Berenice

by Edgar Allan Poe

Dicebant mihi sodales, si sepulchrum amicae visitarem, curas meas aliquantulum forelevatas .

- Ebn Zaiat .

misery is manifold . the wretchedness of earth is multiform .Overreaching the wide horizon as_the rainbow, its hues are as various as_the hues of_that arch - as distinct too, yet as intimately blended .Overreaching the wide horizon as_the rainbow ! how is_it that from beauty I_have derived a type of unloveliness ? - from_the covenant of peace, a simile of sorrow ? but as, in ethics, evil is a consequence of good, so, in_fact, out of joy is sorrow born . either the memory of past bliss is_the anguish of to- day, or the agonies which are_, have their origin in_the ecstasies which might_have_been .

my baptismal name is Egaeus; that of_my family i_will_not mention . yet there_are no towers in_the land more time- honored than my gloomy, gray, hereditary halls . our line has_been called a race of visionaries; and in many striking particulars - in_the character of_the family mansion - in_the frescos of_the chief saloon - in_the tapestries of_the dormitories - in_the chiselling of some buttresses in_the armory - but more especially in_the gallery of antique paintings - in_the fashion of_the library chamber - and, lastly, in_the very peculiar nature of_the library's contents - there_is more than sufficient evidence to warrant the belief .

the recollections of_my earliest years are connected with_that chamber, and with its volumes - of_which latter i_will say no more . here died my mother .Herein was I born . but it_is mere idleness to_say that I had_not lived before - that_the soul has no previous existence . you deny it ? - let_us not argue the matter .Convinced myself, I seek not to_convince . there_is, however, a remembrance of aerial forms - of spiritual and meaning eyes - of sounds, musical yet sad - a remembrance which will_not_be excluded; a memory like a shadow - vague, variable, indefinite, unsteady; and like a shadow, too, in_the impossibility of_my getting rid of it while the sunlight of_my reason shall exist .

in_that chamber was I born . thus awaking from_the long night of what seemed, but was not, nonentity, at once into_the very regions of fairy land - into a palace of imagination - into_the wild dominions of monastic thought and erudition - it_is_not singular that I gazed around me with a startled and ardent eye - that I loitered away my boyhood in books, and dissipated my youth in reverie; but it is_ singular that as years rolled away, and_the noon of manhood found me still in_the mansion of_my fathers - it_is wonderful what stagnation there fell upon_the springs of_my life - wonderful how total an inversion took place in_the character of_my commonest thought . the realities of_the world affected me as visions, and as visions only, while the wild ideas of_the land of dreams became, in turn, not the material of_my every- day existence, but in very deed that existence utterly and solely in itself .

* * * * * * *

Berenice and I were cousins, and we grew up together in my paternal halls . yet differently we grew - I, ill of health, and buried in gloom - she, agile, graceful, and overflowing with energy; hers, the ramble on_the hill- side - mine the studies of_the cloister; I, living within my own heart, and addicted, body and soul, to_the most intense and painful meditation - she, roaming carelessly through life, with no thought of_the shadows in her path, or the silent flight of_the raven- winged hours .Berenice ! -I call upon her name - Berenice ! - and from_the gray ruins of memory a thousand tumultuous recollections are startled at_the sound ! Ah, vividly is her image before me now, as in_the early days of her light-heartedness and joy ! Oh, gorgeous yet fantastic beauty ! Oh, sylph amid the shrubberies of Arnheim ! Oh, naiad among its fountains ! and then - then all is mystery and terror, and a tale which should_not_be told . disease - a fatal disease, fell like the simoon upon her frame; and, even while I gazed upon her, the spirit of change swept over her, pervading her mind, her habits, and her character, and, in a manner the most subtle and terrible, disturbing even the identity of her person ! alas ! the destroyer came and went ! - and_the victim - where is she ? I_knew her not - or knew her no longer as Berenice .

