Alice's Adventure in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
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like a star- fish,' thought Alice . the poor little thing was snorting like a steam- engine when she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself out again, so_that altogether, for_the first minute or two, it_was as_much as she_could do to hold it .

as_soon_as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, ( which_was to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of_its right ear and left foot, so as to_prevent its undoing itself,) she carried it out into_the open air .' if I don't take this child away with me,' thought Alice, ' they're sure to kill it in a day_or_two: wouldn't it be murder to leave it behind ? ' she said the last words out loud, and_the little thing grunted in reply ( it had left off sneezing by_this_time) .'Don't grunt,' said Alice; ' that's not at all a proper way of expressing yourself .'

the baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into its face to_see what_was the matter with it . there could_be no_doubt that_it had a very turn- up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also its eyes were getting extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice did_not like the look of_the thing at all .' but perhaps it_was only sobbing,' she thought, and looked into its eyes again, to_see if there were any tears .

no, there were no tears .' if_you're going to_turn into a Pig, my dear,' said Alice, seriously, 'I'll have nothing more to_do with_you . mind now ! ' the poor little thing sobbed again ( or grunted, it_was impossible to_say which), and_they went on for some while in silence .

Alice was just beginning to_think to herself, ' now, what am I to_do with_this creature when I get it home ? ' when it grunted again, so violently, that she looked down into its face in some alarm . this_time there could_be no mistake about_it: it_was neither more nor less_than a Pig, and she felt that_it would_be quite absurd for her to carry it further .

so she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to_see it trot away quietly into_the wood .' if_it had grown up,' she said to herself, ' it would_have made adreadfully ugly child: but it makes rather a handsome Pig, i_think .' and she began thinking over other children she knew, who_might do very_well as pigs, and was just saying to herself, ' if one only knew the right way to_change them--' when she was a little startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off .

the Cat only grinned when it saw Alice . it looked good-natured, she thought: still it had very long claws and a great_many teeth, so she felt that_it ought_to_be treated with respect .

'Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did_not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider .' come, it's pleased so_far,' thought Alice, and she went on .' would you tell me, please, which_way I ought to_go from here ? '

' that depends a good_deal on where you_want to_get to,' said the Cat .

'I don't much care where--' said Alice .

' then it doesn't matter which_way you go,' said the Cat .

'-- so_long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation .

'Oh, you're sure to do_that,' said the Cat, ' if_you only walk long enough .'

Alice felt that_this could_not_be denied, so she tried another question .' what sort of people live about here ? '

' in_that direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round, 'lives a hatter: and in_that direction,' waving the other paw, 'lives a march hare . visit either you like: they're both mad .'

' but I don't want to_go among mad people,' Alice remarked .

'Oh, you_can't help that,' said the Cat: ' we're all mad here .I'm mad . you're mad .'

' how do_you_know I'm mad ? ' said Alice .

' you_must_be,' said the Cat, ' or you wouldn't have come here .'

Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on ' and how do_you_know that you're mad ? '

' to_begin with,' said the Cat, 'a dog's not mad . you grant that ? '

'I suppose so,' said Alice .

' well, then,' the Cat went on, ' you_see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased . now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry . therefore I'm mad .'

'I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice .

' call it what you like,' said the Cat .' do_you play croquet with_the queen to- day ? '

' i_should like it very_much,' said Alice, ' but I haven't been invited yet .'

' you'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished .

Alice was not much surprised at_this, she was getting so used to queer things happening . while she was looking at_the place where it had_been, it suddenly appeared again .

' by- the-bye, what became of_the baby ? ' said the Cat .'I'd nearly forgotten to ask .'

' it turned into a Pig,' Alice quietly said, just as_if it had come back in a natural way .

' i_thought it would,' said the Cat, and vanished again .

Alice waited a little, half expecting to_see it again, but it did_not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in_the direction in_which_the march hare was said to live .'I've seen hatters before,' she said to herself; ' the march hare will_be much the most interesting, and perhaps as_this_is may it won't be raving mad-- at_least not so mad as it_was in march .' as she said this, she looked up, and there_was the Cat again, sitting on a branch of a tree .

' did you say Pig, or fig ? ' said the Cat .

' I_said Pig,' replied Alice; ' and i_wish you wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy .'

' all right,' said the Cat; and this_time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with_the end of_the tail, and ending with_the grin, which remained some_time after_the rest of it had gone .

' well ! I've often seen acat without a grin,' thought Alice; ' but a grin without acat ! it's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life ! '

she had_not gone much farther before she came in sight of_the house of_the march hare: she thought it must_be the right house, because the chimneys were shaped like ears and_the roof was thatched with fur . it_was so large a house, that she did_not like to_go nearer till she had nibbled some more of_the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet high: even then she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to herself ' suppose it should_be raving mad after all ! I almost wish I'd gone to_see the hatter instead ! '

chapter VII: a mad tea- party

there_was a table set out under a tree in front of_the house, and_the march hare and_the hatter were having tea at it: a dormouse was sitting between_them, fast asleep, and_the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on_it, and talking over its head .' very uncomfortable for_the dormouse,' thought Alice; ' only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind .'

the table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it: ' no room ! no room ! ' they cried out when_they saw Alice coming .' there's plenty of room ! ' said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm- chair at one end of_the table .

