Colonel Starbottle for the Plaintiff by Bret Harte
Section [1 | 2 | 3 | 4]
your hand--er--clasping your waist ? " he suggested, with a gallant yet respectful sweep of_his white hand and bowing of_his head;--"er-- slight pressure of your fingers in_the changes of a dance--I mean," he corrected himself, with an apologetic cough--" in_the passing of_the plate ? "

" no;-- he_was not what you'd call ' fond,'" returned the girl .

"Ah ! Adoniram K .Hotchkiss was not ' fond' in_the ordinary acceptance of_the word," said the colonel, with professional gravity .

she lifted her disturbing eyes, and again absorbed his in her own . she also said " yes," although her eyes in their mysterious prescience of all he_was thinking disclaimed the necessity of any answer at all . he smiled vacantly . there_was a long pause . on_which she slowly disengaged her parasol from_the carpet pattern and stood up .

"I reckon that's about all," she said .

"Er-- yes-- but one moment," said the colonel, vaguely . he_would_have liked to_keep her longer, but with her strange premonition of him he_felt powerless to detain her, or explain his reason for doing_so . he instinctively knew she had told him all; his professional judgment told him that a more hopeless case had never come to_his knowledge . yet he_was not daunted, only embarrassed ." no matter," he_said, vaguely ." of_course I_shall_have to consult with_you again ." her eyes again answered that she expected he_would, but she added, simply, " when ? "

" in_the course of a day_or_two," said the colonel, quickly ." i_will send_you word ." she turned to_go . in_his eagerness to open the door for her he upset his chair, and with some confusion, that was actually youthful, he almost impeded her movements in_the hall, and knocked his broad- brimmed panama hat from_his bowing hand in a final gallant sweep . yet as her small, trim, youthful figure, with its simple Leghorn straw hat confined by a blue bow under her round chin, passed away before him, she looked more like a child than ever .

the colonel spent that afternoon in making diplomatic inquiries . he_found his youthful client was_the daughter of a widow who had a small ranch on_the cross-roads, near the new free- will Baptist church-- the evident theatre of_this pastoral . they led a secluded life; the girl being little known in_the town, and her beauty and fascination apparently not yet being a recognized fact . the colonel felt a pleasurable relief at_this, and a general satisfaction he_could_not account for . his few inquiries concerning Mr Hotchkiss only confirmed his own impressions of_the alleged lover--a serious- minded, practically abstracted man--abstentive of youthful society, and_the last man apparently capable of levity of_the affections or serious flirtation . the colonel was mystified-- but determined of purpose-- whatever that purpose might_have_been .

the next_day he_was at his office at_the same hour . he_was alone-- as usual-- the colonel's office really being his private lodgings, disposed in connecting rooms, a single apartment reserved for consultation . he had no clerk; his papers and briefs being taken by his faithful body- servant and ex- slave "Jim" to another firm who did his office- work since_the death of major Stryker-- the colonel's only law partner, who fell in a duel some_years previous . with a fine constancy the colonel still retained his partner's name on_his door- plate-- and, it_was alleged by_the superstitious, kept a certain invincibility also through_the manes of_that lamented and somewhat feared man .

the colonel consulted his watch, whose heavy gold case still showed the marks of a providential interference with a bullet destined for its owner, and replaced it with some difficulty and shortness of breath in_his fob . at_the same moment he heard a step in_the passage, and_the door opened to Adoniram K .Hotchkiss . the colonel was impressed; he had aduellist's respect for punctuality .

the man entered with a nod and_the expectant, inquiring look of a busy man . as his feet crossed that sacred threshold the colonel became all courtesy; he placed a chair for_his visitor, and took his hat from_his half- reluctant hand . he then opened a cupboard and brought out a bottle of whiskey and two glasses .

"A--er-- slight refreshment, Mr Hotchkiss," he suggested, politely ."I never drink," replied Hotchkiss, with_the severe attitude of a total abstainer ."Ah--er-- not the finest bourbon whiskey, selected by a Kentucky friend ? no ? pardon me ! a cigar, then-- the mildest Havana ."