among_the numerous train of maladies superinduced by_that fatal and primary one which effected a revolution of so horrible a kind in_the moral and physical being of_my cousin, may_be mentioned as_the most distressing and obstinate in its nature, a species of epilepsy not unfrequently terminating in trance itself - trance very nearly resembling positive dissolution, and from_which her manner of recovery was in most instances, startlingly abrupt . in_the mean time my own disease - for I_have_been told that i_should call it by no other appellation - my own disease, then, grew rapidly upon me, and assumed finally a monomaniac character of a novel and extraordinary form - hourly and momently gaining vigor - and at_length obtaining over me the most incomprehensible ascendancy . this monomania, if I_must so term it, consisted in a morbid irritability of_those properties of_the mind in metaphysical science termed the _attentive . it_is more than probable that I_am not understood; but I_fear, indeed, that_it_is in no manner possible to convey to_the mind of_the merely general reader, an adequate idea of_that nervous _intensity of interest with_which, in my case, the powers of meditation ( not to_speak technically) busied and buried themselves, in_the contemplation of even the most ordinary objects of_the universe .

to muse for long unwearied hours, with my attention riveted to some frivolous device on_the margin, or in_the typography of a book; to_become absorbed, for_the better part of a summer's day, in a quaint shadow falling aslant upon_the tapestry or upon_the floor; to lose myself, for an entire night, in watching the steady flame of a lamp, or the embers of a fire; to dream away whole days over the perfume of a flower; to repeat, monotonously, some common word, until the sound, by dint of frequent repetition, ceased to convey any idea whatever to_the mind; to lose all sense of motion or physical existence, by_means of absolute bodily quiescence long and obstinately persevered in: such were a few of_the most common and least pernicious vagaries induced by a condition of_the mental faculties, not, indeed, altogether unparalleled, but certainly bidding Defiance to anything like analysis or explanation .

yet let me not be misapprehended . the undue, earnest, and morbid attention thus excited by objects in their own nature frivolous, must not be confounded in character with_that ruminating propensity common to all mankind, and more especially indulged in by persons of ardent imagination . it_was not even, as might_be at first supposed, an extreme condition, or exaggeration of_such propensity, but primarily and essentially distinct and different . in_the one instance, the dreamer, or enthusiast, being interested by an object usually not_ frivolous, imperceptibly loses sight of_this object in a wilderness of deductions and suggestions issuing therefrom, until, at_the conclusion of a day dream often replete with luxury_, he finds the _incitamentum_, or first cause of_his musings, entirely vanished and forgotten . in my case, the primary object was invariably frivolous_, although assuming, through_the medium of_my distempered vision, a refracted and unreal importance . few deductions, if any, were made; and those few pertinaciously returning in upon_the original object as acentre . the meditations were never pleasurable; and, at_the termination of_the reverie, the first cause, so_far from being out of sight, had attained that supernaturally exaggerated interest which_was the prevailing feature of_the disease . in a word, the powers of mind more particularly exercised were, with me, as I_have said before, the attentive_, and_are, with_the day- dreamer, the _speculative .

my books, at_this epoch, if they_did_not actually serve to irritate the disorder, partook, it_will_be perceived, largely, in their imaginative and inconsequential nature, of_the characteristic qualities of_the disorder itself .I well remember, among others, the treatise of_the noble Italian, Coelius Secundus curio, "_De Amplitudine Beati Regni Dei;_" St . Austin's great work, the " city of god;" and Tertullian's "_De Carne Christi_," in_which_the paradoxical sentence "_Mortuus EST Dei filius; credible EST quia ineptum EST: et sepultus resurrexit; certum EST quia impossibile EST,_" occupied my undivided time, for many weeks of laborious and fruitless investigation .