' have some wine,' the march hare said in an encouraging tone .

Alice looked all round the table, but there_was nothing on_it but tea .'I don't see any wine,' she remarked .

' there isn't any,' said the march hare .

' then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice angrily .

' it wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited,' said the march hare .

'I didn't know it_was your table,' said Alice; ' it's laid for a great_many more than three .'

' your hair wants cutting,' said the hatter . he had_been looking at Alice for some_time with great curiosity, and this_was his first speech .

' you_should learn not to_make personal remarks,' Alice said with some severity; ' it's very rude .'

the hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he_said was, ' why is a raven like awriting- desk ? '

' come, we_shall_have some fun now ! ' thought Alice .'I'm glad they've begun asking riddles .--I believe I_can guess that,' she added aloud .

' do_you_mean that you_think you_can find out the answer to_it ? ' said the march hare .

' exactly so,' said Alice .

' then you_should say what you mean,' the march hare went on .

' I_do,' Alice hastily replied; ' at_least-- at_least I mean what I_say-- that's the same thing, you_know .'

' not the same thing a bit ! ' said the hatter .' you_might just as_well say that " I_see what I eat" is_the same thing as "I eat what I_see" ! '

' you_might just as_well say,' added the march hare, ' that "I like what I get" is_the same thing as "I get what I like" ! '

' you_might just as_well say,' added the dormouse, who seemed to_be talking in_his sleep, ' that "I breathe when I sleep" is_the same thing as "I sleep when I breathe" ! '

' it_is_the same thing with_you,' said the hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and_the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice thought over all she_could remember about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn't much .

the hatter was_the first to break the silence .' what day of_the month is_it ? ' he_said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of_his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now_and_then, and holding it to_his ear .

Alice considered a little, and then said ' the fourth .'

' two days wrong ! ' sighed the hatter .' i_told you butter wouldn't suit the works ! ' he added looking angrily at_the march hare .

' it was_the best butter,' the march hare meekly replied .

' yes, but some crumbs must_have got in as_well,' the hatter grumbled: ' you shouldn't have put it in with_the bread- knife .'

the march hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he_could think of nothing better to_say than his first remark, ' it was_the best butter, you_know .'

Alice had_been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity .' what a funny watch ! ' she remarked .' it tells the day of_the month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it_is ! '

' why should it ? ' muttered the hatter .'Does your watch tell you what year it_is ? '

' of_course not,' Alice replied very readily: ' but that's because it stays the same year for such a long_time together .'

' which_is just the case with mine,' said the hatter .

Alice felt dreadfully puzzled . the hatter's remark seemed to_have no sort of meaning in_it, and yet it_was certainly English .'I don't quite understand you,' she said, as politely as she_could .

' the dormouse is asleep again,' said the hatter, and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose .

the dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its eyes, ' of_course, of_course; just what i_was going to remark myself .'

' have_you guessed the riddle yet ? ' the hatter said, turning to Alice again .

' no, I_give it up,' Alice replied: ' what's the answer ? '

'I haven't the slightest idea,' said the hatter .

' nor I,' said the march hare .

Alice sighed wearily .' i_think you_might do something better with_the time,' she said, ' than waste it in asking riddles that_have no answers .'

' if you_knew time as_well as I_do,' said the hatter, ' you wouldn't talk about wasting it . it's him .'

'I don't know what you mean,' said Alice .

' of_course you don't ! ' the hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously .'I dare say you never even spoke to_time ! '

' perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: ' but I_know I_have to beat time when I learn music .'

'Ah ! that accounts for_it,' said the hatter .' he won't stand beating . now, if_you only kept on good terms with_him, he'd do almost anything you liked with_the clock . for instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in_the morning, just time to_begin lessons: you'd only have to whisper a hint to_time, and round goes the clock in atwinkling ! half- past one, time for dinner ! '

('I only wish it_was,' the march hare said to itself in a whisper .)

' that_would_be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully: ' but then--I shouldn't be hungry for_it, you_know .'

' not at first, perhaps,' said the hatter: ' but you_could keep it to half- past one as long as_you liked .'

' is that_the way you manage ? ' Alice asked .

the hatter shook his head mournfully .' not I ! ' he replied .' we quarrelled last march-- just before he went mad, you_know--' (pointing with_his tea spoon at_the march hare,) '-- it_was at_the great concert given by_the queen of Hearts, and I had to sing

" twinkle, twinkle, little bat ! how I wonder what you're at ! "

you_know the song, perhaps ? '

'I've heard something like it,' said Alice .

' it goes on, you_know,' the hatter continued, ' in_this_way:--

" up above the world you fly, like a tea- tray in_the sky . twinkle, twinkle--"'

here the dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep ' twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so_long that_they had to pinch it to_make it stop .

' well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the hatter, ' when_the queen jumped up and bawled out, " he's murdering the time ! off with_his head ! "'

' how dreadfully savage ! ' exclaimed Alice .

' and ever_since that,' the hatter went on in a mournful tone, ' he won't

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