A reminiscence of_the back Settlements

by mark twain

" now that corpse [ said the undertaker, patting the folded hands of_the deceased approvingly] was a brick-- every way you took him he_was a brick . he_was so real accommodating, and so modest- like and simple in_his last moments . friends wanted metallic burial case-- nothing else would do .I couldn't get it . there warn't going to_be time anybody could_see that . corpse said never mind, shake him up some kind of a box he_could stretch out in comfortable, he warn't particular ' bout the general style of it . said he went more on room than style, any_way, in_the last final container . friends wanted a silver door- plate on_the coffin, signifying who he_was and wher' he_was from . now you_know a fellow couldn't roust out such a gaily thing as_that in a little country town like this . what did corpse say ? corpse said, whitewash his old canoe and dob his address and general destination onto it with ablacking brush and a stencil plate, long with a verse from some likely hymn or other, and pint him for_the tomb, and mark him C .O .D ., and just let him skip along . he warn't distressed any more than you be-- on_the contrary just as carm and collected as a hearse- horse; said he judged that wher' he_was going to, a body would find it considerable better to attract attention by a picturesque moral character than anatty burial case with a swell doorplate on_it . splendid man, he_was .I'd druther do for a corpse like that 'n any I've tackled in seven year . there's some satisfaction in buryin' a man like that . you feel that what you're doing is appreciated . lord bless you, so's he got planted before he sp'iled, he_was perfectly satisfied; said his relations meant well, perfectly well, but all them preparations was bound to delay the thing more or less, and he didn't wish to_be kept layin' round . you never see such a clear head as what he had-- and so carm and so cool . just a hunk of brains that_is what he_was . perfectly awful . it_was aripping distance from one end of_that man's head to t' other . often and over again he's had brain fever a-raging in one place, and_the rest of_the pile didn't know anything about_it--didn't affect it any more than an Injun insurrection in Arizona affects the Atlantic States . well, the relations they wanted a big funeral, but corpse said he_was down on flummery--didn't want any procession-- fill the hearse full of mourners, and get out a stern line and tow him behind . he was_the most down on style of any remains I ever struck .a beautiful, simple- minded creature-- it_was what he_was, you_can depend on_that . he_was just set on having things the way he_wanted them, and he_took a solid comfort in laying his little plans . he had me measure him and take a whole raft of directions; then he had a minister stand up behind a long box with a tablecloth over it and read his funeral sermon, saying 'Angcore, angcore ! ' at_the good places, and making him scratch out every bit of brag about him, and all the hifalutin; and then he_made them trot out the choir so's he_could help them pick out the tunes for_the occasion, and he got them to sing ' pop Goes the weasel,' because he'd always liked that tune when he_was downhearted, and solemn music made him sad; and when_they sung that with tears in their eyes ( because they all loved him), and_his relations grieving around, he just laid there as happy as a bug, and trying to beat time and showing all over how_much he enjoyed it; and presently he got worked up and excited; and tried to join in, for mind you he_was pretty proud of_his abilities in_the singing line; but the first time he opened his mouth and was just going to spread himself, his breath took a walk .I never see a man snuffed out so sudden .Ah, it_was a great loss-- it_was a powerful loss to_this poor little one- horse town . well, well, well, I hain't got time to_be palavering along here-- got to nail on_the lid and mosey along with' him; and if_you'll just give_me a lift we'll skeet him into_the hearse and meander along .Relations bound to_have it so--don't pay no attention to dying injunctions, minute a corpse's gone; but if I had my way, if I didn't respect his last wishes and tow him behind the hearse, I'll be cuss'd .I consider that whatever a corpse wants done for_his comfort is a little enough matter, and a man hain't got no right to deceive him or take advantage of him-- and whatever a corpse trusts me to_do I'm a- going to_do, you_know, even if_it's to stuff him and paint him yaller and keep him for a keepsake-- you hear me ! "

he cracked his whip and went lumbering away with_his ancient ruin of a hearse, and I continued my walk with a valuable lesson learned-- that a healthy and wholesome cheerfulness is_not necessarily impossible to any occupation . the lesson is likely to_be lasting, for it_will take many months to obliterate the memory of_the remarks and circumstances that impressed it .