thus it_will appear that, shaken from its balance only by trivial things, my reason bore resemblance to_that ocean- crag spoken of by Ptolemy Hephestion, which steadily resisting the attacks of human violence, and_the fiercer fury of_the waters and_the winds, trembled only to_the touch of_the flower called asphodel . and although, to a careless thinker, it might appear a matter beyond doubt, that_the alteration produced by her unhappy malady, in_the moral condition of Berenice, would afford me many objects for_the exercise of_that intense and abnormal meditation whose nature I_have_been at some trouble in explaining, yet such was not in any degree the case . in_the lucid intervals of_my infirmity, her calamity, indeed, gave_me pain, and, taking deeply to heart that total wreck of her fair and gentle life, I_did_not fall to ponder, frequently and bitterly, upon_the wonder-working means by_which so strange a revolution had_been so suddenly brought to_pass . but these reflections partook not of_the idiosyncrasy of_my disease, and were such as would_have occurred, under similar circumstances, to_the ordinary mass of mankind . true to its own character, my disorder revelled in_the less important but more startling changes wrought in_the physical frame of Berenice - in_the singular and most appalling distortion of her personal identity .

during the brightest days of her unparalleled beauty, most surely I had never loved her . in_the strange anomaly of_my existence, feelings with me, had never been of_the heart, and my passions _always were of_the mind . through_the gray of_the early morning - among_the trellised shadows of_the forest at noonday - and in_the silence of_my library at night - she had flitted by my eyes, and I had seen her - not as_the living and breathing Berenice, but as_the Berenice of a dream; not as a being of_the earth, earthy, but as_the abstraction of_such a being; not as a thing to admire, but to analyze; not as an object of love, but as_the theme of_the most abstruse although desultory speculation . and now - now I shuddered in her presence, and grew pale at her approach; yet, bitterly lamenting her fallen and desolate condition, I called to mind that she had loved me long, and, in an evil moment, I spoke to her of marriage .

and at_length the period of_our nuptials was approaching, when, upon an afternoon in_the winter of_the year - one of_those unseasonably warm, calm, and misty days which are the nurse of_the beautiful halcyon {*1}, - I sat, ( and sat, as i_thought, alone,) in_the inner apartment of_the library . but, uplifting my eyes, I_saw that Berenice stood before me .

was_it my own excited imagination - or the misty influence of_the atmosphere - or the uncertain twilight of_the chamber - or the gray draperies which fell around her figure - that caused in_it so vacillating and indistinct an outline ? I_could_not tell . she spoke no word; and I - not for worlds could I_have uttered a syllable . an icy chill ran through my frame; a sense of insufferable anxiety oppressed me; aconsuming curiosity pervaded my soul; and sinking back upon_the chair, I remained for some_time breathless and motionless, with my eyes riveted upon her person . alas ! its emaciation was excessive, and not one vestige of_the former being lurked in any single line of_the contour . my burning glances at_length fell upon_the face .

the forehead was high, and very pale, and singularly placid; and_the once jetty hair fell partially over it, and overshadowed the hollow temples with innumerable ringlets, now of a vivid yellow, and jarring discordantly, in their fantastic character, with_the reigning melancholy of_the countenance . the eyes were lifeless, and lustreless, and seemingly pupilless, and I shrank involuntarily from their glassy stare to he contemplation of_the thin and shrunken lips . they parted; and in a smile of peculiar meaning, the teeth of_the changed Berenice disclosed themselves slowly to my view . would to god that I had never beheld them, or that, having done so, I had died !

* * * * * * *

the shutting of a door disturbed me, and, looking up, I_found that my cousin had departed from_the chamber . but from_the disordered chamber of_my brain, had_not, alas ! departed, and would_not_be driven away, the white and ghastly spectrum of_the teeth . not a speck on their surface - not a shade on their enamel - not an indenture in their edges - but what that period of her smile had sufficed to brand in upon my memory . I_saw them now even more unequivocally than I beheld them then . the teeth ! - the teeth ! - they were here, and there, and everywhere, and visibly and palpably before me; long, narrow, and excessively white, with_the pale lips writhing about_them, as in_the very moment of_their first terrible development . then came the full fury of_my monomania_, and I struggled in vain against its strange and irresistible influence . in_the multiplied objects of_the external world I had no thoughts but for_the teeth . for_these I longed with aphrenzied desire . all other matters and all different interests became absorbed in their single contemplation . they - they alone were present to_the mental eye, and_they, in their sole individuality, became the essence of_my mental life .I held them in every light .I turned them in every attitude .I surveyed their characteristics .I dwelt upon their peculiarities .I pondered upon their conformation .I mused upon_the alteration in their nature .I shuddered as I assigned to_them in imagination a sensitive and sentient power, and even when unassisted by_the lips, a capability of moral expression . of Mademoiselle Salle it_has_been well said, "_Que tous ses pas etaient des sentiments_," and of Berenice I more seriously believed que toutes ses dents etaient des idees .Des idees ! - ah here was_the idiotic thought that destroyed me ! Des idees ! - ah therefore it was_that I coveted them so madly ! I_felt that their possession could alone ever restore me to peace, in giving me back to reason .