" I_do_not use tobacco nor alcohol in any form," repeated Hotchkiss, ascetically ." I_have no foolish weaknesses ."

the colonel's moist, beady eyes swept silently over his client's sallow face . he leaned back comfortably in_his chair, and half closing his eyes as in dreamy reminiscence, said, slowly: " your reply, Mr Hotchkiss, reminds me of--er-- sing'lar circumstances that --er-- occurred, in point of fact-- at_the St .Charles hotel, New_Orleans .Pinkey Hornblower-- personal friend-- invited senator Doolittle to join him in social glass . received, sing'larly enough, reply similar to yours .'Don't drink nor smoke ? ' said Pinkey .'Gad, sir, you_must_be mighty sweet on_the ladies .' Ha ! " the colonel paused long enough to allow the faint flush to_pass from Hotchkiss's cheek, and went on, half closing his eyes: "'I allow no man, sir, to discuss my personal habits,' said Doolittle, over his shirt collar .' then I reckon shootin' must_be one of_those habits,' said Pinkey, coolly . both men drove out on_the shell road back of cemetery next morning .Pinkey put bullet at twelve paces through Doolittle's temple . poor Doo never spoke again . left three wives and seven children, they say -- two of 'em black ."

"I got a note from_you this_morning," said Hotchkiss, with badly concealed impatience ."I suppose in reference to our case . you_have taken judgment, I believe ." the colonel, without replying, slowly filled a glass of whiskey and water . for a moment he held it dreamily before him, as_if still engaged in gentle reminiscences called up by_the act . then tossing it off, he wiped his lips with a large white handkerchief, and leaning back comfortably in_his chair, said, with a wave of_his hand, " the interview I requested, Mr Hotchkiss, concerns a subject-- which I_may say is--er--er-- at present not of a public or business nature-- although later it might become--er--er-- both . it_is an affair of some--er-- delicacy ."

the colonel paused, and Mr Hotchkiss regarded him with increased impatience . the colonel, however, continued, with unchanged deliberation: " it concerns--er--a young lady--a beautiful, high-souled creature, sir, who, apart from her personal loveliness-- er--er-- I_may say is of one_of_the first families of Missouri, and-- er-- not--remotely connected by marriage with one of--er--er-- my boyhood's dearest friends . the latter, I grieve to_say, was a pure invention of_the colonel's-- an oratorical addition to_the scanty information he had obtained the previous day . the young lady," he continued, blandly, "enjoys the further distinction of being the object of_such attention from_you as would make this interview-- really--a confidential matter--er--er-- among friends and--er--er-- relations in present and future . I_need not say that_the lady I refer to is miss Zaidee Juno hooker, only daughter of Almira Ann hooker, relict of Jefferson brown hooker, formerly of Boone county, Kentucky, and latterly of--er-- pike county, Missouri ."

the sallow, ascetic hue of Mr Hotchkiss's face had passed through a livid and then a greenish shade, and finally settled into a sullen red ." what's all this about ? " he demanded, roughly . the least touch of belligerent fire came into Starbottle's eye, but his bland courtesy did_not change ."I believe," he_said, politely, " I_have_made myself clear as between--er-- gentlemen, though perhaps not as clear as i_should to--er--er-- jury ."

Mr Hotchkiss was apparently struck with some significance in_the lawyer's reply ."I don't know," he_said, in a lower and more cautious voice, " what you mean by what you call ' my attentions' to-- any_one-- or how it concerns you . I_have_not exhausted half a dozen words with-- the person you name-- have never written her a line-- nor even called at her house ." he rose with an assumption of ease, pulled down his waistcoat, buttoned his coat, and took up his hat . the colonel did_not move ."I believe I_have already indicated my meaning in what I_have called ' your attentions,'" said the colonel, blandly, " and given you my ' concern' for speaking as--er--er mutual friend . as_to your_ statement of your relations with miss hooker, I_may state that_it_is fully corroborated by_the statement of_the young lady herself in_this very office yesterday ."

" then what does this impertinent nonsense mean ? why am I summoned here ? " said Hotchkiss, furiously .

" because," said the colonel, deliberately, " that statement is infamously-- yes, damnably to your discredit, sir ! "

Mr Hotchkiss was here seized by one of_those important and inconsistent rages which occasionally betray the habitually cautious and timid man . he caught up the colonel's stick, which_was lying on_the table . at_the same moment the colonel, without any apparent effort, grasped it by_the handle . to Mr Hotchkiss's astonishment, the stick separated in two pieces, leaving the handle and about two feet of narrow glittering steel in_the colonel's hand . the man recoiled, dropping the useless fragment . the colonel picked it up, fitting the shining blade in_it, clicked the spring, and then rising, with a face of courtesy yet of unmistakably genuine pain, and with even a slight tremor in_his voice, said, gravely:

" Mr Hotchkiss, I owe you a thousand apologies, sir, that--er-- a weapon should_be drawn by me-- even through your own inadvertence-- under the sacred protection of_my roof, and upon an unarmed man .I beg your pardon, sir, and I even withdraw the expressions which provoked that inadvertence . nor does this apology prevent you from holding me responsible-- personally responsible--_elsewhere for an indiscretion committed in behalf of a lady-- my--er-- client ."

