately blew a sharp whistle and every doorman in_the room sprang toward the trembling Notta .

" stop ! " cried Bob, doubling up his fists ." he didn't steal your old jam .'Tisn't a bear at all, it's Notta ! "

"Notta ? " gasped the king, rubbing his watery blue eyes, and leaning forward .

" not a bear ! " puffed the clown, hastily snatching off his bear head, just as_the first of_the doormen grasped him by_the shoulders .

chapter 7 the escape from Doorways

" what do_you_mean by standing there and telling us you're not a bear ? " puffed the king, as_soon_as he had got his breath .

" it_was a mistake, I_see that now," said the clown, hastily stepping out of_his disguise ." if your highness will overlook it this once, it_will never occur again .

" shall we overlook it ? " asked the king, turning to squarely face the queen .Adora was staring in amazement at_the clown, and being a very curious queen she decided not to_have the intruder slammed till she found out all about him ." we_will overlook it for_the_present," she answered haughtily, waving the doormen back to_their places .

the king smiled and chanted this couplet:

" she'll overlook it for_the_present; be seated, please, and both look pleasant ! "

Bob sat down with a sigh of relief . what queer beings this king and queen were ! everything was queer, but for some reason or other Bob rather enjoyed it . king Theodore was not nearly so fierce as Mustafa, and_his singular habit of breaking into verse simply fascinated the little boy ." this brings us to rule three," confided Notta in a hoarse whisper ." joke and run, you_know ! "

" when is a door not a door ? " asked the queen, pointing her finger suddenly at_the clown .

" when it's adorable, like your majesty," replied Notta with a grin ." or when it's a jar of door jam, like the one your highness has just lost ! "

before Adora had recovered from her surprise, Notta pointed his finger at_the king and shouted, " why is a tomato like a book ? "

" because it grows on a vine," answered king Theodore sulkily, " and you needn't scream at me like that ! "

" wrong ! " said Notta triumphantly ."A tomato's like a book because it's red through ."

" do_you believe that ? " asked the king, turning to squarely face the queen .

" no ! " said her majesty shortly, "I don't ."

" but a book couldn't grow on a vine," objected Bob up mildly .

" my books do," insisted Theodore, pursing up his lips .

" where were you brought up ? " asked the queen, staring at Bob severely .

" you needn't answer if_you don't want to," whispered the king, as Bob squirmed uneasily around in_his chair ." the main thing is, what brought you up here ?

" if_it's a story, rise and speak . what do_you_want ? whom do_you seek ? "

" it_is a story," said Notta, springing up quickly, and glad of_this opportunity to_tell their strange adventures and to ask a few questions about_the emerald city ."A long story, your highness," continued Notta . in as few words as possible he_told of_his former life in_the circus, of_their flight to Mudge, of Mustafa's determination to_have them capture the cowardly lion .

as Notta paused for breath, the king said, "

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