and_the evening closed in upon me thus - and then the darkness came, and tarried, and went - and_the day again dawned - and_the mists of a second night were now gathering around - and still I sat motionless in_that solitary room - and still I sat buried in meditation - and still the phantasma of_the teeth maintained its terrible ascendancy, as, with_the most vivid hideous distinctness, it floated about amid the changing lights and shadows of_the chamber . at_length there broke in upon my dreams a cry as of horror and dismay; and thereunto, after a pause, succeeded the sound of troubled voices, intermingled with many low moanings of sorrow or of pain .I arose from my seat, and throwing open one_of_the doors of_the library, saw standing out in_the ante- chamber a servant maiden, all in tears, who told me that Berenice was - no more ! she had_been seized with epilepsy in_the early morning, and now, at_the closing in of_the night, the grave was ready for its tenant, and all the preparations for_the burial were completed .

* * * * * * *

I_found myself sitting in_the library, and again sitting there alone . it seemed that I had newly awakened from a confused and exciting dream . I_knew that_it_was now midnight, and i_was well aware, that since_the setting of_the sun, Berenice had_been interred . but of_that dreary period which intervened I had no positive, at_least no definite comprehension . yet its memory was replete with horror - horror more horrible from being vague, and terror more terrible from ambiguity . it_was a fearful page in_the record my existence, written all over with dim, and hideous, and unintelligible recollections .I strived to decypher them, but in vain; while ever and anon, like the spirit of a departed sound, the shrill and piercing shriek of a female voice seemed to_be ringing in my ears .I had done a deed - what_was it ? I asked myself the question aloud, and_the whispering echoes of_the chamber answered me, - "_what was_it ? "

on_the table beside me burned a lamp, and near it lay a little box . it_was of no remarkable character, and I had seen it frequently before, for_it was_the property of_the family physician; but how came it there_, upon my table, and why did I shudder in regarding it ? these things were in no manner to_be accounted for, and my eyes at_length dropped to_the open pages of a book, and to a sentence underscored therein . the words were the singular but simple ones of_the poet Ebn Zaiat: - "_Dicebant mihi sodales si sepulchrum amicae visitarem, curas meas aliquantulum fore levatas ." why then, as I perused them, did the hairs of_my head erect themselves on end, and_the blood of_my body become congealed within my veins ?

there came a light tap at_the library door - and, pale as_the tenant of a tomb, a menial entered upon tiptoe . his looks were wild with terror, and he spoke to_me in a voice tremulous, husky, and very low . what said he ? - some broken sentences I heard . he_told of a wild cry disturbing the silence of_the night - of_the gathering together of_the household - of a search in_the direction of_the sound; and then his tones grew thrillingly distinct as he whispered me of a violated grave - of a disfigured body enshrouded, yet still breathing - still palpitating - still alive !

he pointed to garments; - they were muddy and clotted with gore .I spoke not, and he_took me gently by_the hand: it_was indented with_the impress of human nails . he directed my attention to some object against the wall .I looked at it for some minutes: it_was a spade . with a shriek I bounded to_the table, and grasped the box that lay upon it . but I_could_not force it open; and in my tremor, it slipped from my hands, and fell heavily, and burst into pieces; and from_it, with arattling sound, there rolled out some instruments of dental surgery, intermingled with thirty- two small, white and ivory- looking substances that were scattered to and fro about_the floor .

Notes--Berenice

{*1} for as Jove, during the winter season, gives twice seven days of warmth, men have called this element and temperate time the nurse of_the beautiful halcyon -- Simonides_