" your client ? do_you_mean you_have taken her case ? you, the counsel for_the ditch company ? " said Mr Hotchkiss, in trembling indignation .

"Having won your case, sir," said the colonel, coolly, " the--er--usages of advocacy do_not prevent me from espousing the cause of_the weak and unprotected ."

" we_shall see, sir," said Hotchkiss, grasping the handle of_the door and backing into_the passage ." there_are other lawyers who--"

" permit me to_see you out," interrupted the colonel, rising politely .

"-- will_be ready to resist the attacks of blackmail," continued Hotchkiss, retreating along the passage .

" and then you_will_be_able to repeat your remarks to_me in_the street_," continued the colonel, bowing, as he persisted in following his visitor to_the door .

but here Mr Hotchkiss quickly slammed it behind him, and hurried away . the colonel returned to_his office, and sitting down, took a sheet of letter paper bearing the inscription "Starbottle and Stryker, attorneys and Counsellors," and wrote the following lines:

hooker versus Hotchkiss .

dear madam,--Having had a visit from_the defendant in above, we_should_be pleased to_have an interview with_you at 2 p .m . to- morrow . your obedient servants, STARBOTTLE and STRYKER .

this he sealed and despatched by his trusted servant Jim, and then devoted a few_moments to reflection . it was_the custom of_the colonel to act first, and justify the action by reason afterwards .

he_knew that Hotchkiss would at once lay the matter before rival counsel . he_knew that they_would advise him that miss hooker had " no case"-- that she_would be non- suited on her own evidence, and he ought not to compromise, but be ready to stand trial . he believed, however, that Hotchkiss feared that exposure, and although his own instincts had_been at first against that remedy, he_was now instinctively in favor of it . he remembered his own power with a jury; his vanity and_his chivalry alike approved of_this heroic method; he_was bound by_the prosaic facts-- he had his own theory of_the case, which no mere evidence could gainsay . in_fact, Mrs hooker's own words that " he_was to_tell the story in_his own way" actually appeared to him an inspiration and a prophecy .

perhaps there_was something else, due possibly to_the lady's wonderful eyes, of_which he had thought much . yet it_was not her simplicity that affected him solely; on_the contrary, it_was her apparent intelligent reading of_the character of her recreant lover-- and of_his own ! of all the colonel's previous " light" or " serious" loves none had ever before flattered him in_that way . and it was_this, combined with_the respect which he had held for their professional relations, that precluded his having a more familiar knowledge of_his client, through serious questioning, or playful gallantry . I_am not sure it_was not part of_the charm to_have a rustic femme incomprise as a client .

nothing could exceed the respect with_which he greeted her as she entered his office the next_day . he even affected not to notice that she had put on her best clothes, and he_made no_doubt appeared as when she had first attracted the mature yet faithless attentions of deacon Hotchkiss at church .a white virginal muslin was belted around her slim figure by a blue ribbon, and her Leghorn hat was drawn around her oval cheek by a bow of_the same color . she had a southern girl's narrow feet, encased in white stockings and kid slippers, which were crossed primly before her as she sat in a chair, supporting her arm by her faithful parasol planted firmly on_the floor .a faint odor of southernwood exhaled from her, and, oddly enough, stirred the colonel with a far- off recollection of a pine- shaded Sunday school on a Georgia hillside and of_his first love, aged ten, in a short, starched frock . possibly it was_the same recollection that revived something of_the awkwardness he had felt then .

he, however, smiled vaguely and, sitting down, coughed slightly, and placed his fingertips together ." I_have_had an--er-- interview with Mr Hotchkiss, but--I--er-- regret to_say there seems_to_be no prospect of--er-- compromise ." he paused, and to_his surprise her listless " company" face lit up with an adorable smile ." of_course ! -- ketch him ! " she said ." was he mad when_you told him ? " she put her knees comfortably together and leaned forward for a reply .

for all that, wild horses could_not have torn from_the colonel a word about Hotchkiss's anger ." he expressed

Section [1 | 2 | 3 | 4]